The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has packed up and moved away. Now that the gang are spies again and moving back to New York, it's finally time to say…

Au Revoir Figgis Agency

"Okay I think this trip might be the last of our stuff," Cyril remarked as he stood in front of the agency building holding a checklist. "Take down the agency's name from the building, check. Pack up all our offices check. Pack all our personal items check."

"What about cleaning out the refrigerator in the break room?" Lana asked as she put a box into Krieger's van.

"God no," Cyril told her. "We're leaving that for the health department to deal with."

"Cyril! We can't just leave food in the refrigerator," Lana was stunned.

"Lana, I don't think what's left in our refrigerator even qualifies as food anymore," Cyril told her. "Unless you count the food chain as part of the ecosystem in there."

"Why does Krieger insist on leaving his radioactive mutated experiments in the refrigerator?" Lana groaned.

"Apparently the refrigerator in his lab was too full," Cyril sighed. "And whatever was in there tried to eat his sandwiches."

Lana blinked. "Then again it's not like we need anything in the fridge."

"Okay I think we got everything," Ray said as he walked over with Krieger and Cheryl. They were all carrying boxes.

"Good," Cyril nodded. "Where's Pam?"

"Coming through," Pam called out as she pushed a copy machine on a wheeled pushcart. "Just gotta load up this copy machine."

"That's not our copy machine," Lana realized.

"We know," Krieger nodded. "We switched ours out with that new office next door. What? We need a new machine for a new agency!"

"And by the time those other people move in we'll be long gone," Pam nodded.

"We also got some papers, pens," Ray showed her a box. "Stamps, paper clips…"

"You stole office equipment and supplies from next door?" Lana gasped. "Of course, you did! How…?"

"Their security next door is a joke," Krieger scoffed. "I've had more trouble removing gum from a lock. They didn't even put the security cameras in yet."

"What office is going in there?" Lana asked. "They might actually need the things you stole!"

"The new LA Headquarters of the Libertarian Party," Ray told her.

"They're not going to need them," Lana admitted.

"They might not even notice we switched copy machines for weeks," Pam nodded as they put more items into the van.

"I think they might get a clue when they notice the copy machine is covered with glue bits and bear claw crumbs," Cyril remarked.

"Uh oh," Ray saw something coming down the street. "Speaking of someone getting a clue…"

Mallory pulled up to the curb in her car. "What the hell is going on with you idiots?" She parked next to a large garbage can and got out. "I tried calling the office ten times before I realized the phone was disconnected!"

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Lana winced as she looked at the others.

"What happened this time?" Mallory snapped. "Oh God don't tell me there was another fire Carol caused?"

"Not exactly," Cyril paused.

"You said you were going to tell her!" Lana looked at the others.

"We were," Krieger said.

"We just didn't specify when," Pam added.

"Tell me what?" Mallory barked. "Wait a minute…? Why is that hideous sign down? And why are you packing up everything like a bunch of gypsies that realize that you're going to be run out of town at any moment?"

"That's pretty much the vibe we're going for," Cheryl admitted.

"You closed the agency?" Mallory realized. "YOU CLOSED THE AGENCY AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"

"Told you we should have left in the middle of the night," Ray looked at Cyril.

"Will someone explain to me why you closed our agency?" Mallory glared at them.

"Lana do you want to…?" Cyril began.

"Nooope," Lana gave him a look.

"Fine. Technically the agency isn't closed," Cyril explained. "We're just relocating it."

"To where?" Mallory asked.

Cyril coughed. "To a more suitable location that is better equipped for our return as spies."

"And where is this location exactly?" Mallory raised an eyebrow. "Lana…"

"You're up," Cyril told her.

Lana let out a breath. "We're going back to New York."

"You're leaving for New York?" Mallory shouted. "And moving back there permanently? When were you going to tell me?"

"When we got there," Ray said honestly.

"It seemed like the simplest solution," Pam nodded.

"And safest," Ray added.

"I can't believe you idiots are deserting me and Sterling!" Mallory shouted. "Oh wait, yes I can!"

"We're technically not deserting you," Lana winced. "We're just moving back into our old offices."

"In New York which is across…" Mallory paused. "Hang on. What do you mean back in our old offices?"

"Cheryl bought our old building at a government auction," Lana explained. "We're moving back in there."

"It's not like you don't know where we're going," Pam said.

"Although it would have been nice for a while," Ray muttered under his breath.

"Okay…" Mallory took a breath. "So basically, we're moving back to the way things used to be?"

"Well not entirely," Cyril pointed out. "This time we're actually planning on not screwing around for a change. Now that Archer's out of the picture."

"Sterling could wake up at any minute!" Mallory snapped.

"You've been saying that for over six months!" Cyril snapped. "Face it. He's not waking up anytime soon. Life goes on."

"Away from him," Ray added. "And you."

"What do you expect us to do Mallory?" Lana asked. "Just sit around and wait for him to wake up?"

"I expected some loyalty!" Mallory snapped. "Especially from you, Lana!"

"You mean the same loyalty your son showed when he slept with Veronica Deane?" Lana barked. "And ratted me out to the cops as a joke?"

"He fixed it didn't he?" Mallory snapped. "Okay he did it in an extremely stupid way but still…"

"It's nothing personal," Cyril explained.

"You were going to move across the country without telling me!" Mallory shouted.

"Okay that part is personal," Cheryl shrugged.

"Typical!" Mallory snarled. "First Ron abandons me, now you! Although to be fair I thought you lot would go first. In fact, I hoped you lot would go first!"

"I was hoping you'd be dead by now," Cheryl added.

"Not helping, Cheryl," Lana groaned.

"Not my intention, Lana," Cheryl rolled her eyes.

"I'm assuming you are also taking my grandchild away from me as well!" Mallory bristled at Lana.

"Well I am her mother," Lana said dryly. "I kind of thought that would be better off than leaving her in a kennel!"

"Or with a drugged-up heroin junkie," Ray added.

Mallory paused. "Point taken."

"We're picking her up from day care after we finish packing," Lana added.

"You're not going to pay that check either, are you?" Mallory realized.

"Technically the payment is for next week so…" Lana coughed. "The timing just seemed right."

"Unbelievable!" Mallory wailed. "You are stealing my granddaughter from me in the middle of the night like a thief!"

"It's 11:30 in the morning," Ray told her.

Mallory snapped. "I knew it! I knew you'd try to block me from seeing my…Well technically she's not my only grandchild. If even half of those paternity tests are true. But she's the only one I like!"

"You haven't visited her in months!" Lana protested. "Even though I've invited you time and time again."

"I didn't want to be away from Sterling!" Mallory snapped. "Someone has to watch over my son!"

"Ironically, it's you now since you can't get anyone else to watch him," Cheryl quipped.

"Well better late than never," Ray shrugged.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mallory snapped.

"It means you spent more time with Archer now than his entire childhood!" Pam told her. "And he's only been in the coma for less than a year!"

"Mallory it's time to move," Lana said. "I've already lined up a few interviews at some good schools in New York next week. We're temporarily moving in with Cheryl at a different mansion until I get a good apartment."

"Tunt Manor is a little too Season Five," Cheryl admitted.

"It's a little too Murder House," Ray shuddered.

"So, this is how you repay me and Sterling?" Mallory shouted. "After all these years?"

"I know," Ray waved. "We're letting you off easy."

Cheryl realized something. "I thought that too!"

"You two are easy!" Mallory snapped.

"Mallory you're still part of the agency," Lana said.

"You can just call us using video chat once a week," Cyril added.

"Or you can just go off somewhere else and get your own life," Cheryl added. "Just saying."

"Oh, that would be just dandy for you wouldn't it?" Mallory snapped. "You lot moving across the country out of my sight doing God knows what!"

"Do you want to pay all these fines by the Business Association?" Cyril took out some papers and showed her. "And the city? And apparently we're being sued by the local Detectives' Association as well."

Mallory blinked as she looked at the papers. "Then again I always did like that building in New York. And it's not like I don't know the address."

"Uh huh," Cyril folded his arms.

"And honestly now that I think about it," Mallory threw the papers in a nearby trashcan. "Maybe having you idiots all the way across the country isn't the worst thing in the world? I certainly need the peace and quiet!"

"We thought the same," Ray quipped.

"Not to mention that I'm finally glad this stupid chapter in my life is finally coming to a close," Mallory sniffed at the sign that was now on the ground. "As well as the name."

"What is going to be our new agency's name anyway?" Cheryl asked.

"We haven't decided yet," Pam told her.

"We'll figure it out on the flight over," Cyril waved.

"Do I still get my money?" Mallory asked.

"Every two weeks with direct deposit," Cyril sighed.

"Then what do I care?" Mallory turned and went back to the car. "Just don't come crying to me when you idiots blow it and expect me and Sterling to save your asses!"

"Archer's in a coma," Cheryl blinked. "What do you expect him to do? Be a doorstop?"

Mallory went into the car. "I expect you to call me as soon as you set up in New York! Just because I'm not there to supervise you idiots doesn't mean you can slack off!"

"You haven't been here and we've been doing pretty well without you," Ray pointed out.

"Keep it up Missy and you'll end up doing pretty well without your teeth!" Mallory snarled. "I'd say farewell, but I really wish you'd all die."

"Then you wouldn't get your money," Lana pointed out.

"Damn," Mallory grumbled. "Just don't screw anything up and make a mess of things as usual!"

With that Mallory tore off. But not without knocking the garbage can over spilling trash all over the street. "Interesting choice of words…" Ray quipped.

"I think I just figured out where Archer gets his driving skills from," Pam remarked.

"We should go," Cyril winced.

"Before we do," Cheryl asked. "Can we just take one last look at the building?"

"I guess so," Lana sighed as they stood together on the sidewalk looking at the building. "I wish I could say I had fonder memories of this place."

"I don't know," Pam said. "We had some bitchin' parties and good times here."

"Like when we were held hostage by crazed bikers and killer clowns," Lana groaned. "And Barry."

"So many fun experiments with robotics," Krieger sighed. "And we got to see the sights!"

Lana added. "Yeah, including the inside of a jail cell."

"At least I had my name on a building for a short time," Cyril sighed. "And I have the pictures to prove it. As well as some unpaid bills."

"I wasn't paralyzed or lost any limbs," Ray remarked. "I'm good."

"We must always remember the little moments that make life worth living," Cheryl sighed wistfully.

"That's very sweet Cheryl," Lana remarked. "Hang on, does anyone else smell smoke?"

"I do…" Cyril blinked.

"So do I," Pam realized. "Oh God…"

"You didn't!" Ray glared at Cheryl.

"She did," Krieger pointed as some smoke started to drift out of the building.

"These are the moments that make life worth living," Cheryl giggled.

"Get in the van!" Lana shoved Cheryl in the van.

"Go! Go! Go!" Ray shouted as the others ran in.

Krieger jumped in the driver's seat. "We're gone baby!" He sped off as soon as everyone was inside.

"When we pick up AJ," Lana told Krieger. "Keep the motor running!"

"That was the plan," Krieger nodded.

"At least we don't have to worry about what's left in the refrigerator," Ray remarked.

"There go my dreams," Cyril looked out the back window. "Up in smoke again!"

"You should be used to that by now," Pam told him.

"Not literally!" Cyril barked.

"Good bye LA!" Cheryl waved. "We won't forget you!"

"And LA won't forget us!" Ray rolled his eyes. "No matter how hard it tries!"