A/N: I'm changing the hurt/comfort tag to humor since I made it much more pronounced. I mean it could be considered slight romance, but whatever. I just can't believe I managed to make angst and humor work, and it works very well for Hades' character.

Thanks lalalei! This chapter is for you!


"And I was thinking to myself,
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell,"

- Hotel California, by the Eagles


One single blink had changed hell into heaven. Gone was the darkened, dusty cavern to an upgrade the likes of which made Hades' pupils shrink to pinpricks. For a moment, all the god could do was shield his eyes from the impressive radiance that shined upon the Olympus mount, but it would seem that wasn't the only source of light.

"Well, whaddya know?" Hades blinked open his eyes in wide wonder, taking in the sight of his hand, his whole body— glowing, glittering like the night sky surrounding a full moon. He was- he was…

Complete.

"Boss, is that you?!" Pain's voice broke through his thoughts.

Hades felt his lips split into a grin filled with awe and triumph. "I guess it is," he rose to his full height from the chaise lounge he had found himself on to find his toga had been replaced with a thundering gray one, the very same style his big brother would- no, used to wear.

"You are absolutely glowing, sir," Panic bobbed his head.

"And lookin' good with the new do, your illustriousness," Pain gave his boss two thumbs up.

"What are you two going on abou-" Hades put a hand to his head and felt for once hair- honest to Nyx hair. Perfectly maintained and conditioned growing right out of his own skull. "Holy hell, I gotta take a shower. I need ta see this thing in action!" Hades ran a hand through his curly white hair, admiring the cloud like softness he hadn't experienced for eons.

"And what are you two dressed up as, anyway? Lookin' like a bunch a little mailmen," Hades gestured between his two former imps.

"I don't know. I think it's kinda dashing!" Pain exclaimed in delight at the winged sandals on his feet, fluttering in the air with his new shoes.

"Wait a sec," Panic removed his golden winged helmet and then looked back at Pain as his magenta counterpart practiced flying. "Both of us are Hermes now?! Boss, you shouldn't have."

Hades waved him off. "Just make sure I don't regret the decision, 'kay? Now," a smirk began to play at his lips. "Can one of you boys tell me what is on the docket, today?"

This was a line Pain and Panic heard at the start of every single one of their days for the past several eons down in the Underworld. For a second, the former imps blinked at each other, contemplating what sort of tasks were required of them now. In a hurry, they reached into their pockets, lifted their hats trying to find some sort of schedule, but after a couple seconds of rummaging, the pair bemusedly stared up at their boss.

"Uh, we don't know…?" The newly christened cherubs began to shrink away in fear.

"Trick question, boys- NOTHING! Ha!" Hades roared in elation.

Pain and Panic began to wickedly grin both in glee and relief. Seeing their boss in such a happy mood was a welcome change, and it begged the question whether they would be subject to anymore smiting now that their boss finally achieved his greatest ambition.

"From here on out, we're calling the shots, and I say I'm in need of some libations. So who do I have to throw around for some of that action?" Hades began to stroll around his very own palace in the clouds, taking in the sights that he used to scorn and mock.

The angelic, peaceful atmosphere, the linear, geometric patterns that never wavered from ideal, and even the breathtaking view of the world down below. A view littered with villages and vastly growing city states, rugged terrain and restless seas. Now, at long last, he could appreciate the beauty in this kingdom, no longer turning his nose away like a bitter fox in Aesop's tales.

"For you, Lord Hades," an entourage of chubby cherubs began to flock around the king of the gods, offering golden plates with chalices of nectar spiced with wine, fruits, and fresh hot towels neatly set into a pyramid.

Hades grabbed at one chalice and downed it before chucking it behind him. However, before he was done, he took one of the rolled up towels and wiped his whole face, shaking off the after effects of the dream-like euphoria that welled inside of him.

"What's that?" Pain rumbled as a cherub approached him and began to whisper in his ear. "Hey, boss, looks like the gods are gathering for lunch."

"Well, then what are we waiting for, huh?" Hades tossed his used towel on the closest cherub's head, completely engulfing him as he was sent falling through the clouds, the heavy cloth muffling his screams all the way down.

Pain and Panic began to trail him on either side. Sweeping past the open marble halls paved from clouds, Hades had a sort of swagger as he strutted over it all until his eyes drank in the gathered gods lounging about the golden banquet hall. All eyes were on him- save for one.

There, Hercules sat utterly bewildered and perplexed as he stared at his hands as they emitted a warm sunshine glow just as Hades had done not two minutes ago.

"Wait, did I pearl one, drop three…?" Hercules pondered out loud.

"Shh, quiet, son," Hera whispered to her son, barely even looking at him as all her attention rested upon who she was gesturing towards. "Your father is coming."

Hercules felt reassurance flow back into him. Of course, Zeus could help him figure this all out in a-

Any semblance of thought Hercules could've had within him was immediately catapulted out the window followed by, but not excluding, his sense of self, direction, and most definitely not his intrusive thoughts as his mouth flopped open in a wide, donkey bray-like gasp.

"The king of the gods!" Pain announced.

"The ruler of Olympus!" Panic added.

"HADES!" The former imps shouted much to Hercules' increasing horror as he beheld- not Zeus, but his dread uncle in all the accoutrements of his real father.

"Hiya, son," Hades emphasized the last word with restrained enthusiasm as Pain and Panic likewise flashed him large cheeky grins of innocence.

The shear bewilderment and horror that marred Hercules' handsome face was enough to make Hades' smirk become all the more vicious as he watched Hercules' mouth fall open all slack-jawed and buggy-eyed. "Better close that mouth, son," he threw in that word again just to rub salt in the wound, "Before a harpy flies in!"

For a second, Hercules could only dumbly stare into the abyss. Was this his fault? What the actual Hades was going on?!

"Oh darling," Hera crooned, quickly stealing her 'husband' away from her son, who began to feel whatever he'd just eaten rise up in his throat.

For a second, Hades felt his arms hesitantly rise, not knowing whether to push Hera away or accept her advances. One look at his former nephew's face had him stiffly hold her in a half-hearted embrace and accepted the kiss she planted on his cheek. "Hm," Hades hummed to himself, trying to process the strange feeling welling up inside him. "Bada bing."

A couple eons ago that would've elicited a genuine reaction out of him, but now it felt empty, playing it up just to mess with Hercules who looked just about ready to curl up and die. Which coincidentally, dear reader, was the very same reaction three others watching the scene unfold wanted to do, including myself after watching this scene fifteen times just to get it right.

"You're the best," Hera fluttered her eyelashes at him, and it was then that Hades realized she was waiting for him to reciprocate. So this is how adultery feels like. All the god could allow himself to do was pull himself away with a tight, oily grin as he sleazed into his throne.

"What?" Hades stared up at Pain and Panic who looked at him the same disturbed way Hercules had not two seconds ago. "Hey, you like the new do? Your cow can't put this one out now!"

Hercules felt the gears in his head begin to turn, spinning round and round like an Archimedes' screw. If this reality's Hades recalled he had flame hair then that meant- "Hang on, what's going on? Where's Zeus?!"

"Gesundheit." Hades snapped his fingers repeatedly gaining the attention of a cherub. "Hey, you guys got anything better than grapes?"

"I'm serious! Where is he?"

Hades boredly set his sights on his nephew like he was interrupting his show.

"Oh come on," Hercules rolled his eyes. "The real king of Olympus?"

"Now, now hold on a sec', brat, I've always been king!" Hades snapped with barely restrained fury.

A sudden hush fell over the Olympus mountaintop as the eyes of the gathered gods suddenly fell on him. In that moment, it felt just like before, this time, however, there was now concern instead of contempt. What a novel concept that they care now that he was at the top.

"Haha, thank you, thank you! Hades has left the building!" He waved awkwardly at the gods until they were assuaged that this was a normal conversation between father and son. And yet, something caught Hades off guard the longer he stared, puzzled at the glittering assemblage.

From Hera to Aphrodite to Narcissus? Hold on, was he missing people? Hades' eyes drifted across the small gathering of gods as realization began to dawn on him as well.

Sayonara, Hades inwardly saluted to the the gods who had been completely scrapped from destiny. No Zeus, no infidelities, and as a result no gray-eyed wonders, pompous celestial twins, or even flaming flower-picking goddesses of-

Focusing his attention back on the little sun spot, Hades couldn't stop the smirk from forming once more. He couldn't be mad at Wonder Breath, anyway. It wasn't like he would've been able to do this on his own- hell, if it wasn't for his nephew showing him the ropes- heh, pun- he wouldn't be standing here today. "Hey, by the way, that tapestry trick? Nice," Hades praised, earning a beleaguered gasp from his former nephew.

"Oh, the tapestry!" Hercules slapped his face in realization.

Pegasus likewise mirrored the action of his more prepossessing counterpart with his own hoof.

'C'mon, Pegasus, let's get out of here before things get any weirder," Hercules jumped on Pegasus' back and soon the two of them flew off the divine mount.

"You better be back by curfew!" Hades shouted after them, his sordid smile never slipping from his face. Wait till Junior finds out who's guarding the tapestry now.

"You're so hard on him, dear," Hera crooned.

"Heh, you haven't seen anything," Hades chuckled at his own inside joke.

Hera leaned into Hades, but the god involuntarily stiffened at the action. The queen of the gods pulled herself away, her face turning towards her husband in concern. "Is something wrong, dear?"

"No, no, no," Hades began to inch away. "Y'know it's just been a long day. This humidity is ruining the do, and the mortals won't shut up about rain-"

He wasn't kidding about that last part. So many fervent prayers filled his ears a thousand times more persistent and equally as nauseating as the twittering bat-like shrills of the billions of shades he used to lord over.

"Well, then why don't you come sit with me?" Hera began to tug at his arm before he could exit stage left, but the familiarity of the action sent a pang flare up inside him. "I'm sure we'll find something to distract you."

For a second, Hades stiffly stood there. Well, what else was he going to do? He conquered the cosmos, what was there to do, but enjoy it? "Alright, alright," Hades begrudgingly allowed Hera to take him to the banquet table where the rest of the gods were gathered together nibbling on ambrosia and sipping nectar spiced with wine.

Already he could hear their insipid conversations being overtaken by Poseidon, dramatically taking centerstage, reciting the same story for the umpteenth billion time.

"There I was, the dawn of time, twenty- no sixty attempts of creating the perfect mammal, but they kept keeling over like a boat. And that's when I got it! BLOW HOLES!"

"Oi, get a load of this bozo, Pe-" Hades rasped under his cupped hand, his eyes swiveling to his right on impulse before realizing who was actually there. "-rse," Hades finished only to find Hera completely enraptured in the story.

Right.

"And what an excellent tale," Hera giggled at her own pun. "What say you, husband?

"I know it's no taming the globe, but a god's pride is his creation," Poseidon elbowed his brother from his left hand side.

"Maybe come up with some new material then, babe? Story's a little dry coming from a guy who's up to his ears in water."

Delirious guffaws shook the Olympus mountaintop as the gods all began to quake and double over with laughter at Hades' quip.

"Oh, bro-bro," Poseidon whined, his teal face burning a deep coral.

Many, if not all the gods, congratulated him on the successful landing- even before Pain and Panic could.

And yet, something about their praise, the foreign encouragement he received, he could not sit comfortably in the room full of mirth. It was not their irritating chuckles that he was waiting to hear, but the breathy giggles of a goddess who would shake her head at his snarky comments.

"Hades," she would warn, but her eyes always said something else entirely, and when no one was looking, she would slip her hand underneath the table and grasp his own, stroking his hand with her thumb until the meeting was done. Sometimes if she was just as annoyed in a meeting, she would give her own little snark and the two of them would snicker until her mean green mother would come into their space to ruin their fun.

But even as he held onto that memory, like grasping fistfuls of sand betwixt his fingers, the familiar tang of bitterness and hurt erupted in his thoughts much more fiercely, flooding his mind with a different memory altogether. One of a goddess who shouted and raged like magma flow erupting from the earth to devastate the land surrounding it. With tears as sharp and biting as the storms Boreas and Khione would bring forth from the North. Whoever said the earth was peaceful never knew of her rage- of her tempers- of her seasons.

No, he was done with her. He was taking his own advice. The advice he had given to that punk with the lyre who stupidly ignored it because he wasn't patient enough. Never look back, kid. Jeez Louise, he had waited six months, what was an hour?

Yet even with his anger taking center stage, Hades couldn't ignore that ever present thorn piercing him deep inside, reminding him of its presence. Why, the Tapestry of Fate didn't get rid of it with her not existing anymore, he didn't know, but maybe that was the cost for all this.

"Way to crush his spirit, dad," Eris snorted as she came up from behind Hades and joined the table.

"You're late, sweetie," Hera passively tsked.

"Sorry, but I've been busy, mother," Eris tossed a nearly empty basket of golden apples upon the table much to Hera's chagrin. "Hey, pops, you wouldn't believe how my day's going," the gray-skinned goddess changed her tune at the sight of Hades and gave him a peck upon his cheek, leaving Hades just as confused as his imps.

"Control her," Hera whispered to her husband.

"For what?" Hades snickered watching his 'daughter' strut about the room with all the grace allotted to a goddess who shone all the more for each condescending stare she received from her mother and kin alike.

So she's the new black sheep of the family, Hades wondered with a smirk. He'd never seen Eris like this before, brimming with glee and chaos with every trill of her discordant laugh, so unlike the closed off and brooding goddess at the back of every crowd, waiting for someone to tick her off.

"Look, she's making Cupid cry again," Hera's eyes darted to the pair in question. Eris had taken the big fat baby's stupidly large sword and was using it to slice her mother's golden apples like a public execution.

"That's my girl," Hades chuckled at the sight of the manic teenage goddess. "Hey, Gar?on," he whistled for a cherub. "Get me something, I'm dying out here."

"Hades, you know she only listens to you," Hera nagged into his ear again.

Wonder why. The king of the gods inwardly rolled his eyes. "Fine." Only if it makes you shut up. "Hey, Eris, the rotten apple of my eye, get over here."

Eris was instantly at her father's side. "Yeah, pop? Let me guess, you got some pointers?" The goddess wickedly grinned.

Hades felt his own crooked grin begin to stretch his lips, but one look at Hera's irritated scowl made his face stiffen. Oi, live a little Jeez Louise. "Tone it down a bit, your ma's having a conniption."

"Oh…" Eris' face fell.

"It's called subtlety, kid," the god whispered. "Tie their sandals together, sneeze a hex at 'em- whatever. Just don't get caught and make your old man proud, okay? Now bring out the tears," Hades winked. "Don't let your ma know I'm letting you off easy."

"Yes, pop," Eris moped, but the secret smile she shared with him before she put on her perfect imitation of a mask of tragedy said otherwise.

He had a kid. Well, besides that loser Jerkules and probably Ares and Hephaestus, but he had a kid he liked. The thought alone weirded him to no end, but seeing Eris and feeling that bond almost made him get all choked up.

"I like that kid. She's got her old man's penchant for destruction," Hades whispered to his former imps.

"She's certainly a chip off the old block, sir," Panic twittered.

However, his cheery mood took a nose dive the second he tuned back into the banal conversations around the banquet hall. Ares and Aphrodite discussed the latest star-crossed lovers they had created on a whim out of their own pettiness that was sure to cause the drama of the century while Cupid bemoaned his lack of success in stirring any wars.

"Don't you have any advice, your storminess?" Cupid sobbed into his moussaka.

"You ever thought about, I don't know, actually killing a guy? It's a good place to start for war."

"You mean muh-murder?!"

"I mean if you want to get technical," Hades groaned. Not waiting for the pansy pink god to say another word, the god shouted, "NEXT!"

And what occurred was an entire afternoon wasted as Hades put up with all the woes of the gods, or really just internal drama he was expected to fix. Oi, why was everyone so against just duking it out in the parking lot? Jeez, he wasn't their therapist! He was their king for his' sake.

Pain and Panic in all that time had been watching their boss' mood worsen bit by bit as the afternoon dragged on, but after not getting the slightest smirk out of the chaos he had created for changing godly roles around, the two decided now was a good a time as any.

"Hey, boss, want to slip away for a bit?" Pain whispered into his ear.

"Maybe go somewhere to unwind?" Panic added on Hades' opposite side.

Hades flashed his imps a grateful look, something far rarer than winning all the slot machines in Elysium. "Get me outta here I can't take this-"

"Hades, is something wrong? Where are you going?" Hera's whisper stopped the god in his tracks along with every single pair of eyes in the room. Funny, no one ever noticed him slip away before.

"So sorry, your- your majesty," Panic awkwardly grinned. "We're going to steal him for a bit."

"Official king of Olympus business, you know how it is," Pain flashed his rounded teeth at the queen and to their entourage.

"Well, I hate to run, everyone, but you know how it is running the cosmos," Hades dramatically sighed, playing up the role.

"Oh very well," Hera sighed. "But do come back before tonight, darling. I have a big surprise to announce," her face split into a warm grin that made the god's ichor grow cold.

Hades felt one single word repeat ad infinitum in that second. His smarmy smile faltering, nearly falling into the abyss. A curse word that the author wouldn't dare say since the television program was clearly rated for at least a seven year old. "… Yeah, sure no problem, uh, babe. Well, see ya-"

The king of the gods slipped away with a speed that made his own head spin. He couldn't put his finger on it, but maybe being at the top of the food chain automatically gave him the ability to run from the wife a helluva lot faster. Oi that would've been nicer to have before.

"Oi, now I know why Zeus avoids her," Hades groaned. You know besides the affairs part.

"Speaking of which," Panic cleared his throat.

"Yeah, hey boss, not that we're not enjoying our new positions-"

"In fact, we are very appreciative of the promotion, but we can't help but notice," Panic timidly prodded his brother in his large belly with his elbow.

"That there isn't a certain goddess here with us."

"Especially in the queen department," Panic added in a rare display of backbone.

Hades paused his gait and found himself in an all too familiar place to simmer and brood, but for once, he did not feel the heat of his rage manifesting into reality like before. Instead, the air around him seemed to hum and pulsate with energy that was likewise foreign and familiar to him.

Pain and Panic were wary of the crackles in the space around him and kept a safe distance from him, cautiously awaiting how his new powers would react to his foul mood and any other exit strategies to keep injuries at a minimum.

"And?" Hades seethed in a somewhat indifferent tone had it not been for the subtle twitch of his eye, coinciding with the sudden inflection in his voice.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all!" Panic attempted to drop the subject at the saturnine sight of Hades with his face downcast under the shade of the marble column, just as gloomy as every time he was forced to come to the mount.

"Good," the god snapped.

"He-hey, boss. I think you deserve a break," Pain broke the tense silence.

"You're telling me," Hades hissed.

"No, he's right, sir. Maybe- oh what if we go to the Styx Hotel! Pay a visit to their spa. I'm sure it's still there, it is in Elysium after all."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," Hades miffed.

"And you finally get to try out a shower," Panic lilted.

No further prompting was required and in a flash of lightning the grandest hotel in Elysium overlooking the River Styx stood before the three.

Finally after eons, they couldn't turn him away.


A/N: I think the funniest part about drafting the outline I made for this chapter is realizing if it was Hades who was in Zeus' place, Hera would actually be a lot happier in their marriage which is so weird to consider, but that's because he's not the type of god to cheat on his spouse, here, the goddess of marriage. Go figure. Idk Lore Olympus influenced me.

When I was re-re-re-watching this episode I realized the only gods who did make an appearance were the ones who were NOT Zeus' kids- not even the ones he had with Hera. Hercules is a special case ~y'know bc this is his show and nothing would have been resolved~ and bc Hades kept him around for spite which is totally something he would do.

Anyway let me know what you think! As always please fave, follow, and review!