I needed to be saved, I was going crazy on my own

It took me years to tell my mother, I expected the worst
I gathered all the courage in the world

She said, "I love you no matter what
I just want you to be happy and always be who you are"
She wrapped her arms around me
Said, "Don't try to be what you're not
'Cause I love you no matter what"
She loves me no matter what

"No Matter What" by Callum Scott


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FFX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


They were tired, they were on the run from the very religion and organization which had domineered almost their entire life, and they were headed for certain doom.

Despite knowing all of that, Yuna could not bring herself to feel anything but content right that very moment.

She was finally, finally reunited with her guardians, and being chased through Macalania Woods or not, this was the most free and safe she had felt in days. The constant low murmur of many different voices around her, their steps echoing along with hers – it was like cleansing rain washing over her, chasing away the jitter of nerves and fear which had doggedly clung to her ever since getting separated from them and waking on Bikanel Island all alone.

Being apart from her guardians had felt like missing a limb; a vital part of her not there when she had most desperately needed the support of it. Having them back took a weight of her chest she had not even consciously noticed, letting her finally take deep breath again.

And she was very eager to her what new stories her friends had to tell now. How many adventures they had had while she had not been there! And that all for her sake! Yuna could barely imagine half of it. A trek through the desert, a meeting with her estranged uncle, and a fight against a dragon… the more she heard, the more it all sounded like a wild fever dream to her.

Yuna wanted to know absolutely everything.

So it was a very good thing that she had Rikku. Because the young Al Bhed had apparently made it her personal mission to fill Yuna in on everything that had happened while they had been apart, and that in great detail, and with even greater excitement. She somehow managed to do so while they walked – a good thing, since Sir Auron would probably not have let them stop just to chatter – and did not seem to get tired of it. Or feel the need to draw breath, for that matter.

Right that very moment, she was describing the very daring rescue their little group had started to get Yuna out of Bevelle. How much of it was true and how much was simply embellishment, Yuna could not possibly tell, but it was quite the fantastic tale, either way, and she hung onto every word with wide, amazed eyes.

"… and it was either turning around and get away from that dragon thing, or go charging right into Bevelle!" Rikku emphasized the events with one hand, slicing through the air with it in an approximation of an airship at full speed while imitating swooshing noises. "Of course, we had to come get you, Yunie, so no way we're gonna back off, right? So we all ran up to the upper deck, and Pops took over the wheel, yelling a lot how we gotta shoot the thing down!"

A tiny noise of shock and wonder fell from Yuna's lips. "That must have been terrifying!"

"Eh. Kind of?" Rikku paused, pursing her lips while she considered. "Didn't really have time to be afraid, and now, it seems actually pretty cool! It was only difficult because Pops just kept yelling into our ears the whole time."

Despite the grimace Rikku was pulling while she said it, Yuna had to laugh. "Your father sounds very, um,…"

"… like a handful? That's cuz he is! But I think you will have it easier with him."

"Yes?"

"Sure! He's, like, so excited to meet you – he's probably gonna cry when you call him uncle the first time, because he's gonna be so happy!" Either not noticing or not caring all the private things she was airing about her own family, Rikku nodded sagely at her declaration. "I'm calling it, mh-m!"

Something warm unfurled in Yuna's chest, both giddiness and embarrassment making her duck her head with a smile, a flush climbing her neck. "He… he said that? That he would like to meet me?"

"All the time!" For good measure, Rikku rolled her eyes with a faked groan. "He talked non-stop about it! It was Yuna here and my niece there. He tells everyone about you! Proudest uncle there ever was."

A hint of trepidation snuck into the warmth Yuna felt, and she glanced quickly up at the other girl, searching for any real annoyance there. Was her cousin bothered by any of that, per chance?

But Rikku was smiling back at her when she looked up; not her usual cheeky grin, but something softer, gentler. Catching Yuna's gaze she chuckled, ambling over enough so she could bump their shoulders together. "I thought I'm your biggest fan, but I think Pops got me beat there. So yeah, you're gonna like him. I mean - I always say he's pretty lame, but that's because he's my pops, that's probably supposed to be like that. Maybe he will be a cooler uncle! He was already cooler than usual when he talked about going to help you. He went 'no stupid teaching can send my little niece to her death"! – or something like that"

Reassured, and amused by the sight of Rikku imitating a deep voice, Yuna smiled to herself, all but glowing with the knowledge of her family welcoming her. Her family. She still had living relatives out there! Relatives who wanted her. She could not wait to meet them, to get to know them. What little she knew about her mother's side of the family was only what she could remember of her mother's stories, and what little her father had known – which was not much. She did know that her mother had cut ties with her brother, and not been allowed back into Home after her marriage to a summoner.

And if Yuna was completely honest with herself, then… yes, she had considered the possibility that she would not be welcomed by her own family, should she ever encounter them. Meeting Rikku, and hearing that her uncle had moved heaven and earth to keep her safe, was putting to rest a fear she had never even allowed herself to look at too closely.

Breathing out in quiet relief, Yuna let her gaze slide away from Rikku's bright smile and wander over the rest of her guardians – her other family. Those people she was so lucky to have; people who would even come crashing into a right army all by themselves just to keep her out of harm's way.

Hopefully we can meet my uncle before we reach Zanarkand, she allowed herself to pray, just this once, so I can see them all together. Her old family, and the new one.

Lost in thought, her gaze suddenly snagged on the back of a familiar flame-red mop of hair, and everything stopped for a beat.

Yuna stopped walking abruptly, breath rushing out of her as if she had taken a punch to the chest. A horrible thought occurred to her when the pieces clicked together, painting one of her greatest fears.

Her uncle declaring for everyone to hear that she was his niece.

Her old family, and the new one meeting.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Where she had felt warm before, she felt like she had been dosed in ice cold water now. Gasping quietly for breath, Yuna felt dizzy, throwing out a hand into nothing to stabilize herself somehow.

"Yunie!" Rikku was there in a beat, grasping for her flailing hand and steadying her. The younger looked as fearful as Yuna felt when she tried to find her gaze. "Yunie, what is it? You look like you're gonna throw up!"

Shaking her head, Yuna steered the other girl with her to the side of the beaten path they had been walking the whole time. She couldn't talk in the middle of the groupe and risk getting overheard. "Rikku," she barely recognized her own voice, strained and shaky, audible even in her urgent whispering. "Rikku, when your father said that, about me being his niece… did he say it in front of everyone?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Rikku, this is important. Was – was Wakka there, too?"

"Uh, yeah."

The simple words were enough to make Yuna feel as if the world was falling to pieces around her. Of course. Of course he had heard. And that when she had not even been present to explain it to him. The tears were stinging in her eyes in a matter of seconds, and she had to keep her breathing calm so as not to break down crying.

Maybe it was this which tipped Rikku off to what was going on, or she realized it herself when she said it. Her mouth feel open in a quiet "O" and her eyes grew wide in horror. She seemed frozen for a beat, before her hands started flapping so fast, they nearly became a blur. "Oh, oh Yunie, no, no! It's not like he was angry or anything – he didn't say a single thing!"

"That doesn't mean anything," or at least, not anything good, right? Right?

"But, but, I told him I'm Al Bhed, and he only glared a little! Like, this much!" Rikku demonstrated how little it really was by holding her fingertips very, very close together. "That's nothing for Wakka!"

"That's not the same. I… I lied to him." Oh aeons. Feeling slightly faint under the wave of emotions swamping her, Yuna risked a glance further up the road. Tidus and Wakka where walking ahead of them, talking in low voices while they idly passed Wakka's blitzball back and forth between them. Nothing seemed wrong on first glance, but…

She tried to remember if Wakka had been any different since they had regrouped in Bevelle; yet no matter how she tried, she could not recall a single instance when they had really talked with each other. There had been so much going on between the wedding, acquiring Bahamuth, and escaping the city – she had thought that was the only reason why they had not had a chance to catch up yet, but now she wondered… Wakka was not avoiding her, was he? No, Wakka was not the type to avoid a confrontation… right? Or… maybe…

A hand settling on her shoulder pulled her from her dark thoughts. When Yuna jumped and whirled in shock, afraid that someone had heard what they had been whispering about, Lulu was gazing back at her, usually so calm face creased in a worried frown. "Yuna, what is it? I saw you going pale all of a sudden. Do you feel unwell?"

Unwell. So Lulu had not heard; she would have broached the subject directly if she had. Yuna dared to breath again, sending Rikku a quick look which she hoped translated to Please don't say anything. "I'm… no, I'm fine, Lulu, really. Just… tired."

The black mage was not convinced; of course not, Yuna thought miserably, she knew her too well! But at least Lulu did not immediately call her out on it, though she hummed meaningfully and put the back of her hand to Yuna's forehead, checking her temperature. Seemingly reassured at that front at least, Lulu clicked her tongue, eyes sharp while she glanced over the two girls. "Well, if you say so. Then I will go speak to Auron if we can stop for the day. We should have put enough distance between us and Bevelle to warrant a break."

"Ah… thank you, Lulu!" Yuna called after her when the woman turned and headed for the rear of the group, where Auron was making sure to erase as many of their traces as he could.

"Yunie," Rikku hissed as soon as she deemed it safe, urgently tugging at her hand. "Why didn't you tell Lulu what's up?"

"I… I have to think first," Yuna whispered back, shaking her head. At least, that seemed like a good enough explanation; better than the fact that all she had been thinking was Don't make Lulu worry and she had acted without considering the consequences.

"Wakka was never supposed to know that." The words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them, and hearing it made her want to cry even more. The one thing she had ever kept from him – out in the open. What now? What did he think of her now? Oh aeons, he hated the Al Bhed, and to hear she had not only been part of them, but also lied to him about it…

"Oh, Yunie!" In a whirl of movement and before Yuna could utter more than a surprised little noise, Rikku was on her, almost toppling her with a fierce hug. "I'm so sorry, now I made you worry!"

"No, Rikku, you didn't-…"

"But you will see! It's all gonna be okay! Nobody can stay angry with you, not even stubborn ol' Wakka!" Bringing some distance between them, Rikku pumped one fist into the air, expression set in a determined scowl. "And if Wakka does say something stupid to you, you tell me! I'm gonna kick his ass! Just watch me!"

Even through the fear and nerves knotting in her stomach, Yuna had to smile a little at her cousin's boundless energy. "… Thank you, Rikku. But I really hope you won't have to.

"Oh, of course! Just – I would, you know. Just say the word!"

It was true, Yuna knew; everything about Rikku's posture and expression telegraphed that. With a deep breath, the summoner reached up and squeezed the younger's shoulder – all that she dared to do right then. Had she hugged her, she feared she might have actually started crying. "I know Rikku. And… thank you."

"Anytime, Yunie!"

"Yuna, Rikku," Lulu rejoined them quietly, pointing with her chin towards the far end of their soon-to-be-camp. "Auron agreed to take a break. And Kimahri says he found a secluded pond a little up ahead. Nothing special, but it offers enough privacy for a bath, I would think."

Despite her aching stomach, Yuna felt herself perk up at the thought. The last real bath she had taken had been in Bevelle, but then it had been in preparation for a wedding she did not want, and knowing she would have to go and try send Maester Seymour to the Farplane all by herself. All in all, she had not been able to enjoy it at all. "A bath does sound lovely," she muttered, not quite able to hold the longing out of her voice. Was it wrong, to wish for something so selfish when she had bigger things to think about?

Lulu did not seem to think so, in any case. Her expression softened, and she slipped one arm through the bend of Yuna's. "Very good, then I will have some company. Rikku, what about you?"

"Nah, I'm good," Yuna could have sworn she saw her cousin sneakily sniff at herself before answering with a cheeky grin. "I'm gonna help setting up the camp."

"Suit yourself. And keep the boys away from us while you're at it."

"Aw, why? It would be funny if you firaga-d them for stumbling in on you guys!"

"Rikku!" Yuna exclaimed, startled and amused, at the same time Lulu smirked and muttered, "Tempting."

Instantly, the young summoner turned her attention towards her instead, "Please tell me you are joking!"

"Of course I am," Lulu soothed, eyes still laughing at her. "Someone has to chase that frown from your face, no?"

"Oh." Flustered at being caught, Yuna smoothed a hand over her forehead. Am I really that transparent? Thus distracted, Yuna yelped in surprise when Lulu simply began to tug her along, reacting too late to dig her feet in. "Lulu, wait, should we not help with the camp-….?"

"They are more than capable enough to handle this themselves," Lulu did not even turn to her, gently guiding and prodding her along the path towards the promised pond. "And in the meantime, a bath will do wonders to make you feel better."

"Oh, alright then, I guess…" Thus defeated, Yuna waved half-heartedly at Rikku, who was cheerily shooing the both of them away with wide gestures. Maybe a bath would really help, and be it only to give her time to sort her thoughts.

Before turning a corner, she caught sight of Wakka one last time; he was discussing something with Kimahri, looking tired and serious even from far away. Yuna's heart squeezed painfully, fear and determination mingling there.

I promise, Wakka, I will explain. Just wait for me.

She owed him at least that much, after lying to his face for so long.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FFX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


In the end, Lulu was probably right, Yuna mused while wringing out her still wet hair, careful not to drip any excess water onto her freshly cleaned and dried clothes. The bath had helped her, both to calm her down, and because she was glad to finally refresh and clean up a little. She felt reborn after finally getting rid of the last of hints of the cloying perfumes she had been dosed in back in Bevelle during her preparations to become a "perfect" bride. The leftovers had already been enough to make her want to gag every time she caught a whiff of them.

Now the only thing left to clean up was her hair.

With a grimace, Yuna reached up to gingerly touch her hair. Even just petting over it lightly, she could feel the tangles and knots there. Her own fault, she supposed. Once reunited with her guardians and able to change back into her usual clothes, she had simply tugged and twisted the many pins holding her hair up out of the elaborate style, uncaring how it might end up looking. All that she had cared about had been to be rid of anything which might remind her of that nightmare of a nearly-wedding.

Now, because of her impatience back then and a nightly bath in a pond later, her hair was worse than a rat's nest. It would be a nightmare to get it all untangled. She barely managed to comb her fingers through half an inch before they snagged on something once more, tugging sharply at her scalp. Without meaning to, she hissed out a pained noise.

In her back, she heard Lulu's dress rustle with her movement. "Yuna. Come here, let me do that for you."

"Oh, please, don't bother. I'm almost done."

"Don't be silly," Lulu's voice was warm and amused. "You know I always enjoyed combing your hair."

Her last polite resistance melted away like snow under the sun, and Yuna breathed a laugh, obediently removing her hands so Lulu could take over. "I don't know why. Yours was always so much nicer."

"My hair is much thicker. Yours is like silk." Lulu sounded distracted while she rooted around in her bag for something – the brush, Yuna supposed – before scooting closer and beginning to gather the younger's hair in one hand, searching for the most tangled spots. "Now, don't fish for compliments, and let me work."

Startled into another laugh, Yuna yielded to the light admonishment and relaxed, allowing her friend to nudge her this way and that. Lulu worked diligently yet gentle, undoing the biggest tangle with patient fingers, brushing it out afterwards until it was it was silky and shiny once more. IT did not take long before the black mage started humming a slow tune under her breath, a melody in tune with her steady strokes.

Under the familiar motions and the quiet humming, Yuna felt transported back to her childhood in Besaid. They had often sat like this in the evening, Lulu brushing and braiding her hair and Yuna talking about her day at the temple.

Wakka had been there, too, she reflected, happy enough to sit and listen and offer advice, joking or serious. Instead of further comfort, the thought stung now. Things had been so simple, back then; a harsh contrast to how these days, everything seemed difficult and complicated - even approaching one of her best friends.

Squeezing her eyes shut against the wave of fear building in her, Yuna took a shuddering breath. She couldn't keep circle back to this train of thought, it took too much of the energy she would desperately need in the following days.

"Yuna?"

A touch to her shoulder startled the young summoner, eyes snapping open once more. Lulu had spoken to her, she realized, and she had not even heard until her name had been called.

"You're tense," Lulu's free hand brushed briefly over her drawn-up shoulder, emphasizing her words. "Are you alright?"

Yuna's first, instinctive reaction was to reassure her that Yes, of course, everything alright. It was on the tip of her tongue as soon as the question came, an old reflex after years and years of trying not to make everyone worry for her. But… she could not bring herself to say it. She was tired; so very, very tired. Just, for once, the urge to share and be comforted was stronger than the wish to shoulder everything herself.

Besides. If anyone knew Wakka well enough to guess what was going on in his head, it was Lulu.

Hands clenching in the material, Yuna took a deep breath before taking the plunge. "Lulu. Do you think Wakka… is angry with me?"

The brushing halted momentarily when Lulu faltered. After a beat, she picked up the slow motion once more with a thoughtful hum. "Wakka? Why? Did he say something to you?"

Yuna barely stopped herself from shaking her head and disturbing Lulu's work in the process. She did, however, curl tighter together. "It's more that he didn't say something."

"Ah." Understanding colored Lulu's calm tone. "This is about something Rikku told you."

"Yes."

A moment passed in silence while Lulu finished her work. Once done, she set the brush aside and gripped Yuna's shoulders, nudging her to turn around. Yuna did so reluctantly, feeling a little like a child about to get a stern talking to. She was already gnawing at her bottom lip before she had fully turned to face her friend.

"Yuna," Lulu began, a hint of confusion in her raised eyebrow, "has Wakka ever been able to be angry at you? For anything?"

"No, but… I didn't tell him that I'm… well." Yuna gestured at herself, and, importantly, at her eye, the only thing about her looks which she had gotten from her mother.

If anything, Lulu's eyebrows only climbed higher up. She was clearly not impressed with the younger's reasoning. "Was it ever important, to Wakka or to me, who your parents were?"

That was a question Yuna was prepared for; she had thought this over, again and again, since talking with Rikku. "Maybe it would have been important to Wakka? Maybe he would have wanted to know!"

"Why exactly would it have been important?"

"Because Wakka hates everything that has to do with the Al Bhed!"

The words echoed between the high trees, and only then did Yuna realize how loud she had gotten at some point. Startled and ashamed, she dropped her gaze to her hands which were knotted together in her lap, knuckles white. She really, truly had not meant to raise her voice like that; but her emotions were boiling over, and Lulu's calm demeanor which usually was a sure way to bring her peace only managed to rub her the wrong way this time. Could her friend not see how terrible this situation was?

If Lulu was bothered or perplexed by her outburst, she did not show it. Her voice stayed as calm as always when she pointed out, gently, "You never really believed that Wakka truly hates them."

"… No, not really." Yuna had always been secretly convinced that Wakka was too kind, too forgiving despite his stubbornness, to truly hate anyone. And yet he had been hurting and grieving, and needed someone to blame. Understanding this, she had never held it against him when he took out all his bottle-up feelings in sharp words and heated outbursts against people he never even got to know.

And still. Still. She had been so horribly afraid of what he would say when he found out about her.

Clearly reading the direction the younger's thoughts had gone in, Lulu sighed quietly and reached out to nudge Yuna's chin back up, getting her to look at her. "Yuna. If you know that, then why do you think he could hate you?"

"Not hate," she muttered, gaze attempting to slip away from Lulu's knowing look. She sounded unconvinced even to her own ears. He wouldn't, right? "But… I didn't tell him. I always told him everything. And now I did not. And about something so important. He has to be angry with me, right?"

A quiet sigh answered her. "Alright. You know I do not like to repeat myself," that finally did make Yuna look up smiling weakly; she was very well aware of that. Lulu raised an eyebrow at her, meaningfully, continuing, "but I will make an exception for you, so, again: Wakka might be a hot head sometimes, but he has never been able to be angry with you. And I mean never."

A pause, then Lulu's eyes suddenly sparked with rare laughter, and her lips curled. "Or do I really have to remind you of that one time even when Chappu and you decided to climb up the cliffs and nearly fell to your death?"

The gasp left her before she could help it, and Yuna gaped at her friend for a second, blindsided, until finding her voice again, nearly a shriek, "Lulu! That was…!"

"An absolutely terrible idea? Agreed."

"It was one time!" A terrible defense, she knew, but it was the best thing that came to her mind. "And we didn't even get very far!"

"Yes, because you got stuck not even halfway up the first wall. Which was still high enough that you both could have gotten seriously hurt," Lulu continued to reminiscence, ignoring the way Yuna flailed her arms at her to get her to stop, "and Kimahri had to come get you both before that could happen."

The retelling had memories bubbling up in Yuna, from the elation of a child at the top of the world, over the fear of being unable to move, right down to the relief and shame after having been rescued and finding herself being hugged and chided in turns. All these years later, the whole thing seemed so incredibly silly, she could not help but forget most of her embarrassment and laugh at the memories, hiding her face in her hands. "Oh Aeons. Kimahri did not say a word once we were back down on the ground, but I wanted to vanish, anyway. I felt horrible!"

"I think Wakka said enough for all of us." Lulu's voice was warm and smug. "Do you remember?"

"… He told us we would be the death of him." Resurfacing from her palms, Yuna smiled nostalgically at the memory of her friend, all tight hugs and loud declarations while he had looked Chappu and her over for injuries. "And then he kept asking if we were alright. He carried me back to the village because I still felt like I could not move my legs."

"Mhm. And what did he not do?"

"… Get angry at us." Wakka had been all relief and worry, and absolutely no anger once they had both been back safe and sound. It had not even occurred to him to get angry over what had happened. And that was the point Lulu had been trying to make, was it not? But still…

Yuna's smile wavered as the severity of the situation came back to her, and she shook her head, miserable. "It's not the same as back then, Lu."

"No?" The mage tilted her head in a way that said she was not convinced. "Wakka could not be angry with you when you nearly died because of a reckless decision; why would he be angry over something that never mattered to us in the first place?"

"I…" Yuna gestured, helplessly, but the words would not come. It was less of a logical explanation, and more of a feeling which made her believe it. "It's just different. I can't really… I can't really say why."

As harsh as she could be, Lulu had always been to kind – with her, at least - to outright scoff at her. This time, she seemed to come really close when she wrinkled her nose and pursed her lips, clearly swallowing the first thing she had meant to say. Instead, she settled on an eye roll and decided, "Fine. It seems I won't be the one to make you see that you're worries are unneeded. You know what that means, right?"

Yuna couldn't help but flinch a bit, head lowering between her shoulders. "I should talk with Wakka."

"You should talk with Wakka," Lulu agreed, only a little bit smug about it. Then her gaze softened once more, and she surprised Yuna by leaning over and ghosting a kiss against her forehead, gentle and familiar, a memory of easier childhood days. Pulling back, she smiled kindly at Yuna. "Go. No need to be so worried. Talk to him and you will see – Wakka loves you too much to ever hate you. I should know; we share that sentiment, at least."

"Lulu…," overwhelmed for a moment by a wave of affection and gratefulness, Yuna impulsively leaned back in and hugged the woman – guardian, friend and sister – as tightly as she could. Even while she still worried, the talk had already taken a part of the gigantic weight off her chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, go. And after, come back and tell me how right I was."

Despite herself, Yuna laughed a little at the familiar dryness of her friend and nodded. "Will do, Lulu."

They shared a smile before Yuna managed to pull herself away, standing. For a moment she dithered, fighting her own nerves, then took a deep breath and straightened her back. I can do this.

Lulu saw her moment of hesitation but was nice enough not to draw attention to it. She busied herself with packing up their belongings, very pointedly pretending Yuna had already left.

And the younger was glad for it. She smiled at the mage's back gratefully before turning, making her way to the edge of the clearing. Something kept niggling in the back of her mind, though, getting louder with each step, and she stopped once more. Something about Lulu's story of their shared childhood did not sit well with her, even after all these years. If she was going to be brave and say the truth today, she could right this rather small wrong, as well. "Lulu?"

"Mh?" Lulu looked up curiously from where she was collecting their belongings and putting them back in their respective packs.

"It was not really Chappu's idea, back then," even after all these years, Yuna felt a flush creep to her face as she muttered the words. Without much thought, she began to nervously wring her hands together, gaze flicking back and forth between Lulu and a point over her shoulder. "It was mine. I wanted so badly to learn to climb the mountains, like Kimahri did, you know? Chappu only joined in when I had already made my decision."

To her great surprise, Lulu actually laughed quietly at her. When Yuna turned to stare at her, perplexed, a tiny smirk had unfurled on the older woman's face. "Oh, I know."

"… Huh? You… what?"

"We all knew that, Yuna." An eye roll followed, partly fond, partly amused. "Chappu was always a terrible liar, and you hadn't learned yet how to keep a straight face when nervous, back then."

Yuna felt her mouth fall open, gaping for a beat before she found her voice again. "What? But then… why did nobody say anything? I didn't even get grounded!" Then again, never had Chappu, now that she thought about it – there had not been any real punishment, except the stern looks and worried questions they had both had to deal with hours after.

"Mainly because you felt so guilty about your idea and lying to us, that it was more than enough punishment for you," Lulu paused, considering, before breathing out a huff that could have been sigh or laugh, or both. "And I think Kimahri was secretly proud of you both for making it that far."

"All of you…" Yuna trailed off, not knowing what to think about all of this.

Lulu's smile only deepened, softened, and she shook her head. "You should really get used to the thought of how much we love you, Yuna."

I thought I knew. But clearly, she had underestimated just how blessed she really was.

She did not have the word to express how grateful she is, for all of them. Perhaps there were none; because how could words alone encompass such a giant feeling?

She thought that some of it all must have shone through her expression at least, because Lulu smiled as if she knew, voice gently teasing, "Do you not have somewhere to be?"

Still struck mute with emotions, Yuna nodded, smiled (don't cry, don't cry now) and whispered a goodbye before ducking out of the clearing, glad to have a moment in the dark to collect herself once more.

And if she had to rub over her eyes a little to catch amazed tears, then, well. Nobody was there to see it, after all.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FFX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It was a cruel thing indeed, how fears and worries worked sometimes. No matter how much better Yuna had felt after the talk with Lulu, the short walk through the woods already gave her mind time enough to go back into spiraling again, dragging up What ifs and Buts no matter how much she tried to fight them down. By the time she reached the camp again, trying to calm herself before facing Wakka, she was already back to feeling jittery inside, hands knotting tightly in the material of her skirt to keep them from trembling.

I can do this. It's going to be alright. I can… It became a mantra in her head, a last stand against the panic threatening to overtake her.

So she was not quite sure if she should feel relieved or even more terrified when she stepped into the circle of light the fire provided, and Wakka was nowhere in sight.

Surprise made Yuna falter, stopping, and take another look. But, no, her first glance over the camp had been right; Wakka was not here. In fact, none of her guardians was there, except Auron, who was tending to the campfire. He did not react to her approach, barely even moved a muscle at all while he stared into the flickering flames. There was a distinct air of someone who was far, far away with their mind about him.

Slowing her steps, Yuna contemplated leaving him alone since he was so deep in thought. But then, she pondered, he always seemed a little like that. And he had probably noticed her long ago, so walking away quietly now would just be rude. So she cleared her throat and asked, as lightly as she could, "Excuse me, Sir Auron? Do you perhaps know where Wakka went?"

A slow blink, then Auron's gaze shifted the slightest bit towards her. With a tilt of his head, he motioned in the direction of the far end of the camp opposite from her. "Blitzball with Tidus."

The mere mention of Tidus and the boys' favorite pastime already managed to bring a smile to her face despite her nerves. "I see. Thank you." Ducking her head in acknowledgement and thanks, she made to hurry around the campfire in the shown direction.

His voice followed her, low and calm. "So you intend to address the problem."

It was a statement, not a question. Yuna froze in her steps and turned towards the man, very nearly gaping at him. She had been so sure they had not been overheard, that afternoon. Had he not been well out of earshot when Rikku told her what had happened?

It was hard to tell in the flickering light of the flames, but she thought she saw a smirk flit over Auron's half-hidden face. With a quiet snap, she closed her mouth again, already opened to pose an incredulous How?. She had the very strong feeling she would not get an answer, anyway, only a trademark look of his. Just walking away would possibly have been the smartest thing to do, but… she could not quite shake this last little insecurity.

"Sir Auron?" She hated how small and young her voice sounded, but she could not help it. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

He tilted his gaze towards her once more, piercing and assessing. Her hopes were quickly dashed when he shook his head after a moment of silence. "This is not my story to tell. I can neither make your decisions for you, nor predict the outcome of them, Lady Yuna."

Yuna breathed out shakily, feeling herself deflate with it. Disappointment weighed heavy on her. For once, she had wished that someone else would have taken the harder decisions from her; someone who was older, and wiser. Was that really so much to ask?

She must have hovered for too long, since Auron sighed quietly under his breath, the sound instinctively making her cringe and preparing to apologize. Before she could, he spoke, choosing and placing each word very carefully, "…A summoner and their guardians have enough hardship to face as it is. Secrets being kept and things left unsaid between them will only further complicate matters."

Yuna blinked slowly, apology completely forgotten as she took in the words, but also the man in front of her. He had shifted once more as he spoke, gaze drifting away from her again. He was not speaking about the present, she realized, he was drawing connections to something in his memories.

"Did… my father…?" Yuna trailed off, unsure what she really meant to ask. And if she was even allowed to. There were so many things she would have liked to know about her father – but then she feared both how it would influence herself, and how Sir Auron must feel, talking about his late friends.

Some of her dilemma must have shown on her face. A puff of air left Auron; the same sound Yuna recognized as his special brand of laughter; the one which always seemed a little startled out of him, as if he had forgotten he could make such a sound. "Despite what my younger self believed… Your father was just as human as you and I, lady Yuna. Not even a man like him could always do the right thing."

So her father, too, had kept his secrets, or had his worries… or both. Even while not quite sure how to interpret the usual cryptic words of the man, Yuna still felt oddly comforted by them. Maybe what he really meant to say was You're not the only one doubting and worrying. And that in itself was already reassuring.

With a steadying breath, she bowed deeply before her guardian. "Thank you very much, Sir Auron."

Another quiet huff, his eyebrow twitching up briefly from his usual half-frown. Yuna smiled, proud to realize that she knew him well enough to imagine what he must think then - that he had not done anything. She disagreed.

New determination in her step, she turned and continued on her way, head held high.

And she was sure she did not imagine the quiet "Good luck" in her back as she went.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FFX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The light of the campfire only just lay behind her, the blueish shadows of Macalania at night enveloping her, when it occurred to Yuna that in order to talk alone with Wakka, there was one guardian she would have to ask specifically to stay back and let her do this on her own.

Turning on der heels she searched the shadows in her back with her gaze, trying and failing to make out one special shape among them. It was of no use; she might have been able to sense his presence, but seeing him was an entirely different thing. He was a seasoned hunter, after all.

Rocking onto her toes, impatient despite herself, Yuna called out, "Kimahri?"

A rustle, so quiet it could have been the wind among the leaves, and the Ronso slipped from a gap in between two of the mightiest trunks which she had not even noticed before. Luminous yellow eyes blinked slowly at her in a way of silent greeting.

There was no explanation needed about what she meant to do. Without even hearing it from him, Yuna was absolutely convinced that her guardian had followed her ever since she had left the little secluded spot she had shared with Lulu; he already knew all her worries and her goal. It was part of what made it so difficult to ask this of him. "Kimahri, I need to talk alone with Wakka."

As predicted, he did not like the thought, Yuna could tell. His ears twitched, nose wrinkling as he huffed deeply in a way Yuna knew very well meant he was not happy with something. It was difficult for her, to know she had put that look there, but she had to overlook it for this time.

Grabbing gently for one of his paws and squeezing it, she hurried to explain, "I'm sorry. I know you do not like to leave me without protection – but I promise you, I will be perfectly save with Wakka there!"

To her confusion, the Ronso blinked once more, a quiet sign of surprise, before shaking his head slowly, rumbling, "Kimahri know that."

Her grip around his hand slipped when Yuna stared dumbly at him, perplexed. "Oh."

"Kimahri not worried about protection." The unhappy wrinkle over his nose deepened while he seemed to struggle for words. He was so very strong and loyal and kind, her guardian, but words had never been his preferred way of making himself clear. "Kimahri help. Not protect. Kimahri support Yuna."

Blindsided by surprise and a wave of affection, Yuna found herself fighting to form an answer. "Oh, Kimahri. I would – I would really like that."

A beat of silence, then the Ronso's gaze softened further. With infinite gentleness, he cupped his second paw over both of Yuna's hands, stroking her trembling fingers. "Yuna want Kimahri to wait."

She really didn't not know if to laugh, or cry a little – her friends really did make it seem as if they could read her mind today. Sometimes she felt like she did not deserve these wonderful people. Coughing a little to get rid of the tremor in her voice, Yuna tried to explain, "I… I really wish you could help. Part of me wants you to come with me, but the other part…"

Struggling to find words, she looked at their contrasting fingers – fur and skin, blue and white. Differences or not, he had always known her so well. "It would be so much easier, if you were there with me. But… But I think this is something I have to do alone? It seems more right, that way. Oh, I'm not explaining this well, am I?"

With a loud huff, Kimahri lowered himself onto his knees before her. Suddenly he was not towering over her anymore, but looking up at her, gaze firm and kind. "Yuna. Kimahri understand. Is fight Yuna must win alone, for honor."

The laugh she had felt reluctantly bubble up before spilled over at his words. "It's not really a fight, Kimahri. I'm not much of a warrior."

One of his eyebrows twitched up, speaking volumes of how he did not agree with that, and she nearly laughed harder. Or cried. In her emotionally charged state, she was not even sure which one it would be.

She very nearly did cry when Kimahri smiled at her, all teeth and pride, and grumbled, "Yuna strong. Yuna will not fail."

To her relief, he then proceeded to tug at her hands, carefully maneuvering her closer until he could easily envelop her in a big, warm hug. Grateful, Yuna used the opportunity to hide her wet eyes in a wall of fur, soaking in the familiar scent and comfort of him, letting it calm her jittery nerves. After her father, Kimahri had always been the best at giving these kind of hugs – the ones were she felt small and young, but in a good way. As if she could fit neatly into those arms and would be protected from anyone and anything. She let herself indulge for as long as she could, trying to gather strength from it while it lasted.

By the time Kimahri slowly let go of her, she felt more settled, steady in herself. Yuna beamed up at him when he rose once more to his full height. "Thank you, Kimahri."

Her guardian bowed his head deeply, barely able to hide the warm look in his eyes. "Kimahri wait with friends. Celebrate when Yuna won."

He turned and left on quiet feet before she could remind him that this was not a battle. She could only watch with a fond shake of her head until Kimahri was out of sight – or, out of her sight at least.

Alone once more, she focused. Now that all was quiet, she could hear – ah, there. The steady thump and thwack of a blitzball hitting an objective and bouncing back. A familiar thing, back home in Besaid, and a dead giveaway of where she would find Tidus and Wakka.

Straightening, Yuna briefly oriented herself on the sound, and continued walking, following the sounds which were steadily getting louder with each step.