Perp-loving Cop-hater

Author's Note: So, let's just say the wedding in Idaho happened….

AU Keenler

BBBBBBB

"Did I tell you my, uh, cousin in Idaho's getting married next week?" Ressler asked her.

"You've got a cousin in Idaho?" Liz asked.

"Yeah. Perp-loving cop hater. There. Now you've met him," Ressler said.

"He sounds like the kind of guy you have to see to believe," Liz said as she eyed the guests at the wedding.

"Would you…would you want to meet him?" Ressler asked.

She turned and looked at him, confused by his question.

"I need a date," Ressler sighed as he looked at her.

That got him one eyebrow raise.

"You and me footloose and fancy-free in Idaho for the weekend?" Liz smirked at him as the service continued.

"Hey, you grew up in Nebraska, I'm sure Idaho has it's charms," Ressler chuckled.

"It's exactly because I grew up in Nebraska that I realize Idaho probably doesn't have many charms," Liz chuckled.

"Liz, she's the bride…" Ressler said as he noted the woman at the alter and pointed.

"What the…?" Liz asked as they both looked at the woman who was their suspect's girlfriend, marrying someone else.

Hours later they had discovered Alter Ego and were back in their office with Samar and Aram looking at employee head shots.

"So, you rent a grandfather or an ex or a date for a family event?" Samar asked as they all continued to look at the head shots.

"Hey, don't you have your cousin's wedding coming up in Idaho Falls in a couple of weeks?" Aram asked. "I'm still available as your plus one…just saying. We could check out the potato museum."

Liz saw Ressler continue to read the sheet that was in front of him.

"Ressler…" Aram said, asking for a response.

"Sorry Aram," Liz interrupted as Ressler's head came up. "I'm going with him."

"You?" Aram asked.

"Yeah, I was going to ask if you and Samar could take Agnes for the weekend so…"

"Could we ever!" Aram cheered. "There are all these children's museums and attractions that you look creepy going to if you don't have a child with you…"

"So that's a yes?" Liz asked, eyeing Samar in particular.

"We would love to have Agnes," Samar said. "So you and Ressler can go away for the weekend together."

Her words were not lost on Liz or Ressler.

"It's just for the wedding," Ressler quickly interrupted.

"Well, you're there all weekend, so maybe check out some other attractions besides the potato museum while you are there," she said as she started to walk from their office.

"And check out the potato museum," Aram said. "And, oh, if they have a funny t-shirt or hat with a potato joke or pun on it, I would like that."

He followed Samar out of their office.

"Did you really want to go?" Ressler asked her.

"It'll be fun," Liz smiled at him. "And…the potato museum? I am too good of a friend to let that happen."

Ressler chuckled at her joke and nodded. "Thanks. I'll get us plane tickets tonight for next Friday. You okay with the whole weekend or do you want to just come out on the Saturday?"

Liz smiled at him. "Oh no, you are going to show me the beauty of Idaho and we're going to need an entire weekend to do that."

"Deal," Ressler smiled.

After the Aler Ego case wrapped, they were swamped in paperwork and lawyers related to the case; apparently several members of the family were trying to get his son declared unfit for the estate. Liz and Ressler were up to their elbows in subpoenas and interviewing all of the 'actors' from the agency the following week. On Friday, at noon they boarded a flight to Idaho Falls, using some of the overtime they had worked to take an afternoon off.

"So, really, he's a perp-loving cop-hater?" Liz asked.

"He's a lawyer," Ressler clarified. "Whose specialty is getting people out of trouble through legal loopholes."

"Ahhh," Liz said. "So he keeps criminals on the streets by finding some kernel he can use to get them out of jail."

"Usually involving a police procedural mistake, or by digging into a cops background," Ressler said.

"And you need to go to his wedding, why exactly?"

"My mom," he said. "I haven't gone to the last three and technically I'm Kevin's godfather."

"How are you a grown man's godfather?" Liz asked.

"My uncle was too drunk to stand at the front of the church, so my mom pushed me up and, at 10, I became a godfather."

"Okay, that's too funny," Liz chuckled. "And you've missed three weddings? Is everyone in your family getting married?"

"Many of them," he chuckled. "Most of my relatives are younger than me. My mom was the oldest in her family and so was my dad. They got married at 18 and had Robbie at 19, me at 22. Her sisters and brothers…"

"Wait, how many sisters and brothers?" Liz asked.

"My mom's Irish Catholic," Ressler smirked. "She was one of 7 kids. This is the third oldests kid's wedding."

"Seven children?" Liz asked.

"The Catholic church doesn't believe in birth control within the sanctity of your marriage," Ressler said, as if he had heard that a million times.

"Well, I can see who was raised catholic…" Liz smirked at him.

"Yeah, but you learn pretty young that all those catholic rules are just a great list of things you need to try," Ressler winked at her.

Liz laughed at his quip.

"So, she's one of seven," Liz nodded as the plane took off.

"There were actually 9 of them," Ressler said. "Two infant deaths after my mother. So, I think my grandparents didn't…for years. The next sibling is my Aunt Shannon and she's five years younger than my mother."

"Five years, ouf," Liz said.

"Well, they recovered, because, they had six kids in about eight years?"

"Oh my god, your grandma's poor vagina," Liz whispered to him.

"I don't want to think about it," Ressler winced.

Liz chuckled.

"So this is on your mother's side of the family," Liz continued.

"Yes, I've got…18 first cousins on my mom's side," Ressler said. "They should all be there except Melodie."

"Melodie?" Liz asked.

"She's doing time for armed robbery," Ressler said.

Liz chuckled. "You are like a flower that keeps unfolding Ressler."

"You've never asked me about my family before, well, not beyond Robby and my parents," Ressler said.

Liz swallowed hard. It was true. She had been so obsessed with her own family tree she had taken little interest in others. And it sounded like Ressler had an interesting family tree.

"But Ressler doesn't sound like an Irish name," Liz noted.

"That's my father's side: German," Ressler said just before the flight attendants started their service by wheeling the cart past them.

"And they believe in birth control?" Liz joked.

"Slightly more than the Irish, but not by much," Ressler joked.

"Don't tell me, you dad is one of…5?" Liz asked.

"Yeah," Ressler smiled at her. "Although on his side I only have 11 first cousins because only my one uncle was crazy enough to have four kids."

"To be fair, his wife had those kids and he held her hand," Liz chuckled.

"Good point," Ressler snickered.

"And does the birth control belief system extend to your generation?" Liz asked him.

He gave her a sideways smirk. "I would be a father how many times by now if I didn't firmly believe in birth control."

She smiled at him.

"Yeah, but all those cute Ressler's running around…" Liz said as she gave him moon eyes and placed her hand over her heart.

He swallowed hard and she realized she hit a sore spot.

"Hey," she said as she took his hand in hers. "You'll have kids, someday."

"Yeah, but I'm pushing forty with no girlfriend or even…"

"Ressler," Liz said as she ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

She loved this man but feared her love for him would bring into his life complications that he didn't need. She very comfortably sat in the 'friend zone' scared of her own feelings and what those feelings meant. Knowing he had done the same for her and that his feelings for her extended beyond friendship as well.

"It's okay Liz," Ressler smiled at her. "As I have clearly illustrated, there are many others in my family who can carry on the tree."

"Yeah, but you are so amazing, you need to be replicated," Liz smiled at him.

"We'll see," Ressler chuckled as the flight attendant showed up to their row.

They stood outside the airport at 7pm waiting for Ressler's mom and step-dad to pick them up.

"Your mom is Lisa and your step-dad is Maurice," Liz clarified.

"Yeah, he's from Canada and has a very dad-joke sense of humor," Ressler said as he looked at his phone. "She says they're here."

"And they've been together…"

"Almost twenty years," Ressler said. "She married him when I was 20, but they dated while I was still in high school."

"Wow," Liz said.

"He was my Math teacher," Ressler said.

"Oh, didn't know that," Liz said, surprised.

"I was practically flunking his class and he and my mom had a lot of meetings about me," Ressler said. "I don't think either of them knew what was going on, but we did."

"What do you mean?" Liz asked.

"He gave me a lot of extra math help, and my mom used to make him coffee and they would sit in the yard after my extra lessons and talk forever. She started to send him home with leftovers, then they started playing as a bridge pair, then walks…I think it took someone telling them to get married before they really realized they had fallen for each other."

"That's sweet," Liz sighed.

"Yeah, they're fucking adorable," Ressler said as he lifted his phone to his ear. "Ma, where are you?"

Liz watched him look around at signs and then down the road. A man got out of a pick up way at the end of the cue and waved at them. Ressler waved back.

"Yeah, I see him," Ressler said. "We'll come to…no, ma, it's just a little walk. If you turn the car around then…okay, yeah."

"They'll wait for us," Ressler motioned with his head toward the still waving man. He picked up their two bags and gestured for Liz to walk ahead of him.

"Will you carry my bag when we're on cases from now on?" Liz joked.

"Only for non-work-related trips," Ressler chuckled.

"Well then, I think we need to go on more of those," Liz quipped as she waved back at the man by the truck. "I like this service."

When they got to Maurice, in true form, he hugged Liz before she had the chance to even introduce herself.

Ressler laughed and popped the storage box in the back of the truck, putting their bags inside before he too was enveloped in a Maurice hug.

"It's been too long my boy," Maurice said as he hugged Ressler tight and slapped his back.

"You and ma were supposed to come and visit a couple months ago," Ressler said.

"I know, I know, damn surgery," he said as he took Ressler's face in his hands and kissed his cheek unabashedly. "You get more handsome the older you get."

"Thanks," Ressler blushed as he was released. "This is Liz."

"We've heard a lot about you," Maurice smiled warmly at Liz. "Lisa hates getting out of the truck in traffic, her friend got hit by a car doing that, so she'll say hello inside."

"Yeah, she's got this thing," Ressler said as he and Maurice exchanged a look.

"That's no problem, nice to meet you Maurice," Liz smiled at him.

"Nice to meet the woman we've heard so much about," Maurice smiled at her. "Don says you are tough as nails."

She chuckled at his assessment of her.

"She is," Ressler chuckled.

"Well, I learned from the best," Liz said as she looped an arm through Don's.

"Our boy is a special one, that's for sure," Maurice smiled at Ressler and slammed the truck storage box shut before he nodded for them to get in the back seat.

Ressler and Liz slid into the back seat of his parent's pick-up and his mom was already talking before the door shut.

"Liz, we have wanted to meet you forever, but Donnie says you are always busy when we come to DC," Lisa said to her as she looked over the back seat.

Liz looked at Ressler confused, she had no idea his parents visited him regularly in DC.

"Work and Agnes keep me on my toes," Liz supplied as she saw Ressler shift uncomfortably next to her.

"Do you have any recent pictures of her?" Lisa asked. "Donnie says he doesn't."

Ressler groaned next to her.

"Yeah, I have lots," Liz said as she leaned forward with her phone in her hand. She showed Lisa pictures of Agnes as the park from just a coupe of days ago as the truck started to move.

"She's so cute," Lisa said with a smile. "And she's like a mini you. Look at her Maurice."

Lisa took the phone from Liz and shoved it in front of Maurice as he drove.

"Ma, he's driving, he can't…"

"Beautiful little girl," Maurice said as Lisa handed Liz back her phone. "You should come to visit us in Detroit with her."

Ressler groaned again.

"We'd love that," Liz smiled at them and placed a hand on Ressler's knee squeezing it, knowing he was hating every minute of this exchange.

"We're back there…when Lisa?" Maurice asked.

"The 30th, unless we decide to stop at Lavina's in Wyoming, then we won't be back until the 6th, but after seeing her these last few days, I'm not sure I want to visit…." Lisa said.

"You drove here?" Liz asked.

"They're retired, they drive a lot," Ressler said quietly.

"Oh, yes, we visit all my brothers and sister, except Fred, of course," Lisa said. "We have an RV"

"Fred?" Liz asked.

Ressler just shook his head, that was a story for a different time.

"Wow, so you can pretty much go anywhere with all of your things," Liz smiled at them.

"Yes," Maurice nodded. "We don't like inconveniencing people. This way we can visit but not be in anyone's hair."

"Except when we visit Donnie, we stay in his apartment," Lisa noted.

"I'm not sure where you could park an RV in my neighborhood," Don chuckled.

"I'm not sure I've ever seen an RV in DC," Liz smiled. "Where would you park?"

"There's already drama with your Aunt Patricia," Lisa said over her shoulder.

"My aunt, the mother of the groom," Ressler offered to Liz.

"What's going on ma?" He asked.

"Well, you know she hates Milly's family," Lisa started.

"Milly is the bride," Ressler offered to Liz.

"They want this local band and Patty said Kevin and Milly agreed to just have a DJ," Lisa continued as Maurice navigated traffic. "Then this band showed up and asked where they can set up and…well, Patty went through the roof."

"What's the big deal?" Ressler asked.

"It isn't," Lisa sighed. "But you know Patty, she is all about planning and no surprises…I'm sure they're a great band, might liven everything up."

"Why can't they have both?" Ressler asked.

"They can," Lisa sighed. "Patty is just being difficult. So, I'm just warning you, that's all you are going to hear about when you get to the house."

"House?" Ressler asked. "Ma, I asked you to put my name down for two rooms at the hotel."

"Booked," Lisa said. "Didn't I tell you?"

"No, you didn't," Ressler huffed.

"Patty said you can stay with them," Maurice said over his shoulder. "Or you can stay in the RV with us…"

"Aunt Patty's is fine," Ressler groaned. "I'll see if there are any other hotels that Liz…"

"It's some sort of Iron Man weekend…" Lisa said. "Everything in the entire city is gone."

"Shit," Ressler said.

"We'll be fine," Liz reassured him. "Thanks Lisa, for getting us somewhere to stay."

"A few of your cousins are staying at Patty's because of the hotel situation," Lisa said. "It'll be nice to spend time together."

Ressler nodded and looked out the window.

"Maybe the reason Aunt Patty is losing it is because she's also for a house full of guests," Ressler groaned next to her.

Liz sat back and grabbed his hand. "We're going to have fun, remember you promised to make me fall in love with Idaho?"

"I don't think I promised love," Ressler smirked.

"I do recall that specific word," Liz smirked back.

"Well, if we are staying with my Aunt Patty and some cousins we're going to need to talk about alcohol consumption," Ressler joked.

She looked at him intrigued.

"Have you ever seen the amount of alcohol the Irish can consume at any special occasion?" Ressler asked.

"Maybe," Liz smiled.

"Double that when it comes to staying with a relative," Ressler joked.

Liz laughed at his joke.

To be continued…