Author's Notes: Originally posted on Tumblr last year. I originally figured that it was too short and pointless to post here, but a lot of people liked it, so what the heck.

I also figured that I should save it in case I ever write a full story about this, but honestly, I don't know what else I can do with this concept.


"Incompetent fools! Finish feeding the stock or I'll tear off your heads and display them in the front window!"

"You got it, Mr. Visser! You freakin' loony," Marco added under his breath as their boss stalked away.

Jake was already kneeling on the floor, pouring food into the dogs' bowls. Cassie was beside him, frowning to herself as she looked one of them over.

"Mr. Visser really should send this one to a vet―her mange is so bad that she won't stop whining. And their cages are still too small. He won't buy new ones no matter how much I remind him."

"Yeah, Cassie, I...don't think he actually cares."

Cassie set her jaw. "One day I'm going to release all these animals. Let them out of this terrible store, free to run loose through the mall. Finally they'll have revenge on the humans who have imprisoned them."

"...Huh."

"I say we just take a baseball bat to Mr. Visser's head," Rachel said conversationally, stacking some chew toys on a shelf nearby.

Marco, meanwhile, was still behind the front counter, idly watching as Tobias placed frozen mice into the snakes' terrariums.

"That is so gross."

"It's totally natural," Tobias objected.

"Yeah, you know what else is natural? Pizza. Bread, tomato sauce, cheese―all made from things in nature. Now tell me, if you were Mr. Python there, would you rather eat pizza, or a giant rat?"

Tobias didn't answer, just looked down at the bag of mice and surreptitiously licked his lips.

"Hey, where's Ax?"

"I think he's in the stockroom." Marco paused. "Oh, crap."

He rushed to the back, where Ax was shoving handfuls of cat food into his mouth.