Jane watched as the Tank made its way back down the winding dirt road toward Ashfield's main gate and the highway. As soon as the ancient van turned and was out of sight, she sighed and began making her way back to the cabin.

She was glad Daria had come up. The last few weeks before summer began hadn't been their best, and all the crap that had gone on at the art colony over the last couple of months, not to mention the thing with Alison, had made Jane start to question exactly what the hell she was doing with her life.

And then: "You know exactly who you are, and nobody's ever going to con you into thinking you don't. I wish I'd had you around just as a role model."

A true, sincere compliment from the mouth of Daria Morgendorffer. So much of their friendship was defined by bad jokes, good natured insults, and ankle thick sarcasm, that actual sincerity rarely had a chance to rear its head. They both knew they cared about each other, but neither one felt comfortable expressing that kind of connection. It seemed like something that hadn't needed to be said out loud.

But then Tom came along.

Jane frowned and turned onto one of the paths leading into the woods. She didn't feel like being inside right now, and definitely not in the mood for her head-up-their-asses housemates. For all she knew, Daniel Dotson was having a five way with them right now.

The early afternoon sun broke through the canopy of leaves above her as she followed the hiking trail into the woods. The only sounds were the breeze rustling through the branches, and her boots making satisfying clump-clump-clump noises on the hard packed dirt.

She was over Tom now. She felt it when she told Daria as much. And what she had said at the club the night before was true too: it wasn't losing Tom that hurt so damn much, it was the fact that it seemed like the most important connection she ever had was gone. She could deal with losing a lover.

She couldn't handle losing a friend.

So she did what she always did whenever life decided it wanted to be particularly harsh or unfair to her. She ran.

She pulled away from the whole situation. The… incident happened in mid-March. Jane stopped talking to Daria for nearly a month. Daria had given her space. And if Jane was going to be completely honest with herself, she got a thrill of schadenfreude whenever she managed to catch Daria looking in her direction, clearly forcing herself to leave Jane alone and not try an unwelcome attempt to fix the unfixable.

Oh yeah, I loved seeing her squirm. Knowing she wanted nothing more than to talk to me again, and not giving her the satisfaction.

But the isolation could only last so long. Daria started dating Tom after a while, and Jane found herself angry all over again. But this time the anger wasn't about the kiss, or the way it had happened, but that Daria hadn't even tried to tell her she was going to take Jane at her word.

Jane sighed again. I shouldn't have let it go for so long. I should have either started talking to her again, or broken it off with her for good before that happened. Maybe if we were talking, even if it was awkward and tense for a while, she wouldn't have started seriously dating him.

But that was the other thing, despite it all Jane missed Daria. Actually missed having her around. Missed her snarky comebacks. Missed her literary references. Missed her presence in her life.

She knew Daria wouldn't make the first move. Daria was too scared of accidentally saying something wrong and screwing everything up for good. So Jane swallowed her anger and did the only thing she could think of.


"Hey."

Daria looked up from where she was working in the library and her eyes widened.

"Hey," she replied. Jane could tell she was trying to keep her tone neutral, but she still heard the note of hope in her former best friend's voice.

Jane gestured to the chair on the other side of the table.

"Can I sit down?"

"Sure," said Daria. She closed the notebook she was writing in as Jane took a seat. They looked at each other for a while, the silence thick and uncomfortable.

"Are…" Daria began. She swallowed and tried again. "Are we back on speaking terms now?"

"I don't know. Maybe," Jane answered. She sighed. "A little bird told me you and Tom are going out now."

Daria's gaze dropped to the books in front of her. "Um… yeah."

Jane nodded. "Okay."

Daria looked back up, frowning. "'Okay?'"

"I'm tired of being mad at you," Jane answered. "It's exhausting."

Daria opened her mouth and then closed it. Jane quirked an eyebrow.

"Nothing? Really?"

"I don't know what to say, or if I should even say anything," Daria replied. She swallowed again. "I never wanted to hurt you, Jane, but I did. And I can't take it back. I wish I could."

"I know you do." That was the truth, not that it made anything better.

"I'll stop seeing him if that's what you want," Daria said, desperation clear in her tone.

Wow, the silent treatment must have done a number on you, Jane thought.

"Don't do me any favors, Daria."

Daria looked back down at the books. "I'm sorry. I just… I miss you, and I don't know how to fix this."

"It may not be fixable," Jane replied.

Daria's head shot up, panic and despair etched on her normally neutral face. Jane leaned forward.

"It may not be fixable, but we can try."

Daria blinked. "We can?"

Jane nodded and leaned back in her seat. She folded her arms. "But if we do this, there's gonna be some ground rules."

Daria's head bobbed up and down in a frantic nod. "Anything! I promise."

Jane rolled her eyes. Daria was acting like Stacy and it was so wrong as to be repulsive. "For God's sake, Daria, I'm not asking you to donate a major organ. Calm down."

"Sorry," Daria said again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. Ground rules."

"Rule number one," Jane began. "You can keep going out with Tom. Like I said, you could use the excitement. But I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to know what you do on your dates. I don't want to know how much fun you have. I don't want to know what's going on with you and Tom at all. Outside of you simply saying 'I'm sorry, I have a date with Tom,' or words to that effect when I ask, I don't want to know, or even care about your relationship with him."

"I can do that," Daria replied.

"Rule number two," Jane continued. "If you want to hang out after school or whatever, you ask me first. It can be in person or over the phone, but you ask if I want to be around you, and you better be prepared to take 'no' for an answer, understand?"

"Yes," Daria answered, a note of disappointment in her voice.

"And finally, rule number three," Jane leaned forward. "If you betray me again, and I mean even in the slightest little thing, we are done. Completely and utterly done. I will not talk to you, I will not acknowledge you, I will go out of my way to avoid you until graduation and after that you will never see me again. The same goes if I decide to do something that rankles that precious code of ethics of yours. You've lost all credibility with me, Daria. And you have no say in how I choose to live my life anymore. If I want to try out for a team, or the school play, or even decide to breathe in a way you don't like, you keep your mouth shut."

Jane looked at Daria. The other girl was slumped in her seat, looking like someone had just let all the air out of her. Jane couldn't really blame her. They were harsh rules. Mean rules. But rules that Jane knew she had to have if she had any chance of Daria not stabbing her in the back again.

"I can do all that," Daria said in a small voice. "Are we friends again?"

Jane let out a deep breath of her own through her nose. "Not yet," she said. "But maybe, after a while, we can be. I don't want things to be this way, Daria, but I'm also not taking the chance on you walking all over me again."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Daria began, but Jane held up a hand and cut her off.

"Stop apologizing. I'm tired of those too. I just want… I want us to try to be friends again. Maybe this will work, maybe it won't. Maybe this is our last chance to try to salvage whatever we had before. So if you can work with me on this, maybe things will eventually get back to normal someday."

"I hope so, Jane. I really do." Daria swallowed again. She reached into her pocked and pulled out a tissue. She took off her glasses and wiped her eyes. "Damn dust."

"Yeah," Jane said. Why the hell don't I feel better?

Daria put her glasses back on. "Pizza after school?"

Jane stood up and grabbed her backpack. "I don't think so."

"Oh… okay," Daria looked up at her. It was a study in reversal. The pain clear on Daria's face, while Jane's expression was stoic and unreadable.

Jane allowed the corner of her mouth to turn up in a half smile. "Maybe tomorrow. Call me after eleven."

Daria gave her own Mona Lisa smile. "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow."

Jane turned and walked out of the library. I really hope I'm not making a mistake.


It turned out to be a huge mistake. The two of them hung out again, and soon fell back into their old routines, but there was always an invisible wall between them. Jane found herself making barbed comments to Daria, backhanded references to what had happened and what was happening now. And the worst thing was that Daria just stood there and took it. As May rolled around Jane was getting sick of it.

Would you just fight back?! She had thought. Tell me to shut up, or to fuck off, or call me a hateful bitch! Anything would be better than you just standing there and letting me lay into you! You're Daria Morgendorffer! You're nobody's doormat, least of all mine!

But Daria wouldn't fight back. She would lay in with snark and sarcasm to everyone in the school; students, teachers, anyone, but Jane was sacrosanct. Jane could say the most vicious, most passive-aggressive, most cutting things she could think of and Daria wouldn't respond in kind.

The passivity was getting to her and it was clear things were not working. It didn't help that Daria knew the whole situation still made Jane upset, and she kept trying to subtly get her to talk about it. That was whole reason for the Ashfield trip. Jane just wanted some time away from everything. Away from Lawndale, away from the past, away from a Daria too terrified of losing even this sick parody of the friendship they had to fully be herself.

"Hey!"

The sound of another voice startled Jane out of her reverie. She let out a yelp and took in her surroundings. She had come across one of the campsites that Ashfield had in the woods, in case any of the attendees felt like getting back to nature during their stay. A wide clearing with several logs in a rough circle around a fire pit in the center, with plenty of room for tents on the outskirts.
There were no tents now, but someone was sitting on one of the logs with her back to Jane. Jane took a second to compose herself and walked over.

"Sorry," she said, coming around. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be out here this early."

"That's fine," said the other person, a woman with short shaggy black hair. She was wearing black paint spattered jeans and a long sleeved red shirt. "I was just waiting for someone."

"Oh yeah?" said Jane, sitting down on the log next to the woman. "Who are you… waiting… for?"

Jane's eyes widened as the woman turned her head and felt the gears in her head abruptly stop and crash into each other.

"I was waiting for you," said the woman with a smile. A woman who was quite clearly and undeniably an older Jane Lane.