Mr. 96: Hello, readers! I hope you're not too angry with me starting another story months (if not years) after I just started "Worst Nightmares and Wildest Dreams," but I have a good excuse: Originally, I came out of retirement to cope with Covid cabin fever, but it was not as smooth a return as I was expecting. Even writing for a limited mini-series took a lot out of me, and life kept demanding things out of me. Then, the dark times started to brighten up, and I thought maybe I didn't need to be Mr. 96 anymore, but a series of events I refuse to elaborate on showed me that this was not an option. However, I still have a serious case of writer's block, so I thought that this anthology of speculative fiction one-shots (or two-shots, as is the case here) would be easy enough to create as a means of getting me back on my groove in an easy fashion—and who knows? If one of them is good enough, I may turn it into an ongoing series.

Avatar is property of Nickelodeon and Red vs. Blue is created by Rooster Teeth, neither of which I am affiliated with.

In a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, two men were on watch for their base. Both men wore armor typical of Neo Fire Nation[1] soldiers, complete with small but angular shoulderpads and helmets with a skeletal faceplate and flame-shaped crests. One man was portly and wore orange armor, the other thin with maroon armor.

"Hey," the thin man in maroon armor said to the other one, "You ever wonder why we're here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here?" the fat man in orange said, "I mean, when the Avatar was around, I thought the spirits were watching over us, with, like, a plan for us and stuff. But then he got himself blown up in the Avatar state and now…." He sighed. "I dunno, man, but it keeps me up at night."

Both stared at each other in silence, until the man in maroon cleared his throat. "What?!" he said, "I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?"

"Oh!" the man in orange said, a little surprised. "Uh….yeah."

"What was that history lesson about the Avatar about?" the man in maroon asked.

"Nothing," the man in orange said defensively.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously though, why are we out here?" the man in maroon asked, "As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out." After the man in orange nodded, the man in maroon continued. "The only reason that we set up a Fire Fort here, is because they have a Water Fort over there. And the only reason they have a Water Fort over there, is because we have a Fire Fort here."

"Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other."

"No, no," the man in maroon said, "But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our fort, they would have two forts in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo."

The man in orange shrugged. "What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, the Avatar blows up their whole armada[2] and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of waterbenders."

Little did the two Neo Fire Nation soldiers know that two men in blue armor trimmed with synthetic fur with helmets shaped like wolf's heads were watching them. One was in cobalt armor with a half-moon symbol on his chest and carried a bolt-action rifle[3] with a scope mounted to it, while the other wore aqua armor with a crescent moon symbol on his chest. "What are they doing?" the man in aqua asked the man in cobalt.

The man in cobalt slowly turned around to face the man in aqua, lowering his rifle. "What?" he growled.

"I said, 'What are they doing now?'"

"I'm getting so sick of answering that question!" the man in cobalt shouted.

"You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit," the man in aqua said defensively, "Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my—"

"Okay, okay, look..." the man in cobalt cut him off, "They're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, "What are they doing?" my answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!"

Both fell silent. Then the man in aqua asked "What're they talking about?"

The man in light blue sighed. "You know what?' he said, "I fucking hate you."

Meanwhile, the two Neo Fire Nation soldiers continued completely unaware of the Neo Water Tribe[4] soldiers monitoring them. "Talk about a waste of resources," the man in orange said, "I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, fight them."

"Yeah, no shit," the man in maroon said, "That's why they should put us in charge."

"Ladies, front and center on the double!" The sergeant yelled from the ground.

The man in orange muttered a curse under his breath while the man in maroon shouted an enthusiastic "Yes, sir!" They both ran down to see the sergeant.

"Hurry up, ladies," the sergeant shouted. He was wearing standard-issue red armor and was much more muscular than either of the two soldiers under his command, "This ain't no ice cream social!"

The two soldiers exchanged looks. "Ice cream social?" the man in maroon asked.

"Stop the pillow talk, you two," the sergeant said, "Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?"

"Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?" the man in orange asked with a hopeful tone of voice.

"That's exactly it, Private," the sergeant said sarcastically. "War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"

The man in orange sighed. "I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."

"Spirits of the islands, Private!" the sergeant shouted, "Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"

"Oh, I'd do it, too," said the man in maroon.

"I know you would, Simmons. Good man," the sergeant said, before turning to face the group. "Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."

"Crap," the man in orange said, "We're getting a rookie."

"That's right, dead man," the sergeant nodded, "But that's not all. He's bringing in some special equipment for us."

Simmons and the man in orange exchanged a look between them again while the sergeant turned towards a hill behind them. "Private Donut!" he shouted, "Bring up the vehicle."

A large, armor-plated, jeep-like vehicle came over the rise with a man in red armor in the driver seat, who pulled up alongside the Reds.

"Shotgun!"

"Shotgun-fuck!"

"May I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted turret for firebending, and total seating for three," the sergeant said with a used Sato[5] salesman-like flair for the dramatic, "Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Hog-Monkey."

"Why Hog-Monkey, sir?" Simmons asked.

"Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."

"I know, but why 'Hog-monkey'?" the man in orange asked. "It doesn't really look like a hog-monkey."

The sergeant turned to look at the man in orange. "Say that again?"

"I think it looks more like a bear!"

"What, an armadillo-bear?" the sergeant asked.

"I think he means a platypus-bear, sir!" Simmons said.

"No, no, no!" the man in orange shook his head. "Just…. a bear. Not an armadillo-bear, not a platypus-bear, not a skunk-bear, or a gopher-bear, just a regular old bear!"

Both soldiers in red looked at the man in orange in complete silence. "You made that up," the sergeant said.

"No, it's a real animal!" the man in orange shouted, "The Earth King had one, back in the days of Avatar Aang!"

The sergeant turned to Simmons. "Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."

"Yes sir!" Simmons said enthusiastically.

"Look, see these two tow hooks?" the sergeant said, pointing at the front of the Hog-Monkey. "They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?"

"A whale-walrus," said Grif matter-of-factly.

"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!"

Little did the Sergeant know that his entire team was being watched by the Neo Water Tribe soldiers. The man in cobalt was once again staring at them through his rifle, while the man in aqua had seen fit to bring a revolver in case of a scuffle.

"What is that thing?" the man in aqua asked.

The man in cobalt lowered his rife. "I dunno, man," he said, "Looks like, uh….looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it."

"A car?" the man in aqua said, "How come they get a car?!"

"What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."

"You can't pick up chicks in a tank," the man in aqua said, disappointed.

"Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?"

The man in aqua sighed. "What kind of car is it?"

The man in cobalt looked through the scope of his rifle. "I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. The tow hooks kind of look like tusks, though."

"What, like on a whale-walrus?"

"Yeah, man, there you go."

Meanwhile, the Neo Fire Nation soldiers continued their arguing completely unaware of the Neo Water Tribe's spying. "So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Hog-Monkey," the sergeant said, "How about it, Grif?"

"No, sir," Grif sighed, "No more suggestions."

"Are you sure?" the sergeant asked mockingly, "How 'bout Lion-Turtle?[6]"

"It's okay."

"Dragon?"

"No, really. Uh, I'm cool," Grif said, beginning to get annoyed.

"Wan Shi Tong?"

"Hei Bai?" Simmons asked smugly.

"Hey, he doesn't need any help, man!" Grif shouted indignantly.

"Vaatu?"

Grif sighed. "Spirits of the islands…." he muttered.

"Hey Simmons, what's the name of that centipede spirit?" Sarge asked, clearly having too good of a time at Grif's expense, "Steals all the faces!"

"Uh, that would be Koh, sir!"

"Hey Grif," the sergeant said, "Koh-mobile! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it." He checked his watch. "Well, look at the time! I gotta get to Command to receive our orders. Simmons, you're in charge. Make sure the rookie feels right at home and if Grif gives you any trouble, git in the Hog-Monkey and crush his head like a tomato-can!"

"Yes, sir!" Simmons enthusiastically shouted with a salute. He turned to Donut as Sarge left. "Okay rookie, what's your story?"

"Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens."

"Couple things here, rookie," Grif said, "First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?"

"This is the standard-issue red," Donut said defensively.

"Yeah, I know," Grif cut him off, "Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: Officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer."

"Well, he's wearing red armor!" Donut said, pointing at Simmons.

"No, my armor is maroon," Simmons said, "Your armor is red."

"Really? I think it's more like a darkish red."

"Yo, rookie," Grif said in a mocking tone, "There already is a color for that. It's called maroon!"

"Well, how do I get a different color armor?"

Simmons sighed. Dealing with a rookie wearing standard-issue red armor was not how he wanted to spend his day in command. "I bet the snow-savages don't have to put up with this kind of crap."

Miles away, the two Neo Water Tribe soldiers were dealing with a rookie wearing standard-issue blue armor (and a full-moon symbol on his chest, but that was standard-issue too for waterbending soldiers). "So I say to the guy, 'How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?'" the new soldier said, "And he goes, 'I'll just put it on the ship,' and I go, 'If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"

The man in aqua pinched the bridge of his nose—or rather, wiped the area of his visor that covered the bridge of his nose. "Hey, kid. You're ruining the moment. Shut up."

"Oh. Okay. You got it, man!"

The man in cobalt eyed the tank up and down. "You know what?" he said to himself with a proud tone of voice, "I could blow up the whole jerkbending world with this thing." For some reason, it had slipped his mind that you actually needed a waterbender to man the turret, and that their rookie was their only bender.


"Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal," Simmons said.

"I just refuse to call him that!" Grif said indignantly.

"We've got a very important mission for you," Simmons continued, ignoring his team's only non-bender. "You think you can handle it?"

"Absolutely!"

"We need you to go to the store and get two quarts of elbow grease."

"Yeah, and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Bear too," Grif said. He wasn't about to honor the ridiculous names of the jeep or the rookie any time soon.

"The what?"

"He means the Hog-Monkey," Simmons chuckled.

"You do know where the store is, right rookie?" Grif asked, secretly grinning from ear to ear under his helmet.

"What?" Donut asked incredulously, "Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem."

"Well, get going then," Simmons said, crossing his arms.

Donut started running around the base. "Other way!" Grif shouted.

The rookie turned around and went the other way, shouting "I knew that! Just got turned around, that's all!"

As Grif and Simmons watched Donut run off into the Gulch, Simmons turned to his portly partner. "How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?"

"I say…at least a week."

Donut ran through the Gulch, stopped, and turned to talk to himself. "Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant."

Meanwhile, the Neo Water Tribe was still admiring their new tank. "You know what?" the man in aqua said, "Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece."

"Oh man, listen to you," the man in cobalt deadpanned. "What're you gonna do with two chicks?"

"Church, women are like Volion[7]: The more you can hook up, the better it gets!"


"You think that we were too mean to the kid?" Simmons asked.

"Nah," Grif said, "He'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?"

Little did either team know that Donut, in his random wanderings, had found the Water Fort. "Finally, there it is," he said, "Oh sweet! They sell tanks!"

The Neo Water Tribe soldiers were, in fact, standing next to said tank. "Yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret," Church said, "I've, uh…I've actually got a girl back home."

"Oh yeah?" the man in aqua said, "Girlfriend or wife?"

"No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out….ah, you know how it works."

"Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?" the man in turquoise asked.

"I'm not gonna get married," the rookie interjected, "My dad always said, 'Why buy the moo-sow when you can get the milk for free?'"

Church turned to the rookie, "Hey, rookie…" he growled, "did you just call my girlfriend a moo-sow?"

"No, I think he called her a slut!" the man in aqua said, stifling a laugh.

"I'll tell you what, noob," Church said angrily, "I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out I have a lot more important job for you to do."

"Great!" said the rookie excitedly.

"See, we've got this General," Church said, with an evil grin under his helmet.

"Right, the General guy," the man in aqua agreed, always ready to haze a rookie.

"…who likes to come by and make random inspections of forts," Church continued, "So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the fort, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by."

"When is he coming by?" the rookie asked.

"We never know," the man in aqua shrugged. "Could be today, could be a week from now."

"You…want me to stand at attention for a week?"

"You know, you don't sound very grateful," Church said, "This is the most important job at the whole fort. You're gonna be right there with the flag."

"What is so important about the flag?" The rookie asked, confused.

"Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?" Church sighed.

"They did not tell us anything about a flag," the rookie said, very wisely not mentioning he spent most of his time training separately from other cadets after a series of accidents made it painfully obvious he could not be trusted to bend water in the presence of his fellow Neo Water Tribe soldiers, "Why is it so important?"

"Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f…." Church paused to think of a reason why the flag was important. "It's the flag, it's….Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important."

"Well….it's….it's complicated," the man in aqua said, very wisely not mentioning he slept through most of his lectures in training, "Uh…. It's a Neo Water Tribe flag, we're Neo Water Tribe soldiers."

"It's just culturally important, okay?" Church said, "Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag."

"Right," Tucker nodded.

"So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him."

The rookie turned and headed for the fort, but stopped half way and turned around. "Uh, how will I know when I see him?" he asked.

"There's only three of us out here, rookie," Tucker said, "He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us."

"Now get in there, and don't come out!" ordered Church, before turning to Tucker. "Man, that guy is dumber than you are."

"You mean he's dumber than you are."

"Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back," Church said with a sarcasm typical of the Southern Water Tribe.

"Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?" the rookie said, emerging from the fort.

"La's fins, WHAT!?" Church shouted, turning to Tucker, "Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!"

"Sorry about calling your girl a slut…" the rookie said, not picking up the hint that his presence was unwanted.

"ROOKIE!" Church screamed, having had more than enough of the rookie, "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!"

Tucker turned around to laugh. "Uh-huh huh huh huh huh!" he giggled.

Church, having had enough of his team's collective shit, turned around to face Tucker's back. "Tucker, are you laughing at me?"

It was at this moment that Donut had finally arrived to the Water Fort. "Excuse me, sir," he asked, completely unaware that he was supposed to be at war with the Neo Water Tribe, "can I ask you a question?"

"Tui's gills, rookie," Church growled, "If I turn around, and you are not inside, I….I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!"

"What did I do?" Donut asked, completely unaware why everyone, even the Neo Water Tribe soldiers, were this belligerent towards him.

"One…" Church said, cocking his rifle.

"Aw, gimme a break!"

"TWO!"

"Fine!" Donut said, running into the base. He walked up to the Neo Water Tribe rookie.

"Wow, you got here fast!" the rookie said, figuring that this soldier in armor completely different from his that honestly looked kind of scary must be the general Church told him about.

"Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?" Donut said with an air of authority that could only come about organically by being almost as fed up with everyone at Blood Gulch as Church was.

"I am not, sir!" the rookie said, saluting, "My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I…love…treating people with the respect they deserve! What can I do for you?"

"Finally, someone with a little respect around here," Donut folded his arms.

"Yes, sir!" Caboose said, "I assume you are here because of this…" he gestured to the flag.

"Wait, is this all you have?"

"Uh, yes, sir. That is it!"

"Aw, man, this figures," Donut said, shaking his head, "Shit. What about elbow grease?"

"Ummmm…." Caboose was very confused by that request. Why would the General want his elbows greased? With that armor, they looked like they were on fire, wouldn't grease make that worse?

"Headlight fluid?"

"No," Caboose said, "All we have is this flag. But Church tells me it is very important!"

"Well, I can't go back empty-handed," Donut said, scratching the back of his helmet. "I guess I'll take that."

"Sure, that makes sense, I guess," Caboose nodded, handing him the flag. He didn't want to spend all day guarding it anyway.

Donut left with the flag. "Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag," he said to himself.

Meanwhile, Church and Tucker were enjoying the peace of Caboose's absence. "Well, enough gabbing out of us," Church said, "Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."

"Me? I can't drive that thing."

"You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?"

"I ca…" Tucker stuttered, "I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't you know how to drive that?"

"No!" Church shouted.

"Also, I'm pretty sure that cannon needs a waterbender to use, and Caboose is our only bender."

"Holy crap!" Church shouted, "Who is running this army!?"

Just then, Caboose came out of the fort. "Hey!" he said, "Just want to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!"

"Yeah! Okay! Whatever, moron!" Church said, shaking his head, "Why would they give us a tank if nobody here nobody knows how to drive the damn thing?" He paused. "Wait a second…what did you just say, Caboose?"

"The general stopped by," Caboose said, "He took our flag. Also he wanted elbow grease, which I thought was weird because his armor looked like it was on fire and greasing his elbows would make it worse."

"Elbow grease? What kind of lazy suck-up ash-maker thought that line up?" Tucker said. "Also, I thought we made up the whole 'general comes by to inspect the flag' thing!"

"Caboose, focus," Church said, folding his arms, "What do you mean, his armor looked like it was on fire?"

"Well, he had red armor…" Caboose said, "And his helmet looked like it was on fire. Shoulders too. I thought it looked weird, but hey, he's the General!"

"You just gave our flag to a Neo Fire Nation soldier, you team-killing nutbrain!" Church shouted, "Get to the roof!"

Soon, the three soldiers were standing on top of the Water Fort.

"Let me get this straight…." Church said angrily, "You gave this guy our flag?"

"Is that bad?" Caboose asked sheepishly.

"Bad?" Church asked, laughing angrily. "Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole freaking base?"

"There!" Tucker pointed, "there he is!"

"Where?" Church said, looking through the rifle, "Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs."

"He must be one smart ash-maker," Tucker said.

Meanwhile, Donut was looking around the canyon, confused. "Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost," he said, "Where the hell is the fort?"

Back at the Neo Water Tribe Fort, Church, Tucker and Caboose were watching Donut. "Oh, shit…" Church said, "Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red."

"Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant."

"Well, that makes sense," Church nodded, "At least now we know how he got by our defenses."

"Uh, you know…" Caboose interjected, "He came in the back door where you guys were standing."

"Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then," Tucker said, ignoring Caboose.

"Roger that," Church said, cocking his rifle, "Okay, say goodnight, Sarge." He started shooting at Donut.

Donut crouched as a bullet flew right by his head. "Spirits of the Islands!" he shouted as three more bullets flew right by him.

"Aw crap," Church said, pulling back the bolt of his rifle as Tucker looked at him silently.

"What?" Church asked angrily as he turned to look at Tucker.

"You're really not very good with that thing, are you?"

A few yards away, Donut waved the flag at the Neo Water Tribe Fort. "Hey! It's me!" he shouted, "Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?"

"Oh, great, now he's taunting us," Tucker said, looking at who he thought was the sergeant yelling unintelligibly and waving the flag he stole from them, "That's just embarrassing."

"Alright, that's it, I've had it," Church said, reloading his rifle, "Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter and cut him off at the pass!"

"Right!" Caboose said, saluting.

Church turned to Tucker. "Tucker, you ready?" he said, "Let's go."

"There is no way I'm going through that thing," Tucker said indignantly.

"Tucker, we don't have time for this," Church said angrily, "Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"

"I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?"

"We already tested the teleporter, remember?"

"We threw rocks through it!"

"Yeah, and so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?"

"Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff!"

"Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff."

"Yes. I am. I'm afraid of black stuff."

"Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you," Church said, raising his gun at Tucker.

"You wouldn't…." Tucker gulped.

"You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here, and I get to kill you." Church grinned under his mask. "Either way, I win."

"For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people."

"Duly noted. Now get in there."

"Crap….Alright," Tucker said, "One, two…" He ran through the teleporter.

Church and Caboose stared at the other side, waiting for Tucker, but Tucker did not come out.

"…Huh," the rookie said, "He didn't come out the other side…."

"Yeeahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter," Church said, running off the fort to chase Donut, "Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!"


"I still have no idea what you're talking about," Simmons said, "I didn't hear any shots."

Grif sighed. "I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam."

"Wait a second, that's only three bams."

"Bam," Grif deadpanned, before looking through a sniper rifle, "Wait a second, we've got a Water guy on the move out there."

"Where's he headed?"

Grif looked to the left. "Oh crap," he said, "It….it's Donut. And he's got something…." He zoomed in. "It looks like…." Grif put down the rifle upon realizing that the rookie was carrying the Neo Water Tribe's flag. "Simmons, get the Hog-Monkey."

"Heh, you mean the Bear?"

"Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war."

That's the end of the first part of Fire vs. Ice, a two-shot among one-shots! Actually, the one after this might be a two-shot too, I don't know yet! We'll see how Mr. 96's return plays out!

Simmons: "Aw, nuts! Mr. 96 cut this chapter off before I could get to slaughter some snow-savages!"

Grif: "Yeah, listen….Aren't you worried that by translating the Red vs. Blue conflict to firebenders and waterbenders we're changing the context to something….uncomfortable?"

Sarge: "Yeah, I know, Grif, you think it's racist or something, don't you? Well, of course you do, you're a worthless non-bender!"

Simmons: "…I see your point, Grif. Next time: Grif and I take the Hog-Monkey and go attack the Neo Water Tribe soldiers, but Caboose gets the tank working! We'll see if a superior vehicle can beat superior bending powers in the epic conclusion to the saga of Fire vs. Ice!"

Footnotes:

[1]: A coalition of planets settled almost exclusively by Firebenders. Recently entered a war with the Neo Water Tribes for reasons unknown even to its soldiers.

[2]: During mankind's exploration into space, they entered a war with a hostile alien race, known to history as the Grand War. In the climax, the Avatar lead a team to blow up their mothership in a suicide mission. From the fact that no new Avatar was reported to have arisen from the Earth Kingdom, it was widely assumed that the Avatar had died in the Avatar State, and that no new Avatar would arise. As one would expect, this lead to mass panic culminating in outright war between the Neo Fire Nation and the Neo Water Tribes.

[3]: In the later years of Avatar Korra, a second Equalist uprising invented flintlock firearms. Fortunately, this uprising was quelled rather quickly, but during the Grand War it became necessary to put non-benders on the front lines, so these weapons were quickly resurfaced and, over time, developed to a level matching Earth's firearms of the middle and late 19th Century.

[4]: A coalition of planets settled almost exclusively by Waterbenders. Recently entered a war with the Neo Fire Nation for reasons unknown even to its soldiers.

[5]: Modern-day abbreviation of "Satomobile".

[6]: As one may have guessed, the death of the Avatar was not exactly kind to the belief in spirits, but Sarge in particular has always been skeptical of anything that does not fit his very narrow worldview.

[7]: A popular children's cartoon show from the year 244 AG. It involves a team of teenagers using five tiger-shaped robots that can turn into one big robot and in turn combine with a sixth, dragon-shaped, robot, to fight alien wizards.