A Case Avian Flu

Pulling his blanket cocoon tighter, Kowalski squinted at the playful wall of colorful bunnies and flowers. Oh how sweet and innocent that mural seemed, but he knew the truth. The peaceful scene was a lie. No one else knew about the rebellions the East wall rabbits planned, no one but him and Commodore Fluffington.

He then jerked as his phone started ringing behind him. Wriggling around, he turned over and tapped it with his beak to answer. "Hello?"

"Hey, just wanted to let you know I was back from that villain convention a little early if you wanted to come over."

Kowalski smiled as he listened. "That's nice. Was it worth it?"

"Sold a few blueprints, so I suppose it was. Are you free tonight?"

"I'm not sure this weekend is the best, Francis." He then coughed. "I'm in quarantine."

"WHAT?"

"Nothing major, I just got the flu." He pulled the blankets closer with a shiver. "So I'm in the zoo nursery to keep from getting everyone else sick. Avian flu is very contagious to penguins, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm aware you have a virtually nonexistent immune system." He sighed. "Alright, I'm coming there for a jail break kidnapping."

"What? Francis, no. I might get you sick. I'll survive being quarantined in the nursery. I have Commodore Fluffington to keep me company."

For a moment, the line is silent. "...Is...Fluffington one of the wall paintings?"

"Technically yes, but—"

"You're talking to the walls again, I'm on my way. You're coming with me to the lair until you're better."

Kowalski sighed and rolled his eyes. "Then at least tell Skipper so he doesn't assume someone else has stolen me."

"Fine, I'll drop by the HQ before I get you. Anything else?"

"Can you get Penelope while you're there?"

"...Plush purple dolphin?"

"Yeah. She should be under my pillow in the lab." He nodded.

"Alright, I'll be there soon."

With the call concluded, Kowalski turned away from his phone and pulled the blanket over his head. He wouldn't admit it in front of Commodore Fluffington, but he was relieved that he wasn't going to have to witness the East Wall Bunny Rebellion after all.


"Pssst, you still with us?"

Feeling poked, Kowalski half-opened an eye and looked up. "Mmm?"

"You've been sleeping hard. You didn't wake the whole time I grabbed you or drove to the lair or laid you in the bed. I was starting to get concerned." The dolphin frowned.

"I'm sick, Francis. The sick sleep," he murmured.

"They don't usually sleep like the dead."

Kowalski gave him a look. "Now you know I've always been a deep sleeper."

"Like a corpse."

"You done?" He rolled his eyes and glanced around his new surroundings. He spotted his plush dolphin and languidly reached for her.

Francis nudged the plush closer to him. "Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like some soup."

"No, I want to sleep," he mumbled, hugging his plush close. He closed his eyes as the dolphin then felt his forehead.

"Tough. I'll be back with soup and cold medicine."

"What cold medicine? I'm a penguin, Francis." He turned towards him with a look. "I can't just take whatever human medicine I want."

"Well no shrimp, Kowalski, I'm not an idiot. I checked the ingredients, but it's some antiviral stuff one of my agents pinched from a vet." He rolled his eye.

Kowalski nodded, pulling the cover up. "Okay." He coughed.

"I'll be right back." He nodded before rolling out.

Kowalski then burrowed under the warm covers with a congested purr. This was far cozier than whatever he had been plopped in back at the nursery. However, before he could go back to sleep, he heard the return of Francis's Segway.

The edge of the blanket was then lifted and Francis's face appeared. "Are you still awake?"

The penguin gave him a deadpan stare. "No."

"Good, then sit up. You can be grouchy after you've eaten something." He pulled back the rest of the covers.

With a tired sigh, Kowalski sat up and got the offered pill and water from him and took it before getting the soup bowl from him. "Thank you."

Francis nodded and watched him. "Skipper forewarned me that you're not the best sick patient."

"I'm a better one than he is. I get whiny and needy; he avoids doing anything towards getting better and aggressively plays it off that he's fine." He shook his head. "He just has never enjoyed playing medic. I'm a good patient, I'm just tired." He sighed.

"You can take another nap after this." He nodded. "Mother was a firm believer in making sure that when we were sick, we still were eating at least a little."

Kowalski smiled a little with a nod. "I'm sure it will help." He sipped some of the soup. "...Do you have to go do work things after I'm done?"

Francis shook his head. "No, I don't have any scheduled today since I wasn't expecting to be back yet, but I already told Red One to reschedule everything for the next couple of days."

The penguin looked up at him and smiled more. "Cod, I love you."

"You better, I'm an amazing boyfriend." He grinned before stooping down to kiss him.

Kowalski tried to lean away. "No, don't kiss me you egomaniac. You'll catch the flu, too."

"You can't give me avian flu, I'm not a bird." He kissed him anyway.

"Well, when you catch something else from me then, it's your own fault. I warned you." He sighed and finished his soup. He passed the bowl back to him.

"And if I get sick, you can give me as many 'I told you so's as you want, alright?" He sat the bowl on the nightstand and pulled himself onto the bed beside him.

Kowalski smiled and snuggled over to him. "Fine." He yawned, pulling both the covers and Francis's flipper over him. "Can I go back to my nap now?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm laying here, too."

He smiled, cuddling both his plush and Francis's flipper and went back to sleep.


Kowalski dumped a warm pail of salt water on Francis with a look. "You know, I told you that you'd get the flu from kissing me. Now we're both sick."

"How was I supposed to know that we'd hit that miniscule chance of it jumping species?" he grumbled.

"By the fact that that's my luck."

"But my luck should have let me be fine."

"Your luck is making sure you didn't get pneumonia or something from it and only this small respiratory infection." He shook his head, scooping more water from the pool and dumping on him. "At least the salt water keeps you from getting congested."

"And it's warm, if you'd like to jump in too." He glanced up at him.

Kowalski considered this and slowly lowered himself into the pool. "At this point, I'm willing to try almost anything to get some of this congestion cleared up." He dunked his head under the water and swam closer, popping up by him.

Francis sighed. "I'm sure I'll be better in a couple days. Dolphins have pretty good immune systems after all."

"Perhaps they do if they're healthy and not underweight and spend more time on land than in water." He gave him a look.

"Hey, I keep my skin moisturized, thank you very much. You might get sick less often too if you weren't so thin either." He poked him. "And wore protective coverings when dealing with oil and grease. Or crabcakes, dealing with any chemical!"

Kowalski waved him off. "I'm pretty careful, I got my flu on a mission, thank you very much."

Red One skittered past the pool, shaking his head. "You both fail at taking care of yourselves and that's why you are both in the sick pool."

Kowalski and Francis both watched him with irked expressions, though neither could argue with his statement.

"Now if you two are done debating who is worse with self care, it's time for both of your meds again."