Chapter Two: My Best Friend

I have a lot of best friends. It's a title I like throwing around because I love my friends, so everyone's my best friend.

Wouldn't be lying if I said I do have a best best friend though. That'd be Hammerface (033).

He was around for a really long time before I was made-he's a 0-series household experiment, so he was taking care of the lab way before me. I've asked him if he was personally involved in my creation at one point and he said no. He actually wasn't-Fibber (032) backed him up and I found out later the main contributors were Carmen and Clyde.

Hammer used to be in charge of showing new experiments around the lab and protecting us if someone went on a rampage or we got discovered; he was supposed to maintain the lab, so for a while, he did just that. I think it was Clip who changed him. She's his buchiboo-really prickly, but also the most loyal person you'll meet in our series besides Clyde. They make a good couple.

I met Hamm when I was snooping around Jumba's room; he came in and looked so tired I couldn't help but stop, poor guy-he was probably used to us doin' this to him. We got to talking and he ended up giving me his own diary. I thought it was weird since it kind of took the fun out of snooping, but I got that he wanted me to find a better outlet for it. I hear he did the same with Clip and lost his fluff for it, so I'm glad I took him up on it. He wanted to hear about my findings and no one had before since I was just made, and it was a nice gesture. We've been friends ever since.

...I do know he's got some flaws though...

He's always had issues with self-sacrifice. He goes with me to E.A.R.W.A.X for it. Doesn't help that he was made to be a parent since the night he was activated. He's doing better now, but I still worry about him. He'll try to take care of me sometimes and I'm his friend! We're both old! Sure, he's older but I can deal with myself!

I get where it comes from though. He was a household and that's hard to get past. Him and Felix have it rough. It's weird they'd latch onto the more troublesome members of my series, but maybe they want the excitement. I dunno. All I know is that I have to remind Hammerface to not cut up my food for me sometimes.

We were both captured. He got it way worse than I did, even though he insists otherwise. I can't imagine having two 6-series and a 5 to wrangle; it doesn't matter that Heat and Thresher are calm-I know their type way too well. They wait until you let your guard down, and then they strike. Found a huge rubber snake in my pillow once, no thanks to them. I still haven't found out which one of them put it there. Also found sticky notes with Heat's drawings stuck to my nose when we lived on the ship.

Those two are a menace, and they know it.

Anyways, Hammerface teaches woodshop at the middle school. I don't think the faculty like him that much; he's very overprotective, so this'll definitely expand to the kids he teaches. On the bright side, those kids have a great teacher-plus, he's immune to magnesium burns...apparently he went and lit some on fire when volunteering at the science fair and melted some of his fur. Clip was mad.

It was very funny though. There's a picture in the yearbook of him presenting the award to the winner with a big ol' bald patch on his arm. I think he has it framed in his house.

Said winner graduated with honors too, so, win-win.

That aside, we go to the library every week after E.A.R.W.A.X sessions-sometimes Pleakley'll come with, but most of the time, it's just us. He likes checking out books on woodworking and Earth drinks.

...We're not supposed to have Earth drinks. The alcoholic kind I mean. At least, not from restaurants sans Frenchfry's place-the concentration's too high for us. I think he's trying to find a measurement that'll suit us early series. We snuck Kweltikwanian beer back in the day and I think he misses that.

We also have watch parties! He's gotten into grilling now that we're rescued and he's good at it! Granted, we're both total carnivores, but still-nothing beats laughing at old Earth films while eating ribs, bones and all. We have nothing to wash it down with besides soda though, which is a bit of a downside.

Hammer used to go and do field missions; there's a picture of him on his first one and it's really sweet! He was very fuzzy back then-that's most of us when we're first made, but I think he was unique in that respect. Kind of a shame Clip ate his hair, but I guess it brought her and Hamm together, so it was an appropriate sacrifice.

I'm glad he's doing better honestly. He's been through so much that I'm not comfortable talking about here, but...it was a lot. I was afraid I'd lose him at one point, so I can't thank Lilo and Stitch enough for rescuing us.