Thoughts of Agnes swirled through her head. She didn't understand why she kept getting dragged back in, why she kept letting her in.

She knew Agnes was bad for her. She'd just seemed so genuine when she apologized, with those gorgeous green eyes, her perfect clear skin, those rose petal lips...

No.

She never should have let herself get close to Agnes in the first place, it was too risky. What if people started to put it together? Keeping Damien around with...whatever they were to each other, could only do so much if she started to slip.

And letting her back in after what happened last time, after shetorchedher chances at her fashion line, was a terrible idea all around. She shouldn't have been surprised that she'd screw her over again. Thank god she'd managed to get a hold of Nate, that he'd managed to find her.

She looked down at the bag in her hand. It was the cheap shit, not something that Damien would sell. She just needed an escape, away from everything in her life right now, so that meant a dime bag of weed from someone she didn't know.

She rolled a joint for herself, thinking of Agnes, her hands, her nimble fingers, the way she'd run her fingers through her hair.

It was late.

Agnes was out with Max. She said she'd be home later, but, for now, she was alone.

The sound of the city carried on in the background, keeping her company as she lost herself in her thoughts. Sitting on the couch in the living room, she kept thinking about how she missed home, her dad (however strained their relationship, and no matter how stupid he was being about everything with her career and school), Dan, everything really. She couldn't go back, though. Not yet, not until she had gotten the start of something meaningful, something worthwhile.

She had already tried (and failed) to go to sleep, Agnes' bed was nice and it smelt like cinnamon and something that was just inherently Agnes, but it just wasn't the same asherbed at the loft. Everything had just gotten so fucked up.

She wanted to cry for everything she was losing even if it was, rather ironically, to save herself from going insane and making something of her own to secure her future. She wanted to rage because it was all so unfair, why couldn't she win? Why did her dad have to be so stubborn? Why was she always the one who didn't get to decide? She wanted to scream because of how frustrating everyone in her life was being, sometimes it felt like she was the only one who understood what was at stake. She knew she was the only one who would lose if it didn't work out.

She was so caught up in it all that she didn't even register the sound of the door opening until someone sat down next to her. An arm wrapped itself around her shoulder, a warm body settling in next to hers, cinnamon and another, earthier smell invaded her senses. Agnes.

As they sat there Agnes let her fingers drift to her head, running her long, slim fingers through her hair, playing with the ends of it, letting the blonde tendrils wrap themselves around her fingers. It was good, soothing.

She didn't say anything. She didn't have to, it was a silent comfort to have her there. She leaned into her, letting herself drown in her presence. It was a nice moment, tranquil, unbroken, far from the pressures of the real world.

This apartment was their little bubble, nothing bad could happen so long as she stayed here with her. With Agnes. She wouldn't let anything happen to her, not as long as she could help it.

She'd been so naive back then.

Agnes wasn't good for her, and if she hadn't known that before, she definitely knew it now. She still couldn't believe that Agnes,herAgnes, did that to her.

She shook her head and brought the joint to her lips, she wasn't supposed to be thinking about it. Though, as she wrapped her lips around it she couldn't help but think ofherlips. Perfect, pink, soft in the shape of cupid's bow.

They were sitting on the floor of Agnes' room, with a shit ton of candy laid out on the floor in front of them. They had been out looking for snacks to eat while they worked on their fashion line when they passed by a candy store. They couldn't help themselves.

Jenny had opened a pack, or three, of razzles and was chewing away, savoring the slight stinging sensation on her tongue from the excess amounts of syrup and flavoring used. Agnes had laid claim to a colorful assortment of Jolly Ranchers and Dum Dums, leaving the rest of the flavors she didn't favor in the center of the pile with all the other candies they had amassed while out.

She was in the midst of considering whether she could blow a bubble with the gum in her mouth, given the amount and the fact that it wasRazzles, when something else caught her attention. A simple watermelon sucker, from the size she figured it was a blow pop or something but she couldn't recognize the wrapper on it from anywhere.

Agnes was picking it up, continuing on with whatever they had been talking about, something about belts with one of the purple dresses maybe? All she could focus on was her removing the wrapper from the sucker before slowly taking the sucker in her mouth, past those soft pink lips. All thoughts seemed to leave Jenny's head, she felt dizzy and warm and all she could think of was how soft and nice those lips looked-

Agnes shifted and Jenny realized that she had stopped talking, she also seemed to have noticed that she'd lost her attention. At least, in that respect anyway. A small smile played at her lips, as she looked her over. Butterflies started flying all over the place in her stomach under the brunette's scrutiny. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision and started to move towards her, placing her sucker back in its wrapper.

She gave her a look.

"Spit it out," she said, nodding to the trash can. After a hesitant pause, and another significant look, Jenny did just that.

Suddenly, Agnes was on the move again, getting closer and closer, closing the gap between them one inch at a time. After what felt like seconds, yet also an eternity, her face was so close she could feel her breath as she breathed in and out.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

She paused, barely any distance between their faces, just for a second. Looking at her as if she would run off, when she didn't she closed the gap.

Watermelon always had been her favorite.

She, once again, tried to vanquish those thoughts from her brain. It didn't do her any good to linger on the past. She was about to light up and lose herself in the burn of the smoke in her lungs, the fog in her head, and allow herself one tiny respite from the trash fire that was her life when there was a knock at the door. She froze, not sure what to do. Her dad would kill her if he found out, and things were already tense between them (he and Lily had been acting weird since the summer). She decided to test the waters.

"Who is it?" She called out, trying to determine what to do.

"It's me," a soft voice on the other side called out. "Can I come in?"

Jenny quickly hid the bag and set the joint right next to her thigh on the ground, out of sight but not easy to lose.

"Sure!" She replied, entirelysurethat she sounded too enthusiastic in her reply given her attitude lately.

Lily gently opened the door and entered, Jenny wasn't too surprised to see her wearing leggings and an oversized flannel, she'd taken to wearing them around the apartment (Jenny still didn't understand what happened to find a place that was "both of their's", they just said that they wanted to wait a bit because "some things came up" and they wanted to wait until "things calmed down", which totally wasn't crypticat all). If she noticed anything off, she did a damn good job of hiding it.

"Hey," she started, moving closer and visibly concerned. Jenny knew this was coming. "I just wanted to see how you were holding up?" Lily had been home when Jenny got in this morning. Apparently, Nate had called and told her about the situation because he thought it was an important thing that she should talk .Just because he was totally, wholeheartedly, ass-backward in love with her brother didn't mean he had to act like him!

"I'm fine, Lily," she tried to sound real in all the ways she felt fake. "It just caught me off guard is all." She didn't try a smile, she knew it wouldn't work on her.

Lily looked at her for a moment before gesturing to the empty space next to her.

"Can I sit down?" She knew then that this wouldn't be a short talk.

"I guess," she shrugged as if it didn't matter. As if Lily wasn't one of her only true confidants.

Lily didn't speak at first, she was probably waiting on her to come forward with how she felt first. That was how these talks usually went. That was usually how she preferred it. Lately, though, she doesn't want to be the one to reach out, her arms are tired of reaching.

"I know that a lot has happened over the last few years," Lily began, after picking up on the fact that Jenny wasn't going to be the one to start talking. She spoke softly, almost as if she understood. Maybe she did. She understood about Chuck, after all. "But I want you to know that you can come to me about things. I know that it's different with your father, and your brother, both of them can be a bit," she looked around for a minute before leaning in like she was telling a secret, "judgemental." Jenny giggled a bit at that, it was nice to just be joked with. Plain and simple. No hidden meanings, or sharp edge. Pure, light-hearted silliness. "I promise that, whatever you tell me, stays between us and that I will not judge you for it. I will offer help and advice if you want me to, but unless you are planning to hurt yourself or others, it will not leave this room."

Jenny nodded along, she knew she could trust her, but she'd never admitted this to anyone before. She was scared, almost as scared as she had been that night on the roof. Lily seemed to sense her inner turmoil and reached out to place her hand on top of hers. For a second, everything was fine. She was safe.

Then, Jenny remembered the joint she hid when she let Lily in, just as Lily lifted it up from where she'd felt it while grabbing her hand..

Fuck.

It was silent as they both tried to figure out how to respond to this situation, Jenny was finally building the courage to explain what was going on when Lily completely knocked the wind out of her sails.

"If you're gonna smoke pot, at least smoke the good stuff. Do you wanna share from my stash?"

Jenny really didn't know how to respond tothat. But at the same time, it was a compelling offer...still.

"What? You're not angry? Or disappointed? Or shocked?" She had to ask, this was not the reaction she had been bracing for.

To her dismay, Lily giggled for a second before responding.

"I raised Serena, believe me, I'm fine with weed so long as you don't start skipping school or go any further. Besides, I'd sort of be a hypocrite if I got mad about it, wouldn't I?"

She nodded, conceding the point.

In that case,

"Were you serious about sharing?"

"Of course"

Why not?

A few minutes later they were back on the floor in her room, letting the effects of the first few drags take them in. Lily hadn't been kidding when she said it was the good stuff.

"You know," Lily began after they had been there a while. Relaxing in the silence. "I've had a few Agnes' of my own."

That piqued her interest.

"You have?"

"Yes," she took another drag. "Granted they were more...partners than they were my friends. Boyfriends, husbands, that kind of thing."

"Oh."

"Yes," she said, looking over at Jenny contemplatively. She had the feeling Lily knew something she didn't. Or at least more than she was saying. "It never ends well with those ones."

Jenny came to a decision.

"Lily," she began, she was trying to sound braver than she felt. "I-"

Deep breath

"Agnes and I were mo-more than just fr-friends." She was choking up, her high was wearing off. She took another drag to get it back and steel her nerves.

"I figured that might be the case." She sighed, but not in the sense she was disappointed, more like she was...resigned. "I just want you to be careful, I know how easy it is to be swept back in by people like that."

Neither of them said anything after that, but Jenny did lay her head on her shoulder. Her perfume was sweet and soothing like it always was. As she continued drifting along through the moment, she heard Lily whisper "I love you."

Lily may not be her mom, but she was a pretty cool step-mom.