A/N: So, this one-shot is dedicated to Fadwa who got me into this whole mess in the first place, and I love her for it.

What can I say? I decided to have some fun and try a different approach at writing and connecting scenes. This fic is set post 5x15 and explores the tgw timeline and the question "what if Zach had died instead Will?" and how that would have affected everything that came after. Enjoy! x


the worlds we never see

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— someone once told me that the universe can take with one hand and give with the other —

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Alicia leaves Lockhart Gardner with Cary and the fourth years.

When Will finds out about her betrayal, he calls her poison and she says it was never meant personally, forgetting that everything is always personal with them.

Her living room becomes their new firm's office and they're struggling with space and money and clients. She's in court and she's at work and she's never still anymore. Everyone gets swept up in a whirlwind of emotions and there's no time, no time to sit and talk and be.

Until, until Alicia is asked to be a keynote speaker at the American Bar Association conference in New York, and she has to reflect on her life and her choices. Her regrets.

She's beginning to wonder if all her sacrifices for the perfect life on paper were worth it.

She and Will shake hands in the coffee shop, and it's the first time she feels some semblance of control seep back into her life.

But there is no time to wonder, no time to fix. There's only one phone call, days later, when she's at a luncheon.

It's Peter, on the phone, and he sounds as shaken as she's ever heard him.

It's Zach — there was an accident and he got caught up in it with his new motorcycle.

It was bad timing.

There was nothing the paramedics could do.

He's gone. Zach is gone. And Alicia stops functioning.

.

.

.

Here's the thing about losing someone suddenly: it doesn't feel real. Nothing feels real anymore.

Peter waits for Alicia at Chicago General Hospital and there's an onrush of reporters left and right. It almost reminds Alicia of five years ago when she was forced into the harsh reality of her husband's infidelity.

And she thinks, not again. I can't lose my whole world again.

But she does, and no matter how many times she tells people that she's fine, when she sees Zach, pale and cold and not looking like himself at all, she begins to crumble.

.

Alicia can't remember how she got home that day. Who undressed her and put her in her pyjamas. Who helped her get into bed. Who drew the curtains shut and forced her to take an Advil with a glass of water. Who was there at all.

But she does remember waking up in a panic hours later. She's bleary-eyed and there's a heavy sob buried in-between in her lungs, next to her heart, but she ignores it because she needs to find Grace.

Her steps are sluggish and wobbly but she makes it to the kitchen okay. On one of the stools, there is Grace, still in her school uniform, forehead leaning against her folded hands, praying.

They take one look at each other and the dam breaks.

Strong arms hold Grace as she sobs into her mother's shirt and Alicia tries to soothe her. She peppers kisses onto Grace's head, useless words of reassurance spilling past her chapped lips as their new, hash reality settles in all around them.

"He's with God now, isn't he?"

Grace looks up at her, searching for words of solace to give this tragedy some meaning. Alicia wishes she could believe in God, at that moment. She wishes she believed that Zach was someplace better, someplace safe.

"I don't know, Grace. What does it mean to be with God?" Her chin wobbles as more tears spring to her eyes. "He's in heaven with angels and clouds?"

Grace wipes her own tears away and turns to walk across the room, her small frame shaking with an emotion Alicia can't identify.

"I don't know. I don't think you can picture it."

Alicia wraps her arms around herself and sits down. Having a conversation about God and life after death is the last thing she wants to be doing right now. But Grace needs this, needs her. She desperately wants to find answers, a better reality to believe in. So Alicia lets her.

"But you believe it?"

Grace nods, eyes turning glassy. It makes Alicia hate herself. She's supposed to be strong, be the one to throw Grace a lifeline but she can't find any solace in the afterlife.

"I can't believe that he's in heaven, Grace."

"But why?"

"You think God is good. I don't find any good here." She quickly wipes the tears away that are running down her cheeks. This time she's angry. "A married couple was taking a left with their car, on their way to visit a friend and Zach, he was overtaking them. They didn't even signal— and they crashed. It's just some stupid accident."

"Mum." Grace covers her mother's cold hands with hers.

"No. What does- what does it mean?"

"What does it mean if there is no God? Why is that any better?"

Alicia shakes her head. "It's not better. It's just truer." She exhales shakily, trying to get a handle on her emotions for her daughter's sake. "It's just not wishful thinking."

"Well, maybe always believing the bad. Maybe that's wishful thinking too."

Grace has a point, she does, but it hurts to want to believe in a God that would take away her only son in the blink of an eye. That would make her go through this — for what?

"I'm sorry, Grace. I'm so sorry." Her daughter still seems conflicted and Alicia stretches out her arms. "Come here. If you want to believe Zach is with God, then he is. He has to be," her voice breaks and she holds Grace tightly, stroking her back until Grace relaxes against her, wrung out.

.

The funeral is awful, and the worst day of her life. She's thought it before — when she found out that Peter cheated on her with a hooker 18 times — but having to give an eulogy for her own son who was supposed to go to college this year… is unimaginably cruel on a whole other level.

She remembers that day only in flashes, and maybe she should be grateful for that.

Owen holds her shaking body when they lower the coffin and Veronica sobs into her big handkerchief loudly.

It's snowing and she thinks of doing unimaginable things to herself for the first time in her life.

Diane squeezes her shoulder, her heavy, rich perfume spreading all around Alicia like a comforting blanket.

Will simply hugs her for a long time. Longer than anyone else and longer than she thought he would considering their history. But he just holds her, holds her together for the rest of the day. His warm hands are scalding on her shivering body, his heartbeat strong and soothing in her ear as she lets the world fade away, the firms and their feud forgotten.

.

Zach is gone but life goes on.

Cary looks at her like she's crazy when she decides to show up to work a week later. She doesn't care about work anymore but sitting at home alone with her thoughts is even worse. Everyone knows she's not fine when she sits down at the table in the conference room at LG, ready to handle their client's divorce but no one dares to speak up. Too scared of making her fall apart.

She even goes so far as to go to court to distract herself from her own reality, the only thing driving her forward. Will, who had to fill in for Diane on short notice eyes her worriedly all throughout court but she's determined to win the case—

Until the case hits a nerve – When someone dies there's nothing left of them? – and reality crashes down all around her again.

They were right, Alicia thinks as her breaths come out in erratic gasps. The winter air harshly burns her throat as she breathes in and out, trying to get a handle on her emotions but it's no use. She practically collapses onto the bench in front of court, her vision blurry and her eyes stinging.

She doesn't realise someone sat down beside her until they speak.

"It's not true, you know?"

She blinks, startled. "Will?"

"It's not true what Professor Mercer said. Well, maybe it's true for him, but I don't believe it." He shrugs. "There's always something left of us, even when we're gone, kind of like our own footprint. Zach made a difference in your life and his presence will linger on for as long as you want it."

He eyes her carefully with hooded eyes. They haven't spoken, really talked, in months. His anger had blindsided him and stopped him from seeing Alicia as a human, his best friend. Now, with her face ashen and fallen and her lips taking on a blue hue from the cold, he longs to hold and comfort her more than ever. Her betrayal stings, but it stings more that he can't be there for her the way he wants to be. Maybe his feelings still haven't gone away at all.

Alicia looks back at him with tearful eyes but she doesn't say a word. The wind whistles all around them and she shivers.

"Here, take this." Will offers and takes off his scarf. "Don't want you to get sick," he murmurs and wraps the woolly scarf around Alicia's exposed neck carefully when she doesn't object.

"I think I made a mistake," she whispers throatily, eyes closing before any tears can leak.

"What mistake?" he asks. He wonders if she'd let him comfort her. If she lets anyone comfort her these days.

"Being a lawyer."

He furrows his brows, her answer unexpected. "You don't like it anymore?"

"No. I don't know, sometimes I do."

It pains him to see Alicia so lost and hollow. He knows she lives for her children. They always come first, even to a default, and there's nothing she wouldn't do for them. He can't even imagine the pain she's in now. He gently caresses her arm, the need to comfort her stronger than the fear of rejection.

"What would you do instead?"

She shrugs and leans into his hand. The touch is strangely welcome when she hasn't even let her own husband comfort her. "I have no idea. I wish I did."

"Do you want to go for a drink?" he offers, not wanting her to be alone in her condition.

"No, I think I'm going home now. But thanks."

She glances sideways and even manages a small smile.

.

She misses a client meeting in the afternoon but she doesn't care. This time she falls deeper, the numbness she'd felt in the first few days after Zach's death has yielded and she's paralysed by her grief.

Grace has her bible study group over between 3 and 6pm and Alicia lets their singing lull her to sleep.

When she wakes up, the sun has already gone down and her daughter walks in with a tray.

"Dinner," she announces and settles down next to her mother. "We have to eat," she explains. "I know. I don't want to either but not eating only makes everything worse."

Sitting up, Alicia rubs her eyes. "Grace…"

The food… is a lot. It makes her want to throw up and scream. Her child is dead and she has to eat. It feels cruel.

"Thank you," she says instead. "I- I'm sorry I haven't been a good mother lately." Her throat feels tight all of a sudden and tears burn in her eyes. The guilt that slams into her is unexpected and yet makes so much sense.

"It's okay, mum. You don't have to do everything."

"No, but I have to take care of you. You're my first priority. Okay? I-," she swallows repeatedly against the lump in her throat. "I want you to know you can always come to me. You don't have to be so strong all the time."

Grace looks down and plays with her fingers. "I'm not strong. God is strong and… believing in him, I don't know, helps me make sense of my emotions."

"I'm so glad. I really am." Alicia puts her hand under her daughter's chin. "You can always share these things with me, okay? Good and bad."

"Thank you, mum."

They abandon the food and snuggle up next to each other in bed to watch tv together.

.

She spends the next day in bed as well and sends Carey with an E in her stead to negotiate a deal with Lockhart Gardner. Her absence from this case is a good thing anyway, with her not knowing how to separate the professional from the personal.

Peter comes by in the evening, livid that she didn't attend the Founder's Dinner.

"I'm doing my best," she says slowly, leaning against the sink in her kitchen.

"Well, if this is your best then I think we need to talk."

She stares at him, speechless and at a complete loss for words at his audacity. Her husband is talking like nothing ever happened, like she's supposed to go on like everything is fine. It makes something snap inside of her

"How can you even say this?" she asks incredulously. "How can you attend some stupid dinner when your son hasn't even been dead for a month?"

"Do you think I want to go to these public events? Oh my god, Alicia. Of course I don't. But you know what? I suck it up. Because there is a bigger picture and I have to let people know that I'm coping."

"It's all about appearances with you." She shakes her head bitterly. "You care more about voters than you care about your own wife."

"You shut me out. You said you didn't want to share the bedroom anymore, so what was I supposed to do? Magically know that now you want me to be there for you?"

"Stop it, Peter. You know that's not true. You haven't been there for me for a long time. Long before Zach died. Hell, even before the scandal. So as far as I'm concerned I lost my husband a long time ago."

"You cannot go back there. I have apologised and made amends. I have ignored the way you look at Will and the way you fuck him as payback behind my back. I've let it pass because you know what? I am committed to this marriage."

Her head throbs at his false accusations and she explodes, "You're not committed, you just know you would still be in prison without me. I let you hurt me and humiliate me and I stood by your side through it all. And maybe that's my fault because I had this idealised notion of you, that you were a good man. That you cared. But you don't. So don't ever judge me for putting myself first for once in my life."

"So when you cheat you call it 'putting yourself first' but when I do I'm a cheater? God, the double standards with you."

Alicia wants to scream that he can't compare the two. They were separated at the time and she never, not for one second, saw what she had with Will as payback.

"You're a bastard," she spits out instead.

"And you're a selfish bitch. But you know what?" He slaps his hand on the kitchen island. "We're all that we have."

She sinks against the kitchen counter, visibly deflating. The thought of this being her life — being in a loveless marriage, one daughter who's growing up faster than she'd like, a son who'll never grow into the potential he had — is suffocating. She can't live her life the way she used to anymore and it sobers her up.

"No," she replies eventually, her words laced with pain but also newfound determination. "Not anymore." She looks straight at him, wanting him to hear her next words clearly. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna divorce you. You're too valuable to me professionally, just like I am to you." Peter scoffs but she goes on unperturbed. "We're not gonna see each other anymore. Not unless we have to. If you need me at a political event, you call the office. My assistant will put it on my calendar."

"Really?" He looks at her like she's gone crazy and maybe she has, or maybe she's finally seeing her husband for who he really is. And maybe she's finally gone through too much to put up with his shenanigans anymore. She's carried the weight of their failed marriage around with her for far too long. She needs control and she's calling the shots now.

"I'm not finished. You are free to see and sleep with whomever you like but I don't want to know and under no circumstances is Grace to know. Understood?"

There's a dangerous glint in her eyes, in the eyes of a woman who feels like she's got nothing left to lose.

"Is this because you want to sleep with someone else?"

Her hand shakes with the effort not to slap him one last time. "Get out of my house, Peter. Get-" She picks up her glass of water and brushes past him into her bedroom.

.

After checking up on Grace for the night, Alicia cries herself to sleep. Violent sobs wrack her body as she tries to keep quiet for Grace's sake.

She prays to a God who she doesn't believe in that Grace is right and that she's wrong.

There's nothing, nothing. She feels as though every dream she ever had got buried with Zach.

There's nothing, nothing she wants more than for Zach to be okay, for him to come home like nothing ever happened.

.

Will shows up at her doorstep the next day.

She's in bed, watching tv when she hears him talking to Grace.

"Grace, it's okay," she yells. Technically, her daughter wasn't wrong when she said that they're both sick – they decided to start using this excuse when people would show up, wanting to 'comfort' them but were really just there to find gossip.

Her heart thumps loudly in her chest as she scrambles to sit up in bed and make her hair look presentable.

"Hey," he greets her gently. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Just feeling a little under the weather," she lies. "I'm sorry I just stopped working on the divorce case, I-"

"Alicia, stop, it's okay. You don't need to pretend," he says, calm and collected. It's comforting. His eyes take her in for a moment and she feels stripped, naked. It's unnerving how well he can read her.

She merely nods her head, feeling tears pool in her eyes and she hates it. She should be all cried out by now seeing how empty she feels.

Will gestures at the edge of her bed before he sits down. "I'm sorry I haven't stopped by before. I wasn't sure whether you'd want visitors or not. If you even wanted me here. But I thought, if it were the reverse, I'd still want you there."

"I do. Want you here," she admits. "It's been quiet."

"Okay, good. Then I'm here." He smiles at her warmly and she allows her mind to take it in and take some of her pain away.

It's been months since she's been at the receiving end of one of his smiles and she mouths a quiet "thank you" for not making this awkward.

He asks her how he can help around the apartment and Alicia admits that the dishes haven't been done in a few days, so he gets to work while she lies down for a little while longer. After he's finished cleaning her kitchen, he pops his head into Alicia's room and finds her fast asleep. He turns off the tv and tucks the edges of her blanket around her shoulders so she won't be cold. Then he decides to start preparing dinner and Grace helps him set the table.

"Are you my mum's friend?" Grace asks quietly after a while. "Because she doesn't really have any and sometimes when I'm out I worry about her."

He looks at her thoughtfully. The truth is, probably, no. But he used to be and he misses her like crazy. But a lot of things have happened between then and now so he shrugs, "I'll be whatever your mum wants me to be." It's the way it's always been anyway.

"I think she needs you. And I think she might not know how to ask for help. I don't really know."

Grace Florrick is a strong young woman, he realises, and his heart constricts painfully at the thought that she, too, lost someone. Her big brother. It's horrific.

"I'll try my best."

Alicia emerges from her bedroom looking distraught only a moment later. "Will. I- You're still here. I thought you would have left by now." Rubbing her eyes, she walks closer and raises her eyebrows in surprise when she sees what he prepared for dinner. "Pancakes for dinner?" she smiles and her whole face lights up when Will and Grace nod, pleased.

She walks closer and kisses Grace's forehead, her thumb swiping over the girl's cheeks tenderly. They look at each other for a moment as if to make sure that they're both okay and then she walks over to Will and squeezes his shoulder. "Thank you. You really didn't have to."

"It's no problem."

He's happy to see that Alicia's cheeks have a little more colour in them and even if he's only partially responsible for it, her smile was real when she walked into the kitchen, and he sees it as a victory.

.

Her mum and Owen also take turns in calling and dropping by unexpectedly. When Veronica asks her out for lunch, her first instinct is to decline. Getting dressed, going out, being in public, it just sounds like a lot. But Grace is on a school trip all day — Alicia had told her to call if it got too much — and maybe it's just what she needs.

So she goes.

Veronica is her clumsy self but by the time they have ordered their food, she's looking at Alicia thoughtfully, like she can feel her daughter's pain.

"What's going on, sweetheart?"

Alicia shrugs. "It's unreal, like he's still there, you know or that he was never there at all."

"Yeah, that's the worst part: when you can't remember what they look like."

Alicia closes her eyes and wills her son's beautiful face to appear before her inner eye. He'd just turned 18, his limbs had still been lanky but he'd started going to the gym. And Nisa, his on and off girlfriend. The colleges he had visited. She swallows hard, the memories too painful.

A tear runs down her cheek without her permission and she whispers, "I don't know what I'm doing with my life, mum. Just working seems pointless."

"You're smart, you're gonna figure it out."

"I don't know if I want to be a lawyer anymore."

The way Alicia talks is almost scary and Veronica struggles to read the subtext of her daughter's words. Alicia has always been only half out of her shell. She's always given everyone around her just enough to satisfy them but held back her own emotions so as to not upset anyone.

"Then what are you going to be?"

"I don't know. It's not about what I want to be, it's... I don't know if I can…"

Her mum's boyfriend suddenly makes an appearance and Alicia panics. She quickly excuses herself and practically runs out of the restaurant as her own emotions threaded to overwhelm her.

.

Veronica drops by in the evening, apologising for their interruption this afternoon. She might be eccentric and living a lifestyle Alicia doesn't fully agree with, but her heart is in the right place.

"I'm like Dad, aren't I?" Alicia asks her after they've had a couple of glasses of red wine and are spread out on the couch.

"What do you mean?" Veronica asks, stroking Alicia's hair softly.

"Stuck being the good one," Alicia whispers like she's telling her a secret. "You know, I could've asked Peter for a divorce or demanded a divorce, but I didn't. I don't want Grace to go through that with all the media attention."

"You have to do what's right for you, honey. You and Peter haven't been happy in a long time."

"I know," she admits. "I don't know why I can't figure my way out of this one. Nothing's as simple as it used to be."

Veronica instinctively pulls her daughter closer to her chest. Maybe subconsciously, she knows something's wrong and it worries her. "What's going on, Alicia?"

"I miss him, mum. I miss him so much," she sucks in a breath, her lower lip trembling. "Sometimes I still put his cereal bowl on the table in the morning, or find myself buying his favourite foods. I can't stop hoping that this is a nightmare but I wake up every day and he's- he's still gone. I can't stop spinning, mum."

"Oh honey, you're just hurting. I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

"I don't know what to do, mum."

The stress she's been under to keep it together during the day slowly starts to peel away. Ugly emotions sneak out from under her skin and Alicia buries her head in her mother's lap, helpless against her all-consuming grief.

.

Will comes by more often these days, just to check in.

It's easier between them now, with them not having to separate the professional and the personal. There is just the personal: and the personal is that they really like each other's company.

They struggle a little to find a new comfortable dynamic at first but after having an honest conversation on her couch late one night, they both understand each other better.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. I wanted to be, I tried," her voice is nothing more than a whisper in the lowly lit room. "I was too scared."

"You left because you were scared? Of what?" he asks incredulously. "Of me?"

"Of my feelings for you. How messy things could get if anyone found out about us. And I knew that if I kept seeing you every day, I'd just… always want you. So I left." Her eyes are begging him to understand, they are mossy green and unwavering, spilling out the truth in their own way.

"Alicia-"

"No please… I know I was selfish when it came to you but I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe that. I just needed space."

"You going behind my back hurt," he starts, then looks straight at her. If they are being honest, why not fully. "What hurt more was the betrayal of our personal relationship. I felt used, tricked, like everything you ever told me was a lie," he swallows hard. The memories are overwhelming, they both said things they didn't mean.

"I never lied when we were together. It was all real, I'd never…" Her hand seeks out his, their fingers slowly entangling. "I just wasn't strong enough then. It was bad timing."

He nods quietly, his hooded eyes flooding with affection until the corners of his eyelids crinkle. "I'm glad we talked."

"Me too."

Since then, things have been different. They might not admit it yet but every time Will picks her up for dinner or they simply go for a walk it feels like good timing.

.

Meanwhile Florrick, Agos & Associates is starting to struggle financially with Alicia doing little to no work as name partner and it's terrifying. Alicia feels torn between two worlds, the added stress not helping either cause.

Will can tell that something is going on but he knows that Alicia is far too proud to ask for help, especially since she feels like she's been needing too much of it during the past few months anyway.

In the end, Will hears about her firm's financial situation through the grapevine and approaches the subject when they're doing the dishes one night.

He proposes the idea of making Florrick, Agos & Associates a subsidiary of Lockhart Gardner and Alicia's eyes glint dangerously, backing away from him.

"Do you want to undercut us? Get back at us this way for leaving?"

"Alicia, I just want to help," he reassures her calmly, surprised by her emotional reaction.

"No, you want to expand and you want your old clients back. You want to buy us up." Her eyes narrow at him and he sighs. He should've known that trying to mix their private relationship with a professional one again wouldn't go over so well.

"There is no ulterior motive here. You're struggling, I can help." He cocks his head to the side, eyes soft and open. "Let me help."

She bites her lip, takes in his demeanour and shrugs, like caring about any of this is too much of an effort. "Cary and the associates won't like it."

"Just talk to them. Or let me talk to them. This isn't about the past."

"But wouldn't this make you my boss again? Make you everyone's boss again?"

"We're lawyers, we can figure something out that works for everyone," he reassures her. "I just can't bear the thought of you losing this firm that you've worked tirelessly on building from the ground up."

This concern for her is touching. After all that she had put him through, stealing his clients, betraying him, he's still able to leave his feelings in the past and put her well-being first.

"I don't know," she admits. "I used to think I knew what I wanted. What's right and wrong, but…" She trails off, her eyes growing distant and he longs to reach out to her. "I have no idea what I'm doing." Wetness coats her lashes when she looks at him. "Everything is just… awful."

His own eyes well up with tears and he reaches out, instinctively, curls his arm around her bony shoulders and draws her into his embrace.

"I'm scared," she breathes into his neck after a moment. His hand rubs soothing circles over her back as he simply rocks her in his arms for a while. He knows she's scared, bruised from making it through a tough year but he knows she can do this.

"I know. It's okay. I'm here," he whispers, his heart breaking for her. She doesn't deserve any of the shit that keeps happening to her.

"Thank you." Her lips graze the skin on his neck and he shivers at the unexpected touch.

It's quiet without Grace. It's just them tonight and despite their best intentions, they're exactly where they were two years ago.

"Alicia," Will exhales, trying his hardest not to overstep any boundaries but Alicia still smells like cinnamon and a bit like lavender and he's missed burying his nose in her hair. He wants to touch her freely, wants to feel her, all of her, and he wants to be the one to breathe a sense of happiness into her again.

Her warm lips gently suck on his skin, trailing along the column of his throat. A tiny moan escapes her lips as she presses her body closer to him. She can't think past sensation; his arms are strong and solid around her, holding her up. The relief she feels when he turns his head, searching for her lips with his own and capturing them when he finds them, is overwhelming.

It feels so good not to think for once. Just to feel. And she opens her mouth up to him, letting his tongue brush past her lips and caress her tongue.

It's like coming up for air after being underwater for months and she tucks on his shirt impatiently, signaling for him to take it off. Her hands glide over his back reverently, reacquainting themselves with his body, before they drop lower to unbuckle his belt

"Are you sure?" he asks, checking to make sure it's what she really wants.

Her pupils are so far dilated that they swallow up almost all the green of her irises and she pants but her voice is clear and sweet, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

And then he hoists her up on the kitchen counter, their fingers intertwining as they find a new rhythm amidst all the chaos.

.

In the end, Alicia goes back to work and they are able to solve the firm's financial troubles after all. She's a fighter, always has been, but finding the strength within herself to go on after Zach's death truly defines her.

She's not the same as before. There's a sadness in her eyes, sometimes, dimming the light. She lets her hair curl naturally most days, not interested in getting up early to blow dry it straight and sleek. Besides, Will tells her that her curly hair reminds him of Georgetown and twenty years ago and for some reason she likes to imagine what curly-haired Alicia Cavanaugh would do.

For the moment, it's working on smaller cases and going home at a reasonable hour to have dinner with her daughter. It's spending time with Will whenever Grace is at Peter's and learning to laugh again.

She's well aware that it feels like another affair. That Will is bending to her rules again and it's not what she wants.

"Will, we need to talk," Alicia says one night, a careful edge to her voice.

"Hmm?" he asks, half asleep already, an arm curled protectively around her waist.

"Hey, hey," she whispers, turns. He looks adorable like this with a slight pout on his lips and she strokes his cheek, rousing him. "I'm going to ask Peter for a divorce. Officially this time. I don't care anymore."

That seems to catch his attention and he pushes himself up on an elbow. "Are you sure?" he asks carefully. It feels sudden but then again, he knows it's been a long time coming. Their marriage has been over for years and years.

"I'm sure. I can't… do this anymore. Fake being the good wife in public. It's not right."

"Okay," is all Will replies but it's coloured with palpable relief. This time around it's different, she's different. He leans down to capture her lips with his, his tongue sneaking into her mouth and stealing her breath. She looks almost happy when he strokes her nose with his.

"What brought this on? Did Peter say something?"

Alicia shifts, stealing time, but he waits, as patient as ever. "I just want to be happy, and I don't want to keep hiding it from the world. It feels wrong being married to him when…" She takes a breath, her heart fluttering. "When all I want is you."

His breath hitches at her admission. So raw and simple, and it's real. Alicia is serious and Will swears his smile covers his whole face.

He nudges her side playfully, and Alicia just grins at him like she just solved the riddle of the universe. Her eyes are warm and kind, and a little tired, and he shakes his head, chuckles. "You feel pretty smart right now, don't you?"

She laughs, "took me long enough to figure it out."

"It sure did."

"So you're really doing this?"

"Yep, tomorrow."

"You're one funny person, Alicia Cavanaugh," he whispers, snaking his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him, her lips settling into the crease of his collarbone.

Alicia Florrick, the governor's wife, is a title that's well and truly in the past.

.

Alicia asks Peter for a divorce and he takes it as well as one would expect. It doesn't matter.

She comes home to find Will and Grace in the kitchen cooking dinner that night and she knows it's worth it.

This, this kind of domesticity, this kind of love is what she wants.

.

They keep their relationship a secret and out of the public eye. It's no one's business.

The first ones they tell are Diane and Grace.

The former just smirks and says, "about damn time. You deserve it, truly."

Grace is a little more quiet. Alicia can tell she's still processing the news of her and Peter's divorce. She'd almost feel guilty about doing this to Grace, but then she remembers that things have changed. This past year put everyone through hell and back, and what matters, what truly matters is being happy.

Will makes her the happiest she's ever been.

.

Grace finds them wrapped up in each other's arms one night when she can't sleep.

It's strange, she thinks, how her parents always used to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, even when she was little. Will, however, has his arm thrown around her mother's back, holding her close. Her head is resting on Will's chest, dark brown curls fanned out all around her.

Grace wants to be upset that her family fell apart, but her mother has been so happy lately. The kind of happy that Grace never thought she would ever be again after Zach's death. It's been a hard year, for all of them, so she understands that her mother seeks comfort wherever she can.

Death tends to put things into perspective. For her mother that was to stop denying herself being with Will. Zach and her had known for years anyway. If anything, Grace is glad that her mother has someone who puts her first, holds her together when things get too much.

Grace has had a lot of growing up to do as well. She found a friend like that too and she has yet to tell her mother about it, but if Will makes her mum as happy as Teresa makes her, then it's worth it.

So Grace quietly closes the door again and lets them sleep.

.

It doesn't even take a week for Eli to find out about Will and Alicia's relationship once they stop hiding it. He'd dealt with the press when Alicia and Peter had announced that they were getting a divorce, and it had been bad. Really bad for Peter. Alicia, however, was doing better in polls than expected.

She hasn't been Saint Alicia in a long time. Most voters had sympathised with her over her son's tragic death. It's not just liberals but young women, middle-aged women, older women who are now rooting for Alicia to find happiness again

"We're rebranding you," Eli announces and Alicia laughs.

"Really? As what?"

"An icon. A fighter. Someone people look up to because," he's whispering now, a mischievous expression on his lips. "You're a badass. We need more women like you in public offices."

Alicia laughs again but Eli remains serious. "Oh, oh. You want me to run? For what? State's attorney?"

He nods enthusiastically and no, no, that's absurd.

She can't. She's a lawyer.

But the thought doesn't go away.

.

Will encourages her to run for state's attorney.

"Castro is awful. He's not well liked either," he comments casually. "You could do it. Easily."

Alicia's not sure she's strong enough, but she loves that Will always believes in her.

.

Will holds her the night Zach would have turned 19. When violent sobs wrack her body and tears stain his shirt, he simply caresses her back and kisses her hair.

She hasn't really cried in a few days but life is getting scarily real and she might actually run for office - and Zach is not there to see any of it. That's what hurts the most.

It takes a long while but she does calm down eventually, and when she does, Will wipes her tears away and kisses her face. Long, lingering kisses, the kind that makes her ache for him. She feels so close to him like this, so loved and cared for, so it's only natural to bury her head in his neck. The words 'I love you' tumbling past her lips again and again.

.

In all honesty, it was bad timing.

Alicia had asked Peter to come over to her apartment to sign a few final contracts and then she'd been called into work, leaving Will alone in her apartment.

It's almost comical when Peter gapes at Will, walking out of Alicia's bedroom in briefs and a white t-shirt. Peter grinds his teeth and Will is unimpressed. He hates that bastard and the feeling is mutual.

"Hi Peter. Alicia's been called into work but she'll be back soon. Do you want a glass of water?"

Peter seethes and it's funny to watch. The taller man had always been delusional. He could do with Alicia as he pleased but no one other than him was allowed to do the same to her.

"She's still my wife," he hisses.

"No, Peter. Alicia hasn't been your wife in a long time," Will chuckles, leaning against the kitchen island.

"We're not even officially divorced yet and you're already banging her in my apartment?"

Will curls his lip, sneering. "I don't need Alicia to be divorced to be mine." He growls, marking his territory. "You didn't treat her like your wife even when you were together, so no, I'm not fucking your wife. I'm having sex with my girlfriend Alicia."

He raises his eyebrows, smirking at the taller man and that's when Peter loses it. "How dare you," he hisses. "You'll never win the state's attorney's race."

"We'll see about that," Will replies, all calm. "You fucked a hooker 18 times and still managed to get back into office, so."

That's when Peter sees red, his closed fist landing a painful punch on Will's nose.

"Tell Alicia I will expose your silly little affair. She'll never win any public office in the whole country. I'll make sure of that."

And then Peter is gone and Will holds his bleeding nose.

.

Alicia's lips are tight and her brows furrowed as she cleans Will's blood-stained face, but her hands are warm and her touch is gentle.

She sighs, exhausted, "I'm sorry he did that to you."

"It's fine. Maybe I deserved it."

"What did you say?"

He studies her intently. She's still in her coat, sitting on the living room table, worry etched into her features. They are solid, they're a team, so he doesn't know why he's stalling. Except that Alicia scares easily and he doesn't want her to run in the opposite direction.

He takes her hand in his own. "What?" she asks, amused.

"I told him you're my girlfriend."

Alicia's eyes widen for just a split second before she controls her features. Then she shakes her head, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, and he exhales. She brings his hand up to her lips and kisses each knuckle.

"So Peter knew I was your girlfriend before I did?"

He snorts. She'll never let him live it down.

.

Alicia decides to run for office, partially out of spite, mostly because she knows she can do a better job than any of the other candidates, and it gives her a real sense of purpose.

Peter exposes Alicia's private emails in a last, desperate attempt to hurt her and the headlines aren't pretty.

People are talking. Again. But it's white noise that Alicia is used to by now.

Her campaign manager isn't pleased, and Eli is furious with Peter. They're plotting their next move.

Alicia lets them and spends her mornings in bed, grateful that she has Will in her life and that the emails weren't exposed years ago.

Instead of denying the accusations, Will insists on being in the limelight with Alicia. The reporters go crazy at the prospect of getting an exclusive interview with them both and Alicia stops taking life so seriously.

Owen makes his usual inappropriate comments about how sexy they look together in paparazzi photos, Veronica talks about her wedding and asks them if they're getting married too.

It's a whirlwind of emotions and Alicia doesn't think she could do any of it if it wasn't for Will who brings calm into her life and makes her brave.

.

It's late in the evening and they have just come home from a romantic dinner in a secluded restaurant out of town when Will suddenly kneels down on one knee in front of her, making Alicia gasp.

He's holding a sleek ring with a small diamond, glittering and sparkling as it catches the light in the lowly lit room. Will is looking at her with so much love and adoration in his eye, it makes her throat feel tight. She chuckles wetly and kneels down in front of him.

"Will..." Her lower lip quivers and she shakes her head in disbelief, heart bursting with love. "Yes, of course. Yes."

He wraps his arms around her, warm and solid and real, and the tears come in a rush. Her life is so full and she is so lucky to have found someone who doesn't just accept her as she is, he loves her for it.

It's perfect and she tells him so; but there's a piece of her heart that is mourning and will always mourn Zach and the fact that he never got to see her be this happy.

.

Grace tells her she and Zach both knew about her feelings for Will, maybe not in vivid detail but they could always tell that she was happier when she was with him.

"He asked for permission, you know?"

Alicia turns her head curiously and puts a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth. They're alone on a Friday night, watching an old movie together.

"Who did?"

"Will." Grace turns in her arms. "He asked for my blessing before he asked you to marry him."

Alicia swallows, emotions simmering just beneath the surface. This man. She really got a good one this time.

"He did?"

"Yes. He said he intends to marry you and make you happy for the rest of your life but he wanted me to be okay with it too." Grace looks down. "Which I am. I know he loves you."

Alicia bites her lips. She and Grace had talked about what Will meant to her when she'd officially started dating him and Grace had told her to do what made her happy. Being honest about her feelings hasn't only brought her closer to Will but Grace as well.

"Thank you, Grace. This means a lot." She pulls her closer and drops a kiss on the crown of her head.

"I just want you to be happy again, mum."

Alicia sighs. "I am." There'll always be an empty ache in her heart, but she's healing.

They are silent for a moment, the movie forgotten. "Mum?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can I bring my girlfriend to your wedding?"

Alicia turns, a smile spreading across her face. "Your girlfriend? Grace. Why haven't you told me you're seeing someone?"

Grace giggles, toying with her bathrobe. "I just wanted to be sure that this was really something. Teresa makes me really happy, mum."

Alicia presses a kiss to her daughter's forehead. She's no longer the small little girl she once was but she'll always be her child. "I'm so proud of you. You know that right?"

"I do. Thank you, mum."

.

Alicia wins the state's attorney's race and Will tells her he never doubted her.

She cradles his face in her hands, her nose softly stroking his, "I never should've doubted us."

His hands settle on her waist, stroking the expensive material of her dress. They're about to announce the win and Alicia is glowing.

"It's okay. We got there in the end." He smiles at her softly. "And look at us. The new Barack and Michelle."

Alicia snickers, the sound music in his ears. "Well, not yet."

She steps away to take one last look in the mirror over her vanity. Her makeup looks flawless, her cheeks rosy and glowing. Her red dress perfectly accentuates the elegant slope of her shoulders and spine, and her engagement ring is sparkling on her ring finger.

Will walks up behind her. He's wearing a bow tie which she toys with for a moment before she looks up, eyes teary. "I wish Zach was here to see this."

Grace peaks in from the doorway and says, "he is. He's always with us."

Alicia sniffles, nods, then ushers them both out of her bedroom. "We're gonna be late, let's go."

.


A/N: If you've made it this far, please leave a review and let me know what you think! I would really appreciate it. In any case, thank you for reading. xx