She comes to him every night.

Wearing loose sweaters that don't constrict her chest, Liz slips past Dembe and into Red's bedroom and invariably scrunches her nose up from the suffocating smell of cigar smoke that hangs heavily in the air.

Red hasn't left his room in days – ever since Dembe brought him home on that fateful night he lost ( or thought he lost ) the meaning of his life in the form of his beloved Lizzy – wallowing in his grief, choking on his own guilt more than the smoke of cigars he smokes more than ever these days and drowning ( or, at least, trying to drown ) his sorrow in immeasurable quantities of alcohol.

Liz is acutely aware of this newly established routine of his and what it does to his health and wishes with all her heart she could do something more about it other than visit him nightly while he sleeps, wishes she could reassure him that she's alive and well and he doesn't have to mourn her.

But she can't, not yet.

So she crosses the room to the window and opens it wide in ultimately vain attempts to chase the choking odor of cigar smoke away.

Taking a deep breath of fresh air to try and quell the storm of emotions raging inside of her, Liz turns her gaze to the loaded gun lying discarded on the desk ( she knows that Dembe tried to take that gun away from Red out of fear he might do something… unreasonable in his grief but Red didn't let him, speaking up for the first time in quite a while just to reassure his old friend that he doesn't have any intention of ending his own life… it will end soon enough anyway, even without such act of cowardice ) and runs her hand over the cool metal, feeling her heart clench at the thought of how apathetic, how utterly hopeless Red has become in – because of – her absence.

Then, her gaze usually shifts towards the always empty decanter of whiskey, which – she knows – is refilled a couple of times a day by Reddington, the equally empty glass discarded on his nightstand, and only then she finally turns to look at the man himself.

He looks awful, to put it mildly, worse with each passing day.

The clothes he sleeps in don't quite fit him in the same snug way they used to, reminding Liz of the fact that it takes a lot of convincing on Dembe's part ( that man must truly be a saint ) to make him eat every single day and that he does so without any enthusiasm or appetite and continues to waste away despite his old friend's best efforts.

Tears brim in her eyes as Liz moves towards the bed and carefully sits down on its very edge, her eyes roaming over Red's slack face and taking note of the ever-growing stubble, the deepening dark circles under his eyes, the gauntness of his cheeks, and the sickly pallor of his skin.

"Oh, Red," she whispers hoarsely, unable to keep all the despair and helplessness she feels when she realizes that he's dying without her and yet she can't do much about it inside, and reaches out to cup his cheek with her warm palm, to trace the sharpened outline of his cheekbone with her thumb or stroke his head, the smile that stretches her lips at the feeling of his hair – now longer than usual – tickling her palm too wobbly and weak.

Sometimes, he sleeps peacefully… or, rather, dreamlessly in his drunken beyond measure state, never once waking or even stirring, and on those rare occasions Liz just sits by his side, holding his hand or stroking his shoulder or head, till the first rays of sunlight come streaming through the window.

Most of the nights, though, he suffers, thrashing around, tangling the sheets and throwing off blankets, panting and whimpering and crying, his mind tormenting him with vivid reconstructions of some of the worst moments of his life, and Liz hesitates, unsure of whether she should try to wake him or not, unsure of what he's dreaming about… until her name – her seemingly long-forgotten nickname – spills from his lips and she knows exactly what he's dreaming about.

She doesn't hesitate any longer.

"Shh, Red, it's alright," she hushes him gently, leaning in close and settling her hands on his shoulders firmly but gently or cupping his cheeks with her warm, very much alive hands, "I'm here. I'm here, I never left."

Tears finally spill from her own eyes as Liz whispers quiet reassurances and sweet nothings to the suffering man, willing him to feel her presence and wishing she could take the memories of that awful night away from him ( even though initially, she thought that it would be a good lesson for him, putting him in what could be her place if she pulled the trigger… but she didn't think it would affect him that much, to the point where he isn't really living anymore, just struggling to exist ), until she gets too choked up to speak… until Red jerks one more time under her hands and either finally settles into deep, exhausted, dreamless slumber with a heavy sigh ( in which case Liz picks the blankets he's thrown off up from the floor, covers him with them again, tucking him in and making sure he's warm and comfortable, and goes back to keeping her silent vigil, wiping her tears away and fighting the desire to climb into bed with him, wrap him up in her arms and never let go ) or wakes up.

She always freezes when he does, when his eyes slowly open and he squints up at her in the dark, because she's not sure how he's going to react, even though his reaction is the same each and every time.

He frowns up at her at first, his heavy with sleep and hazy from alcohol mind struggling to comprehend what is happening in front of him, but even though he doesn't recognize her, even though in his eyes she might look like an intruder, he doesn't even try to protect himself from any possible danger – as if he doesn't care about what happens to him, if he lives to see another day or not – and Liz's heart breaks at the thought.

( How did she manage to break him – the strongest man she's ever known – so hard, so possibly irreparably? )

But then recognition dawns on his face and his lips part softly and he stares up at her with utter disbelief and very tentative hope, slowly reaching his hand up, as if in trance, to touch her cheek. She lets him, leaning slightly into his touch.

"Lizzy," Red breathes, so pained and intensely relieved at the same time that Liz hates herself for doing this to him in the first place and for not being able to go out of hiding ( but it's not only her life that's on the line, it's also her daughter's and, to a degree, his, so she has to wait out until her fame in the upper and under worlds quiets down ), to console him, to make him understand that she's not just a figment of his imagination ( she learned pretty quickly that he doesn't let himself even consider the possibility that she might be real and not just his hallucination or a surprisingly pleasant dream ) just yet, "Lizzy."

And every night when he wakes up to such a vivid, realistic image of his lost love, he begs her for forgiveness – for absolution – and kisses her hands, the scar on her wrist with such tangible, blatant devotion it makes her heart ache.

And every night when he apologizes to her, she tells him that she's already forgiven him for everything but never takes advantage of his fragile, weak, unguarded state to get the long overdue answers out of him ( after all, she had enough time on her hands while she recovered to understand that, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter who they were in the past… what matters is who they are now – Red and Lizzy – and that he loves her with as much ardor as she loves him ).

They always end up in each other's arms, with Red pressing messy, fervent, desperate kisses to her cheeks and forehead and the soft cascade of her shiny mahogany hair and Liz rubbing his back in what she hopes is a soothing manner, their tears mixing and staining his shirt and her sweater.

"Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy," Red repeats in between kisses in his low, cracking from the lack of use voice, again and again and again, like a mantra, a prayer that sounds to her ears too much like Don't go, don't go, don't go...

She knows she can't promise him that now.

But she can promise to stay until the morning, which is why when he whispers softly, brokenly "Stay?" in her hair, his weight settling heavier against her after the emotional turmoil of the past few minutes? hours? – Liz doesn't know how much time they spend sitting there on his bed in the mess of tangled limbs, the mix of apologies and reassurances and each other's names that sound for all the world like declarations of love, like I'm sorry and I miss you and I don't want to ever let you go spilling from their lips – leaves him even more exhausted than the pain and the grief of the day do, she simply nods and gently pushes him away and onto his back.

Red doesn't take his eyes off her as she picks the blankets up and settles beside him and tucks the blankets around them both ( Liz is acutely aware of his gaze, burning with adoration and desperation in equal measure, on her back and the side of her face ).

Even as she opens her arms for him in a silent invitation to move closer and he does just that, snuggling up to her side, resting his head on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist tightly but not enough to hurt, he doesn't close his eyes.

Liz can tell by the way he's breathing and his body goes practically rigid with tension that he's fighting the undeniably strong pull of sleep long after they've settled in for the night.

That confused her on the first day but then she understood.

He knows that in the morning she won't be there, that this illusion, hallucination, dream he's having will shatter once he closes his eyes and succumbs to exhaustion.

And he doesn't want to lose her again.

Not for the third, fourth, fifth, umpteenth time ( when she thinks about it, Liz is not even sure if her visits help him or hurt him more... but she can't stop, she can't go about her days without knowing first-hand how Red is doing ).

So Liz does the only thing she can do to soothe him: she cups the back of his head, presses a light kiss to his forehead and lies.

"Sleep, Red. I will be here when you wake up."

"No, you won't," he whispers back flatly – just pointing out the obvious – with an undertone of finality that haunts her long after he obediently closes his eyes and his body finally relaxes in her arms.

Because he's right: she always leaves long before he wakes up, giving Dembe a hug goodbye and asking him – rather unnecessarily but she can't help herself – to take care of Red, with only one thought keeping her going through the day:

That one day – and hopefully, not in such a distant future – she will be there in the morning when Red wakes up.


A/N: Like many other fans, I couldn't just leave that disaster of a finale as it was - I had to fix it somehow. Well, here's my (probably, first out of several) attempt to do just that.

I hope at least some of you will like it.

If you do - and if you don't, to be honest - please, leave a review, however small, tell me what you think about this oneshot and my writing general. I'll be more than grateful)

I also have some thoughts about a possible multi-chapter sequel for this, but I'm not sure when I'll write it.

Last but not least, if you'd like to request a Lizzington one-shot/drabble, feel free to visit my Tumblr ( ace - of - spaders . tumblr. com ), go over the tag 'prompt list' and send in whatever catches your eye!