Voltron was trapped.

Keith had panicked, he was not losing anyone else he had come to care for. So he didn't think too much about all his options before he settled with the one that would work the best. "Weapons won't work on it!" Matt had said it himself, Voltron was in a situation that they couldn't get out of themselves for once. How the mighty have fallen.

"I got a plan!" "Keith? None of our weapons even leaves a scratch!" "I'm not going to use a weapon. How much speed would I need to break it with a ship?" "I don't know-. Keith, we don't have a ship close enough to even reach it in time!" "I do, now think, Matt. How much speed?" "I- Hold on. Around 50 miles per hour? I don't know, maybe less." The panic from other coms could be heard, everyone thinking of how to break the shield. "I can do that." "But where do you have an extra ship?" "Not an extra one." Keith flew away from the ship, getting in a good position to hit it dead center. "But mine should work." "Wait- Keith, that impact will kill you!" "This is war. I'm playing my part in it." His voice was oddly calm, as he powers the boosters to full power. This wasn't the first time he was looking death in the eyes, he had come to terms with it long before. Knowledge or death might have grown a bit too much on him in the past months. "KEITH! VOLTRON NEEDS YOU!" "They got the team they need." Then he shut off the coms. Radio silence followed as he focused all power on the boosters, hitting speeds even Keith was unsure he could maneuver if he had to turn even the slightest.

Purple light filled the ship as he came closer, everything felt like it went in slow motion. He saw the chaos before him, Voltron under fire and all the helpless ships that were trying their best to find a solution. It wouldn't be long till he hit the shield, yet times seemed to slow only more the closer he got. It got him thinking about everything, the life flashes before your eyes seemed to be taking effect as he saw memories he thought were long gone.

His dad, lifting him in the air as he laughed. The shadow of a figure on a porch in the dessert who seemed just as happy at the sight, he figured it would be his mother.

Father's day where his dad had brought him to work, the call that said it was a small fire in an apartment. His father running inside, Keith locked in the firetruck to stay safe.

On his first day at the orphanage, the whispers around him. His mother left and his father dying before his eyes in a fire, even worse the whispers about his father decided he would rather die than come back to his son.

His first school, family, and the kids at the school who found out everything somehow. picked on him until he didn't want to take it anymore. The first fight was judged as a game going too far. Then the second followed, then the third. He lost count and was deemed a future troubled kid not long after, soon the family thought he was too much and before he could finish the school year he was sent back to the orphanage.

The new kids always seemed scared and nervous around the orphanage when they first came, so Keith took it upon himself to teach them all they would need to know. He didn't want them to know how awful it could be if you made the wrong mistake too many times, like him. He had a sweet spot for the smaller ones, always finding small ways to distract them from any thoughts that would help them in any way. He figured that just because he had to live like it, didn't mean they had to. So he became the person he needed, and it worked. Kid after kid got adopted to forever homes, some sent letters after a few years. Giving updates and saying their thanks for being the helping hand in how to deal with the situation, promises that if he ever needed someone they would try their best to help.

The worst places he got were always the most convincing until Keith got caught with bruises, a small scar on his back was a constant reminder of "Mr. Harrison". How he hated when the awful days came, even years later. The panic attacks he had when he managed to get back to his room, the times he had to fix himself in a hurry to not make Shiro suspicious that it was getting bad again. Now it just seemed stupid to hide it from Shiro, why could he never tell him the bad things, always the "I'm fine, just worked too much."

His time at the Garrison was the best, meeting Shiro, finding his love for flying. Training every day and doing his best to keep Shiro around, but not trying to surpass him. The night they would just talk about everything and nothing at all, trying to remember the constellations and imagining flying among everything unknown to humankind.

Losing Shiro, getting in more fights, fighting Iverson was the last piece before he got kicked out. God at the time he was so mad, but now he could only remember the face of everyone around that had witnessed it. It was one of those memories that was fun to look back on, not when it had happened at the time. Shiro would be shocked if he ever found out he not only got kicked out but hit an actual Officer, even better Iverson.

Then the cave where he meets Lance, Pidge, and Hunk for the first time. Getting Shiro back, being thrown into an intergalactic war he wasn't aware of, being a Paladin, finding out his mother was Galra. When he and Allura escaped to keep the rest safe and made up on the way. Cradling Lance in his arms, the fight after. How many fights had he and Lance had? He couldn't remember.

He closed his eyes, prepared for this to be the last memories of him. Died in a war, never knowing his mother. Like father like son, as the others had said when he told someone he wanted to become a fireman.

The bang never came.

He opened his eyes, the shield gone.

Was he dead? He moved to the coms button, turning it on again.

"-ITH!"

"KEITH!"

"ANSWER ME!" "KE-"

"I'm here." His voice came quietly, barely above a whisper. He felt cold, why was he cold?

"Thank god! Someone shot a powerful enough thing to destroy it in time." He didn't hit it, he failed.

"Oh." Why was he so disappointed? He survived, right?

"That's good, is Voltron safe?"

"What? Keith, YOU ALMOST DIED! Are YOU ok?!"

"Yea, fine. I'm reporting back to base, good work, Matt." "Wait, Keith! We have to tal-" He turned it off again, just sitting in silence a little while,

He took a deep breath before flying the ship back to where the Blade of Memoria was located. Onboard people were running, the makeshift medical center was packed, people running around, either looking for friends, family, or patients who needed immediate attention.

"Keith!" Kolivan's voice called above the chaos, making Keith turn and walk towards the leader.

"Anything I can help with?" "Unless you know about Galra anatomy, no. Voltron was thinking of throwing a party for the victory. Boost morals after such a hard fight. It was decided before the fight, I was planning on going to the meeting, but I'm needed here. I want you to go, you probably also miss your team." His eyes were looking over a chart as she spoke, pointing to something on it and giving it to a different member.

"I'm not good at diplomacy, we both know tha-" "I'll send Regris with you. He'll make sure you don't go missing again." "Did- Did you just make a joke?" "If you wanna call it that, get ready. You leave in 90 ticks." And with that he walked away to help, leaving Keith standing there. He still felt cold, was he in shock. Might as well just go wait by the ship before he leaves with Regris.

"There you are tiny Galra. We almost thought we lo-" As Keith got closer Regris stopped with the teasing, they had been around each other enough to understand when and when not to tease. "You alright?"

"Just peachy." "You almost look like when we got you back from those Bulgems, so I'm going to say that was a lie." "It's nothing, just a close death experience, Nothing new." "Oh, I'm assuming no one else knows." "I'm still alive, so no need to worry." The conversation died out with that, Regris going to take the controls. Flying out of the hangar and towards the Castle of Lions.

"So what do you know of the meeting?" Regris hadn't gotten the full information as he was just sent off to take charge in making any deals and make sure the smaller half-Galra didn't fight anyone. "Voltron was talking about throwing a party in honor of winning the fight, they seemed to have talked about it before the fight started."

"Oh! That means the Rebellion will be there, great. I can give a wink to the Kalju there, you have seen her, right? Gorgeous beyond the stars."

"Wait, the Rebellion will be there? Do you know who?"

"Umm, probably the Green Paladins brother, them being family and all. Then there is probably-" Keith wasn't focused on the other, fuck. This might get messy, Matt was in theory the only witness to his attempt earlier. He would have to tell Matt not to tell it to any of the Paladins, especially Shiro.

"Keith, hey buddy?"

"Huh? Yeah, what's the problem?"

"You spaced out, sure you ok?"

"Yeah, just fine."

"If you say so."

The rest of the flight was quiet, the humming of the ship and the coms being the only sound. "Blade of Memoria, on your doorstep. Reporting for the meeting, got the Red Paladin with me."

"Alright, hangar door 5 will open in a bit. There is quite the gathering, someone thought the party would be now. So let some fly back out."

"Alright, we got time." Regris muted their side of the coms before turning and looking Keith in the eyes, even with the mask on Keith could tell he was serious.

"You wanna talk before we go inside? You humans don't like, piss yourself when this happens right? Like do I have to worry about-"

"No, absolutely not. I'm fine, just hope it doesn't get too messy."

"Why would something get messy?"

"If Matt's there he would wanna talk, I just hope he can wait till after the meeting to mention anything."

"Want me to stay close by?"

"No, go wink at that Kalju that you can't stop talking about. And try getting her name this time."

"Oh, fuck you. I know her name."

"Then you don't mind telling me what it is."

"It's... Kaltura."

"It's Laura."

"How do you know her name?!"

"I talked to her once, she seems nice. Was giving you eyes the whole time we talked."

"Shut your yapper."

"I'm just saying, she is into-"

"Hangar 5 have been cleared, go on in." Allura's voice came through. Regris unmuted before answering.

"Entering hangar." Giving Keith a small glare through the mask as he just shrugged it off with a small smirk.

"At least you don't look like a ghost now."

"Hey!"

"You're welcome!"

The room was full as they entered, the Paladins and the resident of the Castle of Lions all stood in the center. Matt and some other Rebell fighters were on their right side and some other aliens Keith wasn't sure he had seen before were on the left. A hologram for those that couldn't make it in time was in the middle of the circle. It went by smoothly, all agreed that as soon as everyone was back in shape they would have a small gathering on a planet Keith forgot the name of. His eyes kept going to Matt, who didn't take his eyes of him once. It seemed Pidge noticed and made Lance who was the closest to Shiro notice too. Hunk had noticed after a few more doboshes, even Regris who could be so dense sometimes noticed the tenseness between the two humans.

"Unless there is any more people would like to mentions, that will be all." People made their way to the door as they prepared to share the news. Keith turned to follow the crowd.

"Keith, wait." Shiro had spoken before he could act like he didn't hear it over the celebration among the smiling aliens.

"I got to get back to the base, they-"

"Good try, tiny Galra. But you heard Kolivan unless you know Galra anatomy good enough to help there you're free to roam."

"I know-"

"I wouldn't ask you for help if I got a papercut." Keith only glared as Regris went towards the door. "Plus I got a gorgeous Kalju to talk to. Call for me if you need more dirt on him." And with that Regirs left Keith at the mercy of an angry Holt and a very confused team.

"So, anyone wanna say why you guys were starring daggers at each other?" This time Lance spoke up, Allura seemed to catch on to what was going on. Having been so into the planning not to focus on the things around her.

"I'll start, this absolute dumbass-"

"Was going to talk to you about this. Privately."

"Privately?! This includes them just as much. SHIRO deserves to know."

"They don't deserve to know shit about it. Neither should you have."

"Why are you so ok with dying?!" The room went silent. Keith's eyes shoot to Shiro, who looked confused, hurt almost.

"What are you talking about? Keith's here." Lance spoke up again.

"Yeah, on pure luck. If that Lotor- Prince of whatever didn't show up, Keith would have been dead. Giving his life to a thing that might have worked."

"It would have worked."

"That's all you have to say?!" Matt walked towards Keith, closing the previous distance. "You left me to hear your last words. And if I remember correctly, This is war, I'm playing my part. Is the worst thing to have as last known words." Keith couldn't look Matt in the eyes, just keeping them on Shiro who looked to be processing the situation.

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you're sorry?! That it was dumb and you regret it?! ANYTHING!"

"But I don't! I'd do it again. Voltron was in trouble and SOMEONE had to do something!" Things were getting more and more heated, Hunk thought of contacting Regris just in case. Keith looked Matt in the eyes, cursed be his height making him lookup. The disbelief was easy to read, and Keith was furious. How many others had died for this dumb war and had people miss them, and here they acted like Keith dying wouldn't be just another person lost to a tragedy.

"Keith." Shiro's voice was strangely calm. "Did you forget the promise?"

"Don't you dare bring up stupid promises now, Shiro."

"If I remember correctly, you promised to never pull a stunt like this again." Hunk was panicking, trying to call for Regris in the most discreet attempt he could.

"Pidge, Hunk. Get Regris." Allura seemed to catch again what was being indicated, Keith cursed how sharp she was.

"On it."

"No, fuck Regris. I'm leaving anyway." Keith put his hands up and turned to walk away, he didn't want everyone to know his business. Shiro seemed to move faster, grabbing his hand and showing him into the middle of the room.

"Hunk, Pidge, get Regris. There is something he might want to know as well."

"Don't you dare!" Keith screamed as they ran out the doors, he would have run after, but with not wanting to prove the point that Regris was needed and that Shiro was in his way.

"Matt, why don't you tell how it happened." Shiro had never seemed so scary for the others, Keith hated when Shiro got this furious. It had happened once before when Keith told him some elder kids were picking on him, the kids ran scared, to say the least.

"He called me, asking how much speed a ship would need to hit the shield and destroy it. He said he had a ship he could use, then told me he would use his own. I could see him when he gave the trusters all the power towards it. Lost sight of him after the shield went down, blew me off for overreacting when he turned coms back on. Then went silent as he returned to the base." Matt decided to keep it short, with little detail.

"Someone had to do something-"

"You don't get to say that." Shiro was starting to raise his voice, in Keith's experience this was better than the white furry that he had previously.

"It's my decision!"

"Then it's my choice to remind you that this is the sixth time I hear you do something stupid for the sake of the universe. From someone else, nonetheless." Keith hated that he was the shortest in this situation, he was feeling like he was 8 again. Arguing adult, shouting at him, disappointment, anger. He hated that Shiro put him in this situation, did he do it on purpose.

"What do you mean sixth?" Matt spoke this time.

"Oh, right. Of course, Keith can't tell everyone how amazing he has to be when there is a dangerous mission that needs someone flexible. Kolivan keeps me updated on everything that happens, the almost being blown up to save someone who made up their mind, the prisoner who needed a mask because they were too hurt to make it without a mask through space. And let's mention the glorious scars that you got from the other four times. Hell, you were ready to die when trying to get the red lion!" Keith looked at the floor, he could feel all eyes on him. Kolivan was telling them everything that had happened.

"It's nothing." His voice was just above a whisper.

"Nothing?! Keith, we talked about this before I even left Earth! No. More. Suicide. Attempt."

"Wait what?" Lance was the one to voice his concern.

"Oh, you want to know. This, ladies and gentlemen, are the one and only Keith Kogane, who survive all murder and suicide attempts since he was 12." Keith wanted to cry, he had come to talk about a party, and here Shiro was telling everyone his business. He hadn't even told Shiro when it started, confused over how he knew. It clicked.

"You looked through my file." His voice was shaking. "The only reason someone can look through someone else's legal files is if they are assigned a special needs mentor." Not Shiro went silent. "We didn't meet on accident, did we?" Now Keith was seeing white, he had trusted Shiro.

"Keith-"

"No. Say it. Say I'm wrong. Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't get assigned to me as a fucking project, did you at least get a good grade?! Huh?! Perfect Shiro, always getting straight S or A's. Well for your fucking information I got kicked out."

"Keith..." Shiro's eyes got sad. The other ones in the room went still.

"I think we should leave you-"

"No, you know what. Since you wanna talk about me, let's share some of you." Keith turned to face them, a crazy smile on his face. "Shiro over here, mister perfect. Little mister suck up. Can't say no to a task if it will give him a better grade. Everything to get Iverson's attention."

"Keith, it's not like that."

"You wanna look me in the eyes and tell me you wanted work with the troubled kid from fuckings nowhere. What did you get in return? A grade? No, I would hope you had better morals. A higher rank? Speed up the process, maybe be under Iverson as soon-" Keith froze, the realization settled. "You did it to be on the Kerberos mission." Shiro kept eye contact, eyes filling with tears.

"You're like a brother to me, Keith. I care about-"

"You can shove that care up ur own ass, Takashi." As is on cue, Pidge, Hunk, and Regris were in the doorway. Starring in shock at Keith in the middle.

"Ok, I see this is turning into a much bigger thing. Good thing I'm here. Why don't we calm down and start at the beginning?" Regris moved towards Keith, closing the distance between who would be the biggest threat if things turned violent.

"I think we got way past that point," Allura spoke with a small voice. "How about we all take a break? I think some food will be good for us all."

"I'm going back, Regris you coming or staying?"

"Oh no, your not. I locked the ship, only I can activate it for today. So we're talking this out because I know damn well you're not going to take your anger out on any agents when fighting. We don't need anymore injured."

"Then don't mind if I leave this room, or better yet. These people." And with that Keith walked out, ready to take some pent-up frustration familiarly. The Guardians in the training room.

"Let's get some food. Then discuss what to do." Allura motioned towards the kitchen, Hunk following to probably make the food. Pidge and Regris who didn't have any clue what happened followed suit.

Shiro couldn't take his eyes off where Keith had stood previously, lost in thought. Lance just stood there awkwardly as things processed.

"Shiro." Lance moved, touching his arm to get him to move, Matt seemingly getting back to this reality. "Let's go." Shiro walked in a trance, he couldn't focus. Stumbling as he walked with Lance and Matt, each in their own thoughts.

"You think he's still mad?" Shiro's voice was a whisper,

"You think he's still fighting?" Matt had answered with sarcasm.

"Regris, you have been with him the most these last months. What would you say we do?" Allura had spoken up.

"I don't know. I have never seen him ready to kill someone close up before."

"What do you mean?"

"Keith's a mighty fighter once he has a personal reason."

"You said before, what do you mean?" This time Hunk spoke up.

"You don't know? Keith went missing for two months a while ago. He won't talk about it, but he hasn't been the same since."

"Explain." Pidge was entering the conversation with her full attention.

"He doesn't hesitate."

"Hesitate?"

"He would hesitate when attacking something non-robotic like he meant that everyone should get the choice. And it was never lethal, only to push them to slow down or give up. No slicing, if you know."

"Now he doesn't?"

"He can get in this trance like he forgets where he is. Like he's somewhere else. Somewhere he has to fight with no mercy, clean cuts, and easy solutions, he also has all these new 'scars'. They look painful, after someone asked about them he started showering when no one else was there, glaring at anyone who mentioned it. Everyone got worried when he couldn't sleep, just wandering aimlessly around the base. We had a small party for one of the agents who had their birthday, he was drinking like it was water. After that, he would get challenged to drinking contests left and right, he's so tiny yet it takes so much alcohol for him to get 'wasted' as he described it." This made Shiro flinch, hard. He stood up, damn it if Keith was still mad.

"Shiro-"

"Don't." Lance stopped Allura. This was something serious that Allura wouldn't need to witness.

"Someone should go, Lance."

"I know, but does anyone here know how to act?" The room went silent.

"Then I'll go. If I'm right, Regris should also join." The two stood up and walked after Shiro, Matt decided to follow. Telling the other that they got I handled with an attempt at a reassuring smile.

"Stop training sequence!" Shiro's voice stopped Keith in his tracks as the robot vanished bat where it came from.

"What do you want?"

"You promised to never drink, you would get healthy!"

"And you promised to stay, to be there for me. THAT YOU CARED FOR ME! Guess we both can't keep promises." Lance and Regris followed behind, Matt being a few steps behind.

"But, Keith. Drinking? You said you stopped."

"I did. I got good grades, acted like a decent human being then shit happens. Then you vanished."

"That wasn't my fault."

"Oh, I know. It's mine, my fucked up family! That was never any help!"

"What?"

"You think the Galra ship just happened to pass by?" Keith threw his knife at the wall, sticking it at a perfect angle.

"Turns out they sent out a signal, any deserted Galras were to be executed. Guess being half-Galra counts. They came, thought you were the one that responded to it. Because when I hugged you, you got tiny bits of Galra DNA that responds to Haggars fucking magic. Wanna know the best part. She fucking loved seeing me!" Keith froze as the worst came out.

"What do you mean, she 'saw you'?" Regris was the next to make a noise of understanding.

"You were found in an empty ship, a big one, some of it was blown up. It would have blown up with you in it."

"The arena." Keith turned his head, not looking at anyone. He had tried to make things easier for Shiro back then, he would tell him that it had been blown up by some rebel prisoners.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Shiro wanted to hug Keith, never let go, and just keep him safe from everything this awful universe would send the boy next.

"Because I can take it, you can. So why shouldn't I?"

"You didn't tell anyone, because you thought I'm fine?"

"No, I didn't say anything because everyone has some shit going on. You have problems sleeping, you freeze sometimes when you see me, anyone that to your knowledge is even just a tiny bit Galra. I can see it every time. And who am I to tell anyone else? Lande, Pidge, and Hunk have their problems, they worry about their family back on Earth. The Blade has enough with the missions that help Voltron get information. The knowledge or death thing."

"You can always talk to me. No matter what."

"So you can put it in my file? You know I should have realized that part a long time ago, how else could they know all I said. My dumbass thought they just had microphones everywhere. Guess I was wrong there too."

"I can explain if you let me."

"I think I get it. It started as a project, then you started to care, and then you left for the mission that was the whole reason you became close to me. Got trapped, unbeknown to you that it was my subconscious fault-"

"It's not your fault, but yeah. Pretty spot on."

"The worst is that I actually cared about you, I thought I could trust you." The room went silent, no one spoke. But now Keith was the one to hold eye contact with Shiro, who seemed to have stopped breathing.

"You cared, or convinced me that you cared. Genuinely cared for me, the sweet words, moments. So what I fucked up again. I drank again, hell I got back to smoking once in a while back in the desert." Keith walked to his knife, pulling it out. Just looking at the blade. "So yeah, I fucked up. Again. I will continue to fuck up. Again and again. Because I don't give a fuck anymore." Keith was planning on walking out of the room, leaving Shiro to think. But everyone was hiding behind the corner, staring at him.

"Oh for fuck sake, what you can't write what you find out in a file anymore so you have witnessed?" Keith was fuming, he hated this. Being stuck here, trapped in a place of people he didn't trust anymore.

"What it's not like that! I never gave them information on you!" Now Shiro was straight up hurt.

"Well it doesn't matter, I don't plan on going back to earth again."

"You can't be serious. What about everyone, everything you leave behind!"

"Oh yeah, because the shack in the desert is such a home. The Garrison would likely let me work there! I have nowhere, so I'm staying here. In space."

"What about us? Your team."

"Never heard of the saying. If you can go 21 days without it, you can survive never seeing it again. Guess who has been gone for months."

"What will you even do in space? Look for your mom?"

"Maybe I will! Hell, I bet she might not even be alive, but never too late to meet. Am I right?"

"That's it, I'm keeping you under watch until the day I die."

"When will you stop treating me like I'm suicidal?"

"When you start acting like a person who wants to live!" The ship went quiet, Keith staring at Shiro and him staring back. Neither wanting to say anything more. So Keith does what he knows best, and has wanted to do since after the meeting.

"I'm leaving. Regris, either we walk or I'm hijacking the ship." Keith walked pasted Shiro, not looking him once in the eyes as he bumped into his shoulder.

"Don't you dare." Regris followed suit, not wanting to have to explain why the mechanics would have to fix another ship.

"Keith, wait!" Lance came running after. Grabbing his hand.

"Leave it, Lance. I'm leaving." Keith didn't look at him, only at the ground towards the hangar.

"I- Just be safe. We all miss you being here."

"Got it. Hope the party turns out to be fun."

And with that Keith left, he didn't look back once as the ship landed in the Blade of Memoria base. He just walked to Kolivan, gave the information then went to train with the others who felt like they needed a break from thinking.

"Did something happen?" Kolivan asked Regris as caught up to the smaller Galra that had just disappeared.

"What didn't happen?" He shrugs his shoulder and just stared at the door where Keith has vanished. "I'd hate to be the one against Keith now." Krolivan seemed to catch on and started walking towards the training grounds in a hurry, Regris giving a small chuckle before following in a light jog to keep up.

"Spill it."

"He won't be going back for a while, and they would appreciate if he didn't go on any missions for a while. And you know the months he was gone?" Krolivan gave a light nod. "He was with the witch." And with that Krolivan began running. A loud thud was heard and a few grunts from the doors as they got closer.

"What will we ever do with him?" Krolivan sighed before entering and seeing the damage done.