She thinks her brain will stop her, because she does halt, reading Rachel's text messages over and over again.

Gripping the door frame tightly, she thinks she'll turn around any second now, burying her shaking hands in the pockets of her coat and flee the scene.

She thinks, it's not too late yet, she can recover from an almost mistake. It's not entirely impossible because Donna's dealt with guilt and regret before, and if she just walk away now, this won't be the end of the world.

Then the door falls open, and Mark's standing there, eyes filled with desire and lust and she needs this, desperate to feel something, anything really, beyond this dread.

So Donna exhales, and then she stops thinking.

Mark's mumbling something about how he wasn't sure she'd come and she blindly notes the absence of his silver ring. It helps her pretend, because they both know the piece of jewelry wasn't put there by her.

He offers her a drink, which Donna hesitantly accepts. She's had her fair share of wine tonight already, and a hangover won't do any good. But then again, there's no doubt in mind she'll need it to calm down her nerves.

Neither is anywhere near sober when they start undressing each other. It's easier that way, perhaps she can then list it as nothing more than a drunken mistake. But despite her foggy mind, and her current lack of rational thinking, Donna knows deep down that this will most likely eat at her every day for the rest of her life.

She could've walked away. She chose not to. Perhaps the shame she feels is well deserved.

Donna's shivering when she slips her panties back on, moisture burn under her eyelids and her thighs feel sticky. She just slept with a married man to feel better about herself, to feel wanted if so only for a night, and she fights the sudden urge to be sick.

"I should go." Donna croaks out, and Mark doesn't blame her when she flees out the door, nor does he try to stop her.


The scraping sound of her apartment keys turning in the lock echoes through the deserted hallway behind her. And it's only a moment later, when she's surrounded by familiar walls, that Donna surrenders to the tears.

She feels dirty and nauseous, already cursing the hangover tomorrow will bring upon her. The attempts to brush away the wetness from under her eyes is all unsuccessful, and she hurries to the shower, hoping the water will wash away this feeling all together.

After hastily and a bit clumsy shedding herself of her coat and remaining clothing, Donna finally steps in under the running water. Goosebumps instantly cover her skin and she turns up the heat until it's almost painful.

Her thoughts unwillingly drift to Harvey, like they naturally and painfully do nowadays. Harvey, who's out celebrating his two month anniversary with another woman. Harvey, who's happy, and growing into this new man she could have potentially started to see a future with. Except whatever she thought might be there, clearly wasn't, and it appears he wants the same things as her, he just doesn't want it with her.

It hurts, more than Donna wants to acknowledge. That he's managing to move on from them so effortlessly and she's stuck in this dark place she can't seem to claw her way out of.

Harvey, who loathes cheating more than anything or anyone he's ever went up against. She wonders if he'd look at her with as much disgust as she's currently feeling. She truthfully doesn't want to find out.

It's the irony of him haunting her mind, that leaves Donna sighing when she emerges from the bathroom and renting the air is the sound of three careful knocks. She wraps the robe tightly around her front as she makes her way to the door, slightly unsteady on her feet.

She doesn't reflect before flinging it open, and as soon as she lay eyes on him, Donna realizes her mistake. She just stares at first, because for once, she's absolutely clueless to why Harvey's standing at her doorstep. And then she watches his face fall, the ghost of a smirk abruptly vanishing from his lips. His eyes begin scanning her instead and her own probably look as heavy and swollen as they feel.

Donna chooses to ignore the obvious, using his silence to try and gain some control over the situation because she feels awfully trapped, knowing he's able to read her just as well these days.

"What are you doing here?" She asks quietly, shifting the focus on him. Sadly her voice betrays her and she almost winches at how weak she sounds.

Harvey frowns, he had a whole speech planned in his head before showing up here, confessions to make and truths to be told. He'd been flustered and nervous, hopeful too, and now, now he's just worried.

"Is everything okay?"

It's not. Her cheeks burn with heat and her head is spinning but somehow she pushes through, keeping her arms protectively around herself.

"I'm fine." Donna responds harshly, but then she closes her eyes, visibly needing a moment to collect herself. She's swaying a bit too he notices, and Harvey can tell with a certainty that something's not right.

She looks defeated and... he knows that look. It's unmistakably the very same one she wore the night Louis found out the truth about Mike. Guilt. He knows because he hates whenever she wears it, blaming herself for mistakes that aren't hers, only this time he's no idea what's caused her to feel this way.

"Can I come inside?" He tries, hoping a careful approach will give some results because there's no way in hell he's leaving until she's filled him in on what's wrong.

Donna shakes her head, which only inflames her dizziness and she forces herself to swallow down the unwelcoming feeling that's building in her throat. "Harvey, it's late. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow." She rasps, whatever fight she has left making itself heard.

Concern is well past the point of overweighing Harvey's fear and anxiousness he was experiencing on his way here, for what her reaction would be when he were to tell her that Paula isn't the one, and the reason to why his former therapist never could be the one. And he still has every intention of sharing it with Donna, only finding out what's troubling her feels like a more important matter at this second.

"Actually, it can't." He pushes, and Harvey is a little stunned when she caves and steps aside, making enough room for him to enter just like that.

Little does he know Donna's mere seconds away from throwing up and she has a feeling slamming the door shut in his face won't simply make him leave. So she lets him follow her into the apartment, sensing his stare as she pours herself a glass of water and drops down on the nearest chair, breathing heavily.

Harvey patiently waits, taking the seat next to her and Donna appreciates the quiet moment, needing those minutes to recover from the impact his presence's caused. Because it's Harvey, and she can't have him finding out about her whereabouts tonight, can't handle the disappointment.

But he's stubborn, and worry sparks within his eyes. Donna knows then it'll be a difficult task talking her way out of this one, because in regard to Harvey, that's a very dangerous combination.

"Why are you here, Harvey? Aren't you supposed to be out celebrating?" She strikes first because it's the only upper hand she'll get. Maybe mentioning Paula will scare him away or-

"We broke up, Donna." He ended it, is the real truth.

It's twice he's left her speechless tonight, and these news, he says them like they're supposed to change things. Yet her headache only increases and the relief she so desperately wants to feel, never comes.

"You should go." Donna tells him hoarsely.

"Tell me what happened." It's not a question this time, but it's still said so gentle. He cares so much about her that it hurts and he's been a fool for allowing the distance between them lately.

Donna slowly shakes her head. "I can't have you hating me too, Harvey."

Hate her. He could never come anywhere close to hating her. She makes him feel the opposite of that, but it wouldn't be fair to drop the whole truth on her, not like this.

"Donna, trust me on this, there's nothing you could say that would make me hate you. Nothing."

On instinct, his thumb quickly moves to wipe away the tears present on her cheeks, for that they're shattering his heart in the process, and the action alone is enough to make her relent.

"I slept with Mark. He's married and I knew."

Harvey freezes, his hand stilling at her cheek. Mark. He recalls the name from years ago, remembers when she had to confess before the entire firm how she'd chosen Harvey over her previous boyfriend. Mark. She'd slept with him again, tonight, that's why she's drunk and completely shaken by guilt.

Harvey doesn't like the guy one bit, that's his first thought, but then he repeats her admission in his head. Married. She knew.

The old Harvey would be furious, not understanding anything beyond that her actions were wrong, but strangely he is not. Hurt, perhaps, for reasons that has to do with his feelings for her, the ones he came here to talk about in the first place. For that he could never love Paula, and maybe that's precisely why he'd ran to her, because he didn't truly care whether they would last or not. But Donna.. with Donna he could lose everything, and that's terrifying.

All that, had hit him tonight, that's why he picked a fight with Paula, setting them up for failure because all she truly wanted was a broken man she could fix, and Harvey is not all that anymore.

Donna begins rambling then, freaked out by his loss of words. "It didn't mean anything, Harvey, I swear. And I know that's not an excuse and you have every right to tell me how selfish and horrible I am. God, I'm so sorry." She apologizes over and over again and Harvey's never seen her like this before.

Reaching for her hand, he finally catches her attention. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad, Donna."

"Did you hear what I just said? I slept with a married man." She stares at him and waits for it to truly sink it, prepared it'll change his attitude and that he'll look at her differently, like she's a stranger to him as much as she is to herself. Because she had known, entering the hotel, she had known, and some damaged part of her hadn't cared what it would do to the family who's names she didn't even bother to find out. She had only been thinking about how she needed to feel needed and desired.

But Harvey doesn't even move, his hand stays tangled with hers.

"I heard you, but I also know you, and you're not selfish. You might've made a mistake, but that's allowed Donna. You're only human." Sometimes he thinks that Donna forgets because nobody is there to remind her about that fact. He should have been that person. He wants to be that person now.

"How about I stay here tonight, and we'll talk about everything in the morning?" Harvey offers, because knowing Donna also means he can tell that having this conversation right now, wouldn't end any good. And even if he poured out his entire soul, she wouldn't believe him, and he can't risk her pushing him away when she needs a friend the most.

Donna remembers now, that they rarely touch for this reason. Her guard falters too easily and regardless of her mind screaming no, that she doesn't deserve his comfort, she finds herself nodding.

Harvey squeezes her fingers, "Good. Do you need me to help you-"

"I'll manage." She mumbles, stubbornly getting up from the chair. And it's a foolish move, leading her to swiftly grab onto it again, feeling terribly faint.

"Donna."

She sighs, "Fine."

And its a miracle that she eventually relaxes under his touch, letting him lead her through the apartment like it hasn't been years since he last set foot in there.

She says she's sorry again and Harvey fears she'll wake up and brush it off, pretend what happened wasn't a big deal, because Donna may have the ability to advice others into opening up, but whenever it concerns her own feelings, she'd rather not discuss it.

He stays on her coach that night but he doesn't sleep. His head is a mess and he tries, really tries, to think back to where they went so completely wrong. He's scared and a part of him wants to run and hide, incase tomorrow won't work out the way he'd planned.

But, for once, he denies the fear like he's been denying his feelings about Donna for years, and he stays, he puts his own needs second and it hurts to think about how many times she did this choice, and how she picked him, every time. Even when he didn't deserve it.

Everything he thinks, he owes her everything.


Donna startles awake from a strange sound coming out of her kitchen, and she groans as she sits up in the bed. Her throat feels sore, and there's a glass of water on her nightstand that she instantly reaches for. Until it hits her, she didn't leave it there, and oh god.

Harvey's here. And he knows about Mark, about the marriage she did not care for.

But for whatever reason, he'd stayed, and Donna rubs her forehead trying to remember how their conversation had played out yesterday. She feels her stomach drop when she recalls about his break up, and she must be really off her game, because she hadn't seen that one coming either.

Nausea hits her hard and sudden, and Donna forces herself out of bed, heading for the bathroom. Locking the door doesn't even cross her mind, because a few seconds later she's hurling her guts out in the toilet, eyes shut together and body aching. In between heaves she curses herself for her drunken stupidity and how she'd given into the temptation knowing damn well one drink would most likely turn into two, and so on.

The floor feels cold against her bare legs and there's a brief memory of Harvey assisting her to change into the shirt she's currently wearing, that grows clearer when she hears his voice behind her. The next thing she knows he's holding her hair back and she wants to cry because last night was embarrassing enough, but she thinks this is even worse.

He tells her it'll pass and he once said he didn't do the comfort thing, but his tone is gentle and his hands feel warm and Donna can't help but lean into him.

It feels like an eternity later and the silence has grown too heavy again when she mumbles, "I didn't think you'd still be here when I woke up."

"Why wouldn't I be? I said we'd talk, right?"

He makes it sound so easy and Donna swallows. She's usually the one asking him to open up, not the other way around. "Because I screwed up, Harvey. And I have no idea why you aren't angry at what I did."

"Why did you do it?"

"I- I don't know. It sounds awful, but he wanted me and somehow that was enough. I'd take it back if I could." It must sound pathetic but she can't figure out why herself.

What surprises her is his response, and Donna's predicted Harvey's actions on a daily basis before. She hates not being able to now.

"Then I have a confession of my own to make. I came here last night to apologize, because I messed up too, Donna." Harvey steals her hand, relieved when she doesn't pull away.

"Running to Paula was a big mistake, and if it hurt you, I'm truly sorry. Donna, I broke up with her because all I can think about is you. All the time. I see pieces of you in everything, and I'm sorry for not telling you any of this sooner."

She holds her breath.

Pieces of you. In everything. All the time.

He's sorry.

She wishes he could have told her all this a couple days ago and perhaps she would have cried, called him an idiot and asked what took him so long. But that's not today. She's pretty sure what she's currently feeling is fear, and deargod, she almost prays that he'll take it back, like he always does.

"Donna I-"

"Harvey, stop."

He does, but he also doesn't miss the fact that she suddenly sounds cold, or that her voice doesn't waver anymore. She knows exactly what he was about to say, and she didn't let him. It stings, until the silence hits again and Harvey understands that she's only trying to give him an out. A chance to forget this conversation ever happened.

"Donna. I'm not going anywhere. I'm in love with you and yesterday, what happened, it doesn't matter to me."

He waits for the world to come crumbling down. Like it once did. He thought saying it would feel weird, for love is not a word he easily trows out there. Telling Donna he's in love with her should be difficult and- It simply is not.

Donna closes her eyes. This is the man she's loved for the past thirteen years, and he's here, confessing his feelings to her while holding her to his chest on her bathroom floor. And it's not like when he left her without an explanation, all those years ago, no that was a different kind of hurt.

But this hurts as well because, "It matters to me, Harvey."

She slept with Mark and it matters. It matters because she doesn't recognize her own choices and it matters because she feels lost and she's ashamed. It matters. It means she's not ready.

But Donna does love Harvey, and he deserves her honesty, now more than ever.

"I don't want us to rush into this. Because I do, love you Harvey. You know I do."

If he lets out a sigh of relief she doesn't comment.

"Then we won't. I'll give you some time and space if that's what you need, and when you're ready, I will ask you out on a date. One step at a time."

"A date?"

"A date."

She smiles. He missed making her smile.

And when Harvey eventually does take her out on that date, he decides that he doesn't care how long it took them to get here. He kisses her in the rain outside her building afterwards and he pretends to be the gentleman they both know he isn't, and doesn't follow her up to her apartment that night. He waits because she's been patient with him for years.

One step at a time. They'll get there eventually.

And they do.