Hi there. This is just vent projected onto a character, like Ronnie did a few weeks ago. Let's say this is... me being inspired by her. Yeah, let's say that.


Hiya Jack. I'm... finally responding to this, I guess. I found this letter on the street below the penthouse. I'm guessing the wind must have blown it down.

I don't really know how to respond. I've been procrastinating doing it for three weeks now. I don't know what's gotten me to finally do it, but here I am... writing stuff down. Neither you or I are fantastic at this whole... talking thing, so this'll be interesting.

Yeah... I noticed. I could pretend, and say that I'd noticed nothing about you being a jerk, but I ain't. That ain't gonna get us anywhere.

Now I could lie again, and be like "what, we've been drifting apart, since when?"... But once again, that would be lying. I've felt that too. Everything changed unbelievably much when we escaped the Refuge. Well, obviously. Back then it was just the two of us, stuck together in a place where we couldn't even talk all the time. We'd have to have massive conversations in a short span of time, only to then not talk for hours because of the guards' rules and everything.

Of course I like it better how it is now. Or how it was. We have all the freedom to talk whenever, no more rules, and most importantly, we have all the other fellas. The fellas that are equally much my friends as your friends. But some are definitely more your friends than mine. And I guess... that's where the drifting-apart problems started for me.

In the beginning, it was all fun and great. I loved how we bragged about having known each other longer than everyone else. We were better friends than everyone else, and it was obvious. Both because we kept telling people we were, and because we just... were.

But then everything changed. Les (and Davey) joined the group. Of course both of them are great fun, and essential parts of the group now, but... I can't help but feel like Les in particular changed things. As soon as he became part of the group, he started telling everyone - even people outside of the group - how he was your favorite. You never really denied it, so... so I guess I believed him. Of course there's nothing wrong in becoming closer to Les, and I probably shouldn't have made that assumption, but it felt hard not to. Especially when you started getting closer to not only him, but also Crutchie and Smalls. That was also when we started finding more and more stuff we disagreed about. And that was a hard realization to face. After a while, I started feeling like I was being pushed away. You were hanging more with some other fellas, and I was with them too, but I didn't feel like I had the same connection to them as you did.

That's when Albert brought up the idea of me and him moving into the same room at the lodging house. I thought it was a fun opportunity, so we became roommates. With spending that much more time together, it became kind of inevitable that we became much closer to each other. At the same time, I could feel you and I drifting further and further apart.

I guess, when I felt ignored by you, Albert always had a good response to what I was saying. When I had noticed you not being the kindest, he was always willing to comfort me.

Of course I miss the two of us: a duo of best friends - Jack and Race against the world! I wish I could point out a specific day, a specific reason, or a specific moment that was the dropping point, so we could go back and fix it. But I can't. I have no idea when, where, or what exactly caused this, and that pains me. All I know is that after a while of feeling ignored and disrespected, I started to give it back. I was a jerk too, and I ignored some of the important or fun things you told us, just because of the grudge of knowing that was what I felt like was being done to me. I wanted to be happy for you, but some part of my brain said "Jack wouldn't respond if it was your news," and I absolutely hated that. But that part of my thoughts took over. It's incredibly unfair to you.

I want us to go back to how it used to be. Back to when you hadn't seen the full extent of how annoying I really can be, ha ha... I shouldn't be joking this off, sorry. It's just a way to cope or something, I think. But now you know the full, true version of who I am, and who I can be. I can ramble for hours about one topic, but then only pay attention to another topic for half a minute before my attention span runs out. And about Spot... Yeah, there's a lot of pining happening. I really like him a lot, and so... constant talking about him just happens... And I could quite clearly see how you were getting tired of it. A couple of others clearly have too. Pretty much only Albert and Crutchie still care to listen and talk to me about him. I guess that's another thing that pushed me further away from you.

I should also have told you how much you meant to me. And that you're one of my best friends, and that I love you too. You've literally changed my life so much for the better, and I'm not sure you know that. And I care about what you have to say. However happy, sad, angry, or brutally honest it might be.

I've also felt the jealousy. Believe it or not, for a while, it felt to me like you were the popular one with all the friends. Like you were the king of New York. But maybe the king of New York is a joint position. We both need to be that.

You're my brother too, Jack. Do you know that? After discussing everything and anything with you, of course you're like family to me. But lately, it's been true that Albert's felt more like a brother to me. And please don't be mad at him for that. He's got no part in this. We've just automatically become closer, now that we share a room, and are selling partners and everything. It's just what's happened. I assumed that you felt like you had Crutchie and Smalls in the same way.

Now that you've been gone for two weeks, helping Medda with stuff at the theater, I've only gotten closer to Albert. But your absence has also changed things about how I feel about this situation with us. I barely remember all of the bad stuff. Many times I've said something to the other fellas, and only thought "Jack would probably have said this right now" and then just really missed you. It's not the same here without you. It isn't at all. We all miss you so incredibly much. Several times, we've discussed how different it feels without you. But we also understand and respect your decision to spend more time with Medda, and more time focusing on things like painting.

I desperately want to get our old friendship back. I need it back. I miss it so much. But at the same time, I don't want to change anything about mine and Albert's friendship. That one means incredibly much to me as well, and if I lost that friendship, I know I would become a complete wreck. Both you and Albert mean way too much to me. But if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even know him, or any of the others. No one can take our friendship away from us. I won't allow that. But I won't allow any change to happen to mine and Albert's friendship either. You're both my best friends now, which is a fact that just needs to be respected. I'm scared of losing either of you.

I'm sorry for any wrongs I might have done. For any thing I might have messed up with the grudges I've been holding, my short attention span, or non-logic-based assumptions. When you return from helping at the theater, let's fix this. Let's both get better.

I can't lose one of my best friends.

- Racer


So that was it. Thank you for reading. Leave a review if you feel like doing that, and I'll see you later today.

No, I'm not updating any of my existing stories. I'm publishing a new one: Manhattan Newsies.