Got caught up settling back into my old job and settling into a new one. But I finished! The epilogue, and the finale!

Thanks for sticking with me for almost two years with this fic! It may take a while as I tackle work during this pandemic, but stay tuned for more!


Having ears the literal size of an African elephant's had its advantages and disadvantages. Although they granted this hero the ability to fly like Dumbo, they gave him the incredibly embarrassing title of Elephant Man. He could've been granted the strength of an elephant, but no, it had to be the ears.

Nevertheless, Elephant Man had adapted to his name, even gone so far as to sew an elephant emblem onto his light blue suit. He didn't wear a cape, as his jumbo ears provided enough wind resistance as they flapped against his head.

On top of serving as wings, these ears were highly sensitive in terms of hearing. On one hand, it allowed Elephant Man to listen for crime. On the other, it wasn't something he could turn off. Some nights on patrol, he would hear thundering snores, kids screaming that they didn't want to go to bed, and couples grunting in ways he could unfortunately conclude as sexual.

This particular evening, Elephant Man was soaring over Hatsville. His green eyes glanced uneasily at Black Hat Manor. He always heard pretty horrifying things going on in there, but knew better than to intervene. Although his huge ears could be useful in combat—often he'd just knock his assailants over—he hardly stood a chance against the master of evil.

However, when he heard a lady's scream, Elephant Man couldn't help but hover a moment over the mansion's roof.

"Don't you dare touch me, you wicked demon!"

Elephant Man then heard Black Hat's evil cackle. "I have you tied up, my dear! I can do whatever I please!"

"No, no!" cried the woman. "I will not be defiled by the likes of you!"

"Hmm. Actually, I was simply going to kill you, but if you'd rather"

The woman then squealed and Elephant Man gasped. He'd heard people die at the claws of Black Hat, but never had the hero overheard a crime such as this from the manor. Rape was something Elephant Man just couldn't let happen on his watch, but how was he to thwart Black Hat?

I'll just swoop in, grab the girl, and get her out before he can stop me.

So, against his better judgment, Elephant Man shot downward and crashed through the big, red window. Just as he had suspected, there was a girl tied to a chair in the middle of the office. Black Hat straddled her lap, his lips breaking from the girl's face as he turned towards the hero in alarm. The Hispanic girl's blue eyes were wide, looking just as surprised. She was dressed in a black turtle neck and slacks, a gray beanie on her head, looking more like a cat burglar than a captive.

"Do you mind?" Black Hat asked in annoyance. "We're in the middle of something."

"Step away from her, you fiend!" Elephant Man said, pointing accusingly. "How dare you take advantage of a poor, helpless damsel like this?"

Black Hat and the girl glanced at each other.

"I believe he's referring to you, Lita, dear," Black Hat said.

"I believe he is." Lita gave the hero a pointed look. "Don't you know it's rude to barge into someone's home without asking?"

The girl's behavior confused Elephant Man, but he shook it off. "Don't worry, Miss! I'll save you from this foul, disgusting demon!"

"I think he's talking about you, cari?o," Lita said.

Black Hat chuckled as he climbed off her lap. "I think he is."

Elephant Man held up three fingers. "You've got till the count of three, or else I'll—"

"What do you think, darling?" Black Hat whispered, leaning against the back of the chair. "Should we let him continue his idle threats, or punish him for interrupting us?"

Lita shrugged and whispered back, "Honestly, I'm interested to see where this goes."

"Hey, no use whispering!" Elephant Man tapped his enormous, peach-colored ears. "I can hear everything you're saying!"

"Oh, I get it," Lita said with a snort. "Eavesdropping as well as breaking and entering."

Black Hat tsked. "Pity his parents never seemed to teach him proper manners."

Elephant Man's face and ears turned red as he stomped his foot. "Stop talking like I'm not here!"

"Told you this roleplaying would lead to trouble," Lita said quietly.

Black Hat leaned in and said into her ear, "Wasn't this little game your idea?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you were the one who wanted me to revert to my original form."

"What can I say?" Black Hat cooed as he cupped her face. "I was feeling…nostalgic."

"That's it!" Elephant Man unfurled his ears and charged at the demon. "I'm gonna pulverize you, you murdering, raping de—"

He was cut off as a black boot kicked him in the face. Elephant Man fell to the floor, his ears flopping over his body like giant pancakes.

Lita sighed as she reeled her elastically stretched leg back into its former length. As she lowered her foot, the rope binding her wrists magically came undone and dropped behind her.

"For someone with big ears," Lita said, rising from her seat, "he's not a very good listener."

By the time Elephant Man had shoved the ears off him, the woman was standing over him. She now wore a gray, A-line coat over her black ensemble, and had switched her beanie out for a wide-brimmed, gray hat.

But her clothes weren't all that had transformed. Her black hair had fallen out of its ponytail, now in curls over her shoulders. They were streaked with silver, complementing her skin. For that was gray too. Almost as gray at Black Hat's, but a shade lighter. Her blue irises peered out from under the brim of her hat, but they appeared to have shrunk. Her nose was also gone. Along with her ears, unless they were hiding within her hair.

Most notably, as she grinned down the hero, her teeth were long and sharp, like thirty-two fangs. Yet they were pure white, so much so that they appeared to glow in the darkness.

As Elephant Man looked her over again, he realized. She was almost like a female version of Black Hat.

"Oh, now where are my manners?" Black Hat said.

With a snap of the demon's claws, Elephant Man was lifted from the floor and thrown into the chair. The rope entrapped him before he could even cry out.

"Allow me to introduce you to my wife," Black Hat said, looking at the demoness fondly as he took her hand, "Lady Gray Hat."

Elephant Man's jaw dropped. "W-Wife? Since when do you have a wife?"

"Oh, since about," Black Hat said, pulling his partner into his side, "two weeks ago."

"Well, to be fair," Lady Gray Hat said, sliding her hand up his arm, "you have yet to announce our marriage to the public. So you can't blame the poor boy's confusion, mi hombre."

"I wanted you to grow accustomed to your new form, my dear," Black Hat said, twirling a curl of her hair around his talon. "You can't go out in public if you have little control over yourself."

Chuckling, Gray Hat raised one of her claw-like hands, which were covered by white gloves. "I think I've gotten the hang of it, don't you think?"

"Indeed, you do." Taking her raised claw, Black Hat kissed it affectionately. "In that case, perhaps it is time I share your malicious brilliance with the world."

The demon turned to the hero, flashing his green fangs. "In the meantime, who's to say we should let this meddlesome eavesdropper spoil our evening?"


"Hello, villains!" Black Hat said once the Cam Bot started recording. "It is I, Black Hat! I bet you are all wondering why I haven't made any public appearances in the last month or so."

"Uh, dear?" Lita said from behind the Cam Bot. "I think they're more curious about the Dumbo-eared hero chained up in the catapult there."

Black Hat glanced behind him. Lita had magicked a medieval catapult onto the roof of the manor. Elephant Man was wrapped in chains, wriggling in the spoon-shaped bucket.

"Ah, yes." Black Hat waved his claw dismissively at the hero. "More on him later." He puffed up his chest proudly. "As to the reason behind my unexplained absence, I was busy planning my wedding, and subsequently, my honeymoon."

He paused for any anticipated gasps from the viewers. "Yes, yes, I know what you are all thinking. What about Rule 10V3 that states a villain cannot involve love? Well, I give you this new rule, Rule 5P0U53. You can ignore Rule 10V3, if your partner proves to be as equally vicious and diabolical as yourself. If not more so."

Black Hat curled his finger. "Come out where everyone can see you, darling."

As Lita stepped into the frame, Black Hat snaked his arm around her waist and took her hand.

"Ladies and gentle-villains," Black Hat said, pressing her tightly to his side, "introducing, for the first time ever, the brilliant, the devious, the ravishing," he purred with that last word, "Lady Gray Hat! Formerly known as Lita Ladrona."

"Also formerly known as Adelita Gris," Gray Hat said with a small bow.

"Also currently known as Co-President of Black Hat Organization," Black Hat said, kissing her hand, "and my wife."

Gray Hat giggled at the camera. "Doesn't hurt that he's the richest, most powerful being in the universe. Him being a sweetheart's just a bonus."

"Darling," Black Hat warned, though his tone was playful.

"Just pulling your tentacle, cari?o," Gray Hat said, gently patting his cheek. "Anyway, don't you think we've ignored our guest long enough?"

"Ah, yes." Black Hat stepped away from his partner and went over to their struggling captive. "You see, this pathetic, pachyderm-themed hero was so rude to enter our humble abode uninvited." He glanced over at Lita. "And interrupted some very…crucial business."

"But in his defense," Gray Hat said, leaning her elbow onto Elephant Man's chest, "he was under the impression that I was in danger. His intentions were noble, however misplaced."

Black Hat scoffed. "To think he called you a helpless damsel."

Gray Hat chuckled as she examined her gloved talons. "Come on, dear, it's not his fault he was raised to be misogynistic like every other guy in this world."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry! I made a mistake!" Elephant Man cried. "I'll never bother you again, just please, let me go, I beg you!"

"You hear that, darling?" Black Hat said. "He begs us."

Curling her bottom lip, Gray Hat placed a claw over her chest. "How adorable. Don't you think we should give this misguided Dumbo a fighting chance?"

"Hmm." Black Hat pulled at one of the hero's ears. "I've always been curious to see just how plausible that old, feel-good cartoon elephant film is." He offered his wife a rope. "Care to do the honors, my sweet?"

"Hey, wait!" Elephant Man craned his head as Gray Hat took the rope. "What are you going to—?"

"Oh, don't worry, Dumbo," Gray Hat said, turning her back to him. "With those ears of yours, you shouldn't need a magic feather to fly."

Elephant Man gasped when he realized what they were about to do. "Now hold on! I can't fly all tied up like—"

Before he could finish, Gray Hat pulled the cord, releasing the catapult. Elephant Man screamed as he was shot across the sky like a cannonball. His ears flapped frantically, but he couldn't balance right without the use of his limbs!

The demon couple watched as the black speck that was the hero disappear into the night sky.

"Well," Gray Hat said with a shrug, "I guess that settles it. You can make a horse fly, even a house fly, but you just can't make an elephant fly."

"Pity. Now," Black Hat said sultrily as he pulled her in, "where were we?"

"Easy, boy." Gray Hat put a talon to his lips and flicked her gaze towards the Cam Bot. "We're live, remember?"

"Quite right, my dear." Black Hat looked into the camera lens. "Stay tuned, villains. You'll be seeing more of this dark beauty of mine in the future." He stretched out his claw. "But not this much."

Just as their lips were about to meet, Black Hat's claw covered the lens, and the feed cut to static.