Drs Hfuhruhurr and Necessiter were none too pleased being sentenced to cold climates and fermented cuisine. In their truthful moments… which came few and far between… they were forced to blame themselves… or each other… for their perturbing predicament. Most of the time, however, they blamed Anne Uumellmahaye, of course. But, there were times when they cursed the day that they ever met Kaname Chidori and Sousuke Sagara.

Mail was not delivered frequently, and left the frigid facilities with even less regularity. But, there were plenty of blank postcards, and a plethora of Forever-stamps, not to mention veritable piles of Bic pens and Sharpies. Their professionl work was revolutionary, and kept them very busy. The trouble came with their free time. Each had had more than one karaoke machine thrown out into subzero temperatures. Their girlie magazines usually arrived bereft, centerfolds removed in their respective Mail rooms by nefarious nabobs and the sex-starved ran and file alike

That meant that there was plenty of time to dream up all sorts of mischief. With the greatest of good fortune, the fruits of their feverish labors got into the post in record time.

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A pair of post cards were waiting for the two Jindai High students when they got home from Hachijojima. The first:

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MISS KANAME CHIDORI

Kaname dearest, I am writing to inform you that Anne Uumellmahaye will 'secretly'be Mrs. Glen Martin by the time you receive this postcard. I felt compelled to let you know that I sent them a wedding present in your name: a large and lovely Italian ceramic soup tureen with platter, handmade In Tuscany

BTW: before packaging the gift, I filled it with extra-large walrus turds, hand-picked in Norway.

With much love and affection,

MICHAEL HFUHRUHURR, PhD, DS

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Naturally, Dr. Hfuhruhurr bragged to his fellow co-worked just what he had done. Taking that as a challenge, the other scientist tried to think of something better. His effort:

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SGT. SOUSUKE SAGARA

I may not seem it, but I am a dyed-in-the-wool romantic, and feel compelled to help budding romances reach full bloom. I also have powers of observation that are second to none, and took the liberty to play the role of Cupid on your behalf. Please, don't feel that you need to thank me for my heartfelt undertaking.

CC: link.* www. alloccasions. com

Your fondest friend and confidante,

ALRED NECESSITER, PhD, honoris causa

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* Clinking 'link' on the appropriate website gave access to an eCard that was sent to Captain Teletha Testarossa in Sousuke's name. The card had a beautiful painting of roses, with a subscript saying 'Thinking of You.' When the cover was clicked on, the card opened digitally to a recording, displaying a personal photograph.

The photo was a close up of Sousuke's genitals, taken when Kaname was in control of his body and the good doctor had evil intentions. The recording was two words: IT'S HUGE.