Irwin sat in the witness stand, nervous sweat trickling down his face. "So you uh, you want the truth?"

"Yes," the judge said. "That's what this is all about. The truth!"

"Uh, okay," Irwin said nervously. "So it all started that afternoon..."


Irwin plopped down on a park bench and sighed. It wasn't fair. He'd managed to get time off so he could go to the family reunion, and he'd invited the rest of Underfist so they wouldn't feel left out, but what happened? He ended up being ignored, as usual. All his relatives thought he was a dorky weirdo, so they didn't want to hang out with him, and everybody in Underfist either decided to spend time with his relatives instead of him or go off and do other things. Skarr had left as soon as he could–probably to look at his stupid garden, if Irwin were to hazard a guess–and Jeff had scurried off to crawl around Billy's basement, since he had been born there. And where did that leave Irwin? Alone, ignored, and with nothing to do. It just wasn't fair, yo!

Irwin sighed again. Suddenly, his ears perked up, as he heard a noise that sounded like somebody rummaging through a trashcan. He looked around and spotted a trashcan. The noises stopped, and Irwin tilted his head as he stared at the can. Suddenly, the noises began again, and the can started shaking. Nervously, Irwin walked towards it, knowing it was his duty as a member of Underfist to investigate–and if necessary, defeat–the supernatural wherever it might be hiding. Although why a supernatural creature would be hiding in a trashcan, Irwin wasn't sure. For that matter, he wasn't sure he wanted to know–and was absolutely certain that he didn't want to know if it turned out to be one of Fred's relatives.

Irwin reached the trashcan. Slowly, he popped his head over the edge and looked down into it.

There was nothing inside but garbage.

Until the garbage erupted out of the can, along with a loud yell of "FREE CANDY!"

Panicked, Irwin wiped off his face and got ready to fight whatever was about to attack him. When he saw who it was, though, he relaxed.

"Oh, hey Pud'n," Irwin said. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for candy," Pud'n said cheerfully. "And revenge."

"Revenge?" Irwin asked, confused.

"On that guy!" Pud'n said happily as he pointed towards Irwin's father.

"My dad?" Irwin asked.

"Yep!" Pud'n said.

"...why, yo?" Irwin asked.

"Because he once spoke to my family in a high-pitched voice," Pud'n replied.

"Your...family?" Irwin asked.

"Yep!" Pud'n said. Two wolves poked their heads out from a nearby bush. "And that's a big insult! Very, very naughty. So we're gonna teach him a lesson!"

"Uh...huh," Irwin said uncomfortably. "Well, uh–"

Before Irwin could figure out what to say to Pud'n that wouldn't end with him getting mauled by wolves, he heard a loud scream off in the distance. Pud'n gasped.

"Oh, I hope that's not a major accident!" Pud'n said worriedly. Before Irwin could say anything, he continued. "I'd hate it if nobody paid attention to our revenge because of something stupid like that happening!"

"W-w-what are you going to do, yo?" Irwin asked nervously.

"We're going to pull his pants down in front of his whole family!" Pud'n declared.

Irwin let out a sigh of relief. At least his dad wasn't going to be seriously injured.

"And then we're going to tear his arms and legs off and have them for dinner!" Pud'n continued.

Irwin gulped. "Uh, Pud'n, maybe–"

"So what're you doing out here?" Pud'n asked cheerfully.

"Oh, well, I'm–" Irwin started to say.

"Isn't that your family reunion?" Pud'n asked.

"It is, but–"

"So why aren't you with your family?" Pud'n continued. "Family's like the most important thing! I love my mom and dad!"

"Aren't your mom and dad wolves, yo?" Irwin asked.

"Yep!" Pud'n said happily.

Irwin sighed. "Well, you see, Pud'n–"

Pud'n looked at his wrist and gasped. "It's time for revenge!"

Pud'n took off with his pack of wolves. Irwin stared after him, confused, sad, in need of a bathroom, and unsure whether he should do something to save his father or just sit there and wallow in his misery.

The moment passed, however, and Irwin sat back down on the park bench, staring at the ground.

"It's not fair," Irwin muttered to himself. "It's just not fair."

"REVENGE!" Pud'n screamed in the distance.

Irwin raised his head to look and saw his mother's head explode into tentacles. This image galvanized him, and he leapt up and ran towards the reunion. He arrived just in time to see Hoss fire a blast from his hand cannon into his mother's head.

"Mom!" Irwin yelped, scared.

Dick got up, picked up his wife's head, and reattached it to her body.

"That's it!" Dick declared. "I don't care if you weirdos are my son's friends, we're gonna sue you for ruining my reunion!"


"And that's what you remember happening?" the judge asked.

Irwin nodded. "Yeah. So can I go now?"

The judge brought his gavel down. "No. Because I have reached a decision and am ready to deliver my verdict!"

"What?" Jeff asked, shocked.

"I wanted to question him!" Boogey complained.

"Yeah, me too!" Jeff said. "I have to get my clients free!"

"And I have to get them punished," Boogey said. "And I wanted to make him cry!"

"What'd you say about my grandbaby?" Tanya said angrily as she stood up.

"Nothing!" Boogey said quickly. "Nothing, nothing at all!"

"Uh-huh," Tanya said, sitting down again. "That's right, you'd better not."

"Enough!" Judge Spleen said, bringing down the gavel again. "Seeing as I hate you all–and by all of you, I don't just mean the lawyers, and the plaintiffs, and the defendants, but everybody currently in this courtroom except for Gary–I sentence all of you to one! Full! Hour! Of listening to 1980s European synthpop!"

Screams of terror rose through the entire courtroom as a smirking Judge Roy Spleen and his bailiff Gary exited into the judge's chambers. Some of the more intelligent in the gallery tried to exit out the doors to the courtroom, only to find that they were all locked. The screams only grew louder as the seconds of silence dragged on.

And then the synthesizers started.


When monsters come to wreck your town
And you need heroes to rescue you
And the Super Friends just ain't around
Then Underfist will rescue you
It's what they do
Oh yeah?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah!
Un-der
Un-der
Un-der un-der Underfist
Un-der un-der Underfist
When Underfist got sued one day
They went and spent that day in court
And had to listen to synthpop
And now their ears they really hurt
And Underfist's not free, oh yeah
Oh yeah?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah!

UNDERFIST, GO!


Underfist Babies
Underfist: Easter Beatdown
Underfist Teaches Traffic Safety
Underfist and the Poorly Dubbed Anime DVD
Underfist: Action Squad Miami
Underfist: Trouble in Tokyo
Underfist Versus the Dinosaurs