Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1

Chapter 1. Cheez Whiz Dumb Cube

Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.

"Gentlemen, I now present unto you, my plan to create Mankind anew!" proclaimed Dr. Weird.

"Hmm okay." Steve said skeptically as the metal curtain rose and revealed a giant mechanical rabbit.

"Behold!" Dr. Weird exclaimed. "The Rabbot 2.0!"

"Moon Day, Mars Day, Mercury Day, Jupiter Day, Venus Day, Saturn Day, Sun Day! Moon Day..." chirped the Rabbot.

"Oh wow, I'm sure this will work out great!" Steve said sardonically.

Dr. Weird began laughing maniacally but was interrupted when the Rabbot 2.0 busted through the wall and escaped.

"Damn you Home Depot! You said these new walls were giant mechanical rabbit proof!" Dr. Weird growled while shaking his fist.

XXX

"Ow! Quit hitting me!" Meatwad cried.

"I know you ate that last burrito!" Shake said ka-smacking him with the fly swatter.

"Actually, I ate the last burrito." said Frylock.

"Yeah, so wail on him." said Meatwad.

"I will!" Shake exclaimed.

Frylock's eyes lit up. "Go ahead Shake, smack me with the fly swatter, see what happens."

Shake tossed the swatter onto the ground where it promptly exploded. "I will spare you this time Frylock."

"Yeah whatever." he replied. "I'm going out to get groceries, I'll be back in a few."

"Can I come? Can I please?" Meatwad begged.

"No, last time you came along someone tried to purchase you." Frylock said going to the door. He stepped outside and there sitting on the front lawn was a five by five foot multi-colored cube.

"Oh dear God!" he exclaimed. "There's another one!"

"Hey! Hey!" spoke the cube. "Would you like to hear all the wisdom in the universe?"

"No thanks, been there, done that!" Frylock said walking or rather floating away.

"Hey wait, I bet you ran into my cousin's step-son twice removed, the dumbassahedron. Didn't you?"

"Yeah, somethin' like that." replied Frylock.

"Sorry about that, he's such a dorkatron." said the cube. "I'm the real wisdom cube!"

"Okay, so tell me then." spoke Frylock. "What is the true origin of the universe. Did it originate on its own, or was it created by God? If so, whence came God?"

"Okay." began the cube. "Long, long, long, looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-"

Frylock folded his brow. "Okay we get it!"

"Long ago." the cube continued. "All of the great sages and philosophers of the world gathered in one place so as to determine the origin of life, the universe, and everything. For days on end they sat and pondered this question meditating on it."

"Then what happened?" Frylock asked curiously.

"Then they figured out it was a mystery!" replied the cube.

"Alright, f ck this! I'm out of here!" said Frylock.

"No wait, don't go!" the cube cried. "I have so much wisdom!"

"Then you had better come up with some real answers!" Frylock told him.

"Okay." the wisdom cube said. "In the beginning..."

"Hey freaks! Get off my lawn!" Carl yelled.

Frylock and the knowledge cube scooted over and began again. "In the beginning... there was rock 'n roll!"

"G #mnit cube!" Frylock said angrily.

"Okay, okay! For real this time." the cube said. "Ahem! In the beginning, there was darkness and light. The light shone in the darkness but the darkness did not understand it. The darkness had something the light wanted and the light was prepared to take it. There was war in the heavens and darkness nearly took over the light but then..."

"But then what?" Frylock asked.

"But then..."

"Yes? Yes?" Frylock asked anxiously.

"I forget." replied the cube.

Frylock got angry and turned to leave again. "This was a waste of time!"

"Wait!" the cube cried. "Listen, I need fuel for my machinery to work. That's why I came to your planet, to search for a fuel source to power my galactic intelligence."

"Well why didn't you say so?" Frylock said. "What do you need? Biodieseal, methane, or maybe some ethanol?"

"No, I need Whiz. Cheez whiz." the cube said solemnly.

"You can't be serious."

"I'm serious." replied the cube.

"Well, I was going to go to the grocery store." Frylock said. "You're welcome to come with me."

"Awesome!" the cube said tagging along. Together, Frylock and the knowledge cube went down to the local grocery store, Loaf N' Krug.

"My incomprehensible being that has no beginning or end!" exclaimed the cube. "So many different flavors to choose from!"

On the shelves were tons of Cheez Whiz flavors. There was cheddar, american, parmesan, not yo' taco, monterey john, chocolate, sushi, and interestingly enough to me, jalape?o marshmallow!

"I want some of this and some this and... oh! Some of this too!" the cube said levitating objects into the kart.

"Um.. sorry but we don't have a lot of money." Frylock informed him. "We can't get all of this stuff."

"Oh no, it's cool dude. I'll pay for it." the knowledge cube told him.

"Well then, think I'll get me a bigfoot big pan pizza then!" Frylock said grabbing a buffalo chicken and anchovies frozen pizza.

555.55 the cash register rang.

"Okay just let me get my credit card." said the scholarship cube. "I had it just a minute ago."

Frylock and the cashier waited patiently while the sophistication cube searched for its wallet.

"Oops, whaddya know?" he said. "Looks like I lost it!"

"D#%$mnit!" Frylock growled. "Now we gotta put all this crap back!"

Frylock muttered curses as he drug home two bags full of cheez whiz. "This had better work!"

"Hey Frylock!" Meatwad and Shake greeted him.

"So, did you get those chicken burritos I lik- I mean WE like?" Shake asked.

"Shoot no!" said Meatwad. "He got popsicles for me! They're nutritious and delicious."

"I got neither of those." he said plopping the bags down. "Hope you're all hungry for cheez whiz, 'cause that's all we got."

Shake's eyes became wide. "You got nothing but cheez whiz! I need my protein! How do you think I keep up these manly biceps?"

"What biceps?" asked Frylock.

"Mmm, nom nom nom!" the cube said as he ate the cheez whiz, cans and all.

"Hey!" Frylock yelled. "That was all the food we had!"

"Burp! Yeah sorry." the cube replied. "But in return for fueling me I will answer some of your questions."

"What's on tv at seven tonight?" Meatwad a.k.a Metawad asked.

"A new episode of My Cat From the World of Darkness." the cube replied.

Shake opened the tv guide book and looked. "My incomprehensible being beyond time and space, he's right!"

"Okay, okay." Frylock said. "But let's try to ask some more meaningful questions. How come there is so much suffering in the world? Is there not a God? Does God not give a monkey crap? Is it the natural result of abusing our freewill? There must be a cause for Mankind's suffering."

"Dracula." answered the cube.

"Wha- what!?" Frylock exclaimed.

"You asked why the world is filled with suffering and sorrow." the cube replied. "I answered because Dracula."

"So you're saying Dracula is the cause of the world's sorrow, the root of Mankind's suffering?" Frylock asked for clarification.

"Yuuuuuuuuuuup!" answered the cube of wisdom.

"I knew it all along!" said Shake. "I tell people all the time, hey! The world is bad because of Dracula!"

"Well can you elaborate a little on that?" Frylock requested.

Shake looked down at Meatwad. "You heard me say it's Dracula, didn't you?"

"Shoot no." he replied.

The whiz dumb cube spoke again. "The world is being controlled by a Wizard Dracula. A type of phantom who feeds off of people's pain. Its being extends through time aswell as space and through its appendages, who function as worker ants do for a queen, it orchestrates events which cause massive pain and heartache so that it can feed itself on the psychic energy that pain creates."

"And you're sure about this?" asked Frylock.

"Oh yeah, totally bro." replied the philosophy cube.

Frylock started to ask another question but was interrupted by Shake who asked, "Oh, oh! Oh mighty intelligence cube, will I ever get laid?"

"Yuuuuuuuup!" he answered.

"Woo!" Shake exclaimed. "Did you hear that?"

"Will I?" Meatwad asked.

The cube was silent for a moment, then replied. "No."

"Oh shoot." Meatwad said glumly.

"Ha! In your face!" Shake said leaning over and mocking him.

"How can we stop the pain in the world?" asked Frylock.

"Simple." said Shake. "Put a galactic stake through Space Dracula's cybernetic heart!"

"I wasn't asking you!" he said.

The cheez whiz dumb cube was silent for a moment, then spoke unto them saying, "You must make the two into one."

"I don't understand what this means." Frylock said.

The cube went outside and floated up into the sky. Before it left it turned to him and said unto him. "There will come a day when you will understand and believe the things I have said unto you. Until then my friend, be passerby."

The aqua teens stood in astonishment as the wisdom cube ascended into heaven.

"I believe him." said Meatwad.

"Me too." said Frylock.

"Ah, he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know." Shake bragged.

Suddenly, a much larger cube descended upon them.

"You've returned!" Frylock exclaimed.

"Nope." the cube replied. "Hey listen, I'm looking for my step-brother's best friend, the Cheez Whiz Dumb Cube. Have any of you seen him?"

"Nope!" replied Shake.

"Actually, I think we may have." Frylock answered. "Can you describe him?"

"Yeah sure." the cube said. "He's about this tall, about this wide, quotes the Gospel of Thomas a lot and... oh yeah! He eats tons of cheez whiz can and all."

"Doesn't ring a bell." Meatwad answered.

"No! We seen him!" Frylock said. "But uh... he kind of flew off."

"Oh crapadoodles!" the cube sighed. "Welp, see ya later alligator."

"No wait!" Frylock cried. "If he wasn't the true wisdom cube then who is?"

"I am." the cube replied.

"You are?" Frylock asked.

"I am that I am." the cube answered. "Because I am who am. Before wisdom, I am. Before cube, I AM!"

"So then can you answer a few questions?"

"Why should I, The Supreme Cube of Wisdom at the End of Time, answer questions from a box of fries?" The Supreme Wisdom Cube at the End of Time asked.

"You're right." Frylock said. "You probably have better things to do."

"Do to thy humbleness I shall grant thee three tree knee questions." replied the cube.

"Why is there so much suffering in the world?" he asked again.

The cube answered unto him saying, "Cause Dracula."

"Okay, well where did the universe originate?"

The cube was silent for a moment then answered unto him saying, "You and everything you see including me are held within the mind of one being. Everything in the material word is symbolic of the unfoldment of psychological processes within the great invisible mind."

"How can one be freed from all this, or is there a way out?" asked Frylock.

"Where there is a will there is a way." replied the cube. "The answer is t..."

CRUSH! Just then, the Rabbot smashed the wisdom cube.

"Moon Day, Mars Day, Mercury Day, Jupiter Day, Venus Day, Saturn Day, Sun Day! Moon Day..." the Rabbot beeped.

"No!" Frylock cried.

"Moon Day, Mars Day, Mercury Day, Jupiter Day, Venus Day, Saturn Day, S-" BOOM! the Rabbot exploded into a thousand and one tiny pieces.

"Why did he do that?" Meatwad asked.

"Why wouldn't he?" Shake answered.

XXX

I hope you enjoyed this if you'd like to see more let me know!