A/N: Hey… So, I'm sick. (I feel like I might have jinxed it with the last chapter's author's note.) I'm hoping it's just the cold/flu (don't know because my mom is a bigoted idiot who thinks nothing bad can happen to us and won't take me to go get tested), and all of this started with my inconsiderate and selfish brother who straight up refused to wear a mask even though he was sick? Like… really? So, everybody in the house is getting sick too, and it just got to me. I'm really tired, but I still want to get this out as a Christmas present from me to you guys. We'll see how it goes though, I'll keep you updated with the author's note.

(Update, day 3 of sickness: I feel a lot better compared to the past two days. Not 100% as I can still feel it there and stuff, but definitely not as groggy or miserable. So, progress?)

(Update: night of day 3- so… My dad tested positive. So now my mom is finally gonna take me to get tested, but by this point, it's safe to say I have it too. Fun times everyone, take care of yourself.)

(Update, day 4: Mostly over my freakout of finding out he tested positive, not completely but still. Stressed cause of my hypocritical mom, but we'll see how everything turns out. I feel even better as well, still sick though, but not crippled by exhaustion and body aches and chills. So, progress everyone. We love progress.)

(Update, night of day 4: Got tested today, but again, I'm pretty sure I already have it. Lost my sense of taste and smell so that's interesting. Stay safe y'all!)

(Update, day 5: I feel mostly the same I guess. Not worst by any means, though I still can't taste or smell anything. Stay safe everyone!)

(Update, day 6: Got my results back today, and just as I expected, I got a positive. Not gonna freak out because I think I've freaked out enough already. I feel mostly the same, not really coughing anymore but I can sort of feel it still there. Still can't taste or smell anything, and today my stomach is deciding to be a jerk. Stay safe everyone!)

Aside from that, I'm on break y'all, and 2021 is right around the corner. Let's hope it's better than 2020.

Thanks to ReedwhiskerOC, Fastbreeze37, and darkdestiny13 for following and/or adding this story as a favorite!

Reviews

FrostedShadowx- You are very good at making predictions, haha. Nah, he wouldn't do that. That's too much of a risk for him and for Sootpaw as well if he were to reveal that to the clan. Redstar's backstory will come later. Kit- Commoners can only have one kit. Why do you think I'm so cruel? XD I mean, fair, but would I really kill Whiteshadow so soon after leaving such a terrible place? (I mean… yeah, I probably would, knowing me.) It's an interesting pairing, I'll give you that haha.

Warriors27- I've put him through so much, and for that, I am so sorry for him. Sootpaw is a determined individual, and though many have tried to know him down, have succeeded actually, he always gets back up.

Pineshadow (Guest)- Aww, thanks for reading my old works. Nah, not offensive at all. I always cringe going back to read those stories whenever I get the tickle to do so, and it honestly also feels like someone else wrote that beside me. I'm happy I've gotten to where I am now. Some bumps and bruises along the way, but I'm here now. Less dark, lol. That's the best description for recent chapters. I enjoyed writing that part, with her bonding with the Commoners. I look forward to writing more. I can't deal with humidity either, I absolutely hate it. That's a nice place though.

Someone (Guest)- Ohho, let's see if that bet is worth it. Let's see if he's improved since then. Well, voting only usually comes if the performances of the tests they go through are mostly equal. If they tie, then the tie is broken by the votes of the High Ranks. Which, considering how skilled the remaining apprentices are at this point, it usually does come down to a vote. That is the important question, good point. I chuckled a little at that, haha, but yeah, we'll just have to wait and see the outcome of their tests. It's right around the corner too. Rest in chaos is my new favorite phrase- I'm gonna use it from now on lol. Not exactly kidnap them, more so capture them to bring them to the Sewers (so, I guess that is kidnapping in a way). Aye, someone caught on to that. I suppose you can call them the nothing family. Small though she may be, our little raindrop is a force to be reckoned with. We'll just have to wait and see. I think everyone in my neighborhood is anti-social for the most part, or at least we're not on friendly terms with everybody haha. Good riddance shouting lady. As for the Twelve, for the most part, it is true. So comparing, let's say Ignis to Sora- when he was alive- then yes, Ignis is way better than Sora. But when it gets higher, so with Aqua and Ignis and Spirit and Phantom, it does get tricky. Aqua can most likely take on Ignis, maybe even Spirit, but the same cannot be said if she were to face Phantom. King is actually not too terribly weak, nor too terribly strong either. He's smart, though, which is dangerous in its own way. Oh yeah, I'm hoping that all I have is the flu cause my mom is hypocritical and just calls me paranoid. I mean, if I do have it, then I have it- it's them that should be worried more than me I guess because they can still get it. But whatever, I'm tired of fighting with them over it. That too, my mom still invites people over here every weekend and whatnot and I'm just like… I… I'm too tired to try and talk sense to people who don't want to listen to sense. So I'm just… doing me. Hoping for the best and drinking warm teas and water, taking medicine, eating soup, sleeping. Stressful times y'all. Please try and stay safe.

Fastbreeze37- Aww, thanks for joining us for this wonderful, bumpy ride. Thank you! Reviews like this give me life. I enjoyed writing her with the Commoners and I'm so proud of how far our little flarekitty has come since the beginning. #BurnWildfire XD. Thank you, one of my fears/concerns whenever making an antagonist/enemy for a story is making them believable as well. Even bullies and bad guys have backstories, and though it does not excuse their actions, it does help to understand them better. I hate him too, don't worry (but I also love to write for him). Roseberry and the rest of my Medicine Cat's hold special places in my hearts, and I honestly enjoy doing the flashbacks with Willowflame still alive because I get to write their interactions that we don't get to see anymore. Always the quiet ones. To answer that question: not a lot, in actuality. Sure, they're the leader, but in cases like Redstar and even Leafstar, they can easily be swayed by the masses in order to keep things in their favor. They can't actually do as much as one would think (in a sense, even though you've reached the top, you still have to keep climbing). (Also because, though it's not really been stated, leaders in this world do not actually get nine lives, so they're as vulnerable as anybody else and can easily be killed by traitors in the clans who don't like them.) It… would be very difficult for her if she became the Grand Royal and proposed this idea. There would most definitely be an uprising even, from the High Ranks who don't wish to change the system, and it would be very dangerous. If there's one good thing that came out of quarantine and lockdowns, it's people flocking to their computers and the internet to write and read fanfiction haha. Thank you! I always try to find ways to improve my writing, even the slightest bit. Cool warrior names (ah ah ah, can't answer those questions just yet, patience XD). I really hope you guys enjoy the names I chose for them. A lot of people have actually guessed their names- whether by accident or they're just great predictors, who knows. That sounds like a dream, living in a remote area with nothing but peace. I've been living in the suburbs my entire life, I honestly don't know what it's like to live somewhere where you don't hear cars and sirens as you're trying to fall asleep.

DarkMatter242- Did it now? If I had to put it on a timeline, I'd say it's roughly near the beginning of their training and into that life with Father. I guess it's not too far off to say that Father did care about a few of them, actually care for them, and Whiteshadow could have been one. Uh oh, time to run, Umbra's gonna get you. Double crazy, hooray! (Or would one crazy cancel out the other crazy?) Get your popcorn ready y'all. I'll admit, it is pretty painful to write as well. That does sound rather nice. Merry Christmas!

reading at 3am is normal- Hooray for finals, wooo! I hate when I miss either 100% or whatever as a final grade or for an assignment. Like just… just give me the fricking point! Oh my, that sounds horrible. I would have been so angry at them for doing that. 2020 feels like it's been going on and on and on and honestly, I'm over it. Here's hoping 2021 is at least marginally better. 'Wonderfully disturbing' and 'dark and gothic'- I'll take it! XD Yeah, he was really careful about that- and then he slipped up, whoops. Hmm. That is a good question (and it is so cruel to declaw your cat, I have no words for it. I read somewhere that it's basically equivalent to cutting all of your fingers off at the first knuckle). I'm currently working on a RWBY project that I may or may not upload somewhere, haven't decided yet, but all of it is basically fighting and wars so I was kinda riding that high over to here as well haha. Hmm, must test it out (Umbra, Umbra, Umbra… Hmm.) Oh yeah, it's definitely gonna hurt. For me, for her, for you guys. Looking forward to it lol. Yeah, I just love tearing my heart out with scenes like that. That… honestly sounds amazing XD I can envision it now, Sootpaw disappearing off into the wild for like a month and coming back on the back of a badger like it's a steed, ready to tear apart Wildfire. I'd love to live near the ocean or at least a lake in the middle of close to nowhere. I don't like humidity, so I don't think I can live in the tropics myself personally.

Thanks to everybody who reviewed, followed, and/or added this story as a favorite!

Let's get started!

Blazeclan

The tom landed with an oomph against the frosty snow, grateful that he hadn't crashed into the roots of a tree as he did once before. That had hurt.

He let out a huff of frustration, sitting up and shaking the frost from his head, turning his head around and quickly catching sight of Flarepaw. She was standing in the center of their little clearing, features softening from a looser version of her usual battle stance into something casual. Sootpaw took in a deep breath, lungs aching with the chill of the air, but body heated with the sting of defeat yet again.

"You're still throwing yourself recklessly at me, Sootpaw," she said, padding a little closer but not completely approaching him. "I've told you before, that's not going to work."

"I know, I know… I'm just…" Getting frustrated. He didn't need to speak the words out loud for her to hear them. Sunset eyes flickered above, all-too-aware that their time training together was almost over with the rising of the sun. Fatigue lingered at the edge of his senses, yet frustration was a fuel unlike any other.

"When you lunge, you need to be able to think quickly." Flarepaw wandered the rest of the way over to him, and Sootpaw resisted the urge to flatten his ears. It was a hidden signal that training was over, or at least the sparring part of it, when she approached him, touched him. "Pick a target, but don't expect to hit it."

"Don't expect to land a hit?" Sootpaw raised a brow at that, confusion weighing heavily in his voice. "I thought you only strike if you know for sure you're going to hit?"

"Typically, yes. It's safer that way," Flarepaw shrugged, "but at least for me, when… training against someone with this fighting style, I don't usually expect to land my hit. My mother was a lot quicker than I could keep up with at first, so I never expected my attacks to land. Instead, I saw them as less of an attack and more of… a step, per se. A movement to keep my momentum going. Of course, I need to be able to move away just as quickly, but still. Every strike is important, even if it doesn't land- almost especially so. Momentum is the cornerstone of what I'm trying to teach you."

"I thought it was speed," Sootpaw grumbled his admittance, shuffling his paws and now allowing for his ears to flatten, "you're a lot faster than me."

"I'm really not," Flarepaw chuckled, "and it has less to do with speed and more to do with agility and quickness. They're all different, and I could get into the fundamentals about it, but I can already see you're bored."

Sootpaw grinned sheepishly and earned himself another laugh. He paused for a moment before her words caught up to him, "Wait, what do you mean you're not faster? You outspeed me all the time!"

"You're too focused to notice, but you react faster than I do," she smiled at him, proud and happy and Sootpaw felt his heart begin to swell. "You're getting faster, Sootpaw. There are just times where… I don't know, you think too hard about something. Instead of just, feeling."

"Yeah well, I got a lot on my mind."

"I know you do," Flarepaw leaned over, brushing her muzzle against his for a moment, pulling away before he could reciprocate. She turned away from him, a flick of her tail and a glance over her shoulder indicating for him to follow. "Now, why don't we test how fast you can go before our time is up, yes?"

"What do you have in mind?" Sootpaw stood up quickly, shaking out his pelt and trotting over to her side, energized once more with the prospect of doing something else. He really was a being that ran on movement- idleness and standing still to talk were not for him.

"A simple race, it's the best way to test it," Flarepaw stood at the edge of the treeline, looking out for a moment and taking in a deep breath, surveying the land with calculating eyes. "Roughly, we're close to the border of our old territory right now. Our border with Forestclan is straight across to the other side. That'll be our ending point."

Their eyes met and Sootpaw didn't know whether he was looking at the moon or a storm at the moment. Maybe both, or maybe something entirely different.

"Okay," Sootpaw grinned, nervous energy making his body tingle for a moment, and he tried to shake away the sensation but he didn't succeed. "Okay, okay, I'm ready."

Flarepaw didn't immediately say anything, just continued looking at him with a thoughtful expression and it only made his nerves rise ever higher. Whenever she looked at him like that, it almost, almost felt like she was judging him. Looking deep into his soul and it worried him that she wouldn't like what she saw.

Her lips twitched into a smile and she stepped closer, his nerves and demons and whispers vanishing as her scent enveloped him and he closed his eyes as their foreheads met for a moment.

"Don't focus on anything else," she murmured, "when you run, just focus on running. Not on the destination, not where you're coming from, not where I am. Just you, your paws, and the forest. It'll help."

You think too much, were her unspoken words. Sootpaw's problem was that his mind never shuts up, distracting him and pulling him into an infinite cycle of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios.

"Okay," he repeated dumbly, but that seemed to be enough for her as she stepped away, relenting and giving him mercy, and stepped aside to provide a little room between the two of them.

He turned to face the forest ahead of him, taking in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, and releasing it just as slowly. He could do this. This wasn't a test to see if she would continue wasting her time on training him- this was just a little thing to see how fast he had gotten, how fast he could truly go.

This was just for fun.

Sootpaw pushed everything away, all thoughts of Wildfire and his stupid game of torturing him, the High Ranks, the drive to protect his friends, the future that held only an endless amount of questions. Nothing else was important at this moment. Just him, the forest, the wind, and Flarepaw at his side. The scent of roses was still there, wafting ever so gently over him, reminding him that he was not alone. Bringing him comfort that he didn't know he needed.

"Go."

She didn't shout the word- because he was close enough to hear her and always hyper-focused enough to even hear her whisper anyway, and because it was getting later in the day and shouting risked drawing attention to themselves. Still, it resonated in his mind, and as he opened his eyes, he ran.

His pawsteps crunched against the snow, and though it made it harder to run across, he was getting used to it- knew just how high he had to lift his legs so he wasn't stumbling through layers and layers of snow. Instinctively, he wanted to look over to where Flarepaw was, but he kept his gaze forward and his attention on the motions of breathing.

In. Out. In. He swerved around a tree, ducking beneath the low branches, his breath catching for a moment at the idea that he was slowing down. Just breathe. In. Out. In. Out. The cold air stung, his warm breath crystallizing where it escaped and he ran through the little cloud of fog each time. In. Out. In.

The sound of shifting snow and a flash of color was his only warning of Flarepaw running beside him, just a step or two ahead, and it distracted him for a moment, looking at her. Even if this wasn't their usual running route, it almost looked as though she knew exactly where to place her paws so she wouldn't trip, which way to step through and which way to turn so she would have to run through fewer trees.

He stumbled a bit, catching himself before he could fall, and he shook his head out and kept running. Sootpaw felt a flash of wrongness, but eventually, he learned to push her out of his thoughts as well. The flash of color out of the corner of his eye became meaningless and he kept going.

In. Out. In. Out. Sootpaw always loved looking around his territory, always had a fascination for the simple beauty of the forest, but right now, he would have been much happier if this was all just flat land. (His thoughts almost led him to the old territory, because that was no flat land, but he shook them away.)

He leaped over a horizontal log, paws barely skimming the ice-slick surface as he kept going. (He was a little proud of that. He pushed that away too.)

He was beginning to see what was so relaxing about running. He never saw it before, during their initial run to warm-up for their training, always too busy trying to keep up with Flarepaw and not fall behind.

But now…

Now, it was freeing. He could move at his own pace without having to worry about anything else, about making sure he didn't lose sight of anyone or about anyone chasing him either. It was just him, the snow-covered forest, and the frosty air.

It was freeing.

But…

It was lonely.

It made him feel cold, and though it was early morning during Leaf-bare and that meant a naturally colder time than during the middle of the day, this was different. This was loneliness. He didn't have to worry about keeping up with anyone because there was no one for him to keep up with.

It was just him, the snow-covered forest, and the frosty air.

When he reached their ending mark, he wasn't disappointed that she finished first, a fox-length or so ahead of him. He slowed his pace and finally stopping made him aware of just how much his paws ached and his legs were shaking and it hurt to breathe a little. Sootpaw felt a little flushed, warm from the physical strain, and he reveled in the sting of the heat. (He felt less cold now.)

Flarepaw stood facing him, breathing a little harder but more controlled than he was. There was a frown on her face and he grimaced a bit, preparing himself.

"You slowed down at the end," she was much too observant for her own good, and Sootpaw only gave a tired smile in response. Her brows furrowed. "Why?"

"I got tired," he said because the idea of saying I felt lonely instead sounded ridiculous, even to himself, so he kept quiet. Sootpaw shrugged before walking over to her, hesitating for half a second before brushing against her side and sighing. She leaned into him, turning her head to nuzzle into the side of his neck, and it was almost as though he could feel her frowning still. "Told you, you were faster."

"You could've beaten me," Flarepaw responded without missing a beat, and he shrugged again. Whether she sensed that there was something he was hiding, she didn't show it, and instead added, "Next time. For now, we should go back to camp."

"Yeah," he murmured absentmindedly, "next time."

It didn't feel like defeat. Losing the race to Flarepaw. It was strange because he had wanted to win. Not terribly so, like in their sparring matches, but Sootpaw was competitive by nature and he had the desire to win above all else.

But this didn't feel like losing.

It felt like salvation.

Victory would have been devastating.

So…

He was fine with losing.

If it meant he didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Catch me."

She said, and Sootpaw couldn't breathe.

His mind threw him back moons ago- was it moons ago? He couldn't quite remember anymore. Time was unimportant- to when he first approached her, first asked her to train him, and she had given him that little test. To catch her, and if he did, she would agree to train him.

(And then he failed, over and over and over and over and-)

(And then Bluepaw and Shrewpaw died and so with them did his desire to get stronger.)

Here they were again. Except this time, it's not an offer or a test for him to prove his mettle, to prove how much, how desperate he was for her to train him. This time, it was for his warrior's assessment, and Sootpaw was shattered and Flarepaw was different and they were both not the same individuals they were back then.

It was not a demand either.

It was a plea. A beg. And for a moment, he didn't know why she looked so anguished, so desperate to get him to move.

(Lies, lies, all lies. She was a High Rank. Just like Wildfire. Just like Redstar. Just like the others- everyone who wanted to watch him burn and die and bleed.)

(She didn't care about him.)

But when he looked at her face, he didn't see the scorn or the anger or the poison or the steel like so many times before on so many faces.

He saw the moon.

And he saw the storm.

(It felt like seeing home again, but Sootpaw didn't know if he deserved to come home quite yet.)

Catch me, she said, and almost like the ghost of a whisper, he heard hidden beneath the words, And let me catch you.

Sootpaw didn't have to. He could just leave now. Just leave and turn his back on his test and Wildfire and the clans and Flarepaw (and home and love and healing). He didn't need to do this. Not truly. Sure, rules forced him here, but he never listened to the rules anyway so he didn't have to be here.

What was making him stay here? He didn't know. It wasn't pride, he had lost that with Thornblaze and Mousepaw (and Bluepaw and Shrewpaw). It wasn't stubbornness either, because, by this point, he was tired of fighting. His stubbornness had only given him pain.

He didn't know why he stayed…

But when he looked at Flarepaw, at glistening silver eyes that held tears and sorrow in equal parts, he found his answer.

(A little flame, the first embers of hope, began to appear within his chest and he began to float back to the surface. Slowly, but progress was progress.)

"Commoner Sootpaw, I said-"

He didn't care what Wildfire had to say.

With a burst of movement, Sootpaw charged and Flarepaw's entire body seemed to go lax with relief for a moment. He charged, outright and quick and with no warning, and it almost looked like she wasn't planning on moving at all. One step, two steps, within three he was within her reach, lunging forward and with paws outstretched, bouncing from his spot and sending snow filtering through the air behind him. He aimed for her, not really her shoulder or chest or legs, just her in general.

He missed.

And though he was expecting that, it made a pulse of frustration reverberate throughout his chest like a lake's surface disturbed. Sunset eyes quickly picked a spot for him to land on the snow, and he succeeded with grand effort on his part, before whirling around quickly. Flarepaw had ducked to the side, pawsteps light against the snow, tail swaying steadily and attention focused on him.

He didn't feel like trying again. He just wanted to walk away now.

But then he saw the encouraging look in her eyes, the plea in her posture that held no trace of the usual battle stance she had, and it made him run toward her again. Sootpaw slowed a bit this time, not wanting to just keep throwing himself at her so obviously, and deciding to take a different approach.

He lashed for her legs, aiming to trip her at the very least, and together, the two fell into an all-too-familiar dance they had done one too many times to keep track of completely. Days and days of training before the sunrise, hours spent learning and practicing and adapting- all of it came back to him now.

Before, he was trying to impress her, to prove his worth. And now, he didn't know. He didn't care for proving his worth much anymore- not to Flarepaw and certainly not to everybody else who was watching them.

He lashed for her shoulder and she jumped to the side, ducking beneath his other paw and circling him. He spun, keeping her in his line of sight, and continued.

Laughter would sometimes filter in the air before, especially when Sootpaw tripped over himself as he was often prone to doing- lacking the grace she did. Some days it was a more casual thing, their sparring sessions, and some days they would both be so focused there was no room for laughter.

Now, the only sound filtering through the air was the shifting of the snow and his grunts of effort that sometimes dipped just into the edge of a growl of frustration every now and then.

Sootpaw didn't know whether he was more surprised or relieved whenever he happened to actually brush her body with his paws. Just a single touch before she was wisping away, like a ghost just out of his reach. Silver eyes remained solely on him, and there were many times where it almost looked like she just wanted to give him the win. His own eyes would narrow- a silent Don't- and she would pick up the pace and he would follow.

(That's how they worked. She would speed up, he would follow. She would slow down, he would speed up, and sometimes she would follow.)

It felt like running did when they fell into the routine this way. His mind going free of everything for just this span of time. Free of grief and heartache and anger and frustrations. Free of Wildfire's watchful eyes and the clan's overbearing nature.

Free of everything.

But unlike running, he wasn't alone here.

Flarepaw was with him, in this little space of a world they called their own. When he moved, so did she, always his antithesis. A mirror, a reflection. He took a step and she took one back. He swiped and she ducked. She moved away, and he followed. His body knew her, and hers knew his.

He knew when she would dodge, where she would move. She knew which way he would step, what he would target next. They sped up.

Sootpaw felt his lungs burning and wondered- for half a second- just how long this had been going on for. The thought left his mind, unimportant to him. The air was thick with emotions on display: the fury and pain and anguish all his and the comfort and pain and heartache all hers. Every time his paw flew close to her, it felt like moving through water, slow and full of resistance.

He wondered where all of his anger went, what it made him now that it was gone. He didn't know what he was. He didn't know what he wanted to be.

He was just…

Here.

(And so was she. Here. With him.)

(He wasn't alone.)

And maybe it wasn't living, maybe it was just surviving. Maybe he didn't know where he went now, what the future had in store for him. Sootpaw wanted answers and had always strived for them.

But just this once…

Just this once, he might be okay without them.

He was getting tired. He didn't know how long their little match was going on for, all he knew was that he was getting tired. (Maybe he was always tired. Tired was just his state of being now.)

With exhaustion came desperation. Sootpaw hardly cared that this was for his exam or his test or whatever. Being a warrior had less to do with reaching that milestone and honoring the Commoner name and more of getting a name change. Nothing would change with his new name- whatever it may be. So, why worry?

Because… worrying was in his nature. Flarepaw always said that she continued breathing, continued taking that next step and looking toward the future, not for herself, but for her mother and brother. (Maybe for Darkpaw too.)

Perhaps there was something to that.

The more he thought about doing this, passing this test for his mentor, his deceased friends, the harder it pushed Sootpaw.

And sure, maybe it was a sad thing. Living only for the dead. But right now, it was the only thing he had, and without it, he was nothing.

He didn't like being nothing.

Catch me, she said, and Sootpaw almost wanted to stop and tell her, Then stop moving so I could but she never made anything easy for him did she?

(She loved watching him suffer.)

(She loved watching him grow.)

His movements came to a halt, feeling as though he was two seconds away from coughing out his burning lungs then and there, his eyes finding hers yet again as he panted for air. Flarepaw stopped too, breathing heavier than usual, ears falling flat immediately.

Golden-yellow met blue-silver, and the burning sunset said I can't.

I can't do this.

The moon, covered by storm, stared back and said, You can.

Don't give up.

Sootpaw drew in a breath that was nowhere near enough to satisfy him and kept going. It was a little unfair, he felt, for her to ask him to do this. To keep going and not give up when giving up was the one thing that had brought him respite.

He was just…

Tired.

(He was tired- Stars he was tired and tired and tired and tired and-)

In his last act of hopelessness, he threw himself at her, suddenly lunging in a random direction where he fruitlessly predicted she would be.

He just didn't actually expect it to work.

The less than pretty tackle left both of them winded for a moment as they collided against the snow, the warmth of her body scalding to his frigid pelt. The world seemed to stop breathing altogether, and so did he, before he was quickly pushing himself up from above her. He stared down with wide eyes, and she looked equally as shocked as he did when she met his gaze.

He…

Didn't know how to feel.

Immediately, he thought that she had given him the victory after all. But no, even with that taunting voice in his head, the surprise on her face was enough to mostly quiet it down. (He was still worried, she was a good actor after all.)

He hovered over her in an achingly familiar way, remembering the many times she would playfully pull him on top of her and he would be worried about squishing her smaller frame beneath him. He would hold himself up and the two would just look into each other's eyes and see a future they strived for there.

The storm-covered moon was too difficult to read. The burning sunset was blank.

(Stars, how did it come to this? It was his fault, he knew that, but he just wanted things to go back to the way things were between them, loving and comforting and caring.)

(He didn't know if they could ever go back to that… but he wanted to.)

"I caught you," Sootpaw found his voice after giving up trying to find his future in her eyes and hearing her breath hitch sounded like victory and defeat rolled into one. He moved away from her, stepping back and turning to face Wildfire's direction before she could stand. The lead Royal, too, was surprised. Suspicious- he probably thought Flarepaw let him win too- but still surprised. "Am I done now?"

"Well… Impressive, Commoner Sootpaw. That was certainly… unexpected," Wildfire rambled and Sootpaw didn't want to hear any of it.

His eyes narrowed before he repeated through slightly gritted teeth, "Am I done now?"

"Yes, you may go." And Wildfire was probably planning on saying more things after that, but Sootpaw was done listening. Turning on his heel, he cast an instinctive glance over to the rest of the apprentices before wondering why he was even bothering with them. They all looked equally surprised, Adderpaw driven out of his gloom to stare with an open jaw.

He could feel Flarepaw looking at him, and his body yearned to look over at her as well.

He walked away instead.

The sound of Wildfire calling for the next apprentice- Yellowpaw, Yellowpaw was next and he had to face Gingerpaw- echoed behind him as he exited the clearing. The snow-covered forest surrounded him, and for a moment, Sootpaw just wanted to go… somewhere. He didn't know. Anywhere but back to camp.

But he was tired, so instead, he turned his paws in camp's direction and began walking.

He won.

It didn't feel like a victory.

(He was alone again.)

Nobody was allowed to talk to him when he made it back to camp. Nobody really tried to at least, and as soon as he was in his nest, apparently, he wasn't exhausted enough to fall asleep.

He lay there, staring at the wall, not really knowing what to do. Just… waiting, apparently. (He tried not to think that if Mousepaw and Bluepaw and Shrewpaw were here, they would one-by-one be arriving with him. Talking about how their test went, congratulating or comforting each other as needed.)

Eventually, Adderpaw did arrive.

And just like Sootpaw, he went straight over to his nest and laid down, not even saying a word. The grey-furred Commoner tried not to be hurt by that (didn't really succeed, but at least he tried). He reminded himself that Adderpaw was grieving too, that he had lost them too. Had lost Mousepaw, the one he loved and never had the courage to tell.

In the end, they had both failed.

Adderpaw and Sootpaw had each vowed to protect their friends, the rest of the Commoner apprentices, and now…

Now, all of them were dead.

What great protectors they were.

"I don't want to be here," Adderpaw spoke up after a moment, mumbling. As though he was speaking to himself or to the ghost of Mousepaw or Shrewpaw or Bluepaw, anybody but Sootpaw. Still, the sunset turned over to him, more intrigued by a grieving Adderpaw than the crack in the wall of the ramshackle den. The large brown tom folded into himself, shivering. "I don't want to be here."

Sootpaw almost asked Where do you want to go? But he didn't think he was going to like the answer. Or maybe he would. Any answer would have been fine- Adderpaw could have just said far away and that would have been enough for him.

And maybe he didn't truly mean it, but envy dripped from his voice regardless as he muttered the words, "Then leave."

(Leave. Leave me alone, just like the rest of them.

I'll stay.

I don't know why I'll stay, but I'll stay.)

Adderpaw didn't speak up again after that. Unimportant time trudged on and Sootpaw might have fallen asleep at one point or another because the next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes and there were a lot of noises coming from outside of the den and it was darker than usual. Adderpaw was sitting up now, staring in the direction of the den's entrance with a thoughtful frown, ears flat against his head. It looked like he had made the effort to groom himself halfway before stopping because he couldn't find the purpose to do so anymore.

"The ceremony has begun," Adderpaw said without looking over at him, Sootpaw pushing himself up slowly, groggily. "You might want to clean up a bit."

"Were you going to wake me or let me sleep through it?"

Adderpaw shrugged and Sootpaw felt nauseous with the wave of anger that rose up within him. He pushed it down where it sat uncomfortably at the base of his stomach, turning away from his friend- his friend? He didn't know anymore- and about to start grooming himself before deciding the effort wasn't worth it. Why make himself look pretty for the High Ranks?

"Owlpelt will get us when it's our turn."

"Our turn?"

"...The Noble kits are being apprenticed first. Low Ranks get their ceremony after."

And that just made Sootpaw want to double over in laughter. He stood up instead, moving swiftly over to the entrance of the den, peeking outside and, sure enough, he could see the gathered High Ranks by Redstar's pedestal-like tree. Four soon-to-be apprentices sat closest, staring up with wide eyes at their leader.

Sootpaw had the briefest thought that hey, Sagepaw won't be alone anymore before it vanished when he reminded himself he shouldn't care about Sagepaw. He was a Noble, a High Rank. (Still, a part of him felt warm, and it wasn't because of anger this time.)

"They should be almost done. Clean yourself up, Sootpaw."

"I don't want to."

"Suit yourself."

Sootpaw continued watching, just a tad too far away for him to actually hear the words coming from Redstar's mouth. All he could see were figures moving, warriors coming up to their newly named apprentices and bowing to them. He looked away when the image began reminding him too much of Thornblaze. Sootpaw walked back to his nest, sitting heavily and blowing out a tired sigh, shoulders sagging and head rolling back.

It was almost funny, this silence between them. He didn't know what to say, but then again, maybe nothing needed to be said at all.

I don't want to be here.

Then leave.

Sootpaw wondered if he had just given his last friend an out. He wondered if he cared.

He didn't. He might regret it later, but he honestly didn't want to talk to Adderpaw anytime soon.

How did it come to this? He wanted to know the answer.

(He knew the answer. It's because this world hated Low Ranks like him and he could do nothing about it but try to keep going.)

The crunch of snow and the sound of pawsteps made him stand up straight, facing the entrance of the den with an instinctive stiffening of his shoulders. Prepared for danger even before it showed it's filthy face. It wasn't danger- it was only Owlpelt. The dark brown tom with wide amber eyes, Thornblaze's best friend. He looked as tired as Sootpaw felt, and the apprentice almost felt like asking him How do you do it?

How do you move on without your best friend?

He didn't think Owlpelt would appreciate such a question right now.

"It's time, you two," he said, weariness heavy in his voice, and Sootpaw almost thought he could see the words themselves fall to the ground. Owlpelt did his best to put on a proud smile, and though he succeeded marginally, Sootpaw couldn't help but feel it was incredibly forced.

For a moment, neither of them moved, and Sootpaw didn't know whether he wanted to take that first step or if he wanted to wait for Adderpaw to do it. One of them had to take the leap, and Sootpaw was tired of always being the first one to do it and then crash into the ground. He would fall and hurt himself, and then proceed to shout back at the others that he would catch them so they wouldn't get injured.

(He wondered if his self-sacrificing selfless nature died with the others. That was probably for the best if it did.)

When it became apparent Adderpaw wasn't going to move, Sootpaw made that first step anyway.

Standing up from his nest, he shook out his pelt for a moment, glancing down at himself and wondering if he really should have cleaned himself up a bit before shrugging and moving on. Adderpaw took longer to follow, but eventually, he did.

Owlpelt turned and began leading them out of the den and into the center of camp.

With the apprentice ceremony for the Noble kits over, most of, if not all of the High Ranks went back to their usual duties. Some littered the clearing, as they usually did to gossip and share tongues and whatnot, but with night approaching, a lot of them simply went to their den.

He caught sight of Flarepaw, sitting a little ways away from the rest of the Commoners, but close enough to still associate herself with them. He didn't know how to feel about that either. A part of him was proud of her and overly joyful, embarrassingly so, that she was now shaking off all of her chains to do what she wanted. To be the change she wanted to see in others.

The other part of him wanted her to get away from the surviving Commoners. She was a High Rank, and the closer she got to them, the more they trusted her, the more greatly she could end up hurting them.

Sootpaw looked away from her when he realized she was looking at him too. Owlpelt moved through the pitiful group of Low Ranks, Artisans and Commoners and the Servants allowed to watch forming such a small circle compared to the earlier gathering. There was no grandiosity to it all, Redstar sitting in the same place as usual, above all the others. Looking down on everyone.

"You are free to leave." Did he mean the Prisoner's Den? The clan? His rank?

(This life?)

No, he was never free to leave. He wasn't allowed to.

Adderpaw could, but Sootpaw couldn't.

Owlpelt left them in a line with the Artisan apprentices. Stripepaw sat closest to him and Sootpaw dutifully ignored the way the dark grey Artisan wrinkled his nose minutely, shuffling just a little bit farther away. Sootpaw sat down, turning his eyes up and hating that he had to tilt his head back.

Dull, golden-yellow eyes looked back at him, unmoving.

It's his fault, Sootpaw swallowed thickly, a burning fire narrowing, his fault, his fault, his fault.

He takes great joy in your suffering.

"Today is a momentous occasion unlike any other," Redstar began speaking, finally turning those empty eyes away from Sootpaw's glare. Sootpaw felt his jaw clench, felt anger crash into the restraints he put upon himself, his body lurching slightly as he let out a withering breath.

He didn't pay attention to a word Redstar was speaking. It was all pointless anyway. Just pomp and useless drabble about upholding the honor of the clan, yadda yadda, be proud of how far you've come, whatever. Sootpaw knew this moment only came once in his life, but the knowledge wasn't enough to get him to actually pay attention.

This ceremony felt so… empty.

Because Thornblaze wasn't in the crowd beside Owlpelt, sitting proudly and looking upon his apprentice with tears in his eyes. Because Shrewpaw and Bluepaw and Mousepaw were not sitting beside him, not on the other side of Adderpaw, tears in their own eyes for how far they've come and how far they could go now.

Instead, Sootpaw was here. With just Adderpaw- Adderpaw, who looked like he wanted to be here even less than Sootpaw himself did.

Sootpaw was here and they weren't and nothing about that was right.

"Without further ado," Redstar's voice filtered back in through the white noise, his eyes passing over the line of Low Ranking apprentices, "let's begin, shall we?"

Redstar moved, stepping off of his pedestal of branches and to the snow below, startling a few of the Low Ranks in the process. He waited a moment, allowing for everybody to get settled, before he made his way over to the end of the line first, to where Yellowpaw was.

"Yellowpaw. You have grown much since your training began. You defend your clan fiercely, honoring the Blazeclan name to its fullest. You stand at the head of battle, unafraid of the outcome- you are a fire that shines bright. Embrace that," Redstar gave a bow of his head, and upon lifting it, said, "Thus, I grant you your name. Move forth, Yellowfire, and make our ancestors proud."

The Grand Royal stepped closer to the scruffy ginger tom, placing his muzzle atop of his head, and the newly named Yellowfire dropped his body into a bow when Redstar stepped back. With a permitting nod of the leader's head, Yellowfire backed away to join the rest of the Artisan warriors.

Sootpaw did his best to ignore the overwhelming wave of jealousy, watching Redflame lean into his former apprentice with a proud smile that Yellowfire returned. He swallowed down the bile and faced the front, wishing for all of this to be over already.

He didn't listen to what Redstar had to say about the others, deciding that it was all lies because he certainly didn't think Yellowfire was someone who shined brightly by any means.

("Move forth, Iceshade, and make our ancestors proud.")

("Move forth, Stripetail, and make our ancestors proud.")

At last, it was his turn, and Sootpaw took in a deep breath to prepare himself for Redstar touching him, for him being this close. He had to do a great deal of restraining, at this point he should get a reward for his efforts. A burning sunset met a dead sun, the abyss opened up in both of them and Sootpaw wondered what his leader saw in him.

Did he see a kindred spirit too?

He hated to think he was related to Redstar in any way, that this- this pain, this emptiness- made them one and the same.

"Sootpaw." The tom tried not to jump when his name was said. Redstar's voice was softer, taking on a somber tone when compared to the others. "You… have suffered an endless amount of strife since you began your journey of apprenticeship. Fighting battles you had no hope of winning, all for the sake of others. You are self-sacrifice given flesh. Selflessness given life. That in itself is honorable and very rare to find." Redstar paused for a moment before continuing, "You've been beaten down, again and again, and yet here- you stand. I'll admit… There is no name I could give you that will encompass all that you are.

"So, as both an apology and in honor of your mentor who could not be with us now… I shall give you his name. So it can live on in you. Do you accept it, Sootblaze?"

Sootpaw felt his whole world vanish.

It was just the abyss.

Just himself… and Redstar.

Two points in the darkness. Redstar, with his faded light, swirled with shadows that someone had tried and failed to erase and only left behind a mess. He was not a light within the darkness, he was simply a husk for it. There was no end to the shadows, the abyss.

Sootpaw was right there with him and, yet…

A flicker.

And maybe it was just the flame of anger that stayed alive. Maybe when he was done being mad, when he allowed himself to break, maybe he would be just like Redstar.

Or maybe…

Maybe this flicker was true light.

Maybe he wasn't done yet. Maybe his light hadn't gone out completely. (Or maybe it did, but now, it was back. It was back because Redstar had given him his mentor's name.)

(Maybe Thornblaze, as one last parting gift, gave Sootpaw his light.)

Sootblaze.

Could he really be worthy of having that name?

"I accept," he found himself saying breathlessly because above all else, he wanted... stars did he want to be worthy of that name.

And maybe he wasn't worthy now, but… He was going to become worthy of it.

"Move forth, Sootblaze," Redstar pressed closer, but the Commoner could hardly feel the leader pressing his muzzle against his head. Against his skin, Redstar whispered, "and make him proud."

A sound of something cracking filled his ears, and for a second, it felt like his chest burst open. Light flooded outward and there it was, the flicker, blazing brighter than before.

Sootblaze moved robotically over to where Feathersong was, the Queen gingerly pulling him forward into an embrace, nuzzling into the top of his head.

It was her whisper of, "We're so proud of you," that broke him.

Faintly, he could hear Adderpaw getting his name- Adderfang- but he couldn't comprehend much else at this point anymore. He leaned against Feathersong, half-aware that the other Commoner warriors and his only remaining friend were crowding around him, all of them falling into a group hug.

He sobbed as their names were chanted into the night sky, and for a moment, it sounded like Mousepaw and Shrewpaw and Bluepaw and Thornblaze were there chanting as well.

"Sootblaze! Adderfang!"

"Sootblaze! Adderfang!"

"Sootblaze!"

"Adderfang!"

Sootblaze! Sootblaze! Sootblaze!

He wasn't alone.

He wasn't alone…

Maybe this didn't fix him entirely. Maybe he wasn't completely healed (definitely not, it would take much, much more than just this).

But it was progress. He was allowing himself to break down, during his warrior ceremony no less.

It was progress.

He was here.

And the others weren't.

And hopefully someday soon…

He could learn to live with that.

A/N: I know this one is rather short, but I figured that was a fitting place to end it there. Merry Christmas everyone! And also Happy New Year cause the next update will be the week after the new year! Hope you guys have a safe and happy holiday season, remember to please be careful. Fingers crossed for my family and me.

Also, excuse me while I ugly cry ToT. MY BOI IS FINALLY A WARRIOR! (only took 91 chapters but shh let me have this moment) Whoohoo!

Next up is Flarekitty's turn…

Question of the Day

(I feel like this is relevant.)

What are some things you do to make yourself feel better when you're sick? (Cuddle up in a cocoon of blankets, wear a big sweater, specific foods you eat or things you drink)

(I myself have been wearing one of my RWBY sweaters, playing Pokemon on my DS, and drinking some nice teas.) (And taking medicine.)

Please review, favorite, and/or follow!

Let me know what you think of the story and give constructive criticism where you see fit.

If you have fanart of any kind, check out my profile for more details!

Thank you and peace out!

~Wolfcreations21