Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Show.


A/N: I'm back! Hopefully I'll manage to be back for good.

It's been so long since I've really written much. In the meantime I've (almost?) joined the local shadowcast, written tons of one-act plays, joined a screenwriters group, started going out with someone, toured a local castle, begun pre-production for a fan series that probably won't be made, and more. I've missed fanfiction so badly. Let's hope it missed me, too...


My name is Lee Majors and I've always been a bit of a nerd. When I was 18 - a senior at Denton High School - my deep understanding of stuff from outer space finally came in useful. It's a pretty long story... and it starts with a wedding. My older brother Brad's best friend Ralph's wedding.

We left mom's house at about 3 in the afternoon that fine November Saturday. The weather was oddly warm, considering the time of year, but nobody minded. On the way over to the church we picked up Brad's girlfriend Janet. She has eyes like a fish and a voice like a harpy when she's mad... and I sure didn't like being in an enclosed space with her. Car rides are hell. As soon as she got into our she started up.

"Brad! We're gonna be late, aren't we? What took you so long?"

"It took a bit longer than we expected to get dressed, that's all," Brad replied calmly.

He's the calm one. She's miss hysterical. I guess opposites do attract.

"We?" Janet asked, clearly not noticing me.

Brad laughed. "Lee is going with us."

"Oh," she replied.

I would've said something wittier since I actually read. She just looks at those stupid gardening magazines. It's funny, she never actually gardens.
The car ride was pretty quiet, I guess, once Janet stopped talking. But the memory of her voice was so recent that she may as well have been complaining about her dress or whatever woman talk about. Half the stuff they say never makes any sense. And why do they wear makeup? It doesn't usually suit them. The girls at Denton High aren't that cute anyway, though. They're all just identical dwarf-Barbies. I would just say they're 'identical Barbies', but they're more naturally proportioned and would look like dwarfs if scaled down to Barbie-size and compared to an actual Barbie doll.

Anyway, we eventually got to the church. Contrary to Janet's fears, Brad got us to the church on time. He's a saint for putting up with her, rather than dumping her on the roadside. That's what I would've done.

Once we got inside the church Janet and I sat down while Brad went looking for Ralph. Being the best man and all he's supposed to hang around the groom... presumably. The details of all that didn't matter to me. No, I happened to be too busy looking at the cute brunette who seemed to work at the church. There was something different about her, something I hadn't seen at Denton High. Maybe she's foreign, I thought to myself. She was dressed in a dark pilgrim-like dress, with her hair pulled back and her fair face empty of any cosmetics. Overall there was a gothic feel to her. It gave me the impression that she was either English or Hungarian.

The cute brunette was so distracting that I hardly noticed Ralph and his fiancé Betty get married. Looking back I'm quite sure they did.
Eventually we all went outside and posed for a picture. Stupid, I know. I decided to conform for once and actually smile. That was easy because I actually like Ralph. He's a nice guy. It's a shame I was too young to get smashed at the previous night's bachelor party. Do people do that in real life? I still don't know.
After the picture everyone sort of mingled outside the church. As quickly as possible I walked over to where Ralph stood, grinning like a very likable idiot.

"Congratulations, Ralph," I said.

Before he could respond Brad walked up behind me.
"I guess we really did it, Ralph. You and Betty really did hit it off in Dr. Scott's refresher course."
"Honestly, Brad, she's half the reason I showed up!"
The three of us laughed. I always liked feeling like one of Brad's friends. Indeed I am younger than most of them. It's just that guys my age are so busy being cool or trying to impress stupid girls. Why would I want to know what to know what Susie Tomalin did with half the football team? The girls in the comics Brad lends me are superior!

Why do I keep getting so off topic?

After a bit of joking between Brad and Ralph, which I mostly missed, Betty apparently decided to throw her bouquet.

"This is it!" she shouted gleefully.

All the woman scrambled around and...

"Janet caught it!" I cried.

Did that mean Janet would be Brad's wife - and, therefore, my sister-in-law? That wasn't something I wanted. Did Brad even want it? If Brad - the most tolerant guy any of us knew - didn't marry her, would she become an old maid? Or a hooker?! Very few people would be able to live in the same house as that fish-y face and that annoying voice... or so I thought.

"Dude, are you going to propose now?" I asked my brother.

"It's gonna be Janet that marries next," Brad said, chuckling. "Who says I'll be the groom?"

"Don't say that, old sport," Ralph replied, somehow not amused.

At that point Ralph's father drove a car around the front of the church. It was a light grey-blue, with something mildly rude written in shaving cream or perhaps highly thick paint. At that point I made a mental note to rent a red Ferrari for my wedding - whenever it may be.

I was so busy thinking about Ferraris that I didn't really notice the blue-grey car leave, and most of the crowd go with it. What I definitely noticed was Brad Majors, my elder brother, getting down on one knee and proposing to Janet freakin' Weiss. It's cool having a bachelor brother who knows all the coolest comic shops, who watched Star Trek reruns with you... once such a guy is married he no longer does cool stuff. He focuses on his wife and perhaps the screaming babies she produces.

"Shit," I muttered to myself, unable to think of something clever to say.

As we drove home I couldn't think of anything but the fact that Brad was marrying Janet. I even - temporarily - forgot the mysterious brunette at the church...


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