What's going on guys, Cowboy Alchemist here, and here's my Gravity Falls fic:

Weirder Things

When I first saw this cartoon, just like so many cartoons, I feel in love with it. The main thing that really stood out for me was the mystery and the characters.

Pairs:

OC x Wendy Corduroy

Dipper Pines x Pacifica Northwest (much later in the story)

And with that, here we go.


{Play Stranger Things theme by Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein}

At the beginning of the intro, there is nothing but blackness.

Then about three seconds later, a bunch photographs started falling from above in slow motion.

Getting a closer look at one of the photographs, while others twirled and spun in the background in slow motion, shows the town of Gravity Falls from a distance.

Another picture shows the Mystery Shack during the night time, with bright lights shining thought the windows.

One photo shows a thundering sky that had a large, flying creature's shadow being seen through the dark clouds. The camera then focuses on a picture behind the previous one, showing large claw marks on a tree trunk, as more photos were seen falling.

Three photos are focused on now, one showing an angry Gnome, the second showing something that resembles the Long Ness Monster, and the third show a dinosaur tooth trapped in amber.

The camera shows the cluster of photographs continuing to fall, before angling downwards to show all of them lying on a flat surface, collecting in a pile.

The camera then gradually moves back to show more of the photos landing. After the last of the photos were on the surface, the camera moves upwards, displaying nothing but blackness again. Then the title of the story appeared in a flash of light.

WEIRDER THINGS

It then disappeared, before the chapter title appeared.

Chapter One

The Tourist Trappers


Up on the edge of a cliff, there was a sign that said "Welcome to Gravity Falls".

CRASH!

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Two voices screamed out in fear, as a golf cart suddenly crashed through the sign. The golf cart drove off the cliff after breaking through the sign and fell nose first downwards a few feet, before landing on the a dirt road. It swayed left and right, with two of the three occupants still screaming, as the driver drove it off another ledge. Luckily it wasn't that far of a drop.

However, a few feet behind the speeding cart, a few trees were being toppled over, as a terrifying roar pierced the air.

One of the three occupants—a short 12 year-old girl with round blushing cheeks, long brown hair that reaches her hips, brown eyes, and silver-colored braces—turned her body around to face in the direction of the trees. "It's getting closer!" She said in fear.

"Most go faster! Most go faster!" The second kid in the cart said repeatedly. The person was a boy that looked very similar to the girl, only with somewhat messier and shorter hair, and bags under his eyes, wearing a navy blue hooded vest, a reddish-orange T-shirt, gray shorts, white socks with a red stripe, and black sneakers.

"I'm trying, but this is the fastest it's going to go!" exclaims the driver of the cart, who was a 16 year old teen. He had unkempt black hair that passed his ears, matching colored eyes, with bags under them. He wore a woodland camo boonie hat, a red T-shirt, blue jeans, and grey and black hiking shoes, with black socks.

Whatever was chasing them cast its large shadow over the cart. Then two large hands reached out towards the moving vehicle. The older boy saw this in one of the side mirror's and pressed down on the gas pedal with all his weight, speeding the cart up just before the hands could grab them. However, this caused him to drive over a pile of randomly placed rocks, which acted like a ramp and had the golf cart jump off the ground. The cart spun in midair, then landed back on the dirt road.

It bounced off the ground a few times, before the driver got control of the vehicle and accelerated it away from the monster still chasing them. The driver had a determined expression, the boy next to him sighed in relief, and the girl on the boy's other side held a hand to her mouth with her cheeks puffed out, looking like she was going to vomit.

The teen then saw a shadow appearing on the below them. The three looked up to see a large tree sailing over the cart.

"Look out!" The girl pointed out in front

It landed on the road in front of the vehicle. The teen eyes' widened at first, before he glared at the tree and speeded up. The two kids screamed in terror, as the cart came closer to their imitate collision.

Then everything paused.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're probably asking "How the hell did you get here".

Geez, what happened to us? This was supposed to be a normal summer experience. Just us against the world, away from home and our parents! And now look—we're driving away from a monster of both unimaginable horror and… weirdness.

But don't worry, there's a perfectly logical explanation for what's going on… Sort of.

But first, let's start from the beginning.

Charging to a different scene, the teenager was now standing at a bus stop, alone, reading a book with one hand, while his other hand was in his pocket. A bored expression covered his face, and next to his feet was a duffle bag.

"PATRICK!" a girl's voice shrieked with joy. Before Patrick could prepare himself, the young girl ran at him from the left, dropped her two duffle bags, and jumped onto him, knocking him over on his back as she hugged him. The young boy then approached them with a much calmer tone. Just like the girl, he had on a large backpack and hand a duffle bag in each hand.

"Hey, man," he said. "What's up?"

"Mabel! Get off me!" Patrick demanded, annoyed, as he lifted up the girl, now known as Mabel, and set her on her feet. She giggled and stepped back to stand next to the boy. Patrick then got up and dusted himself off.

That's me, Patrick Pines.

Patrick then looked at the boy, who was wearing a greenish brown ball cap and had a bit of sunscreen on his nose.

This guy right here is my cousin, Dipper.

He then looked at Mabel, who was wearing a short-sleeved pink undershirt underneath a slightly-dark fuchsia sweater with a shooting star with a rainbow-colored tail falling toward the left, a matching fuschia headband, a loose purple pencil skirt, and black slipper shoes with white socks.

And the little bag of sunshine next to him is his twin sister, Mabel.

The reason we're here at a bus stop alone is because my aunt and uncle decided that the twins could use some fresh air, and my parents wanted me to join them. So they gave us bus tickets and we were sent on up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay with our great uncle's place in the woods.

At Gravity Falls, on the second floor of the house they were going to be staying at, the three of them were inside of a large attic, unpacking and setting up their beds for the night. There were three beds, two near a large window with a dresser against the wall between them, and one bed near the door.

The Mabel was standing on her bed while hanging posters over her bed. "This attic is amazing," she said, facing her family. "Check out all my splinters!" She held up her hands to show them having multiple size splinters sticking out of them.

Patrick stared at her for a few seconds, before sighing, and fished into his backpack. He pulled out a first aid kit, opened it, and took out a pair of tweezers before walking over to her. "Mabel, how times have I done this now," he asked, as he got on one knee and Mabel sat on the edge of the bed, before Patrick grabbing her hand to take out the splinters.

"Ten," she admitted with a blush in slight embarrassment.

"Then let's not have an eleventh time, shall we?" Patrick pulled the last splinter out and patted her head, earning a giggle from Mabel.

Dipper was walking backwards, looking up at the triangular ceiling, when he backed up into his bed. He stopped when he heard a goat, and turned around to see the animal standing on his bed. "And there's a goat on my bed," he commented.

"Hey friend." Mabel greeted the goat when she walks up to it. The goat leans towards her and starts chewing on her right sleeve. "Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater," she said before laughing. Patrick watched the scene from his side of the room. He rolled his eyes, shook his head, and smirked.

Like I said, sunshine in a bag. That's what Mabel's all about. She someone you can see looking at the bright side of everything.


"Yay! Glass!" Mabel cheered as she rolls down a hill outside. She passed by a tree that Dipper was sitting against. He had a book open in his hands with a pen in his mouth, and an annoyed expression on his face, as a woodpecker was standing on his hat, pecking it.

Dipper, on the hand, was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. Not really a surprise there. I've always thought of him as the one to stayed indoors and read mystery books.

"BOO!" Suddenly a guy wearing a green monster mask jumped out at him from behind the tree.

"AH!" Dipper yelped out in terror and shock, causing him to fall over.

The guy then took off his mask, revealing himself to be an old man with brown eyes, gray hair and eyebrows, a somewhat large pear-shape, reddish-pinkish nose, large ears, and fair skin, and a pair of rectangular glasses. His outfit consists of a maroon fez, a black suit, with the jacket buttoned closed, a bow tie, similar in color to his fez, a white dress shirt, and big light brown shoes. The old man starts laughing at Dipper.

And last but not least of my family members at Gravity Falls is our Great Uncle Stanford, or Grunkle Stan, as Mabel calls him. I just call him Stan.

Stan slapped his knee with his right hand, while his left hand was holding onto a cane with an eight ball handle. He continued laughing at the glaring boy before coughing several times and hits his chest to clear himself. "It was worth it," he said in between coughs.


Stan, now wearing an unnecessary eyepatch over the right lens of his glasses, was now leading a group tourist through an exhibit of some sorts, with had displays of strange and wacky statues and poorly made pieces that looked they were put together in under a minute. Patrick was sweeping next to a pedestal with a stuffed Jackalope displayed on it.

I can't remember anything about him, mostly because mom always had this kind of grudge against him and never allowed any of us to visit him. It took a lot of convincing from my aunt, uncle, and dad to get her to agree to let me come. The only thing I was able to learn about him was that he transformed his house into a tourist trap he called "The Mystery Shack."

But like Dipper said, "The only real mystery is why anyone even came."

One of the antlers fell off. Patrick panicked a bit and quickly grabbed it and jabbed it back on the head. Turning to the group he smiled nervously to act as though nothing was wrong. However, to his luck, they weren't even paying any attention to him.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Stan said to the group with excitement, "behold! The Sascrotch!"

Said 'Sascrotch' was nothing more than a model Sasquatch wearing underwear. The tourist start speaking excitedly and with wonder, clapping and cheering as some snapped pictures of it.

Patrick looked at them with a small amount of disbelief, and slapped his face in exasperation. He then walked away from the group of tourist and entered into the gift shop of the Mystery Shack. In there, he found Dipper restocking some of the merchandise, and Mabel looking at a large fake eyeball.

And if you couldn't already tell, we have to work there.

"Ooh!" She reached out to touch the eyeball, only to have her hand slapped by Stan's 8-ball cane.

"No touching the merchandise!" He told her.

So that's how it is. Me, Dipper, and Mabel against the everyday life of the Mystery Shack! Not how I wanted my summer vacation to be like, but at least I was able to be with my cousins, who I rarely see except for on holidays.

Little did I know that on one fateful day, everything was about to change…


A few days after getting settled into the Mystery Shack, Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel were up their usual activities; doing chores around the gift shop. Patrick was sweeping the floors and Dipper was spray cleaning the glass jars that contained various different items.

Patrick was looking down at the floor as he swept, only to stop when he saw two small shoes in front of his broom. Raising his head, he saw Mabel watching something between a pair of 'Stan-bubbleheads.' "Mabel what are you doing," he asked her. "You're supposed to be—" He didn't finish when Mabel grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled him down to her height.

"Shh!" She shushed him with an excited expression, not looking away from what she was preoccupied with. "He's looking at it! He's looking at it!" She whispered to him. Patrick, get her hand off his shirt, stood up straight and turned his head in the direction she was looking at.

He saw that it was a boy her age looking at an unfolded note. "Uh… Do you like me?" He read the note out loud. "Yes? Definitely? Absolutely?" The boy looked very confused, and looked around with a nervous expression.

Patrick looked down at his cousin with an unimpressed face. "Really?"

"I rigged it!" She said.

"Mabel," Dipper said from behind her, making his twin turn her attention to him as he was cleaning a jar fill with fake eyes, "I know you're going through your whole 'Boy Crazy' phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the 'crazy' part."

"What?" She exclaimed, before blowing a raspberry and walking up to her brother. "Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance!"

"Mabel, you 12 years old," Patrick told her, joining in on the conversation. "You shouldn't be worrying about dating. And besides, you flirted with almost every guy you've met since day one!"

"Like that kid you tried to flirt with and ended up pushing him into the postcard rack," Dipper said.

"Or that guy with the turtle." Patrick then cringed. "And need I mention the Mattress Prince?"

"Yeah, that was just creepy on your party, Mabel," Dipper said, also cringing.

"Mock all you want, brother and cousin," Mabel said was a knowing smile, "but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now." She pointed her thumb over her shoulder towards the entrance that lead to the museum. The two boys looked doubtfully at her and turned their attention to the doorway.

And as soon after she said that, their Grunkle Stan walked out of the doorway, carrying a few arrow signs under his right arm. He burped, but it gets caught in his throat. "Oh!" He clenched his stomach with his free hand. "Oh, not good. Ow."

"Aww! Why!" Mabel wined making Dipper laugh and Patrick snicker.

"Hey, don't knock it, 'til you try it," the older Pine said, making Dipper laugh more and Mabel to place her hands on her face in embarrassment.

"All right, all right, look alive, people," Stan told everyone, bring the younger Pine's attention to him. "I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest."

"Not it!" Dipper quickly said, raising his hand.

"Not it!" Mabel said after him, raising her hand.

"Not it!" Patrick said and raised his hand, only to realize he was the last one to say it. "Dammit."

"Uh, also not it," said another employee named Soos. He was a stocky guy, with a light brown cap, had light peach fair skin, and buck teeth, similar to those of a beaver. He wore dark brown shoes, beige shorts and a jade greenish gray shirt with a big dark green, poorly painted question mark on the front and the word "Staff" on the back.

"Nobody asked you, Soos," Stan told him with a deadpanned expression.

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that," he said, before taking a bite out of a chocolate bar.

The big guy is Soos. He's been an employee at the Mystery Shack long before we got there. He's friendly enough, though he can be weird at times.

"Wendy," Stan called out to a very tall and skinny girl who was a year younger than Patrick. She had green eyes, a fair complexion and some freckles, has long red hair just past her hips. She had on a tan and dark brown lumberjack hat, emerald green plaid/flannel shirt with a white tank top underneath, green stub earrings, blue jeans, and muddy rain boots. "I need you to put up these signs!"

"I would," she said from her place at the chase register, sitting in a chair with her feet propped up on the counter, reading a magazine, "but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh..." Wendy stretched out her hand to it, but didn't bother to get up.

Patrick let out a quick snicker, careful not to have his Grunkle notices. But Wendy heard it and sent him a quick smirk.

And lastly, Wendy. She's perhaps the best thing to come out of this place, and yes, I admit I have a bit of a crush on her… okay, a big crush, but can you blame me? The fact that she's a nice, mellow, fun-loving, and beautiful girl who happens working at Stan's place with us only makes it better. And while she's more of a slacker and I'm more of the responsible worker (who is prone to stress, sometimes), we've actually become friends quickly, after our first meeting involve her complimenting my boonie hat and me doing the same her lumberjack hat.

"I'd fire all of you if I could," Stan stated before turning towards Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel. "All right, let's make it…" he put his two pointer fingers together and started pointing between them. "Eenie, meenie, miney..." In the end, the old man singled out Dipper. "You."

"Aw, what?" A surprised Dipper said. "Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods I feel like I'm being watched."

"Ugh, this again." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town," Dipper said pointing at him. "Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out 'BEWARE'." He rolled up his sleeve and showed Stan his bites. The old man squinted to get a closer look, only to raise an eyebrow.

"That says 'BEWARB'." He told the male twin. This made Dipper reexamine his bites and saw that it indeed spelled bewarb.

"I'd like to point out that it's scary the mosquitoes know how to spell words." Patrick told Stan, stretching the back of his head. However, he too had the same eerie feeling Dipper had about their new environment. Something about the town was telling him to beware of danger.

He'd always shrugged it off as him just being paranoid and his responsibilities to keeping his cousins safe.

"Look, you two. The whole 'monsters in the forest' thing is just local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that." Stan gestured to a tourist, who was sweeting, and seemed to be very infatuated with the Stan-bubblehead he had in his hand. "So quit being so paranoid!" Stan dumped the signs into Dippers arms, making him sigh before heading out. After he left, Stan did too, leaving only Patrick, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos in the gift shop.

Patrick was about to resume sweeping, but stopped when he thought about Dipper being all alone out there. Listing many thinks that could happen to him, the older boy sighed and dropped the broom and fast walked to the house's exit. "I better go with him," he announced to the other, before opening and exiting the door. He spotted Dipper on the outskirts of the woods. "Hey, Dipper!"

Dipper turned around to see his cousin running up to him. "What are you doing here," he asked as Patrick approached him.

"What? Can't family help each other out?" Patrick asked jokingly. "Besides, you forget the hammer." He held up said tool need to put the nails into the tree.

"Thanks, Patrick." Dipper smiled gratefully at him, before the two entered into the forest.


The dark clouds were now building up over head, and the two Pines boys were almost done.

Patrick hammered a nail into the trunk of a tree before stepping to the side. "Next sign," he told Dipper and nodded at the nail. He noticed that the child had an annoyed expression as he hung a sign that had 'AMAZING' on it. Patrick had an idea for the look and sighed lightly. "You still bummed about your bites?"

"It's not about the bites, Patrick," Dipper responded depressingly, as they moved on to the next tree. "It's the fact that no one believes me."

Patrick walked to the next tree and hammered the nail into the bark. "I can't really say I believe you completely, either." He stepped to the side to let Dipper hang up a sign that said 'To The Mystery Shack.' "Trust me, I have the same feel about this place as you do, but I'm going to need evidence to back that up."

Dipper hung up the sign and backed away. "I guess you're right," he said, before the two walked on to the next tree.

"And come on," Patrick said, trying to cheer him up, before placing the tip of the nail on the trunk, "what's the chances of us finding anything out here?" He struck the head of the nail, only for the both of them to jolt in shock when it made a metallic sound. Glancing at the hammer's head before looking at one another, Patrick and Dipper turned back to the tree, confused by what had happened. With the hammer still in his right hand, the teen placed his left ear to the tree and tapes it. The results were the same metallic sound.

"It sounds hollow," Dippers said, walking up to his cousin's right, who tossed the hammer aside.

"Yeah, and it's cool." Patrick stated, as his left ear and cheek felt the coldness when on contacts with the tree. Placing his hand on the trunk, he moved it across, wiping away some dust. His fingers felt a brim, prompting him to pull on it with both hands, resulting in him opening a secret hatch. To their surprise, inside the hatch was a small mechanical box with two control switches on top. Dipper moved in front of Patrick and tested one of the switches, but nothing happens. He then tries the other one.

The bleats of Grompers before running away behind them, and another mechanical sound, made the two boys turned around, seeing now a hole in the ground. Cautiously walking over to it, Patrick and Dipper looked down into it. "What the?" The young boy said, as they saw what appeared to be a book covered in dust and spider webs.

Reaching into the hole, Dipper pulled out the book, and blew on it. The dust cleared off, revealing the book's cover to be a burgundy color, with various rips and tears which could have been due to aging, two gold lines on its spine, and all four of its corners are gold. However the most interesting part of the cover was that in the middle was a gold hand with six fingers and the number 3 in the middle.

"Three?" Patrick asked before Dipper placed the book on the ground. As he messed with it, his older cousin scanned their surroundings. This had a 3 on it, right? So that means that there's got to be a first and second book. "Where are the other two?"

"Hey, Patrick, check this out," Dipper said, which prompted him to kneel down next to him. The young boy had already opened the book, and had turned to a page that was dated to June 18, but without a year. "'It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.'" After reading that letter aloud, Dipper started flipping through the pages. Each page they saw contained notes, with well-drawn pictures of strange creatures, photographs of things and places, pictographs, and for some reason a page about Gnomes.

"What is all of this," Patrick asked, further freaked out by the contents of the book. But then he noticed a page, before Dipper pasted over it. "Wait! Go back." He turned back the page himself, stopping at a page that had the words 'TRUST NO ONE!' on it, before reading out loud. "'Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust.'"

"No one you can trust…" Dipper repeated the words as they glanced at each other.

"Okay, that was nice," Patrick suddenly said. "Time to put it back, now!"

"HALLO!" Mabel yelled, jumping out from behind a log.

"AH!" Patrick and Dipper screamed in shock, before the latter quickly shut the book and hide it behind his back. Patrick was taking deep breaths with his hand over his heart, feeling it hit the inside of his chest like a jackhammer. He quickly turned his head to glare at her. "What the hell is your problem?!"

"Hey! No swearing." She pointed at him, trying to scold him, before smiling again. "What'cha readin', some nerd thing?"

"Uh, uh, it's nothing!" Dipper told her, but it was easily seen as a lie.

"'Uh, uh, it's nothing!'" Mabel imitated him with waving hands, before laughing. "What? Are you actually not gonna show me?"

"Uhhh..." Dipper glanced behind him to see Grompers nibbling on the edge of the journal. "Let's go somewhere private."


Soon they were back at the Mystery Shack, and where now in the living room.

"It's amazing!" Dipper exclaimed in excitement, as Mabel was sitting on one of the armrests of a gold colored recliner, and Patrick was in the kitchen getting a soda. "Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid," he said before opening the book to the 'TRUST NO ONE' page, "but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side."

He held up the book to his sister, making her look at it. "Whoa! Shut. Up!" She exclaimed before pushing Dipper back.

"And get this!" Dipper continued. "After a certain point, the pages just… stop, like the guy who was writing it... mysteriously disappeared."

"All the more reasons to put it back!" Patrick stated firmly when he walked into the room with a Dr. Pepper in hand.

"What?" Dipper looked at him in disbelief.

"Dipper, you saw the things in that book, and that warning." Patrick argued, pointing at him. "If the journal is legit, then that means someone dangerous really was after the author and their work. Who knows what the results of us finding it are!"

"But think of all the things we can find." Dipper said, closing the book. "I was right about this place being different and feeling strange, and now I have the proof to show Grunkle Stan I was right."

The teen pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh. He was still bummed about that? "You barely have a third of that knowledge." Patrick took the book from him and pointed at the 3. "You still need the books 1 and 2 before you can get the big picture." He tossed the journal to Dipper, which he barely was able to catch. "Besides, we're here on vacation and to have fun. Not to solve mysteries and get into trouble."

"But we're not having fun. What if solving mysteries with this is that fun we've been looking for?"

Patrick paused for a moment. "Okay, you got me there."

"Come on, Patrick. It'll be just like The Goonies," Mabel said with encouragement, knowing that he loved that movie. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"I've seen these kind of things in the movies, Mabel. It starts off with the kids finding some mysterious object that leads to either…" Patrick started counting with his fingers, as he listed off some of the negative possibilities. "Monsters attacking; Alien abduction; government conspiracies and involvement; paranormal activities; and worst of all, them suffering the same fate as the original owner!" He stopped his ranting when the doorbell rang. "Who's at the door?"

"Well, time to spill the beans," Mabel said, before knocking over an empty can of beans on the table. "Boop. Beans. This girl's got a date!" She exclaimed in joy, pointing her thumbs at her head, before throwing her fist in the air. "Woot woot!" She cheered before falling backwards into the chair, giggling.

Patrick stared at her with a deadpan expression. "… What?"

"Let me get this straight," Dipper said, pinching the bridge of his nose, before pointing at her. "In the half hour we were gone, you already found a boyfriend?"

"What can I say? I guess I'm just irresistible." She said playfully, placing her hands and arms into her sleeves and waving them up and down, shaking her head side to side. The doorbell rings twice, bring her out of her silly moment. "Oh. Coming!" Mabel ran off to the get the door, leaving her male family members in the living room.

Dipper and Patrick looked at each other, not sure what to do, before the teen took a sip of his soda, prompting the boy to jump up on the recliner and read the journal. Then Stan walked into the same doorframe exited out of, take a sip of his own soda, before noticing Dipper on the couch. "What'cha reading there, slick?"

"Oh!" Dipper quickly threw the book under the seat cushion, before reaching down on the right side of the chair and grabbed a random magazine from a basket. "I was just catching up on, uh…" he looked at the magazine and read its title confusingly. "Gold Chains for Old Men Magazine?"

"That's a good issue." Stan commented before resting his arm on the back of the recliner.

"Hey, family!" Mabel's voice brought their attention to the doorframe, and saw Mabel standing next to a hooded figure. "Say hello to my new boyfriend!"

A second after she gestured at him with her arms, the 'boyfriend' turned around to face the rest of the Pines. Off the bat, Patrick knew that there was something not right about the guy. The dark hoodie he was wearing had rips and tears all over it, random branches and leaves attached sticking out of it. He looked very pale, with his left eye covered by his dark hair. "'Sup?" He said in a deep, raspy tone, holding up a hand.

"Hey…" Dipper greeted, also suspicious of the guy.

"How's it hanging?" Stan greeted him too, but more laid back than his nephews.

"Yeah…" Patrick said, narrowing his eyes as he analyzed the guy closely. "Howdy."

"We met in the cemetery," Mabel said, before feeling his right arm. "He's really deep." She then feels his arm by giving it a squeeze. "Oh. Little muscle there. That's… what a surprise…"

"So, what's your name?" Dipper questioned him.

"Uh." The boyfriend became even more nervous. Looking from side to side while thinking of an answer. "Normal… MAN."

"He means Norman." Mabel corrected him.

"Are you bleeding, 'Norman'?" Patrick pointed to his face, which had a red liquid dripping down from it.

"It's jam," he quickly said.

Mabel gasped and push him in the chest. "I love jam!" She exclaimed before gesturing between the two of them. "Look. At. This!"

"So, you wanna go hold hands or... whatever?"

"Oh, oh, my goodness." Mabel giggled before turning towards the other. "Don't wait up!" She then ran out of the room excitedly. Norman pointed to Patrick, Dipper, and Stan, before suddenly hitting his head against the doorframe. He then left the scene, but the teen and boy could hear him hit and ramming into the walls and other things.

Patrick looked down and to his left and saw Dipper standing next to him, with Stan in the chair reading the magazine. Dipper looked up at him with a hopeful grin and reached into his vest, where he was hiding the journal, and pulled out an inch of out, indicating that they should investigate with the book's help.

I didn't like the idea of a person as curious as Dipper having that journal, filling his head with a bunch of crazy things and theories, but my gut was telling me that there was something not right about… 'Norman', or my name is Owloysius. And it's not!

Patrick sighed and nodded.

I decided to let it the journal stay with us until we got to the bottom this. After that, it was out of here.


A few minutes later, the two male Pines were up in the attic, sitting next to a triangular window. Dipper had the journal in his hands, reading aloud as Patrick waited for him to tell him if he found anything that could be a clue. "'Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers?!'"

"Hey!" Patrick said, offended.

"Those are the words of the journal, man." Dipper said before looking back at the page. "'Beware Gravity Falls nefarious...'" He gasped in terror, causing Patrick to take the book and look at it. His eyes widened when he saw a zombie drawing on the page, the words The Undead' hanging over it.

"ZOMBIE!" They both exclaimed in horror.


Stan was in a bathroom fixing his tie when he heard them. "Somebody say 'Crombie'," he asked, "What is that, Crombie? That's not even a word. You're losing your mind."


The two suddenly heard a grunting from outside, making them turn to look out the window. Norman was walking towards Mabel in a zombie like fashion, with his arms stretched out, and moving stiffly.

"I like you," Mabel said happily, oblivious to the danger she was in.

"Oh, no! Mabel!" Dipper yelled out to her.

"Oh my God!" Patrick quickly got up and frantically searched for a weapon or anything to help him get the zombie away from his cousin. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!"

"No, no, Mabel, watch out!" Hearing his cousin freak out even more wasn't really keeping Patrick claim and level headed. He couldn't find anything! "AHHHHH!"

"Goddammit!" Patrick finally had enough looking around and ran to the stairs.

"Wait!" Dipper suddenly exclaimed, making Patrick stop at the first step. "It's okay."

"What," Patrick asked, puzzled, before going over to the window and looked down at where Mabel and Norman were. To his surprise, he saw Mabel with a neckless of daisies on her.

"Norman was just giving her those flowers," Dipper said as he started to calm down. Patrick sighed in relief as he back away from the window, taking off his hat with his right hand, and raked his left hand fingers through his hair.

"Thank god," he said in relief. "But still, is Mabel dating a zombie? I mean it's very unlikely and if he was then he should've eaten her by now, but is that probability still a possibility?" Patrick sighed and put back on his boonie hat. "Maybe we're going nuts."

"It's a dilemma, to be sure." Patrick yelped in surprise and fell forward on his stomach, before turning around on his back to look at the source of the voice, while Dipper gasped in surprise and turned to see who it was, only for them to find Soos standing on a step-stool, as he screwed in a new light. "I couldn't help but overhear you two talkin' aloud to yourselves in this empty room," he said, before going back to fixing the light. Patrick relaxed when he realized it was Soos and stood up and dusted himself off, while Dipper walked over to the man.

"Soos, you've seen Mabel's boyfriend. He's gotta be a zombie, right," he asked.

"Hmm." Soos thought about it once he fixed the light. "How many brains didja see the guy eat?" He looked down at them to ask.

Dipper looked down. "Zero," he admitted.

"Look, dude, I believe you." Soos said, surprising the teen and boy. "I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty~ sure that dude's a werewolf." He narrowed his eyes and nodded his head when he said that part.

(flashback)—

One day, while Soos was eating a sandwich while sitting on a bench, a mailman with hair almost everywhere on his body walked by. Soos watched the man go by with caution, and scooted away from him.

(flashback ends)—

"But ya gotta have evidence," he told them, which Patrick agreed with a nod. "Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock."

"And so far, we have nothing on the guy," he said, walking away from them for a moment, patting his hands on the sides of his legs. "For all we know, he could be a normal kid that looks like a zombie."

"But you can't rule him out as not being one, though," Soos said. "He might be playing out as a normal guy, before springing the trap."

"As always, Soos, you're right." Dipper sighed.

"My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse," he told them, making Patrick raise an eyebrow.

He was about to question him on why it was a curse, when Stan's voice called out. "Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again!"

Soos readjusted the hat on his head with a serious facial expression. "I am needed elsewhere." He then walked backwards out of the room, immersing himself into the shadows of the hallway. The two male Pines looked at one another and nodded with their own serious expressions, before Patrick took out his phone, opened the camera app on it, and had it set to video.

My cousin could be trouble, and it was up to the two of us to find out whether or not her boyfriend was a part of the walking dead, who happens to be intelligent enough to act like a normal… ish person. But like Soos said, we need the evidence.


The first time they spied on them was when Mabel and 'Norman' were playing at the park. Patrick and Dipper were watching them from the bushes, with Patrick recording them on his phone. Mabel threw a Frisbee at her 'boyfriend', hitting him in the head, and causing Norman to fall on his face abruptly. Patrick and Dipper glanced at one another, before the teen took out a small notebook and wrote down 'Can't take a hit to the head.'

Later they waited in a diner that Mabel and 'Norman' were planning to go to. Stationed at a booth, with menus hiding their heads, the two heard the grunting sounds of their suspect, and looked in the direction of it. The silhouette of 'Norman' was seen through the window, before the guy punched through it, grabbed the knob on the inside, and opened the door, letting inside the diner. As the couple pasted the Pines boys, with 'Norman' stumbling and crashing into things as he followed Mabel, Patrick wrote 'breaks through windows to get in and can't walk straight.'

And final, Mabel and 'Norman' were frolicking in a field, before accidently running into the cemetery, where the boy fell into one of the open graves that was filled with loss dirt, causing him to sink into it. Mabel stopped and looked down at the grave, before Norman's hand shot out of the dirt, and then he crawled out of the grave while screaming in a very zombie like fashion. The two paused for a moment, before laughing together. Patrick and Dipper, who were behind one of the grave stones, frowned at the two.

That was all the evidence we needed.


Back and the Mystery Shack, Mabel was upstairs in their room, brushing her hair when Patrick and Dipper entered. "Mabel," Dipper said, causing his sister to turn towards the two. "We've gotta talk about Norman."

"Isn't he the best," she asked them with a smile. "Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!" She turned her head to the left to show them a big red mark on her cheek.

Patrick and Dipper let out a scream of horror and shock.

Mabel laughed at them, confusing the boys. "Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower!"

(flashback)—

When she was outside, Mabel place the leaf blower on top of a trash can, pointed it at her, and turned it on reverse. She then got out a picture of 'Norman' with his mouth cut out, and lets the air being sucked into the blower stick the picture onto the tube. "Kissing practice!" She exclaimed before leaning into the photo with her lips puckered up. However, it was sucked into to leaf blower, before her face was suddenly stuck onto the tube when it sucked her in too. Knocking over the trash can, she runs around in panic. "Turn it off!" She cried out for help, while also bashing it against the ground. "Turn it off!"

(flashback ends)—

"That was fun." Mabel with a smile.

"No, Mabel, listen!" Dipper said, getting back on track. "I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!" He pulled out the journal from his vest to show her.

Mabel placed her hands on her mouth when she gasped in response. "You think he might be a vampire?" She asked him in a whisper, before smiling and exclaiming with excitement. "That would be so awesome!"

"No Mabel, it wouldn't be awesome." Patrick told her. "You'd be dead if he was. And besides, you've got the wrong monster." Dipper picked up where he left off and opened the book.

"SHA-BAM!" He exclaimed and showed her the page he opened to. Which unfortunately was the page that talked about gnomes.

"Agh!" Mabel recoiled with a scream.

"Oh, wait." Realizing his mistake, Dipper flipped the pages. "I'm-I'm sorry..." He stopped when he got to the zombie page. "Sha-bam."

"A zombie?" She doubtfully asked, before looking at them with an upset expression. "That's not funny, you two."

"This isn't a joke, Mabel." Patrick told her, making her turn to him. "Everything we saw adds up: the bleeding, the limp, not being able to take a hit to the head, breaking windows with his bare hands to enter a building, not being able to walk properly at all, crawling out of the dirt like a zombie. He never blinks! Did you even notice that?"

"Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking," she said.

Patrick stared at her with a deadpan expression. "Mabel, do you really think it's likely for three people to blink at the exact same," he asked…

Before all three of them blinked.

"Mabel," Dipper spoke up a moment later, "remember what the book said about Gravity Falls?" He looked behind himself to make sure they were alone, before hissing to her. "Trust no one!"

"Well, what about me, huh?" Mabel asked with a smile. "You trust Patrick, so why can't you trust me? Beep bop!" Making some random noises, she put on some star earrings.

"Mabel," Dipper yelled before grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking, "he's gonna eat your brain!"

Having enough of them talking bad about her boyfriend, Mabel broke away from his grip and pushed his arms away. "Dipper, Patrick, listen to me," she said with a scowl, "Norman and I are going on a date at five o'clock," the teenager and young boy's eyes widened, "and I'm gonna be ADORABLE," she jabbed her fingers into Dipper's chest and Patrick's stomach, making the two of them stumble back.

"Wait Mabel," Patrick attempted to talk to her, but she interrupted him.

"And he's gonna be DREAMY," she said, poking them with enough force to push them out of the room, before grabbing the door.

"Bu-bu-but—" Dipper attempted to argue, but she didn't give him the chance.

"And I am not gonna let you two ruin it with one of your crazy CONSPIRACIES!" She yelled while slamming the door in their faces.

Dipper turned around, sighed, and sat against the door. "What are we going to do?" He asked his cousin, who turned his attention from the door down at him.

Patrick sighed and closed his eyes, frustrated. He didn't like making his cousins mad. He loved them, like as if they were his own siblings. And now he's just upset Mabel, the nicest girl he knows, all because of some things he read in a book they found in the woods. "We do nothing," he told him and walked towards the stairs.

Dipper looked shocked at him, before following him. "But, Norman—"

"May just be a normal kid!" Patrick exclaimed, stopping abruptly and turning towards his cousin. "Has that ever entered your head? We were wrong, Dipper." Seeing Dipper's face growing sadder, Patrick sighed, knowing it was wrong to yell at his younger cousin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just mad at myself for making Mabel upset by accusing Norman, because I choose to believe impossible things that came out of the book."

"And I don't blame you," Dipper admitted with his head hanging in shame. "I was so sent on proving that I wasn't paranoid and that there are strange things in this town that I was willing to believe everything that the journal had in it, that I forgot that I was only doing it to protect Mabel." He then felt Patrick pat him on the head, making him look up at him.

"At least you were trying to be a good brother and looking out for her," he said with a smile, which Dipper returned the gesture with a nodded. The two then walked down the stairs, hoping that everything would go well.


Patrick was reading a book as sit in the recliner with Dipper on the left arm rest when the time hit 5:00. A second after the start of the hour, the doorbell rang. "Coming!" Mabel exclaimed, running down the stairs as she slipped on a purple sweater. Reaching the door, she opened it to reveal Norman standing there. "Hey, Norman. How do I look?" She showed her the sweater, which had glitter, a cat's face, and the words 'MEOW WOW!' on it.

"Shiny..." he said.

"You always know what to say!" She commented with a smile, before the two grabbed hands and walked off into the forest. Patrick and Dipper watched them with sad frowns, as Mabel didn't even close the door behind her when she exited.

Patrick and pulled out his phone to go through the videos. "Soos was right," he said, watching a video of his cousin playing hopscotch with Norman, in which he fell face first on the ground. "We don't have any real evidence." He then went to the next video, which showed Norman with his arm over Mabel's shoulder. "I was just looking after you two," Suddenly, Norman's right hand fell off, in which he glanced around as he reattached it to his arm, "but I guess the this place was making me para—Wait, WHAT?!" He exclaimed with wide eyes filled with shock, making Dipper alarmed and to look at the phone as Patrick rewinds it.

As clear as day, 'Norman's' hand falls off, so he glanced around as he reached around Mabel and puts it back on.

The two boys were silent with horrified facial expression, as Patrick turned off his phone, and casually put it back in his pocket. "We were right!" He exclaimed, freaking out, grabbing the brim of his boonie hat with both hands and pulling it down.

"Norman is a zombie!" Dipper exclaim, before the two of them froze in realization.

"MABEL!"

Patrick jumped out of the chair and pointed to the open doorway. "Go get Stan!" He order before pointing at himself with his thumb. "I'll grab a weapon!" And with that, the two split up, with Dipper running out of the house and his cousin searching around the house.

"Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan!" Dipper called out to the old man, but unfortunately he was busy with a group of tourist in front of the entrance of the gift shop.

"And here we have Rock that looks like a face rock: the rock that looks like a face," he said in a dramatic way, gesturing to a rock that had a face carved into it.

"Does it look like a rock?" Asked some hillbilly.

"No, it looks like a face."

"Is it a face," asked the fat tours from earlier.

"It's a rock that looks like a face!"

Dipper attempted to get through the crowd, was the tourists were so cluttered together that it was impossible. So he jumped and waved his hands, trying to get his Grunkle's attention. "Over here! Grunkle Stan!"

"For the fifth time!" Stan exclaimed, getting tired of having to explain the rock to the tourist. "It's-it's not an actual face!" Making Dipper growl in frustration.


Patrick rushed into their room and looked around frantically for a weapon of any kind. Spotting his backpack near his bed, he quickly went over to it, opened and searched in it. To his frustration, he cursed himself for not at least bringing a shove. He threw it down and was about to go out of the room when he something that caught his attention.

Leaning against the broken Whack-a-Mole was a red crowbar. Smiling at the sight of it, Patrick quickly grabbed the tool and ran out the room.


Deep in the woods, Mabel stopped to obverse the scenery. "Finally, we're alone," she said with her fist on his hips. 'Norman' walked up from behind and looked down at her with a dark shadow cast over his face and shoulders.

"Yes. Alone…" He raised an arm as he was about to grab her.


Patrick quickly exited out of the house with the crowbar in hand. Looking around, he spotted Dipper still trying to get Stan's attention and went to him.

"Stan! Stan!" Dipper called out to him with arms waving frantically, before Patrick approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, making him jolt for a second before he saw it was his cousin.

"Forget about him," he told him. "We need to get to her fast!" They then heard the Mystery Shack's golf cart pulled coming to a stop a few meters away. Looking in the direction of the sound, the two saw it was Wendy pulling to a stop. "Wendy!" Patrick exclaimed before the two ran to her, getting the ginger girl's attention as they got closer. "Wendy, Mabel's boyfriend turned out to be a zombie! We need the golf cart to go save her!"

Wendy looked at him for a moment, making Patrick question if she even believed him, before smile and throwing him the key, which he caught with one hand. "Sure, man. It cool to see you care about your cousin, Patrick," she said as she walked away, winking and shooting him a friendly finger.

Patrick smiled for a moment, before turning his head to Dipper. "Get in." The two got into the cart, with the teenager taking the wheel after placing the crowbar behind him. "Seatbelts." He reminded his cousin, and the two of them buckled up.

Patrick started the ignition, put the cart in reverse, and quickly backed up. Swiftly turning the cart to face the forest, he puts the cart in drive, and slammed his foot on the accelerator, causing the vehicle to rocket into the forest.


Back in the woods, the sun was starting to set as Mabel was facing 'Norman'. Then the zombie turned around to have his back facing her. "Uh, Mabel, now that we've gotten to know each other, there's..." He exhaled a breath as he gripped the zipper of his hoodie and put on a serious face. "...there's something I should tell you," he told her seriously, as an ominous gust of wind blew by them.

"Oh, Norman, you can tell me anything," Mabel told him, before smiling and thinking in her head: 'Please be a vampire, please be a vampire!'

"All right, just..." He turned back towards her and waved his hands in front of himself. "Just don't freak out, okay?" 'Norman' grabbed his zipper again and pointed up a finger. "Just... just keep an open mind, be cool!" He then unzipped the hoodie and grabbed each open half. Mabel's eyes widened in anticipation. But when 'Norman' threw off the hoodie, the Pines girl was shocked to not see the 'rocking hot bod' of a vampire she was hopping for, or the rotting corpse of a zombie.

Oh no.

In front of her were five gnomes stacked on top of each other!

From top to bottom, there were two gnomes standing next to each other, with gnomes standing on top of their head, holding fake arms, and one gnome balancing himself on both their heads. "Is this weird?" The top one asked, dropping the deeper and moodier tone and brushing his hair back to look at her with both ears. "Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?"

Mabel only stared at the gnomes in total shock. Eyes as wide as they could go, and jaw hanging open.

"R-r-right, I'll explain." The top gnome said. "So! We're gnomes. First off. Get that one outta the way."

"Uh…" Mabel raised an eyebrow, unable to form words to describe what she was seeing.

"I'm Jeff," the same gnome introduced himself, before gesturing to the others, "and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason, and..." He stopped at the bottom left gnome, who had strabismus eyes and a grey hair, compared to Jeff's brown and the other's white hairs. "I'm sorry, I always forget your name."

"Schmebulock," Schmebulock said with a deeper voice.

Jeff snapped his fingers and pointed at him with a smile. "Schmebulock! Yes!" Mabel, who was processing what was happening, sat down on a rock and soon slapped her forehead in disbelief. "Anyways, long story short, us gnomes have been lookin' for a new queen! Right, guys?"

"Queen! Queen! Queen!" The other gnomes chanted eagerly.

Jeff chuckled in nervousness before looking up to face Mabel. "So what do you say," he asked before tapping his foot on Steve's head. The gnomes, working together as one unit like they have been doing while being Norman, kneeled down in a proposing fashion, with one of the arm gnomes using the fake arm to hold up a box that had a diamond engagement ring. "Will you join us in holy matrignomey? Matri...matri-mo-ny! Blah! Can't talk today!"

Not wanting to break their hearts to badly, as they were being nice to her, but not wanting to marry them, Mabel inhaled through her teeth. "Look..." She started with a hand on her head. "I'm sorry, guys. You're really sweet, but, I'm a girl, and you're gnomes, and it's like, 'what'? Yikes..." She ended it there, hoping they got the idea with going any further, as they did look sad as they glanced at each other.

"We understand," Jeff said with closed, sober eyes, before opening them to look at her. "We'll never forget you, Mabel."

Even though they looked sad, Mabel smiled at them, glad that they understood. Now all she had to do was apologies to Patrick and Dipper.

"Because we're gonna kidnap you."

"Huh?" Mabel responded, before Jeff yelled and jumped to attack her. All she could do was scream.


"AAAAAHHHH!" Patrick and Dipper heard the scream and instantly recognized it as Mabel's voice. And by the sound of it, she was in trouble.

"Mabel, we're coming!" Patrick exclaimed before taking a couple of sharp turns, speeding up the cat whenever he had a straight path and slowing down slightly when he turned.

"Help!" His cousin cried out again, this time sounding closer. They were getting closer to her. Patrick made a left turn, before he and Dipper were suddenly sent speeding down a steep hill and into a large cave that was filled with mushrooms and moss.

He saw something up ahead and narrowed his eyes to look closer, before seeing that it was Mabel fighting off a group of gnomes.

"The more you struggle," Jeff said, standing on a rock away from the action, as the cart slowly approached them, with Patrick and Dipper staring at what was going on with shock, "the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody! Just, ha ha, okay." He placed a hand on his face in annoyance, while the two Pines boys stepped out of the cart, still not sure what to make of it all. "Get her arm there, Steve!"

Steve jumped and bites on to her sweater's sleeve, making her try and get him on by wiggling her arm. "Let go of me!" Mabel punched the gnome off her, before kicking away the other ones.

Steve bounced off the ground before landing on his stomach. He then got up, but held his stomach and leaned on one arm against the wall of the cave, before suddenly puking a rainbow.

"What the hell is going on here," Patrick asked out loud in total confusion, crowbar in hand. A gnome ran in across in front of them, before turning towards them and hisses. Dipper recoiled, but Patrick wasn't letting it slide, and bashed the gnome away with the red crowbar.

"Dipper! Patrick!" Mabel called out to them, as the gnomes surrounded her. "Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total jerks!" She punched one, before a gnome grabbed her hair and started to pull her down. "Hair! Hair! Hair!"

"Gnomes?" Patrick asked, with a raised eyebrow. "Norman was a bunch of Gnomes!"

"Man, we were way off," Dipper said as he pulled out the journal and turned it to the page that had the description of them, with Patrick looking down to read with him. "'Gnomes: little men of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses: unknown.'" The two looked up from the book to see Mabel tied to the ground like in Gulliver's Travels.

"Aw, come on!" She complained.

"Alright, that's enough!" Patrick exclaimed, catching Jeff's attention as he approached him. "Release my cousin! NOW!"

Jeff turned around to see the teen towering over him and became nervous when he saw the crowbar. "Oh! Ha ha, hey, there! Um, you know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your cousin's not in danger. She's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity!" He told Patrick before turning to Mabel. "Isn't that right, honey?"

"You guys are butt-faces!" She exclaimed before a gnome covered her mouth. "Mmmm-MMMMM!"

"Last warning, punk." Patrick held up the crowbar with his right hand and pats it on his left in a threatening manner. "Give her back right now, or else turn really ugly really fast!"

"You think you can stop us, human?" Jeff questioned him seriously. "You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race!" Patrick just like at him with a raised eyebrow and the tool resting on his shoulder. "Do not trifle with the—AH!" Patrick casually whacked him across the head with the crowbar.

The black-haired teen then began to hit away the four gnomes surrounding his cousin, before using the curved end to rip out the ropes binding her from the ground. Bending down, he grabbed her hand and dragged her away to the cart, as Dipper hopped in.

"He's getting away with our queen!" Jeff exclaimed, as Mabel and Patrick got into the cart, before running towards them. "No, no, no!"

"Seatbelt," Patrick reminded his cousin, which they quickly did, before putting the cart in reverse and pressed down on the gas petal. The cart backed up, as the Gnomes chased them, before the teen turned the cart around, and speeded out of the cave. Jeff climbed onto a rock and glared at the direction the Pines fled.

"You've messed with the wrong creatures, boy! Gnomes of the forest: ASSEMBLE!" He yelled, his voice echoing throughout the cave. Upon hearing the command, various gnomes popped out of smaller holes and behind rocks and mushrooms, gathering together around Jeff. Joining hands and locking arms with one another, the small humanoids began stacking up on each other, with Jeff on top, becoming larger, and larger, and larger.


Patrick drove the cart out the cave, before going a more steady speed than what he was going when he was driving to the cave. Mabel looked over the seat worriedly. "Hurry, before they come after us!" She said.

"Are you kidding me," Patrick asked with a confident chuckle, making her turn to him. "Their tiny little legs? Against a golf cart? Heh, I think we'll be okay."

Suddenly the ground trembled under the wheels of the vehicle, as a stomping sound was heard. Startled, Patrick stopped the cart and the trio looked behind. Out of the horizon came a giant red gnome monster that was compiled out of a hundred gnomes, with Jeff at the top, using the one under him hats as levers to control it. "Dang," Mabel said, with all three of them looked up at it with wide eyes.

"All right, teamwork, guys. Like we practiced," Jeff said, pointing at the cart. In response, the monster gnome roared, and raised a fist to smash the vehicle.

"Move, MOVE!" Mabel exclaimed as Patrick slammed his foot on the gas pedal, sending the golf cart speeding away, just a second before the fist could destroy it. The gnomes that made up the fist broke apart when it connected with the ground. They ran frantically back into position, before the monster started chasing after the trio.

"Come back with our queen!"

Mabel looked behind. "It's getting closer!"

"Most go faster! Most go faster!" The Dipper said repeatedly.

"I'm trying, but this is the fastest it's going to go!" Patrick exclaimed as he glared determinedly at the road in front of him.

Jeff pushed the left lever-hat forward, making monster throw several gnomes at the cart. Some just bounce off the fabric roof, with only one being able to hang on, before he started chewing and ripping a piece of it off. It then hung from the edge of the roof on Mabel's side.

"Ha ha!" It laughed, scaring Mabel for a moment, before she elbow punched it off. Shmebulock jumped up behind Patrick, who grabbed him and slammed him into the steering wheel repeatedly out of annoyance, making the horn go off with each hit.

"Shmebulock," he said his name in pain, before Patrick threw him against the steering wheel again, making Shmebulock fall off the cart.

Suddenly a gnome jumped on the front of the cart, and screamed like a banshee as it jumped onto Dipper, before starting the claw at his face. "I'll save you, Dipper!" Mabel said, before starting to punch the gnome repeatedly, unintendedly punching Dipper as well. Patrick then grabbed the gnome, and ripped it off his face and throw him out of the cart, taking Dipper's hat with it.

"Thanks, guys…" Dipper said, in a daze from the punches with two black eyes and a bruised cheek.

"Don't mention it." They said simultaneously, before they heard something that sounded like something was being ripped. Patrick then saw a shadow appearing on the below them. The three looked up to see a large tree sailing over the cart.

"Look out!" Mabel pointed out in front of them, as the tree landed right in front of them. Patrick saw this speeded towards it, as Mabel and Dipper screamed in terror, before making a sudden left turn off the road, into the forest and around the tree, and back on the road. But he suddenly lost control and the cart balanced on left wheels, then overturned on its side, landing next to the Mystery Shack.

The three groaned in pain before unbuckling themselves. "That's why we have seatbelts," Patrick commented as he grabbed the crowbar and crawled out the back of the gold cart with the twins. "You two okay?"

They didn't get to answer when the monster gnome approached them.

"Stay back, man!" Patrick and stood in front of his cousins with the crowbar ready to do battle. Suddenly the giant gnome grabbed him with one hand, binding his arms to his side, before raising him up off the ground, and started to squeeze. "AAAHHH!"

"PATRICK! NO!" Mabel yelled and attempted to rush forward, but Dipper held her back by her shoulders.

"Uh, where's Grunkle Stan?!" He asked, fearing for his cousin's life as well.


As that was going on, Stan was with some tourists, and pulled the covers off a swirly pattern on a stick. "Behold! The world's most distracting object." He announced, as he pulled the string that started the disk to spin.

"Oooh..." The tourist said in amazement, staring into the swirly pattern.

"Just try to look away, you can't!" Stan said, but before long he and the people really weren't able to look away. "I can't even remember what I was talking about."


The gnome monster stepped towards the twins, making them back up to the side of the house. Patrick tried desperately to break free, but it was no use. "It's the end of the line, kids!" Jeff proclaimed. "Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!" He had the monster apply more pressure on its hold on Patrick.

"AAHH!" Patrick yelled in pain.

"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Dipper said before pulling out the journal, frantically searching for any information that could give them a chance. However, Mabel suddenly frowned and stepped forward.

"I gotta do it." She stated, shocking both Dipper and Patrick.

"What?!" Dipper ran up to her. "Are you crazy?"

"Don't do it!" Patrick exclaimed in a strained voice, still have himself crushed by the grip of the hand.

"Trust me," She told them.

"What," Dipper asked in surprise.

"Dipper, just this once." Mabel whispered to her twin. "Trust me!"

Dipper anxiously glanced between the gnomes, Patrick, and then Mabel. He sighed and nodded at Patrick before backing away, who then stared at his girl cousin. She looked at him, before tapping her foot on something beside her. His eyes widened by she meant and nodded in return.

Mabel then to Jeff and took a few steps forward. "Put my cousin down, Jeff. Then I'll marry you."

"Hot dog!" Jeff exclaimed before have the monster put Patrick down, who rubbed his shoulders in pain as he walked behind Mabel. "Help me down there, Jason!" The gnome leader started climbing to her, stepping on the faces of other gnomes. "Thanks, Andy! All right, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike." He disappeared into the body of the monster, before coming out of one of the legs. He approached Mabel, who got on one knee, and held out a diamond ring. "Eh? Eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows, pointing at it.

Mabel looked away with closed eyes and a smile, and held out her hand. Jeff then slipped the ring onto her finger.

"Bada-bing, bada-bam!" Jeff did a short dance, as Mabel looked at the ring. "Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!"

"You may now kiss the bride!" Mabel suddenly said, surprising Jeff for a second before he smirked.

"Well, don't mind if I do," he said before turning around and leaned up to kiss Mabel. She did the same thing, but just before they could meet, Mabel back away.

When Jeff didn't feel a kiss, he only cracked his eyes to see if she was still there. However, his eyes widened when he saw the tube of the leaf blower directly in his face, being held by the teen.

"Pucker up, little man," Patrick said with a grin, before turning on the machine in reverse.

"Ah! Hey, hey, wait a minute!" Jeff exclaimed, backing away as he felt himself being sucked into the leaf blower. This shocked Dipper and the other gnomes, as Mabel stood on Patrick's left, glaring at the leader. "Whoa, whoa! Wh-what's goin' on?!" He turned to run away, but could escape the powerful winds. Jeff then jumped to the ground and tried to hang on to the grass, but ultimately was sucked half-way into leaf-blower.

"You have a lot of nerves lying to my cousin!" Patrick told Jeff with a glare, as he looked at him in fear. He then increased the power of the blower. "And breaking her heart!"

Jeff was getting further sucked into the tube, with half of his face inside. "Ow! My face!"

"But let me tell you one thing!" Patrick grinned at both twins, who gathered around him with smiles too. "Nobody messes with the Pines family!" He then kneeled down and aimed the blower at the monster, shocking it. "You two want to do the honors," he asked them with a smirk, in which they nodded. "Then on three!"

"One, two, three!" The three chanted before Dipper and Mabel pushed the lever to forward, blasting Jeff towards the monster and knocking them back into a pile of leaves. The leader went right through the chest of the monster, causing all of the gnomes to fall apart everywhere.

Jeff screams as he flew off into the distance, as the Pines kids smiled at each other. "I'll get you back for this!..." They heard Jeff say before falling deep into the forest, as the sun started to set over the horizon.

The other gnomes fell to the ground and started to panic amongst themselves. "Who's giving orders? I need orders!" Exclaimed one on top of a pile of gnomes.

"My arms are tired." Complained one, before he was struck in the head with the crowbar. "GAH!"

"Who's next, huh?!" Patrick held out his arms, the twins behind him with arms crossed and grins, before pointing the crowbar at them. "Now get lost!" The gnomes were quick to scatter. Running away on all fours like wild animals.

However, one wasn't so lucky, and gets caught in a six-pack holder. As he struggled to get out, Gromper picked up the holder and bleats, before running off. The gnome screamed.

Patrick and Dipper didn't care, and were walking back to the house with tried smiles. Glad that it was all over. "Hey, guys?" Mabel came up to them from behind, making the two turned to face her. "I, um...I'm sorry for ignoring your advice," she said with guilt. "You two really were just looking out for me."

"Oh, don't be like that." Dipper waved it off with an impressed smile. "Your plan saved our butts."

"I guess I'm just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes," she said gloomily, taking a leaf out of her hair.

"Don't worry, Mabel," Patrick said with a smile, resting the crowbar on his shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find the right guy sooner or later."

"Maybe the next one will be a vampire!" Dipper then said.

"Let's not get carried away here."

Mabel laughed at them. But then Dipper's expression turned to a somber look, before he took out the band turned to Patrick. "So, I guess I should put this back, right," he asked, know that after today that his cousin wasn't going to let him have it.

Patrick was at a crossroad here and he looked down and to the right to think. After a moment of critically thinking about it, he came to a conclusion and sighed. "No, you don't have to get rid of it."

"What?" Dipper looked confused at him. "But, you said that…"

"I know what I said, but that was because I was only thinking about your safeties. And while we were just chased by a giant gnome monster and could have died, or in Mabel case got hitched," Patrick's serious expression turned into a smile, "this was the most fun I had in a long time."

Dipper gasped, before grinning with hope. "So I can keep it?" Patrick ruffled his brown hair.

"Yes, you can."

This caused the male twin to pump his fist in victory. "YES!"

"But under three conditions!" Patrick suddenly said, making Dipper stop his moment of triumph. "One: you don't lose it."

Dipper nodded.

"Two: we tell no one about it, not even Stan, unless they are people we absolutely trust."

Both twins nodded.

"Three…." He pointed to himself with a grin. "I get to come along for the ride." That earned him big grins from the two, before he got down on one knee, set the crowbar on the ground, and opened his arms to them, smiling awkwardly. "Awkwardly sibling/cousin hug?" He asked, knowing they had an 'awkward sibling' thing.

Dipper and Mabel glanced at each other with smiles, before opening their arms to him and said together, "Awkward family hug."

Patrick smiled, liking the new name, and brought them into his arms, as they hugged him back. Then the trio patted each other on the back. "Pat, pat."

The teen quickly picked up the crowbar, knowing the he was likely going to need it in the future, as Dipper puts the journal back into his vest, before going to the door to the gift shop.

When the three entered, they were completely exhausted. They then spotted Stan at the chase register, counting the money made today. "Yeesh. You three get hit by a bus or something? Ahah!" He slammed his hand on the table as he laughed, but then noticed his nephews and niece walking away, not even paying attention. Stan looked at his money before waving at them. "Uh, hey!"

Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel turned to face him.

"Um," Stan rubbed the back of his neck before taking the hand away to tap the money in his hands. "I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so, uh... how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, y'know?"

"Really?" Patrick and Mabel asked, but while she was excited, he was skeptical.

"What's the catch?" Dipper folded his arms.

"The catch is do it before I change my mind," Stan told them, gathering the last of the money, "now take something."

And so the Pines kids walked around the shop for anything they liked. Mabel was everywhere and looking at everything, Dipper was near the hats. Sense he lost his other hat during the chase, he tried on one that was blue and white and with a blue brim and a blue pine tree on the front. Realizing it was a perfect fit, he looked into a small mirror hanging on the look and smiled. "Hmm. That oughta do the trick!"

Patrick was in the clothing section of the store, looking for anything to keep him warm, as it was cooler here than he thought. Looking to his right, the teen spotted a black hoodie with a white question mark on the back. Smiling, he walked over to it, took it off the rack, and up it on, but didn't zip it up. Patrick looked at a mirror near to him and saw that the red T-shirt went with the hoodie very well, and with his woodland camo boonie hat. "Prefect," he said with a smirk.

"And I will have a..." Mabel said, looking into a box of things, before grabbing an item from it, hide it, twirled around, and held up a… "GRAPPLING HOOK! Yes!"

The male Pines members looked at her with surprise and wide eyes. "You just have that thing lying around," Patrick asked Stan.

"What? It was cheap." He then turned to Dipper. "But wouldn't she rather have, like, a doll, or something?"

Mabel answered him by firing the grappling hook up at the ceiling, catching one of the rafters, before pulling herself up, knocking over a stack of boxes. "GRAPPLING HOOK!"

"Fair enough!"


Soon after washing up and getting ready for bed, Patrick and the twins were in their bedroom.

Patrick, who was now wearing his hat, a tank top and grey boxers, hid the crowbar under his bed before climbing under the covers. With arms under the back of his head, he looked up at the ceiling with a smile.

And that's how it all began.

He then turned his head to look at his cousin, and saw Dipper in his bed, writing something in the journal.

While I was still wary about that book, and while it said not to trust anyone, I can't say it didn't teach me that in Gravity Falls there was no one I could trust more than my family. And battling a hundred gnomes side-by-side with my cousins made I know that we got each other's backs.

He then looked at Mabel, wearing her sleeping clothes, as she shot grappling hook, then reeled it back with a stuffed animal attached. She looked at her male family members with an open mouth smile.

"Hey, Mabel," Dipper said, "could you get the light?"

Mabel aimed the gun at the gas lantern, making Patrick's eyes widened in fear. "I'm on it!"

"No don't—"

She fired and knocked the light out the window. "It worked!" She exclaimed before she and Dipper started laughing. "Grappling hook..." Patrick chuckled and shook his head, knowing she was just being Mabel. So he laid back down on the back and covered his eyes with his boonie hat.

Stan told us there was nothing strange about this town. But who knows what other secrets are out there, just waiting to be unlocked…

Unbeknownst to anyone, was that Stan was walking into the Mystery Shack with a lantern. Going into the gift shop, he went to the vending machine and pushed a few buttons, making them light up. Afterwards, the vendor suddenly opened to reveal a secret passageway. Stan walked into, only to look around from side-to-side, making sure no one saw him, before closing the vending machine behind him.

The lights in the vendor go out.


And that's the first chapter to "Weirder Things"

The idea of it is a simple one, Dipper and Mabel have a cousin, who sent with them to keep them safe. And that's how I made Patrick to be, a teen that is worried about what his cousins are getting into, but is willing to go along to protect them and for adventure.

I don't plan to change anything in the canon story, but I'll add in some fun original chapters.

And so that's it for today. I hope that you all like the start of this fanfic, and if you do, then please Review, Favorite, and Follow for updates in the future. Have a good day.