CHAPTER 19

Take Me to The Church

ROSE

Dimitri sat across me as the Radio played the song. It has been three days since the Blizzard started and it isn't over yet. It comes down at times but becomes even bigger. I have been spending most of my time in this small basement cum study with Dimitri. We will read books, he will my stories of our past and we will listen to the radio together. The awkwardness that existed between us is gone. Time passes too quickly when I am with Dimitri.

I didn't realize it was New Year's Eve until Dimitri reminded me. He read me his favorite poetries, today he was reading another of his poetries. He read,

"o crow,

my only request is that you may eat the flesh of my body,

but do not eat my eyes,

don't eat my eyes as I wish to see my lover one last time ..."

I felt as if my heart stopped when he read this. His words were heavy and carried a sense of profoundness. When he read this poem, his voice, his eyes, they carried aura. It was sad and painful; I wonder how much pain these beautiful eyes have seen.

I stood up and walked around the room when I remembered a glimpse, a glimpse of my past. I was with Dimitri, in a cabin. His palms cupping my cheeks, when his lips touched mine. It was my first kiss….

DIMITRI

Every moment, I am still debating whether I made the right choice to accept Rose's request. But when I look at her, every doubt of mine goes away. All I could think about is of her. The way she moves, the way she laughs, the way she smiles, the way she talks, every moment with her seems worth it. But I am becoming greedy, I want more, more of her time, more of her laughs, and more of these moments. How could I let go of her, especially when I know these moments are so limited and so precious? She would be gone by the next moment I know, leaving me behind with all of these memories.

It's Christmas Eve, our friends and family have gathered at our house. Ivan with his wife, my sisters, and their spouses, Nikolai, Paul with his girlfriend, and so many others. Mamma is with all of my aunts. I take a sip of my glass of Russian Vodka when I look at Roza. She is wearing a simple black satin dress with her open hair flowing across her face. She looks beautiful, so bloody beautiful that my heart aches with her longing. I can't take my eyes off her, even if I want to. She turned around and our eyes meet. She walks towards me while I can't stop looking at her. Why does she have to look so damn beautiful? I have imagined this scene in my mind countless times, but still, my imagination does no justice to this.

She starts a conversation with me when the music starts. Everyone starts dancing to the rhythm. I asked for a dance and she agrees. I hold her close to me as everyone is dancing in their rhythm and the space is small. Dancing with her makes me feel alive. I could feel her breath on my chest, her body moving in sync with mine.

After dancing for a while, Roza sat down and I was asked to join a group of my friends. I left Roza with Paul and joined my friends. Emir, Nikolai, Ivan, Felix, and Kris joined me. Emir works as a bartender, while Nikolai and Felix run a business in Moscow and Kris is in the army. We were all classmates since kindergarten, except Emir. Emir is from Turkey, he moved to Baia when we were in High School. Except Emir and me, everyone lives outside Baia. So, we usually meet during the holidays. We all had some shots of Vodka.

Emir asked, "Who was the chick you were dancing with?"

Before I could answer, Ivan, said: "She's a family friend!"

"is she single?"

Nikolai said "she has a fiancée"

"Damn, she's hot!"

Emir's words drove me angry; I gulped another glass of Vodka.

Then, Felix said, "She's a Mazur, right?"

Kris gasped in surprise "Fuck!"

I stood up and walked out. I walked around the room, looking for Roza. but I couldn't find it. I checked for her in her room, but she wasn't there as well. I looked for her around the house, but she wasn't anywhere. Where the hell did she go? Basement? I walked down the stair; the doorknob was open. It got to be her. I opened the door and there she was. She was sitting in one of the chairs facing the fire. She didn't turn around when I walked up to her. She was crying, the radio was playing a song. she looked at me.

"Did you know about Mason?"

"yes"

"Is that why Adrian had to leave suddenly?"

"yes"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't tell because you will leave as soon as I will tell you!"

"that's true. But I deserve to know the truth. He was my best friend. How could you do that to me?"

"I am sorry. I know you do. But you are in danger and I couldn't let you go?"

"Why? Is my life more important than his?

"No, it isn't"

I sat down on the floor, in front of her chair. I look at her, her eyes are full of tears. Unconsciously, my hand moves towards her cheeks and wipes tears off her eyes. She doesn't push me away.

"I don't deserve to live while everyone around me disappears. I am not worth it"

"Roza, you are precious. I am sorry because your friend died. But it wasn't your fault"

She looks at me, her eyes full of sorrow. She stares at my face.

"Dimitri, why are so nice to me?"

She moves closer to me. her forehead almost touching mine, I take a deep breath, trying to control myself. I remain silent, I stay in my place.

Her eyes staring into mine, she asks again "Do you love me?"

Yes, yes, yes. I give in my instinct, I kiss her. I kiss her deeply, pulling her towards me. After we broke the kiss, I stare at her, not sure what to expect. She kisses me back, I let go of all my restraints. I kiss her with all of myself. Remembering every moment, I wanted to kiss her, her arms pulling me closer to herself and her legs around my waist. I hold her in an embrace and push her towards the wall. She kisses me deeper, each time with more passion. Her hands were in my hair and mine inside her clothes. I open a drawer and pull out a blanket with one hand, while the other still holding her. I lay her on the blanket. I ask her "do you want me?"

She replies breathlessly, "Yes". I unzip her dress and pull it off her. I look at her flawless skin. She's perfect. I love her, I love every inch of her.