Hey Readers, here is the next chapter as promised. Thank you to everyone who continues to support this story through your various ways. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I don't own Divergent. I only own the plot, any military-related mistakes are mine. Just a friendly reminder, I did take some liberties with this story in regards to this story to make things more interesting. Happy Reading!

Chapter 42: Dashboard Confessions

The ride home is deathly silent. I have no idea what is going through his mind, and it is driving me crazy! Tobias quietly grips my hand, rubbing the back of it absentmindedly. We are both stuck in our own heads. Stacy's face continues to flash continuously through my mind. I can't get the look of utter embarrassment written across her face at the idea that Tobias was not waiting around for her, out of my mind. Stacy looked instantly dejected and lost in the world. Was her expression something more than embarrassment; was she truly sad? I can't help but imagine myself in her shoes. How would I have felt if I were her?

The quietness of the truck is broken by an eruption of laughter: Tobias.

"I can't believe she thought I would be sitting around waiting for her! The nerve! Can you believe that woman?" I don't answer. My eyes dart to the darkened landscape suddenly finding it, interesting. I don't know what he wants me to say. I decide to let him continue to vent about Stacy. He asks, "Tris, are you still with me?" A finger floats through my field of vision.

I whisper, "Yeah, I'm still here," catching his eyes, my answer filled with double meaning. Tobias glances at me every so often while driving home. After my answer, the truck goes back to silence. Taking a deep breath, I mount my courage, breathing, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I saw her in town and we had gone out once. I should have warned you. I knew she wanted to get back together with you. From the beginning, I should have been truthful with her and told her we were married, but she never gave me the chance to tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. Instead, she believed, I was married to Sam."

Laughter erupts from Tobias's mouth, "Now, that's funny! You and Sam married. I can't see that happening ever." My giggle intertwines with his. Tobias continues smirking, "You do realize Sam likes you, right?" He quips an eyebrow while I roll my eyes. Tobias brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of it. I reply, "Sam does not like me like that! We are only friends! That is all we will ever be," my fingertips run along his rough jawline, whispering, glancing at him from underneath my lashes, "I love you and only you, Tobias." At Tobias's words, my mind floats back to all the times that Sam and I have ever interacted in front of Tobias and all the things he has said to me since we have reconnected. There is no way Sam McKenzie has a crush on me or has ever had a crush on me! If he does, he does a damn good job of hiding it from me, especially when we were younger.

Tobias's voice brings me back from my thoughts of Sam and when we were younger, whispering, "I love you, Mrs. Eaton. I'm sorry I got a tad crazy at the bar and ruined our evening. Stacy always had a habit of bringing out the worst side of me. Curiously, I ask, "Was your relationship always like that?" He replies, "Mostly, especially once I joined the Air Force. What you saw tonight was essentially how our relationship was when I wasn't deployed. Stacy and I would either be fighting, trying to make one another jealous by doing something, causing a fight to create drama, or we would be trying to get into each other's good graces. Our relationship was incredibly toxic. I couldn't stand it, but I didn't know any better. I didn't know what a real relationship was like."

Curious, I ask, "Did you ever attempt to be with Stacy without making her jealous, fighting, or any drama?" What is this other side of Tobias that Stacy used to get? The one that used jealously to get attention. Tobias answers, "After I got into my pilot training pipeline, I did. I stopped playing games with Stacy. During undergrad and graduate school, I tried to make her jealous a lot. I'm not proud of it. I was a bad boyfriend." Interested in this unknown side of my husband, I ask, "What kind of games would you play?" He shrugs his shoulders, replying, "Stupid kid ones. She would pester me, wanting me to go out with her when she knew I had an exam to study for, and I would ignore her, making her think I was cheating on her when her mind started going there. After graduate school, she told me if I loved her, I would move back to Maine to be with her. I didn't want it, but I did it to make her happy after many arguments. I moved in with her and her parents and took a dead-end job at a local movie theater as an assistant manager."

Tobias continues, "My district manager was younger than I, and she would constantly ask me out. One day, I asked Stacy to meet me at work after she had pissed me off about something that day, and I openly flirted with that poor girl. I made her think she had a chance with me. Stacy always hated that and my boss." I shout, "Tobias! That's awful!"

Tobias proceeds, "See, the thing is, Tris, there is never just being with Stacy. Even while I was in pilot training and we agreed to stop with the games, our periods of happiness without fighting or being at each other's throats were always short-lived. I remember one day I came home after class, and my classes were all day. Stacy was sitting in my base apartment. When I asked her how she got in, she smiled, flaunting in my face how she flirted with the guys at the gate and promised them a good time if they let her in. I had just gotten out of Officer Training School, was still in flight school, and I had a bit of a temper. She would always tell me I would have to step up my game if I wanted to keep her, or she would happily find someone else who could pay attention to her as she wanted."

Tobias shrugs his shoulders, lost in thought, sighing, "Maybe, I didn't pay enough attention to her at that point. Maybe that is why our relationship ultimately failed, but I was trying to accomplish my dream. I was trying to give her and myself a better life, but, in the long run, she could never see the bigger picture. Everything was a game to her. After my first deployment, when I came home, and I wasn't in the right frame of mind, I wasn't adjusting well to being home. I was an ill-prepared kid who wasn't ready for what I would be doing overseas. On my first tour, I was awarded the Air Medal and the Distinguished Flying Cross due to being involved with some things." I open my mouth, Tobias's eyes meet mine, he murmurs, "I'm not ready to discuss it with you yet. War is ugly. I have already told you that much. Anyways, when I came home, I was proud of those achievements, but most of all, I was happy that I survived. From the moment my plane landed, Stacy was adamant that I had developed PTSD because I wasn't acting like I did when I left. For months, I needed space to come down from the heightened state. Stacy swore up and down that I was a different guy. Maybe I was, but we can't all stay reckless eighteen-year-old kids with no responsibilities forever like I was when we got together. I had joined the Air Force, gone to war, been shot at, been involved in battles, killed people whom I never knew: people who had loved ones, who were loved, had families of their own. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would lie awake and wonder if they were really the enemy. I always carry that with me: the guilt, and, over the years, it has lessened slightly, but Stacy could never understand it. I didn't try to explain that guilty feeling, nor did I want to. I should have. After, my first deployment was when the major problems started in our relationship. Stacy was looking for the old me, but that person was never coming back; the person I was before going to war, died during my first tour overseas. He probably died somewhere in a war zone during the first battle I was involved in, or maybe even the moment I stepped foot onto a fighter jet overseas for the first time and was told to be safe." Tobias glances at me. I'm stunned at his admission. He has never spoken so honestly about his relationship with Stacy with me.

He continues driving, becoming silent once again. I don't know the right words to say to him to make everything better. I want to take the pain away: the pain of seeing Stacy again, the pain of the memories he's reliving with her in his subconscious, but the right words fail me. Instead, I whisper the only words I wished someone had told me when I was with Peter feeling lost, frustrated, and alone. The promises I longed someone would speak to me when he deployed. I longed to talk to someone, but I felt alone.

I murmur, "I'm still here. I love you." Tentatively, I grab ahold of his hand, bringing it into my lap. Quickly, his eyes meet mine, then move back to the road. He remains quiet. I want to know how he earned his medals. If this was another time, a different place, I would ask, and maybe he would tell me if I asked, but I don't want to push him, especially since he already told me he doesn't want to talk about it. A question pops into my mind, I ask, "I don't mean to pry, but, what did you mean when you told Stacy not to try to say she moved out to California to be with you," not knowing if continuing to bring up his past relationship with her is a good idea, but I want to know.

He sighs, "Stacy and I went to Stanford together. I believe I told you that before." I rack my brain, attempting to recall a time when he told me that detail. I nod my head. Where is he going with this? He continues, "There was a small-time after we graduated from college, we moved back to Maine, and I moved in with her parents and her. I was too much of a coward to move back in with my father, to face him. I had been secretly batting around the idea of joining the military. I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to do with my life or not or if I wanted to attempt to pursue something else. I'm not sure what exactly, since I love my job now. Back then, when I got my first repayment notice for my student loans, I panicked. My dead-end job wasn't paying enough to make ends meet. In California, I had already met with one recruiter. He tried to talk me into joining the Air Force right away because of my degree. However, when I brought the idea up to Stacy, she immediately squashed it. She wanted me to get a big boy job. Her parents also pressured me, but the economy was in a recession. No one was hiring. Every day, I felt immense pressure, and I needed time to think: time to make sure the military lifestyle was right for me. I gave up on the idea of the military for a minute, and, after graduation, I moved back to Maine. I got that part-time job as an assistant manager in a movie theater that I mentioned before. I hated every minute of that job! Unfortunately, some of the time, I took the anger and resentment I felt toward that job out on Stacy. One day, after a heated discussion, a fight with Stacy about her wanting me to make up my damn mind of what I was going to do with my life, our life together, I came home from work to a note left on the bed from her. Stacy was gone. She had gone to California, back to where she was most happy. She had gotten a job offer that she never told me about, and I didn't go after her for a long time. I moved out of her parent's house, did some soul searching, and figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I moved back to California. I found another recruiter, one who would work with me on my terms. After I swore into the Air Force's delayed entry program, I went and found Stacy. I groveled at her feet to take me back." I roll my eyes at his statement. He smirks, "I thought I was in love with her. It was only later I realized I wasn't in love with Stacy but the idea of being in love with someone, anyone. Now that I've found you, Tris, I know what true love feels like; with Stacy, I was always trying to be something or someone I wasn't, trying to prove myself to her or change something about myself to make her happy. She would never change for me or accept me for who I was."

I whisper, "Tobias, I like the way you are. I didn't know the old you, so I have nothing to judge you against," squeezing his hand then rubbing the back of his knuckles gently with my fingertips, trying to bring him out of the memories of his toxic past relationship with Stacy. Quipping an eyebrow, he asks, "Only like?" I giggle, "Okay, maybe a little more than like, I love this version of you, Tobias, and if Stacy couldn't figure out how to love you for the new you, then I'm even more thankful because I got you. You are a great man." A smile tugs at my lips while he smirks. Our eyes meet one another in the darkness of the truck, the only light coming from the dashboard radio while he parks the truck in the driveway.

Thoughts and opinions on this chapter. I can't wait to hear them. Please review. The next will be up the weekend of October 9, 2021.