A/N: Sorry for the wait; real life has been quite crazy lately. Of note: things do a get a bit. . . steamy near the end of this chapter and then K/Z have a fairly frank conversation. It's not super explicit, so I think T is still appropriate, but it is a stronger T than the rest of the story so far. If that bothers you, feel free to skip over the part in the woods after they talk about the luncheon. It will be alluded to later but you won't miss a lot if you don't have the details.

As promised, Mara insisted they begin planning the wedding the following day. When Karigan tried to defer, Mara simply pointed out that they only had limited time and needed as much of it as they could get. She also recruited Dale to help out, and the two Riders spent a good deal of their free time in Karigan's room asking questions about her preferences for wedding details, many of which she simply could not answer. Since she had never been the girl to dream of her future wedding, she did not have the complete color palette and decorations planned out which she could tell frustrated her friends. She was sorely tempted to tell them to just hang their ideas on the dart board in the Rider common room and challenge the other Riders to a game. However, she knew that she was supposed to find such details important, so she did her best to try and stay interested.

As much as she disliked the wedding planning, however, it was far preferable to other duties she now had—namely, socializing with the upper classes. As soon Zachary had announced their engagement, she found herself inundated with requests for various social functions. He had warned her it would happen, and they agreed it would be best if she eased into things. Therefore, she had declined all of the initial notifications, citing a need to focus her attention on various meetings and the wedding planning. Cummings had actually helped her craft her response, and he assured her it was a perfect combination of firm and courteous. Karigan was not sure about that, but she did know that no one questioned it, so she was happy with that outcome.

Unfortunately, she could not hide behind her other duties forever. After much discussion, she and Zachary decided that it was time to accept one of the requests which had come her way. It did not take much discussion to decide which one—Estora had come to her two days after the demon attack to extend an invitation to luncheon with her and two other ladies she assured would be easy to talk with. Estora left the invitation open-ended, telling Karigan she could accept it whenever she felt comfortable. It seemed that time had finally come.

On the appointed day, Karigan stood in her room, frowning at the dress she wore. She had never been the type of girl who enjoyed wearing dresses; even before she was a Rider with a uniform that included pants, she tended towards trousers instead of skirts. However, she knew that she could not show up to a luncheon with a number of noblewomen wearing her uniform, so she had finally pulled out one of the many dresses her aunts had sent her. It was of the latest style which meant that it included a built-in bodice that could be tightened like a corset. Karigan knew her aunts had chosen it on purpose, for as a rule, she did not wear corsets. The dress, however, would ensure she did not need one to achieve the slim fit so popular among the upper classes.

Of course, what her aunts failed to consider was the fact that Karigan did not have a maid and thus no one to tighten a corset. She had tried to do so herself with limited success; the dress was still considerably looser on her frame than she knew it should be. She could call Mara to help but in truth, Karigan was not particularly looking forward to wearing the tightened dress. As far as she was concerned, it looked good enough like it was. With that decision made, she stood a bit straighter, grabbed her handbag, and left for the luncheon.

Fortunately, the Rider common room was empty, so Karigan did not have to endure the cat calls she was sure many of the other Riders would provide if they saw her. As soon as she stepped outside of the barracks, a Weapon fell into step behind her. It had taken a good deal of arguing for Karigan to convince them that they were not needed inside the barracks, but she had eventually brought Zachary to her side, pointing out that he did not have Weapons when alone in his study, and together, they had prevailed. The Weapon assigned to watch her on this particular day was a newer recruit named Ewing. Karigan did not know much about him, but the Weapons were so secretive that she honestly did not know much about any of them, even some like Fastion who she had known for years.

"You'll protect me from death by inane conversation as well, right?" Karigan questioned ironically as she turned towards the dining room where the luncheon was scheduled to take place. Ewing startled slightly, turning to Karigan with a confused expression.

"I'm sorry, m'lady?"

Karigan sighed. "Never mind." Squaring her shoulders, she strode into the dining room. Estora met her right inside the door, and Karigan frowned when she saw the look of worry on the noblewoman's face.

"I had intended there to just be four of us today," Estora explained, her voice low as she curtseyed to cover her actions. "You, me, Lord Petrie's niece Lady Esma, and one of my cousins, Lady Beatrice. But somehow Lady Sylvia heard about the luncheon and insisted on joining with a couple others."

"It's fine," Karigan said though it was anything but. She was nervous enough with meeting the three noblewoman who were supposed to be dining with her, and they all supported the marriage.

"I truly am sorry. However, one simply cannot refuse Lady Sylvia."

"I know." And Karigan did, too, despite the fact that she usually tried to distance herself from such petty concerns. It was a well-known fact that the Oldburys believed that they should have throne instead of the Hillanders. They still showed support when needed, for the memories of the Clan Wars were still strong despite the amount of time that had passed, but everyone knew that if the HIllander king showed a weakness, they would not hesitate to exploit it. In fact, they nearly had after some of Amilton's more atrocious acts had become public knowledge. Zachary had mentioned that there was still some dissension even after his father had named him king, for many felt him too young to lead, but he had enough support to hold the throne.

Regardless, they were a strong clan with vast resources, and they would likely pose even more of a challenge than Coutre should they choose to do so. Zachary had told Karigan once that the only thing keeping them in line was a lack of knowledge of who the other provinces would side with. He claimed that if they ever knew they had the support of the majority of the clans, they would not hesitate to start a civil war. When Karigan suggested that perhaps Zachary should form a marriage alliance with them instead of continuing to pursue a courtship with her, he had laughed.

"Trust me, they do not want to gain the throne through marriage," he had told her. "Besides, Lady Sylvia, his eldest daughter, is not at all my type." He said the last words in such a way that Karigan knew they were what she had taken to calling a "court insult," i.e. words that seemed innocuous on the surface but which had a deeper, negative meaning. Zachary was generally good about avoiding such statements which told Karigan that Lady Sylvia was likely a horrible person. She pressed for more details, and Zachary eventually admitted that she was one of the three women with whom he had taken things further. They had apparently courted for a few months when he was eighteen. He had been wary of taking a woman into his bed after his disastrous first experience, but she was insistent and eventually wore him down (Zachary had also said there was too much alcohol involved though he did not elaborate). She came to him a month later and told him she was pregnant, a diagnosis confirmed by a mender. Zachary immediately realized she was too far gone for it to be his child, but when he told her as much, she had simply smiled and said that while the two of them knew that, the rest of the kingdom did not. Zachary had skimmed over many of the subsequent details, but he had apparently discovered that she was sleeping with at least half a dozen other men at the same time, and he convinced a couple of them to attest to that fact. When she realized that could easily discredit her, Sylvia finally backed down.

Zachary mentioned he had found out later it was not the first time she had used a pregnancy to try and gain some advantage—generally either money or power. Karigan had questioned what happened to the children, for she knew that Sylvia did not have any. Zachary's eyes had dimmed at that question. He had simply said that there were ways to end an unwanted pregnancy—highly dangerous and illegal ways, but Sylvia's position gave her access to the best healers which definitely helped with the danger. Karigan felt sick to her stomach thinking about that, a nausea that simply increased as she glanced across the room and saw Lady Sylvia standing near the table. Her stomach churned even more when she recognized Jasmine Arey next to her. Karigan was not sure how, but she somehow knew that Sylvia had found out about their animosity from Selium and invited her on purpose.

"Come on, I'll introduce you," Estora said, giving Karigan a tentative smile. Reminding herself that she had faced far more terrifying things (though none were coming to mind at the moment), Karigan nodded and followed Estora further into the room.

In addition to Jasmine, Sylvia had also brought along three other noblewoman who Karigan thought were part of the Oldbury clan though her knowledge of genetics was admittedly sparse. Estora introduced them as Ladies Geraldine, Nadia, and Arienne. They did not even bother to disguise their examination of her, and Karigan got the distinct impression that they found her lacking. They all stood around Sylvia like some sort of strange honor guard. Jasmine stood slightly to one side, far enough away that it was clear she was not part of the normal group, but she nevertheless looked delighted to be included as part of such a powerful group. Hells. The feeling of dread that had been building since Estora met her at the door settled further down in Karigan's stomach.

Estora, fortunately, was an expert at smoothing over awkward social situations, and she quickly moved everyone to the table to begin the luncheon. As they ate, she managed to keep the conversation on innocuous topics, deflecting the more pointed barbs with practiced ease. She kept Karigan involved but did so in such a way that it was not obvious she was helping smooth things over. Karigan watched with a bit of envy at how at ease she seemed despite the obvious animosity in the room. She was nearly as good as Zachary—which, Karigan supposed, made sense because they had both been raised in a similar society. Once again, Karigan felt like an imposter. Zachary should be marrying someone like Estora, someone who was not afraid of luncheons with other noblewomen. Though she knew Estora was fully in support of their marriage now and was doing her best to pave the way, Karigan could not help but feel inadequate.

As the luncheon started to draw to a close, Karigan began to relax slightly. It had honestly not been as bad as she expected—mostly thanks to Estora. Just as Karigan was beginning to count the luncheon as a success, one of Sylvia's followers—Karigan struggled to remember which was which—fell back in her chair with an exaggerated sigh. "Is anyone else feeling the heat?" the noblewoman asked. Karigan glanced at Estora who frowned slightly. Though there was a large fire in the fireplace, even it could not completely chase off the chill of the middle of winter. Karigan, in fact, had kept her stole tightly wrapped around her shoulders the entire luncheon as had most of the other women.

"Oh, you poor dear," Sylvia said with exaggerated concern. "You're having another spell, aren't you?" She did not wait for her friend to answer before turning to the others. "Nadia has these spells sometimes where she's just overcome by heat and exhaustion. There's usually nothing to do but let her sleep it off. Estora, would you be a dear and help her back to her room? You're much more familiar with the castle than I am." Estora hesitated slightly, exchanging a glance with Karigan. Both realized that the timing was much too convenient, but Estora also could not refuse what was, on the surface, a very reasonable request. As the hostess of the luncheon, it was expected that she take care of all the guests, even the uninvited ones.

"Of course." Estora rose, shooting one last apologetic glance at Karigan. Karigan thought about offering to take the noblewoman to her room instead, but she suspected that would probably be some sort of breach of etiquette of which she was not aware. Instead, she took a sip of her water, trying not to appear nervous as Sylvia turned her attention to Karigan. The noblewoman wore a smile that looked much too predatory.

"Now we can finally talk," Sylvia said as the door closed behind Estora. "I feel like I have not had a chance to get to know you at all."

"What would you like to know?" Karigan questioned, congratulating herself when her voice remained perfectly steady. She set her water down, knowing holding the glass would betray her shaking hands if she was not careful.

"How are you doing really?" Sylvia asked. "This must have been a major change to your life."

She actually sounded somewhat sincere, and Karigan began to wonder if perhaps she had misjudged the noblewoman. Yes, what she had learned from Zachary had been awful but it had also been nearly a decade since those events occurred. Perhaps Sylvia had changed, matured. "It has been," Karigan admitted. "But I'm adapting."

"And the king is treating you well?" one of the other women asked. Karigan was pretty sure it was Arienne. She turned to the other woman, puzzled.

"Of course."

"Come, now, Karigan, you don't need to keep any secrets from us," Sylvia said, her voice dropping lower as if sharing some great secret. "We're all friends here."

"I'm not keeping secrets."

"I don't know what he's told you but let's just say that Zachary and I know each other quite well." Sylvia placed a strong emphasis on the word "know" which caused her friends to titter. Out of the corner of her eye, Karigan saw Esma shift uncomfortably in her seat. It took her a moment before she realized just what Sylvia was implying, and she crimsoned. She had always assumed that the upper classes did not speak so crudely, but perhaps they were not much different than the Riders and merchants to whom she was accustomed.

"Don't worry, dear," Sylvia said, "it was a long time ago. I'm sure he's moved on by now."

"Many times over, I would expect. He is a man after all," Arienne added. Sylvia, Jasmine, and the fourth member of their group—Karigan was now fairly certain it was Geraldine—all laughed. Esma muttered something and stood. No one stopped her as she left the room. Karigan wished she could follow, but she knew she could not escape the upcoming conversation so easily.

"Oh, it's not only men who can move on," Sylvia said with a wave of her hand. "Women are perfectly capable of doing so as well." Her friends laughed again. Beatrice finally spoke up.

"Perhaps we should talk about something else," she suggested.

"Does this make you uncomfortable?" Sylvia questioned. "That's odd. I had heard you were perfectly comfortable with Lord Bairdley's nephew a few months ago. What was his name again?" She tapped her chin as if in thought. A quick glance to the side told Karigan that Beatrice was beet red. "Huh. It simply escapes me right now though I'm sure it will come in time."

"Lord Eubert," Geraldine offered.

"That's right. He's handsome enough I suppose though a bit scrawny for my taste. Now, Zachary, however, definitely does not have that problem. Even back when we were still courting, he had already developed an impressive physique. I hear that he still works to stay in top fighting condition, so I imagine he's even more impressive now." She looked to Karigan expectantly, but Karigan remained silent, unsure of how to respond to such a statement. "Oh, come now, Karigan, you can tell us."

"Maybe she wants to keep him all to herself," Arienne suggested.

"Well, that's just not fair to anyone. Men like Zachary have far more needs than one woman can fulfill. Even I struggled to keep up with him, and he was far less experienced back then. Karigan will have to share, and it's better to share with friends you trust, no?"

"Share?" Karigan finally asked.

"Well, of course. Surely you've talked about this?" Sylvia peered at her carefully before clicking her tongue. "Oh dear, I'm glad we came today to talk to you. I did not realize just how little you knew about our lifestyle." She shook her head sadly, and her followers parroted her. "I will try and explain as best as I can then. You see, men in the upper classes have certain needs, and you can't reasonably be expected to fulfill all of them. There are a certain set of women that cater to those needs, and I'm sure that Zachary will partake of them to some extent. But given his position, and—let's be honest—the way he looks, there will be interest outside of that as well. Even I would not be averse to a second try now that he's older and more experienced. I'm sure he will take advantage of that interest as well." She paused for a moment before peering closer at Karigan. "You really have not discussed this?"

"Karigan has always been a bit. . . behind when it comes to men," Jasmine offered. "Back at Selium, she never courted anyone. She actually spent most of her time with Estral Androvian. There were some rumors. . ." Karigan's mouth fell open. She had never heard those particular rumors. But then, Jasmine was not the most reliable source—she may have been simply trying to curry favor.

Sylvia looked intrigued. "The Golden Guardian's daughter? Well, that is certainly interesting." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps Zachary is looking for something a little different. He does seem like the type who could handle two women."

"I think we've hit a nerve," Arienne observed, watching Karigan closely.

"Oh dear. I have been told before that I really do need to be more careful with what I say, but I'm afraid that sometimes, my mouth just runs away with me." Sylvia looked anything but contrite.

"Don't apologize, Sylvia. It's best that Karigan learns what she's getting into now. I doubt she's had much experience in such matters," Jasmine said.

"Given her current expression, I wonder if she's had any experience in such matters,"Arienne added.

"Oh, don't be silly. Why would the king still be with her if she truly has no experience?"

"Maybe that's appealing to him. I hear some men like being the first to. . . explore new territory."

"But why marry her?"

"Her father is rich."

As they continued speaking as if Karigan was not even there, the embarrassment and discomfort she felt slowly morphed into anger. Though not usually the type of person to discuss such matters, she was also not the type of person able to take insults quietly. Without fully thinking about what she was doing, she opened her mouth, interrupting one of the noblewomen mid sentence. "No." Though she did not yell, the conviction behind the word gave it a gravity that no one could ignore. Everyone turned to her, their previous conversation dying down. Once Karigan was sure they were all paying attention, she let the anger take over, and the words began to pour from her mouth. "You know nothing about Zachary and me or why we're marrying. It's certainly not for the money. In fact, he didn't even want the money—when my father insisted, he decided we'd set it aside for future children. Children who will not be born until after we are married."

"You can't know-" Sylvia began, but Karigan interrupted.

"I can. I suppose that is one thing you are right about. I am. . . how did you put it? 'Lacking in experience.' But it won't be too long before I'll have plenty of experience since I don't intend to share."

"It's not like Zachary will ask permission," Sylvia pointed out.

"No, I suppose he won't. Because he'll have no need to since he doesn't plan on straying from our marriage bed. Aeryc knows if he could remain faithful to you despite the hell you put him through, he can remain faithful to anyone."

Sylvia scoffed. "He wasn't faithful."

"Perhaps you don't know him as well as you think."

"I know men."

"Zachary is different."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Has he told you about his time at the Golden Rudder?"

"He did, in fact. I suspect both of us know what really happened there." Karigan narrowed her eyes at the other woman. Sylvia seemed temporarily cowed by Karigan's boldness, but she recovered quickly.

"It's clear he has you believing his lies. I do feel sorry for your gullibility. If you ever decide to take off your rose-colored glasses, I am happy to help you with the reality you will need to face."

"Thank you, but I have all the help I need." With that, Karigan stood and strode from the room. Rage still blinded her, and it was not until she turned onto the corridor that held Zachary's study that she realized where her feet were carrying her.

She paused at the end of the corridor, considering her next action for a moment. Her anger was dissipating, leaving mostly worry and exhaustion in its wake. She desperately wanted to talk to Zachary despite having vowed to herself before the luncheon that she would handle things on her own, for she did not want to burden him with her problems when he already had the concerns of the kingdom weighing on him. Of course, that was before she knew Sylvia would be at the luncheon and when she thought the biggest problems she would have to deal with were what to do if she was not up on the latest gossip. It was not that she was worried about Zachary's fidelity—she trusted what he had told her about his past—but she was worried about some of the other comments the women had made, particularly their speculation about why he was not pushing harder for something more from her.

After a few seconds deliberation, she made a decision. If Zachary was in his study, she would talk to him. However, if he was not there, that meant he was in meetings, and those took precedence over whatever silly worries she had, so she would not bother him. She approached the study, and it did not take her long to note the two Weapons standing outside it. It appeared she would be talking to him after all. She was not sure if that made her more or less nervous.

She nodded at Willis, who stood to one side of the door, before raising her hand to knock. He gave her a small smile and shook his head. "I have been instructed that you are welcome anytime—no need to knock or be announced." Karigan returned the smile easily. The words warmed her, reminding her just how much Zachary had opened his life for her.

She stepped inside, and Zachary looked up from where he sat behind his desk. "Karigan?" he questioned, his voice soft and warm. With that, the dam broke.

"Why are you willing to wait? Is there something wrong with me? Is it because I have no experience? I am a quick study, I assure you. We can figure something out."

"Perhaps it would be best if I returned later," a new voice interjected. Karigan glanced over, coloring when she saw Colin standing beside the bookshelves. She had not seen him when she first walked in because he stood a few feet away from the desk, but given the papers he held, it was clear that she had interrupted some sort of discussion.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's fine; we were just finishing up," Zachary assured her, now wearing a worried frown.

"No, it's my fault. I-I shouldn't have come." Karigan turned, now thoroughly embarrassed. She could not believe she had just questioned Zachary on his intentions in front of one of his oldest advisors. She was never going to be able to show her face to Colin again. Without really thinking, she fled the room, ignoring Zachary's calls for her. At the end of the hallway, she turned to the stable. Condor wouldn't belittle her or judge her for her lack of experience. He was her one true friend.

She saddled him quickly and was about to mount when she realized her predicament—she was still wearing a dress and Condor definitely was not outfitted for riding side saddle. Not that Karigan was confident in her ability to do so even if he was. She was contemplating her next move when footsteps announced she was no longer alone in the stable. They seemed much too heavy to belong to one of the stableboys; sure enough, when she turned, she saw Zachary striding in, a bundle of fabric in his arms and two Weapons flanking him. "It's a nice afternoon for a ride," he said casually, giving her a small smile that gave no indication that he was affected by her previous words.

"What are you doing here?"

"I cleared my schedule for the afternoon. It seemed the perfect opportunity to spend some time with my betrothed."

"I'm fine, Zachary."

"I know. But that doesn't mean you don't want to ride." He held out the bundle, and she took it automatically, noting that it was a Green Rider uniform. He smiled at her startled look. "Laren got one for me. With how quickly you were moving, I assumed you would forget to stop and change." He stepped back, moving to the other side of the stable where his horses were kept. "I'm going to get Grainger ready to go. Willis should stop anyone else from entering so you'll have some privacy if you want to get ready yourself." He nodded to the back corner of the stable which was mostly blocked from view by a couple stalls.

"What about my dress?" It was not the biggest concern Karigan had, but it was the only one she was able to voice at that moment.

"Phillipe will take it back to the castle for you. Since I assume Ewing will join us on our ride, we'll still have two Weapons." Karigan wanted to object further, for now that the conversation was imminent, she was dreading it, but she could not think of anything else to say. Instead, she nodded, moving behind the stalls as Zachary moved away to ready his own horse.

By the time she finished changing and led Condor out of the stable, Zachary was already on his own mount. Phillipe took her dress from her and bowed before heading for the castle. Karigan swung herself onto Condor's back and gestured for Zachary to lead the way. He did so, and they rode in silence for a few minutes before he began to speak. Instead of asking about her luncheon, however, he simply told her some of the outcomes of his morning meetings, drawing her into the conversation by asking her opinion on the topics they had discussed. She relaxed as they rode, falling into the easy conversation which she shared with Zachary.

About an hour into their ride, they had traveled through the forest far enough that trees obscured their view of the castle and most of the grounds around it. Zachary stopped, dismounting easily from his horse. The two Weapons who had followed hung back, disappearing amidst the trees where they could still keep watch but give the couple their privacy. Karigan dismounted as well, noting with a slight smile that Zachary no longer insisted on helping her down from the horse. He was learning. Once both her feet were on the ground, he took her hand, allowing more contact than he normally would given their privacy, and led her to a nearby stream. His eyes searched the ground for a moment before he bent down and picked up a handful of objects. "Have you ever skipped stones?" he questioned, straightening. He selected one of the stones he had picked up and bent over, sending it skimming over the relatively calm stream. It bounced four times before sinking. "Quinn and I used to do so all the time at Hillander. I am out of practice though." He held out his hand. Karigan glanced at the stones in it briefly before bending down to select her own. Once she had found a satisfactory one, she stood and skipped it across the stream. It hit the water six times before sinking. Though not a personal best, it was still good. Zachary smiled. "I suppose that answers my question."

"I grew up on the sea as well," she reminded him.

"A worthy opponent then." They skipped more rocks without Zachary once asking what had happened though Karigan knew he was worried. She was sure that missing out on all his afternoon meetings was not nearly as easy as he had made it seem, and the fact that he had done so without question made her love him all the more. It also made her wonder just how she had managed to capture the heart of someone like him.

Eventually, she decided she could delay no longer. She took a deep breath. "Sylvia Whitehead was at the party."

He stopped mid throw, letting his arm drop. "Hoo boy," he remarked, letting out a breath. Karigan smiled slightly at the casual expression. As they had grown more comfortable with one another, Zachary had dropped a lot of the formality of his speech when it was just the two of them. It had surprised Karigan a bit at first, but Zachary had simply laughed, telling her that it had been too long since he had someone in Sacor City with whom he could be completely himself and he intended to take advantage of that. Given their relative positions, he had to maintain some formality with even Laren. "I hope you know that I have had very little contact with her since we parted ways years ago after. . . the events I told you about."

"You mean after she tried to blackmail you? I knew she was not a good person after talking with you, for you're just so nice to everyone, but I didn't realize just how horrible she was until today."

"I would be cautious about trusting anything she says. And I'm not just saying that because she likely had a number of negative things to say about me."

"Actually, she was rather complimentary of you. But she made some. . . comments. She mentioned that men, especially men like you have needs. Needs which one woman can't fulfill." Karigan felt her face flaming, and she turned to skip a rock over the stream instead of looking in Zachary's eyes. As comfortable as they were growing with one another, her ingrained sense of propriety still made her wary of certain topics.

A tug on her hand caused her to turn back to Zachary. "She's wrong," he said, his expression earnest. "Very wrong. I have never once been unfaithful and I certainly don't intend to start with my wife."

"I know. I told her as much."

"But something is still bothering you."

"What if I'm not good enough?" Karigan questioned, letting the worry which had nagged at her since the luncheon finally overtake her. "What if I can't actually fulfill your needs? I know you will stay faithful because that is the type of man you are, but I don't want you to feel trapped with me."

"I won't be trapped."

"You can't know that! I have no experience. I could be awful at those sorts of things and then you'd be stuck with me for the rest of your life."

"You won't be awful."

"You can't be sure."

"I can." He grabbed both her hands as he caught his lip between his teeth, obviously thinking hard. "Look, my experience is admittedly limited as well, but it has certainly been pleasant every time—even with Sylvia. And I did not even feel a fraction of what I feel for you for those women. Kissing them was nice enough, but kissing you. . . it's like nothing I have ever experienced before. So I cannot even imagine how much better other things will be when we reach that point."

"But what if it's not as good as you expect? What if we get married and then you find that I can't keep you satisfied? You would be stuck! Shouldn't we try things out beforehand?"

"I am sure I will be more than satisfied with our intimate relations once we reach that point. But I want to do right by you. You deserve that and so much more."

Karigan wrenched her hands away from his. "Why are you so willing to wait? Hells, I basically offered myself to you and you just told me not yet. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you."

"Then why won't you sleep with me?" The words came out louder than intended, and Karigan saw Zachary glance briefly around to make sure that they were still alone. She supposed she should have been embarrassed by her outburst, but she simply felt weary and sad. Zachary watched her with wide eyes, not speaking for a few seconds. She started to turn, swiping tears from her eyes, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"That's what you think?" He sounded incredulous. "Gods, Karigan, I. . ." He trailed off, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. After a moment's deliberation, he seemed to decide that actions would suit his purpose better. Reaching out, he pulled her into his embrace, his lips descending on hers. She yielded easily, and he kissed her hard. The kiss was unlike any Karigan had ever experienced. His tongue pressed forcefully against her lips, and she yielded automatically. It probed her mouth as his hands danced over her body. They had started on her back, but one dropped lower, pulling her hips flush against his as it squeezed her butt. She could feel the steely strength of his arms around her as well as a growing hardness against the front of her body. Karigan's heart pounded faster, and she heard the roar of blood in her ears.

Karigan was not sure how long he kissed her, but when he finally pulled away, she was dizzy and out of breath. He kept one hand around her body, supporting her, as he let the other slide down to cup her hip and keep her pressed against his body. "Do you feel that?" he questioned fiercely. Not trusting herself to speak, Karigan merely nodded. "Does that feel like someone who doesn't want to sleep with you? Gods, Karigan, sometimes it's all I can think about. I'll wake up in the morning after dreaming of you-" He broke off suddenly as propriety finally caught up with the words streaming from his mouth. However, Karigan was tired of propriety, tired of tiptoeing around the subject because society felt that they should. She wanted more of the heady feeling currently coursing through her, more of the desire pounding in her ears, more of him.

"You what?" she questioned.

His eyes met hers for a moment, and understanding passed between them. He leaned closer so that their lips were nearly touching and whispered, "I wake up in a state quite similar to the one I find myself in right now. Trust me, in that moment, I very much want to sleep with you. In fact, I suspect that if the opportunity presented itself, I would be quite unable to control myself."

"It's presenting itself now."

He gave a strangled groan and kissed her a bit desperately. "Don't tempt me," he hissed as he pulled back. Feeling unusually bold, Karigan simply pressed her hips closer to his. He kissed her hard again. "You are playing with fire, love," he remarked.

"No one would know," she told him.

"There could be a child."

"I've heard there are ways to prevent such an occurrence."

He stared at her incredulously for a moment. "You have the necessary. . . items with you now?" he finally asked.

"No, but I'm sure we could get them quickly enough," Karigan said with more confidence than she honestly felt, for she was not even sure what those items might be. He snorted.

"I can't even imagine the rumors that would start." Karigan noted that despite his words, he still had not loosened his hold on her so their bodies were still pressed tightly together. He closed his eyes, obviously thinking hard. "No," he finally said. "I want our first time to be special. Unsullied by a need to prevent a pregnancy or worry about what rumors might start. And that means after we're married." He spoke slowly, and Karigan got the distinct impression he was trying to convince himself as much as her. That morning, she probably would have been satisfied with that comment and backed down, but her emotions were still in turmoil after the luncheon, and the nearness of his body had brought forth a primal urge that was not responding to logic. So instead of backing away, she dropped her own hands to his butt, grinding their hips together. He gave a strangled groan. "Karigan, don't." But she was beyond listening. As nice as it was to hear him confirm his love for her verbally, she wanted more than that. She wanted him to show her with actions. She knew he was holding something back and though she realized he did so out of respect for her, she was honestly tired of his avoidance. And so she moved her hips against him again, feeling her own desire increase at the contact.

"Karigan, please," he groaned again. She noted that despite his protestations, he did not pull away. In fact, his hips began to move as well, increasing the friction between them. Letting instinct guide her actions, Karigan circled one of her hands inward, letting it rest on the bulge in his trousers. He moaned as his head dropped to her shoulder. She could feel his labored breath against her neck and the heat rolling off his body in waves. "Gods, we shouldn't be doing this," he muttered. His hips were still moving against her, creating a delicious friction. It took a moment for the words to process, but when they finally did, Karigan realized that he had lost control. It was odd to see, for he had always before seemed so poised and collected. It made her feel powerful.

"Why not?" Karigan questioned. He didn't answer her verbally, instead just shaking his head. Silence fell over them for a few seconds, interrupted only by his harsh breathing. After a few minutes or so, his hands grabbed her coat, clutching it tightly. He gave a strangled cry, and she felt his entire body stiffen against hers before suddenly loosening. He stood for a few seconds, gulping in air, before he spoke.

"Oh, Gods. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I've never done anything like that before." He pulled away somewhat, and Karigan noted his face was red. Her brow furrowed in confusion, wondering what he was apologizing for. He had not done anything wrong; in fact, she was rather enjoying their contact and was hoping for more of it. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath before seeming to calm himself a bit. "Forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For not controlling myself better."

"I feel that you controlled yourself admirably. In fact, I was hoping for a little less control."

He studied her for a moment. "What do you think just happened?" he finally asked gently.

Karigan bristled briefly, for the memory of Sylvia's veiled insults was still fresh in her mind, but she quickly reminded herself that she was not talking to Sylvia anymore. Zachary meant no insult; he was legitimately trying to figure out what she thought. "I think. . . we were kissing. Quite a lot. And it felt. . . very nice. And then you stopped."

"It felt more than nice. And therein lies the problem." He ran a hand through his hair, an action Karigan had come to associate with him considering his next statement carefully. Karigan sighed, wishing he would be less reticent. She felt woefully behind in her knowledge of this particular subject, and she worried that would lead to unhappiness in their marriage. He obviously sensed her frustration, for his lips quirked up in a small smile. "I'm not trying to be evasive. I just have years of propriety drilled into me that I'm trying to overcome." He took a deep breath and grabbed her hand, tugging her over to a nearby boulder. He took a seat and patted the space next to him before turning to her. "What do you know about the relations between men and women?" he questioned finally.

Karigan blushed slightly but forced back the embarrassment. She had asked for him to discuss this with her; in fact, she desperately wanted him to do so, for she could not think of anyone else with whom she could have such a discussion. Her aunts were of no use, having never married themselves, and Estral, while a wonderful friend, was too far away. It was not the sort of conversation one had in a letter. "Not much," she admitted. "I've heard passing comments about the subject, of course, but those don't really give a complete picture. And Estral found a book while we were still at Selium. It had some details but honestly we both thought some of the things it described were rather. . . ridiculous." Embarrassment finally won out, and Karigan broke off with a blush.

Zachary's eyebrows rose. "A book, huh? Perhaps we will need to read it together at some point." Karigan's blush deepened at the thought, but he pressed onwards. "So it's probably safe to assume you know the basic mechanics but none of the details?"

Karigan nodded. "I'm not even sure I know the basic mechanics. The book was not really focused on mechanics." Karigan focused on a spot above his shoulder to push through her embarrassment. "From what I read, it sounded like there is some sort of joining. . . down there."

Karigan saw Zachary nod out of the corner of her eye. "There is, but in order for that to happen, men and women's bodies need to prepare themselves. There are certain physical changes that take place so that the joining is easier and more pleasant." He gave her a significant look, and it did not take her sharp mind long to figure out what he was saying. She glanced downwards, remembering the hardness in his trousers that had pressed into her body earlier.

Another realization suddenly came as well. "Stiffness," Karigan muttered without thinking. Zachary looked at her curiously, and she blushed. She had not meant to say that aloud. However, she knew he was waiting for an explanation and since he was pushing through his embarrassment to explain things to her, she felt it only fair to do the same for him. "The book. It kept talking about the man's stiffness."

He gave a sly grin. "I suppose that's a valid word for it."

"So your body was preparing itself for our joining. I thought you said we weren't going to consummate our relationship?"

"We weren't. I have enough self-control for that, I hope. Though apparently not enough to stop my body's preparations when a beautiful woman kisses me." His smile was a bit self-deprecating.

"I was enjoying the kiss as well," Karigan assured him.

"I know. Trust me, that didn't help quell the reaction."

"So you were apologizing for your body's reaction?"

He closed his eyes briefly as the color deepened on his cheeks. "Yes. But it wasn't just that reaction. Let's just say that my body was fully ready to consummate our relationship and decided not to wait for the normal joining you mentioned." It took a few seconds to realize what he was trying to tell her, and her eyes went wide when she finally did. "Thus my apology for losing control. It seems that around you, I simply can't help myself." That thought sent her heart racing, and she was silent for a moment as she considered what that meant. She, Karigan G'ladheon, merchant's daughter, had made the most powerful man in the land, a man many lauded for his impressive emotional control, lose that control. It was a heady feeling.

However, her brain soon presented her with another worrying thought. "If your body was ready to consummate the relationship, that means you released your seed, right? Couldn't that lead to pregnancy? I know I said I was ready earlier, but I don't know if-"

"Peace, Karigan," he said, squeezing her hand before she could work herself into a frenzy. "I have to be inside of you to result in a pregnancy."

Karigan relaxed somewhat. "Then what is so wrong with what we did?"

"What is wrong with it is that it is something that should be reserved for the marriage bed."

"Why?"

He considered that question for a moment. "Because. . . it's special. A giving of part of oneself. And thus it's something that is best given to the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with."

"But we are getting married."

He smiled. "We are. And I promise to show you all the different ways we can find pleasure. . . after we're married. Maybe we can even find that book of which you spoke and learn some more together."

"I think Estral still has it."

"I will have to suggest it as a wedding present." They sat in silence for a few seconds before Zachary spoke again. "Any other questions?"

Karigan considered for a moment before venturing to ask, "Which is better? What we just did or you know. . . the normal way?"

"There's nothing abnormal about what we just did; it's just not something that we probably should have done outside the marriage bed," Zachary told her. "But in answer to your question. . . as much as I enjoyed what we just did, I suspect that when we finally come together fully, it will be like nothing I have ever experienced before and not just because we won't have to worry about potential consequences of our actions."

"Are there other ways we can enjoy ourselves now without the consequences? You mentioned that I couldn't get pregnant with what we just did." Zachary closed his eyes and let out a small groan at her words. Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What?" she questioned.

"Let us just say that the thought is definitely intriguing."

"So?"

"So that does not change the fact that we are still not married and won't be until fourth month."

"You know, I was upset about how soon the high priest declared our wedding would be at first, but now I'm thinking that fourth month might be too late."

"Me, too, my love. Me, too."