Author's note/story background:

Hello my fellow Merder fans, it's been a while for me. I've been working on this story for months now, I have half of it written so I decided it was time to start publishing this. I just want you to enjoy and live on loving Merder even if they are no longer together. Now on with a better summary.

This story takes place almost in the same train of events as Grey's Anatomy only the twist is that Derek never came to Seattle, Meredith instead fell for a man named Charles. He was also an extraordinary neurosurgeon, but he was never married and their story was nothing like the Meredith and Derek tale. She had two children with this man and she thought he was the love of her life... Charles took the place of Derek in the S11E21 crash and died. You will see how this story takes off into a dazzling story between Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey. Hope you enjoy.

Meredith sat on the couch, staring off into space. Her heart beating, unable to catch her own breath. It didn't feel real, the loss of the amazing man she had been married to for seven years. She never imagined herself getting married as a child, she never imagined having children either but she had two amazing, beautiful children.

She couldn't imagine how it would be to be a single mother and a rising general surgeon. She didn't want to fail like her mother, that was one thing. She saw the crowds begin to leave her home, all that was left were the main people she had in her life. She had her supportive sister Lexie, her person Cristina, her best friend Alex, Lexie's husband Mark and her two children. Those were the only things keeping her sanity.

She knew she wasn't alone, but she felt so alone and empty. She looked around and the trays of half-eaten food and how her sister tried to clean up the mess. Her daughter Scarlett helped her aunt, she just wanted to help every since Charlie died. Alex held CJ in his lap as they watched a football game together, the both were so into the game, they didn't notice everyone had left. Mark sat down carefully next to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"You are a strong woman, Meredith Grey," he said as he squeezed her shoulder. She let her head fall against his shoulder. Mark was like a brother to her, every since Lexie brought him home from New York four years ago.

"Thanks Markie," she smiled as she patted his leg. Her body allowed her to stand as she walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine. She needed something to numb the pain in her heart.

"Lex, you don't have to do that," Meredith said as she poured herself a glass of wine. She very much appreciated the help she was getting.

"I know Mer, but I want to," Lexie nodded.

"Scar, it's almost time for bed. Go brush your teeth please," Meredith gave her a smile and the honey haired little girl happily went up the stairs. Scarlett was handling it alright, Meredith knew by the morning that she would not only have CJ in her bed but also Scarlett. She and her father were best friends, they did everything together.

Meredith made it over to the recliner where Alex was sitting with a small blonde toddler in his lap. The little boy chewed on his pacifier as his eyes were glued to the tv. She reached over to pick him up and he shook his head.

"No mommy, game no over!" He said to her and returned his attention to the screen. Meredith glared at Alex to fix it.

"Oh look, Seahawks score, we win!" Alex exclaimed as he turned the tv off quickly.

"Yay!" He said as he bounced up and down, clapping his hands.

"Alright mister, bedtime now," she grabbed him up and placed him on her hip. She took him upstairs into his room, changing him into his favorite dinosaur pajama's and taking him to her room. She laid him in the bed and kissed him goodnight before moving to Scarlett's room. She was already under the cover and waiting for Meredith.

"Goodnight my princess, I love you," Meredith said with a smile as she kissed the top of her head.

"I love you mommy," Scarlett stared up at her mother with her big brown eyes she had gained from her father. Meredith cut the night light in her room on before turning out the light and moving back downstairs. Alex had turned the football game back on and Mark was also watching it now. She grabbed her glass of wine and went over to Cristina who flipped through the latest medical magazine.

"This guy is a god at Neuro, he just discovered a new very effective way of destroying glioblastoma's," she showed Meredith the article.

"The Shepherd Method? Very full of himself I see," Meredith chuckled as she glanced over the article.

"If I was as good as him, I would have a giant ego too," Cristina laughed.

"Shepherd has a very huge ego but he's actually friendly," Mark spoke up from the couch.

"You know him?" Meredith questioned.

"Yes, he's my brother, and we owned a private practice together before some personal issues got in the way," Mark replied with a frown.

"Wow, I thought you were an only child," Meredith seemed puzzled.

"He is, but he grew up with Shepherd and his family so he counts them as his family," Lexie said as she joined in on the conversation.

"Wow, learn something new everyday," Meredith nodded as she took a sip of her drink.

"But I haven't heard from him in a few months, he's been busy with the trial he had going on and I guess it was a success," Mark said.

"That's nice, Webber told me to take as much time as I need but I think I want to go back next week," Meredith said. Everyone got silent and Lexie broke the silence.

"Mer, that's a little soon," Lexie frowned, she was concerned. She knew how her sister coped with losses and it wouldn't be good.

"I think it will do you good," Cristina shrugged.

"I want to, I can't sit around and be sad about Charlie's death. Yes it has been hard but he knew how important work was to me and he wouldn't want me just wondering mindlessly through the house missing him," she said defensively.

"I know but do you think the kids are ready to get on with their lives?" Lexie asked.

"CJ is barely three so he will be fine and Scarlett is six, she knows her dad loved her but she's strong enough," Meredith said. Her body was still numb, she didn't want to admit to everyone how heartbroken she really was. She put her children first which was the most important thing.

"She's stubborn, like her mother," Mark joked and Meredith chuckled and shook her head at him.

"Shut up Mark," Meredith smiled slightly.

"Hey, I knew I could get you to smile," he grinned at her. She shook her head slightly and went over and sat on his lap.

"Markie, you always find some stupid way to make me smile with you lame jokes," Meredith laughed as she pinched his cheek and he swatted at her hand.

"Alright, off me now," he said as he pushed her off him.

"I gotta get going, Jo is getting off soon and I took the car," he said as he hugged Meredith goodbye.

"Bye Alex, Stop by whenever," she said as she saw him out the door.

"If you need me, I'm one call away," he said as he hugged her one last time before leaving.

"I gotta go to Mer, I have a heart transplant surgery in the morning and I want to get a decent sleep," she said as she left also, but stopping and hugging Meredith first. She held on tighter and longer than she normally does.

"I'll see you later Cris," Meredith smiled at her as she left.

"Do you need us to stay the night Mer?" Lexie asked as she was finishing cleaning.

"No, I'll be good. I have the kids to keep me company," Meredith smiled weakly.

"You know if you ever need us, you can just text or call," Mark said as he got up and wrapped his arm over her shoulder.

"I know Mark," she smiled as she patted his arm. Mark and Lexie stayed around for another hour, just keeping her company before they left.

Meredith sat in the living room, the television still on but she didn't know what was playing. She was unsure of how her life will ever get better. Her whole body stiff the pain, all she can do is just breathe. It took her a while to gather the courage to walk into the master bedroom, she knew Charlie wouldn't be reading a book, waiting for her to come to bed.

She walked into the dark room, she saw the tiny figure curled up on his side of the bed and her heart sank. She got undressed and put on some pajama's before climbing next to her toddler. He must have felt her get into the bed because he immediately crawled over to her and snuggled against her chest. He whimpered a bit in his sleep as he settled. Her heart was broken, not only from losing her husband but the pain her kids were feeling. She just wanted all the pain to subside and there to be peace.