Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 6

EPISODE 22

Airdate: June 10, 2018

"12 Angry Kids"

#TYH622

SCENE 1

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The kids are eating together one day, but Sparky is noticeably absent.

RK: I'm just saying, it's weird how much Frankie and Ariana Grande look alike.

WADE: Well, they are brother and sister. It would be weirder if they didn't.

JAYLYNN: How come all you've done lately is talk about Frankie Grande?

RK: I don't know, he just gives me a lot to say. The media said he's famous, so I guess he is.

At that point, Sparky joins the group.

SPARKY: How do you do, children?

BUSTER: Why are you late?

SPARKY: I had to talk to Principal MacGregor. He said I need more extracurricular activities.

JAYLYNN: Does it matter? You're one of the best students in the whole school.

SPARKY: Yeah, but he said good grades aren't enough. I have to find something else to do so I'll look more interesting to junior high recruiters.

RK: Relax, Sparko, we don't have to worry about junior high for like, nine more years.

SPARKY: Dude, we're graduating next year.

RK: In order for that to happen, we have to leave the fourth grade first. Do you know for sure when that's happening?

Beat.

SPARKY: I actually don't know.

RK: Yeah, so calm down before you say things like that. Trying to give me a heart attack and shit.

WADE: You know, Sparky, you could always join student council. We've been looking for more kids for a while.

SPARKY: I don't know, man, that's your thing. Plus, I've never been the lawyer jury type.

WADE: Don't worry, it's easy. The last time we even had a big case was when RK almost got kicked off the paper.

RK: Ah, the glory days.

SPARKY: I mean, it couldn't hurt to see what it's like. Maybe I'll peek in and if I'm interested, I'll give it a shot.

BUSTER: Ha. I'm screaming.

JAYLYNN: What's going on, Buster?

BUSTER: I was talking to Bitch Clock about Frankie Grande. He said that sounds like the name of a porn star.

SPARKY: Wait, you and Bitch Clock text each other?

BUSTER: Sometimes. Why, what's the problem?

Beat.

SPARKY: You know what? I'll just take care of that later.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Student Council Meeting Hall

Seattle, Washington

After school, Wade opens the door to the meeting hall and lets Sparky in.

SPARKY: Wow, this is amazing. How come I've never seen this place?

WADE: A lot of people don't know it exists. Student council flies under the radar for the most part.

At that point, an older-looking girl walks up to Sparky and Wade.

LISA: Hey, excuse me, what are you doing here? He's not a part of the council, he shouldn't be here.

WADE: Lisa, calm down. This is my friend Sparky. He's just here to observe.

LISA: Okay, Sparky, I need you to know one thing.

SPARKY: What is it?

LISA: Whatever happens in student council stays in student council.

SPARKY: Really? I didn't know your headquarters was in Nevada.

Sparky slaps his knee and starts cackling.

SPARKY: You know, Vegas?

Beat.

LISA: The f*** is his problem?

WADE: He's just a little nervous.

LISA: Alright, well, wrap this up. We have a case to review.

Lisa walks away from the guys.

SPARKY: I'm sorry, I have no idea why I did that. I got intimidated.

WADE: You? Sparky? Intimidated? I've never seen that before.

SPARKY: Hey, it happens to everyone. When I first started dating Halley, I did the same thing. Then she told me she was this close to breaking up with me and I never did it again.

WADE: Well, you have nothing to worry about. Student council is just kids deciding what happens to other kids. I mean, we're not the Supreme Court.

SPARKY: Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Who was that girl anyway?

WADE: Oh, that's Lisa Bennett. She's in the fifth grade and she's our oldest member.

SPARKY: Is she kind of a bitch?

WADE: Sparky, I can't talk like that about someone I work with every day.

Beat.

WADE: But yeah, she is.

SPARKY: I'm sorry. You know what? I'll just sit down over here. Let you guys do your thing.

Sparky grabs a chair next to a nearby desk and sits down.

LISA: Okay, so this case right here is about two kids who said they were marked down as late, even though they were holding doors for the students.

BOY: That doesn't sound right.

WADE: Yeah, why did the teacher still mark them down?

LISA: I haven't said we could discuss the case yet. When I say that, we can talk.

SPARKY (V.O.): Jesus, this chick is drunk with power. Why would I want to be a part of this?

Beat.

LISA: Okay, we can talk about the case now.

WADE: I rule in favor of the plaintiff. They were extending a courtesy to their classmates and their teacher should have made an exception.

GRACE: Yeah, I mean, it's not like they were talking to their friends at the water fountain or whatever. They were just being nice.

LISA: Why are you always agreeing with Wade?

GRACE: I don't know what you're talking about.

WADE: Lisa, please. Leave Grace alone.

LISA: You always seem to agree with Wade. On that same note, Wade always agrees with you. I'm just thinking you guys have something going on.

SPARKY (V.O.): Ewww, and she's a troll too. I swear, if I was somebody else, she wouldn't have this job. You know what? I love talking to my brain.

WADE: Lisa, let's get back on track here. What do you think about the case?

LISA: I agree with the teacher. You're not in the room at a certain time, then you're late. Doesn't matter what the reason for it is.

WADE: See, you always rule in favor of the teacher or Principal MacGregor. Why?

LISA: Because this school has rules, Wade. Rules and regulations. We live in a world where people break the rules all the time. You know who those people are? Criminals. And they go to jail. I'm not the kinda person that wants to side with people in jail.

WADE: You realize you're being difficult on purpose, right?

LISA: I don't see what you're seeing, Wade. If you see something but I don't, I guess we're at an impasse. I don't know, man, I just don't know.

BOY #2: Hey, what's Sparky doing here?

The Student Council turns towards Sparky, who is on his phone. He senses something weird and looks up to acknowledge everyone.

SPARKY: Oh, hey. I was just texting my girlfriend. I told her she's the sweetest.

BOY #2: Yeah, that doesn't answer my question.

SPARKY: Well, um, you see, I was just observing. You know, just seeing how student council operates. But honestly, I don't think it's for me.

LISA: Okay then, bye.

WADE: Lisa! Sparky, are you sure?

SPARKY: Yeah, I just don't see myself as a good fit. I'll see you later, Wade.

WADE: Alright, see you.

Sparky leaves the hall at that point.

LISA: You know, even though I don't care, I kinda wonder why he doesn't want to join the council. I mean, what, are we intimidating or something? HEY, CAITLIN, GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE, WE'RE REVIEWING A CASE!

Caitlin puts her phone away and then looks around nervously.

LISA: So, anyway, I just don't see what his problem is.

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Manny and Will are staring at the fire alarm. Lisa is near them using the water fountain.

WILL: I wonder why we haven't had any fire drills lately.

MANNY: Because no one gives a shit about them. What kind of question is that?

WILL: I just wanted to say that, you little f***.

MANNY: Now what I need to know is if anyone's ever pulled the fire alarm and never got caught.

WILL: Don't you remember your girlfriend pulling the alarm last year?

MANNY: Oh yeah, her? Yeah, she was a dumbass. I might do it one day. Not now, but later, just to show people they're being pussy by not doing it.

Will looks to the side and sees Ashley approaching her locker.

WILL: Hey, look, your girl Ashley's coming by.

MANNY: Please, I'm over Ashley. She's going to miss all this when I'm gone, though.

WILL: Miss what? You never even dated her.

MANNY: Yeah, and she'll regret not giving me a chance. You know what? Let me ask her something, let me rap to her a little.

Manny walks up to Ashley at her locker.

MANNY: So, Ashley...

ASHLEY: Manny, whatever you're selling, I didn't want it before, I don't want it now, and I'll never want it.

MANNY: Cool, cool. But let me ask you a question. If some guy was ever brave enough to pull the fire alarm, would you want to be around him?

ASHLEY: Well, if Buster ever did that, I would just stop talking to him.

MANNY: Oh dios mio, you're actually dating that guy? Look, Buster's cool and all, but what does he have that I don't?

ASHLEY: Well, he's cute, funny, he cares about me as a person, and he doesn't irritate the hell out of me even though I've already told him a hundred million times to leave me alone.

MANNY: You don't have to take sneak shots at me, I'm right here.

Cut to Buster and Jaylynn at their lockers.

JAYLYNN: Hey, look, Manny's trying to steal your girl.

BUSTER: Nah, he would never do that. Besides, Ashley doesn't like him anyway.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, because he's more greasy than the kitchen at Burger King. How's Ashley doing?

BUSTER: She's great. I'm telling you, that's the kind of girl you marry.

JAYLYNN: Hey, don't get ahead of yourself here.

BUSTER: I'm not actually marrying her, Jaylynn, but someone like her. You know, someone that doesn't pretend to like me or treat me like trash or try to kill me.

JAYLYNN: You really like to talk about Diana and Savanah almost killing you.

BUSTER: I mean, it still makes a great story. Why not talk about it?

JAYLYNN: Because most people would suggest therapy if you told them a story like that.

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mrs. Bernstein's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

Wade and Sparky are sitting next to each other as they do classwork.

WADE: Look, Sparky, are you sure that you don't want to be a part of student council?

SPARKY: Yeah, man, I'm sure. That's your world, your people. Plus, I have to spend my time judging everyone and I can't do that.

WADE: Trust me, it's not like we're trying to hurt people. We just take a case and make the best decision we can.

SPARKY: Hey, I'm not criticizing. But I think I'll have to find a new activity.

RK: Guys, you're supposed to be doing accountable talk.

Sparky and Wade give RK confused looks.

RK: You didn't take me seriously at all, did you?

SPARKY: What do you think?

RK: Yeah, I was just trying something out. I don't know.

At that point, the fire alarm goes off and the kids start talking amongst themselves.

SPARKY: I could have sworn we had a fire drill last month.

RK: If the school gets paid to do these things, they'll milk it until it all dries up.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Um, kids, this is not a drill. This is a real emergency situation.

WADE: Wait, there's a real fire?!

RK: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! EVERYBODY JUMP OUT THE WINDOW AND DON'T HESITATE TO CRACK YOUR NECK ON THE GROUND!

MRS. BERNSTEIN: RK...

RK: Mrs. Bernstein, a fire is like a hurricane. Either evacuate or let FEMA tell you there's nothing they can do for you.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Okay, everybody please leave the room in an orderly fashion.

RK runs out of the room screaming and everyone else follows his lead. They all end up seeing a slightly disoriented Manny with his arm tied to a rope that is attached to the fire alarm.

RK: Wait, what the hell is this?!

SPARKY: Manny pulled the fire alarm?

Manny opens his eyes and from his P.O.V., the scene is blurry. His vision starts to clear up and he sees the students and faculty staring at him, many of whom are disgusted.

MANNY: Hey, what's going on here? I didn't know I owed this much money to everyone!

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: The time for jokes is over, Manny. You have a lot of explaining to do.

Manny sees that his arm is tied to the fire alarm, which is still going off.

MANNY: Is someone going to take care of that? It's really irritating me.

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The kids are all standing near the principal's office, trying to listen in on the conversation between Principal MacGregor and Manny.

BUSTER: It's times like this I wish I was a dog.

WADE: Why in the hell would you want to be a dog?

BUSTER: Dogs have a heightened sense of hearing. Come on, Wade, you're the science guy. Don't start slipping now.

SPARKY: I still can't believe Manny pulled the fire alarm.

JAYLYNN: Really? I always thought he would do something like this. I just never thought he had the balls to do it.

BUSTER: So what happens now?

WADE: Well, in most cases, pulling the fire alarm could get you suspended or kicked out of school. But since this is Manny's first offense, he'll probably just get detention and a slap on the wrist.

Buster proceeds to slap Wade on the wrist.

BUSTER: Don't do it again.

WADE: Dude, what are you doing to me?

BUSTER: Is that how you think MacGregor would do it to Manny?

WADE: I-I don't know, I guess...maybe. W-what a weird question to ask.

Manny walks out of the principal's office.

RK: So Manny, you get life in prison or what?

MANNY: No. MacGregor wanted to suspend me, but I told him I didn't do it.

JAYLYNN: Dude, the "it wasn't me" excuse only works if no one saw anything.

MANNY: But it's true. I'm telling you guys, I didn't pull that alarm. I was knocked out by someone and the next thing I know, everyone's looking like they're about to beat the shit out of me.

BUSTER: So what you're saying is you tied yourself to a rope, used a chloroform rag on yourself, and made everyone think you pulled the fire alarm when you really didn't? What kind of sick logic is that?

MANNY: I swear, I'll never understand why you guys hang out with him.

JAYLYNN: Shut up, man. This is about you pulling the fire alarm.

MANNY: I didn't pull the fire alarm, you stupid bitch!

Jaylynn slaps Manny in the face.

JAYLYNN: I dare you to say that again.

MANNY: You know what? Forget it. You guys are all drunk.

Manny walks away from the guys.

SPARKY: You know, he has a point. You guys kinda derailed the conversation.

RK: All I asked him was if he got life. I was trying to be respectful, give me my props.

At that point, Principal MacGregor walks out of his office.

SPARKY: Principal MacGregor, what's the deal with Manny? Is he getting suspended?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Sparky, what I talked about with Manny is strictly confidential.

RK: We're going to find out what happened anyway. Just tell us.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Well, Manny kept telling me over and over that he didn't do it. He then told me that if he did do it, I would be able to prove it. So I decided to take this to student council. If Manny's found guilty, he's going to have to relocate to another school.

JAYLYNN: Really? What about the slap on the wrist and telling him not to do it again?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Jaylynn, this is about ethics. Not only was the fire alarm pulled, which is a danger to everyone, but there's a strong chance that Manny is lying about what happened. I can't go easy on him.

Principal MacGregor walks away from the guys.

WADE: Well, just like that, student council has another high-profile case.

SPARKY: You know, if Manny keeps saying he didn't do it, then maybe he didn't.

RK: Yeah, and I'm actually Chinese.

SPARKY: I'm saying, man, that there could be reasonable doubt. Maybe someone was out to get him, I don't know.

JAYLYNN: Well, whatever happens, I hope he gets kicked out regardless. I'm tired of seeing his caramel deep fryer face.

WADE: Don't you ever get tired of calling Manny greasy?

JAYLYNN: I heard about the things he used to say about Dominicans. The way I see it, he can go f*** himself.

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn are eating lunch.

BUSTER: This Manny trial is going to be huge, guys. I should sell tickets.

WADE: Buster, it's student council. It's free, you go to this school.

BUSTER: No, it's not. I remember giving Manny twenty bucks so I could get a seat for RK's trial.

Beat.

BUSTER: Okay, now I see why he's never liked me.

Sparky and RK walk into the cafeteria with blank expressions.

RK: Have I ever told you guys how much I hate this school?

JAYLYNN: Not since yesterday when you called me to say that then hung up.

RK: Well, I do. I was picked for jury duty.

WADE: Really? We're going to be working the same case? How did that happen?

RK: Principal MacGregor wants me to "give something back to the educational system." Even though all it's given me is pain, humiliation, and several inexplicable cases of diarrhea.

SPARKY: RK, it's not a big deal. I got picked for jury duty too.

WADE: Damn, they got almost the whole team for this. This is great news, guys!

RK: It's great news? It's great news that I have to sit in a hot room surrounded by kids I don't even know and talk about a case that no one will remember a month from now?

Beat.

WADE: You didn't have to go there, man.

SPARKY: You know, you remind me of Grandpappy MacDougal. He was supposed to go to jury duty, but he hated the justice system. He thought it was corrupt.

RK: So what did he do?

SPARKY: Well, he remembered reading how Redd Foxx ate a bar of soap to get out of the draft. But that didn't work so what he did was make a drink composed of hot sauce, rotten eggs, light beer, guacamole, dark chocolate, and honey mustard. It almost killed him, but he didn't have to take part in jury duty.

RK: Really? There's an idea.

WADE: I don't want a dead best friend. Don't do that.

RK: Wade, if you really cared about me, you would let me die so I could get out of this.

JAYLYNN: You complain too much. I wish I could decide if someone gets kicked out of school or not.

RK: Look, I know Jaylynns like doing whatever everyone else does, but I'm not a Jaylynn so I can't relate. I'm going to find a way to get out of this by any means necessary.

SPARKY: Hey, while you're at it, could you get me out of this too?

WADE: Sparky, you have to believe in yourself. Lots of kids have been in student council and didn't do well. It doesn't make you a loser.

SPARKY: I know, but this is a big case. I have to prove that I can handle this. I mean, what if I miss a big piece of evidence that could have gotten Manny off the hook? It could have saved him from getting kicked out of school. Then he'll have to get a job at the gas station, lose his teeth fighting some drunk guy and before you know it, he's sleeping in his car eating nothing but cold tomato soup.

Beat.

BUSTER: You know, you really are like your grandfather.

SPARKY: That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is in a suit and tie while presenting a lawyer-style case to Buster.

SPARKY: So if the defendant was really violating his injunction, what you should do is see to it that he does not fall at the mercy at the court. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

BUSTER: I don't get what's going on here.

SPARKY: Look, I just wanted to know if I sounded like I knew what I was talking about.

BUSTER: You kinda do. Then again, I didn't watch My Cousin Vinny so I wouldn't know.

SPARKY: My Cousin Vinny?

BUSTER: Yeah. I thought you were trying to be like Joe Pesci.

SPARKY: Wait, if you've never seen My Cousin Vinny, how do you know Joe Pesci was in it?

Beat.

BUSTER: I'm sorry, what are we talking about?

SPARKY: This is awful. I'm finished. When I'm part of that jury, I'm going to make myself look like an idiot. I mean, I won't be that different from most people in juries, but that's not good enough for me.

BUSTER: I don't think you have anything to worry about. Manny did it, case closed.

SPARKY: What makes you think he did it for sure?

BUSTER: Well, it just seems like something he would do. Like you know Jack the Ripper is going to kill people, so if he's on trial for murder, I know for sure he did it.

SPARKY: Buster, you can't just assume someone did something because you think they did. What if I ended up slapping you as hard as I could across the face?

BUSTER: I would be very offended.

SPARKY: But what if the slap was so hard, you forgot who did it? Who would you think slapped you?

BUSTER: I don't know. RK?

SPARKY: Why would you think RK slapped you?

BUSTER: I don't know. Just seems like he would do...oh, you're good. See, you have nothing to worry about. If you act like that in the jury room, you're going to put student council to shame.

SPARKY: You really think so?

BUSTER: Yeah. Just don't wear that suit. Looks like you take yourself too seriously.

SPARKY: I thought it made me look cute.

BUSTER: Nah.

SPARKY: Oh.

BUSTER: Yeah.

SCENE 8

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Library

Seattle, Washington

The students are walking in ready to witness Manny's trial. Manny looks nervous as he sits at the defendant's desk. Will walks up to him wearing a suit.

WILL: Ready to stay in school, man?

MANNY: Dude, where did you find that chopper suit?

WILL: Hey, I didn't have a long time to pick something out. I'm not here to look cute anyway. I'm here to be your lawyer so you can win.

MANNY: I better win. Everyone here thinks I did it.

WILL: Well, maybe you did do it. Who knows?

MANNY: Dude...

WILL: Hey, I'm just saying.

Cut to a shot of the jury.

RK: This better be over soon. They'll probably keep us here all night.

WADE: Student council can only be here until five.

RK: Until five? I feel like jumping out the window at one.

WADE: Look, RK, can't you try to be positive about this? I mean, you're with two of your best friends.

RK: I guess. But if this all goes to hell, you can blame MacGregor for it. He gave me an opportunity I wasn't prepared for.

WADE: So Sparky, you think you're ready to handle student council?

SPARKY: As ready as I can be.

SPARKY'S BRAIN (V.O.): This is it for me.

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Student Council Meeting Hall

Seattle, Washington

After the trial, the jury is meeting for deliberation.

LISA: So we all know the rules, right? Whatever happens in student council stays in student council.

RK: Where are we, Nevada?

SPARKY: I already made that joke.

RK: Shit, really? Okay, well, is this like Fight Club? You know, the first rule of student council is don't talk about student council? Because that could also work, right?

LISA: Why does MacGregor always have these f***ing kids in here? Okay, we need a unanimous decision.

RK: It can also be an anonymous decision. And decision is synonymous with choice. This is our choice. We choose whether or not to put a young Hispanic boy in the chair. The question now is, when the chips are down, who will prevail as...the chosen one?

LISA: Is there something mentally wrong with you? Do you have something I don't know about?

RK: Well, I was tested for Aspergers once, but it was negative. You know what else is negative? Negative seven. How about it?

WADE: RK, this better have a point.

RK: Wade, it's an RK Jennings signature moment. It has to have a point. If I act like the world's biggest idiot, I'll get kicked out of here in a snap. I'll be more worthless than Cleveland Browns season tickets.

WADE: Okay, well, know how to pick your spots. This is just repetitive.

RK: Gotcha.

LISA: Alright, has everyone made their decisions?

All of the kids nod their heads except for RK.

LISA: RK, why didn't you nod your head?

RK: Was I supposed to?

LISA: Yes, that's the protocol!

RK: Oh. Well, what do I do now? I don't know.

LISA: If you believe Manny is guilty or not guilty, just write the shit down on your card.

RK: How do I know that if I write it down, you'll take it seriously? Who are you anyway?

LISA: I'm the leader of the student council, dumbass.

RK: You're my leader? Pffft, might as well call you my mama.

Lisa gets out of her seat in an attempt to assault RK but she gets held back by the other jurors. Meanwhile, RK is writing down his decision.

RK: Alright, here's my decision.

LISA: Just wait until I collect them all, please. Okay, now could I have everyone's cards? Including you, RK?

RK: See, I can work with this. I want to like you, Lisa, and maybe you can like me. But not too much though, I have a girlfriend.

LISA: I'm just going to ignore whatever the hell you just said. Okay, I have all the cards here. Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, not guilty, and guilty. Wait, what the f*** is this right here?

WADE: Lisa, could you please watch your language for once? It's unprofessional.

RK: Yeah, Lise. What's that about?

LISA: There's 11 "guilty" decisions and one "not guilty." Who voted that?

RK: Yeah, who's the wiseguy? Whoever you are, you better step up and face the music! Don't make this any harder than it needs to be. SHOW YOURSELF!

WADE: These votes are supposed to be anonymous.

RK: You have to tell Lisa that, I didn't know. I don't know nothing.

SPARKY: Look, let's end the speculation right here. In my eyes, Manny didn't pull the fire alarm. He's not guilty.

Everyone groans at Sparky's statement.

RK: Sparky, you're killing us here. We have to get out before they think we're already home and lock us in.

SPARKY: Look, if I tell you guys why I think so, it will make everything easier.

LISA: I don't think so, but you could try.

SPARKY: Okay, at first, I believed that Manny did it. But after listening to what he said, I feel like he might have an actual point.

Cut to a flashback of the trial, where everything is presented in sepia tone. Manny is at the stand, being questioned by a student representing the faculty.

MANNY: I was knocked out by some guy and I woke up tied to the fire alarm. If I wanted to get away with it, why would I be at the scene of the crime? Just so everyone could kick my ass?

Cut to the present day.

LISA: Well, obviously, he would say that. He just wants people to have sympathy for him so it makes it seem like he actually did nothing wrong.

SPARKY: Lisa, why do you think Manny pulled the fire alarm?

LISA: Because he was there. We all saw it. Plus, I have a friend that said she saw him do it.

SPARKY: So you didn't actually see him do it?

LISA: No.

SPARKY: And you don't have any actual evidence that could prove he did it?

LISA: No.

SPARKY: But you heard something from your friend about it, so it has to be true.

LISA: Yeah.

SPARKY: See, this is why innocent people go to jail.

LISA: Look, Manny is a loose cannon. He's always causing trouble, lying to people, making everyone's life a living hell. Why should we believe he didn't do it all of a sudden? Because he said so?

RK: Why should we believe he's guilty? Because you say so?

LISA: You voted "guilty" like we did!

RK: That was a momentary lapse in judgment. But Sparko makes sense. Anybody can just say things. Saying things is a part of life. Now doing? Doing is something more than saying.

LISA: Please. Say more words so I can truly understand you.

RK: See, I can say that I'm going to punch you in the face, but I won't actually do it. We all say and do things that don't matter. But the key is in doing the saying, because it's not like you're saying the doing.

Beat.

LISA: What the f*** is your problem?

WADE: Okay, look, I believe that Manny is guilty because he had the motives. Will was put on the stand and he admitted it.

Cut to the sepia tone flashback of the trial, where Will is on the stand.

WILL: Yeah. Manny did say that one day, he wanted to pull the fire alarm.

Cut to the present day.

WADE: Manny obviously wanted to do it, which makes me think that he planned to pull it at some point but things backfired and he got caught.

SPARKY: But how does that explain the rope?

WADE: Well, maybe he was planning to frame someone for the crime using the rope, and accidentally knocked himself out before he could pull it off.

RK: What kind of explanation is that?

WADE: Look, I'm just trying to incorporate every element of the crime scene to come up with something logical.

RK: Maybe Manny was framed for real. It makes way too much sense. Somebody had it in for him.

BOY #3: Yeah, like who?

RK: Lots of people. Manny has more enemies than President Nixon. I mean, it could have been his mailman. It could have been a girl he used to go out with. For all we know, Ashley was the one who did it. And Buster helped set the whole thing up.

SPARKY: Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about.

RK: Sparky, we can't be emotional about this. It's law and order.

LISA: Okay, I feel like we're not any closer towards having a verdict. We need to get out of here soon.

SPARKY: No, we need to make the right decision based on all the facts. And there's no way you guys can convince me that Manny pulled that fire alarm.

LISA: Why do you believe so strongly that he didn't do it?

SPARKY: It's just instinct.

LISA: Yeah, that's a great way to look at. You just have instinct. Give me a break.

WADE: So is there a way that we could pick this up tomorrow?

LISA: Yeah, we can. I didn't think it would come to this, but we really don't have a choice.

RK: I actually want to change my vote.

LISA: Oh, Lord. Here.

RK gets his card back and he rewrites his vote from "Guilty" to "Not Guilty." He then passes his card back to Lisa.

RK: Yeah, justice, bitches!

Beat.

RK: Sweet justice.

SCENE 10

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That night, the kids are watching TV together.

SPARKY: You know, I really want to talk about the case.

WADE: Me too, but you know we can't discuss it around...the non-jury.

Sparky, RK, and Wade all look at Buster and Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Hey Buster, what was your favorite episode of...of The Backyardigans?

BUSTER: Oh, that's easy. The one where they were playing heroes and villains, and they were singing about the tower of power.

JAYLYNN: That's great. You know, why don't we go upstairs and you can tell me more about the episode because I don't remember it?

BUSTER: I don't see why not.

Buster and Jaylynn begin walking upstairs. Jaylynn gives the boys the thumbs up to continue talking.

RK: See, Jaylynn is friendship goals.

SPARKY: What?

RK: You know, friendship goals. She's that.

WADE: Dude, you need two people to be friendship goals. You and me, we would be friendship goals.

RK: Oh. It's a stupid term anyway.

SPARKY: Guys, I don't know what I can do to get more evidence. Manny's finished if I don't think of something soon.

RK: Well, look at it like this. If Manny's telling the truth, then you know that someone from our school attacked him. All you have to do is find the attacker and he's free.

WADE: But what if Manny lied about the whole thing? You'll just be going on a wild goose chase.

RK: Well, then he can try talking to Manny about it. But knowing him, you probably won't get a straight answer.

SPARKY: It's something I can try.

At that point, Jaylynn walks back down the steps.

JAYLYNN: I tried to use the bathroom and Bitch Clock was screaming at me to get out.

SPARKY: Do you want me to talk to him?

JAYLYNN: No, I just cut him with his razor. I think he got the point.

Beat.

RK: Wait, how the f*** can an alarm clock grow hair?

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Seattle, Washington

(The instrumental to "I Got a Story to Tell" by The Notorious B.I.G. plays in the background)

The next day, Sparky takes it upon himself to investigate more about the case. He has a pencil and notepad ready, then speaks to Manny first about everything he remembers leading up to the fire alarm getting pulled. After hearing his side of the story, he then goes to the lunchroom and gets information from a few third graders about what happened. He then gets escorted out due to not having that lunch period. Later on, he looks through his notepad and starts circling names that he finds important. He then walks past the fire alarm and notices a security camera in the vicinity. Sparky then rubs his chin and walks into the principal's office, but the montage ends there.

SCENE 12

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Student Council Meeting Hall

Seattle, Washington

After school, the members of student council and the guest jurors have arrived. However, Sparky has yet to show up.

RK: Do you know where Sparky is?

WADE: He said he's running late.

LISA: Okay, we're one juror short. We should just start without Sparky and he can get the notes later.

WADE: Lisa, that's not the protocol. In the event that a juror is not here, we have to wait at least twenty minutes for them to show up.

LISA: And it looks like I give a shit?

WADE: Yes, you should! This is ridiculous! Student council is going to hell because you're a horrible person!

LISA: Hey, what makes you think you can talk to me like that?

WADE: You're not my mother. The only reason why you're in charge is because no one else wanted to do this job. All you are is a power-mad bully. Now you're going to sit there, shut up, and wait for Sparky to get here before I make sure the principal knows you shouldn't be in charge anymore.

Beat.

LISA: Okay, damn. You didn't have to try and fight me.

Sparky walks in at that point.

SPARKY: Sorry I'm late, guys. I was just doing some investigating.

LISA: You're on the jury, you don't have the right to investigate.

SPARKY: Actually, I do have the right to investigate. At least according to the student council handbook.

RK: He's got you there, Lise.

WADE: You read the handbook?

RK: I skimmed through it. Really not that bad.

SPARKY: Okay, so I talked to Manny and his story led me to talk to a couple people who are all connected to the fire alarm being pulled. However, all of them said that they never saw Manny in the hallways after the bell.

LISA: That doesn't mean anything. He was probably hiding.

SPARKY: You could say that, but one of the people who I talked to had a class with Manny at the same time he pulled the fire alarm. He said that Manny was in class the whole period, and only left because he got a text. Now that text is connected to someone.

RK: Okay, who's the wiseguy here? Huh? Who wanted Manny dead?!

WADE: RK, I think it's too late for your plan to work.

RK: But I tried.

WADE: I know you did, but for once, it's not the RK show.

RK: Alright.

LISA: Wait, so are you implying that someone texted Manny to come outside and then they framed him?

SPARKY: That's exactly what I'm saying. He doesn't remember anything after he was knocked out, and he was tied to a rope when we found him.

WADE: So the person must have tied the rope to Manny after assaulting him, placed the rope around the fire alarm, pulled it themselves, and then they ran away before they could get caught.

SPARKY: Exactly. The guy cherry picked his moment too. He took his time with it, noticed that Manny was coming to, and that's when he pulled the alarm.

LISA: What you're coming up with is a bunch of theories based on small bits of evidence. None of this helps us determine if Manny was innocent.

WADE: It helps me.

Wade takes a card and writes "Not Guilty."

WADE: I knew something was weird about the case the whole time.

At that point, three other kids write "Not Guilty" verdicts on their white cards.

SPARKY: Okay, so now it's tied. We're officially deadlocked.

RK: I wish it was a majority vote instead of unanimous. Then all we would need is a tiebreaker.

WADE: What? Like rock paper scissors?

RK: Wade, please, what kind of moron do you take me for? A coin flip is way more sophisticated.

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Student Council Meeting Hall

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: Okay, so now that we're tied, we have to figure out how to convert the people who think that Manny is guilty.

LISA: Forget it. There's no way you can...Caitlin, I swear, I'll take off my belt.

Caitlin once again puts her phone away.

LISA: Anyway, there's no way you can convince me that Manny is innocent. He pulled that fire alarm.

SPARKY: Lisa, do you remember when one of your friends pulled the fire alarm last year and she got kicked out for the rest of the semester?

LISA: Yeah. It wasn't fair. She just made a stupid mistake.

SPARKY: Mm-hmmm. But now that Manny allegedly did the same thing...no proof yet, just accusations...you believe one hundred percent that he did it. Why?

LISA: Because Manny's a criminal. He lies, he cheats, he steals. If he's done all these things in the past, he would obviously be capable of doing this.

SPARKY: Or maybe you're just racist?

LISA: What?

RK: He called you a racist, Lise.

LISA: I KNOW WHAT HE SAID! And I'm not a racist. You're the racist.

SPARKY: How am I the racist?

LISA: False accusations. You're just projecting how you feel onto me.

SPARKY: Yeah, sure, that's exactly what I'm doing. I just find it interesting, Lisa. Maybe you're not a racist and I'm making this up. But you probably hate the idea of seeing Manny as innocent. Especially since you were the one who framed him!

The kids all say "OOOH!" in unison.

RK: It's going down. Give it to her, Sparky.

LISA: Framed Manny? Me? No, you're just making up stories now. I never framed anybody.

SPARKY: Look, it's pretty obvious that you don't like Manny. But one thing that was interesting is he saw you. That same day where he pulled the fire alarm, he saw you there.

LISA: And? I go to this school. I'm here all the time.

SPARKY: He noticed you constantly staring at him.

LISA: I like to stare at people for long periods of time. Does that make me weird? Yes. But that doesn't mean I framed Manny.

SPARKY: As he was leaving school, he said that he saw you talking to someone that looked like the person who attacked him. And you gave him money!

WADE: Wow.

RK: Dude, I should have gotten some damn nachos for this.

SPARKY: So Lisa, not only did you frame Manny, but as a member of student council, you obstructed justice. Which means you technically shouldn't even be here, because you couldn't do your JOB!

LISA: Alright, dammit, I did it! I made everyone think Manny pulled the fire alarm!

All of the kids gasp in horror at Lisa's confession.

RK: Wait, why am I gasping? I knew Sparky had the game closed out the minute he walked in here.

SPARKY: So why did you do it, Lisa? And how?

LISA: Okay, you know what happened to my friend who pulled the fire alarm last year? Manny dated her. And she really liked him. But after she was kicked out of school, Manny didn't want anything to do with her. One time, she even called him and all his ass did was laugh.

RK: That's kinda funny.

LISA: I told her I would get him back. So I spent a long time waiting and waiting for the day I could ruin his life like he ruined my friend's. He made it too easy for me when he said he wanted to pull the fire alarm. I paid one of my friends to attack him and make everybody believe he pulled it. And everybody fell for it like the idiots they are! Except you. You just had to come riding in on your little white horse, like some...shiny, glistening white knight bitch talking about..."ooh, reasonable doubt, evidence, statistics, ooh." No, f*** you, f*** your statistics, and f*** everybody in this room! You can all go to hell smoking a crack pipe with Satan's f***ing grandpa for all I care.

Lisa storms out of the room and slams the door.

SPARKY: So she's definitely getting kicked out of student council, right?

WADE: Oh, she has to.

SPARKY: Praise the Most High.

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That night, the kids are watching TV and set to recap the episode's events.

WADE: So Lisa's suspended from school and she's banned from student council. And her friend, the guy she paid to beat up Manny? He's suspended too.

BUSTER: Why can't she get kicked out too?

JAYLYNN: It's probably white privilege or something.

BUSTER: Always.

RK: Dude, you guys should have seen Sparky in there. He was like a human wrecking ball. By the time he was done, Lisa was crying and sucking her thumb.

WADE: Yeah, it was one hell of a performance. You know, Sparky, you're a natural for student council. You were the first person to challenge Lisa the way you did.

SPARKY: Thanks, but I don't think I can do that every week. I would be a wreck. Maybe I can just join the badminton team after school or something.

WADE: That's cool too.

Beat.

BUSTER: Hey, how come every single person who runs a school club ends up being a weirdo?

WADE: I wish I knew, Buster. I really wish I knew.

Cut to black.

("The Grand Finale" by The D.O.C. featuring N.W.A. plays over the end credits)

?2018 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS