FOREWORD:

This is a discontinued work. A more detailed explanation is available on the last chapter. The rewrite, Daydreaming Lutalica, will be posted on August 18, 2020.

The SI here was loosely based on me who had the same knowledge I did when I started this story, meaning pre-Another/Behind Story. Primarily featured the Deep and Casual story-lines with references to the other modes. It played with the idea of 'player ending up in MM and biting off more than they could chew'. This delved into AU territory, had Korean and some Tagalog dialogue interspersed in some scenes, and platonic relationships with most of the cast.

Originally, I did this mostly just for fun, and partially because I wanted to expand on the story with the Butterfly Effect. I aimed to test my storytelling skills, but alas, sometimes to progress, you have to work from the ground up again.

That being said, if you are still curious, you are welcome to read! I find it a nostalgic experience, and seeing how far I've come makes me smile.

...

A Comprehensive Timeline of TSG's Evolution (to help me keep track of each iteration and progression)

*YOU MAY SKIP THIS.

[7/7/2020]: Cancellation of TSG. Official announcement of rewrite in progress.

[3/24/2020]: Edited the summary and the characters listed. End of third long-term hiatus.

[9/13/2018]: Minor revisions in early chapters, and edited scenes for all interactions with Seven and Jaehee.

[3/21/2018]: Changed the messaging format for better viewing and distinguishing, and did minor grammatical edits.

[3/1/2018]: Added scenes for smoothing the pacing and develop character interactions (primarily Jumin text scenes), and added an omake.

[2/5/2018]: Minor revisions to plot points (language barrier and translation resolutions) and the addition of the 'RFA guidelines'. End of second long-term hiatus.

[12/28/2017]: Commenced the reposting of the story up to chapter nine. Removed unnecessary and spoiler-y filler/omake (completely AU-fied RFA and MC/Narrator 4th wall break). Performed major grammatical edits, and added additional dialogue in early chapters for a smoother transition.

[11/22/2017]: First major story rewrite/overhaul after hard drive failure, discarding the 'parallel canon' philosophy for less plot holes and inconsistencies. End of the first long-term hiatus.

[11/26/2016]: Original release date!

...

WARNING: This story contains exploration of sensitive topics such as abuse, trauma, and mental illness/health, and discussions of sexuality. On a lesser note, it has crude language/humor, angst, headcanons/fanons, and heavy spoilers for the full game. Kindly read at your own discretion.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Mystic Messenger, all rights reserved to Cheritz. I only own the OCs that appear in this story, and I'm merely borrowing any copyrighted media for entertainment purposes. Please support the official release!


PROLOGUE

Secrets to Bear


'In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. The choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Experience has always shaped people, at least, that's what I believe.

It's experience that helps someone go through the motions of life, the thing someone went through in the past that nudges them to do certain things, bad or good, and is the primary contributor to learning and change. Religion, morals, beliefs... all influenced by what you experienced in the environment you were raised in. It's also why understanding what others have experienced always came as quite a welcoming thing. The ability to relate, to empathize with others, or if it challenges what you know, it can open up one's obscured line of sight, because you see the world with other people's perspective's broadening your horizons.

Thus the choices one can make can be easy, can be difficult, can be of the middle ground or it could be what looks to be the impossible. One or the other, it all boils down to you corroborating with what you already know. To what you believe in.

So with that in mind...

Fate? Destiny? I'm not much of a believer of those, but it seems to ring somehow true to what was happening, an odd string of coincidences pulling us all together…

Either way, the reason why I was tangled into this mess—and by extension their lives—was a complex web of mysteries which had yet to be truly resolved, but the one thought that constantly occupied my mind was that whatever happens next was completely on me. There was no chance of being able to rewind time to take back decisions.

This wasn't the game it was before.

After all, even though there were no obligations to be fulfilled, I had chosen to walk down this path.

Their lives echoed of hurt, of a hidden pain that they pushed aside despite its chains digging into their skin. A past that continued to haunt them every waking day only made worse ever since one of their own had disappeared off the face of the earth. Each and every one of them dealt with their demons differently but in the end, the effects were there, and my heart ached when I saw it in their eyes in the moments of vulnerability they had shown me.

A part of me echoed that pain, after all I could not deny that I had my own skeletons in the closet. Moments were spent in silence and contemplation before I decided that I will save them. No matter how arrogant that sounded, I wanted to believe that with my knowledge and insights, I can do something that can alter this tragedy they all faced. They deserved so much more that this.

'Where are you—n-no! Don't go! Please, don't do it!'

The way they impacted my life was enough motivation for me to do something, strange yes, considering the amount of time I had known them. Anyone else could have screamed at me for what could be seen as stupidity, something of a death wish and maybe even becoming my own oppressor—investing so much into their well-being instead of my own. Be that as it may, it doesn't change the fact that I valued them greatly, which ultimately amused me for I feel like I've become a martyr of sorts.

To be perfectly honest, I was no martyr, I was simply an individual on a selfish mission.

That's why... even though my heart was in stitches, the joy, care and love the members gave to me allowed me to shut off the thoughts plaguing my very existence, all in order to aid them.

'How many secrets do you have? You... I-I don't want you to hurt yourself for our sake. Please... you can tell me.'

At first glance, the smile I had given the person my heart was slowly warming up to was gentle. Look closer, and you could see the flickering emotions of anxiety, worry, sadness and fear I was desperate not to show. I said nothing of the matter and put on my mask, waving off the cause of concern as mere exhaustion after a long day.

An omission of the truth, a necessary evil that grated at me, but I had to soldier onwards.

'You don't have to do this alone.'

The burden was mine to bear, I can't let them shoulder more than they have to. My resolve to change things was burning within my chest. Their future... I had to do this, even with the consequences in store. Lives aren't things to be played with, that realization slapped me in the face along the road, and I can't keep running blindly.

"That's why I won't let you do this to yourself. They still need you, the whole RFA needs you... please, let us end this everlasting party." The declaration reverberated in the grand ballroom and I cast my glare at the one who held the key to the end of this game only the two of us truly knew was being played, even when the thought of it outright sickened me.

The blonde woman sitting on her throne gave me a serene smile, though the gaze she gave me was terrifyingly hollow, a mere shell of the person she once was. However, I didn't back down and sent her a determined look, dead set on convincing her of my insane plans.

"How foolish... You should know the game we're playing isn't one that we can simply Start Over to Reset any mistakes," she said coldly, slowly standing up and making her way down the short set of stairs towards me.

I swallowed hard, struggling to maintain my courage as we both stared at one another, my bound hands shaking and itching against the rope. The whole room was silent save for the sound of her robes scraping against the carpet, and the thrumming of my erratic heartbeat in my ears. She stopped short of me by a few inches, dead eyes eerily reflecting my pale but hardened face.

"And yet you came here," she sneered. "Why?"

"I can't let this go on anymore," I said resolutely.

She roughly grabbed me by the chin, and I let out a noise of surprise when she brought us a few inches just shy of contact of our faces. "But was it wise to make this decision at such a crux in time?" The look on her face was full of malice, distorting her delicate features to one that would haunt me in my dreams. "Here I was, disappointed at the thought that you've given up. You never fail to surprise me."

My jaw clenched. I pray to God this works.