18

Tara's Perfectly Imperfect

Author's Note: This is a repost of this story with a short added chapter at the end. I don't want to mislead readers into thinking this is a new story. I reposted Unexpected Christmas and I wanted to do the same with this story to maybe cheer up at least one person for a few moments given how bleak the world is looking right now.

I also wanted to post this as a tribute to my father on his birthday. I don't see a lot of stories that have great fathers in them. It's also a story about family coming together after a tragedy.

This is Jax and Tara's first Christmas together as a couple. It fits in with Tara's Story, Jax is Really Alive and Unexpected Christmas, but if you've never read any of these stories before you won't be lost. I'm filling in any information you might need.

"

Important Background: Tara's aunt left her with her father during her sophomore year in high school. She and her father have had a strained relationship. He works at a hardware store and sings with an 80's cover band The Fire Ants on the weekends leaving Tara alone.

"

Chapter 1 Good Side

This was my first Christmas since my aunt died and it was hard. Since as far back as I could remember it was a hectic time. Between her private chef jobs, we made cookies and candy to sell and to give to friends as gifts. Christmas for me was a warm oven and trays of beautifully decorated year, it was all gone. I never realized just how much I loved the frantic pace of Christmas and the time my aunt and I spent together in the kitchen until it was all gone.

Now, if there were going to be a Christmas it would fall to me to do everything. My father didn't bother putting up a tree or any decorations since my grandmother died eight years ago.

I couldn't recreate Christmas with my aunt and my father didn't like Christmas once he discovered Santa Claus was make believe. I decided to focus on having a great Christmas with Jax. I just needed to come up with the perfect present for him and get on the good side of Gemma. Challenging tasks but not impossible.

I told my father I wanted to put up a tree this year. He had obligingly found the Christmas tree and the boxes of decorations out in the garage and brought them inside. That was as far as his help went. He wanted no part in decorating the tree or house.

While my father was performing in one of his usual weekend concerts, Jax came over and we put up the Christmas tree together and decorated it.

It felt strange putting ornaments on the treeand not knowing anything about them. With the ornaments my aunt and I used, I knew the story behind every ornament. Some we made and some we bought after Christmas when they were marked half off.

When we finished decorating the tree, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like Christmas despite playing the Christmas CD Jax brought with him. It was partly the weather. I'd never had a Christmas without snow before.

Mostly though, I missed my felt like I was grieving for her all over again. Her belongings were still in storage. I had to go through them, but I kept putting it off because it hurt too much. Soon though, I would have to go through them. They couldn't stay in storage forever.

Jax assured me that grieving for my aunt was normal. He said he felt the same way after his father died. Every big family holiday is a reminder of all of the loved ones that are gone.

I wanted to make Jax a present that had something to do with pictures of his father. There were two boxes of pictures at Jax's, but I didn't think Gemma would let me borrow them simply out of spite.

I noticed on some TV show a character had a photo of herself with a colored film over it. It looked kind of like an Andy Warhol picture. I looked at Andy Warhol pictures on the internet and came up with an idea for Jax's Christmas present. My friend Lisa was very artistic and she agreed to help me with the project. She liked the whole idea so much; she was making one for her parents and each of her two sisters.I was confident that Jax would love my gift.

Right after Thanksgiving, I went into a frenzy of baking and cooking. I even convinced my father to buy a freezer, not just for my holiday baking. I wanted to be able to make and freeze dishes so I didn't have to cook as much.

I made a list of everyone I needed to give a food gift to from my father's co-workers to Jax's family. In addition, I needed to give my father a tray of cookies and candy for the hardware store's Christmas party. He was the one who always signed up for napkins and plates, so it was time he did a little more for the Christmas party.

I was no where close to getting Gemma to like me. Jax assured me that it didn't matter to him if his mother liked me or not, but it mattered to me. I should be able to figure out some way to get on her good side. I'd never run across anymore that didn't like me. I could always figure out a way to get along with people, but I just couldn't come up with a way to get Gemma to like me.

I also needed to bring food to SAMCRO's family and friends Christmas party. I was pinning all my hopes on getting on Gemma's good side with my contributions to SAMCRO's Christmas party.

I asked Opie if he could get the boxes of pictures for me. He had a key to the house and he could get them when Clay and Gemma were at TM and Jax was with me.

Opie didn't return to Charming until after our sophomore year was over. Jax said that he'd gotten in trouble over a misunderstanding about a car. Reading between the lines, I think Opie got locked up for stealing a car.

By the time Opie returned, Jax and I were a couple. I knew Opie and Jax had grown up together and were close, so I needed to respect that friendship. That meant I couldn't have all of Jax's free time. I would have to share.

That turned out to be surprisingly easy. Opie and I got along great. Sometimes we even double dated with Opie's girl of the moment. Opie didn't meet Donna until a few months before I left Charming.

I'd just put a batch of butter cookies in the refrigerator to get cold before I rolled them out when Opie knocked at the door.I invited him in.

"You've been busy," Opie said, surveying the cooling racks filled with star shaped cookies. He handed me the two shoe boxes full of pictures.

"Thanks for getting the pictures. Did you have any trouble getting the boxes without being seen?"

He shook his head.

"Would you like some cookies?"

"Of course. Who turns down cookies?"

I put several on a plate and handed it to him with a glass of milk.

"Thanks."

"Do you think I could keep them for two days?"

"That's OK. Not any longer. It could be noticed. What are you going to tell Gemma when she asks you where you got the pictures?"

"You think she'll ask?"

"Yes."

"I'll say Jax gave them to me. He'll cover for me."

Opie grinned.

"Yeah, you can depend on that. Just be sure Gemma doesn't know I did it."

"Coward."

Opie laughed.

"Gemma can be pretty terrifying."

"She hates me."

"Don't take it personally. She would hate any girlfriend of Jax's. You have influence over him. She doesn't like it, but you're a good influence."

"Thanks Ope."

"Think I could get a couple of cookies for the road?"

"Sure."

I wrapped up several cookies in plastic wrap and gave them to him.

"I'll call when I'm done with the pictures."

"OK. Thanks for the cookies."

A short time later, Jax came over to help me bake, but mostly, he watched me. He did take the cookies off the cookie sheets and put them on the cooling racks. He also sprinkled decorations over the cookies.

"Are you serious about making the sandwiches for the party?"

"Yes. I told Gemma if she got the stuff on my list I would make all the sandwiches. It's kind of a surprise. I am going to make Muffuletta sandwiches. It's a New Orleans style sub sandwich and they're delicious. My aunt took me to New Orleans one summer and we both fell in love with the town and the food. We even took a cooking class while we were there."

That had been an amazing trip. My aunt had been a great person, fun loving and kind. I wish I had been a better person. I had been angry that she was dumping me off with my father and I wasn't nice to her. I had acted like a bratty teen. I know now that she understands and forgives me, but I wish I had been kinder and more mature when she was alive.

Part of all my intense baking was a tribute to her. She taught me everything I knew in the kitchen and I was honoring her memory by carrying on her/our Christmas traditions.

"I'll bring everything for the sandwiches Thursday."

"That would be perfect. I'll make them Friday. The sandwiches need to be made a day ahead."

"That must be some sandwich. I suppose that means I'm helping."

"You sound like it's punishment."

"I'll be glad when all your holiday stuff is done. I want you back as my girlfriend, so you can focus on what's really important and that would be me."

I laughed.

"Think of all the cookies I've made and you have eaten."

"It's going to ruin my figure. Come over here and check it out."

"Subtle," I said and walked over to Jax.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulled me against him and kissed me. In those days, Jax could kiss me dizzy. Literally. I've hit walls and cabinets before when he's released me after an intense kiss. This time, he held me for a few moments, so I could balance myself. His blue eyes always held a look of amused pride after he kissed me.

That was such a magical time in my life, being young and in love for the first time. Jax and I were so happy that holiday season. I wish I could go back and experience that all over again. Life just got so damned complicated with each passing year.

"I'm going to the Hales tomorrow morning to deliver the cookies and candy I made for them."

I knew this wasn't going to go over well with Jax, but I had to tell him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"It's better for me to go alone."

"OK," Jax said, but he wasn't pleased that I was going to see Hale alone. Hale was the only guy who could make Jax jealous.

We had an unusual evening. Jax ate spaghetti and meatballs with my father and me. Afterwards while I was working hard in the kitchen making Five Dollar cookies, they watched "The Positive Negative Man". It was an episode of the old British TV show The Avengers. It was one of my favorite episodes because the villain killed by shocking people to death, but Mrs. Peel escaped death by wearing rubber soled boots.

My aunt called the cookies Five Dollar cookies because that's what we charged for them. The cookies were as big as my whole hand including my fingers. The Christmas tree shaped cookies were oatmeal cookies flavored with orange juice concentrate. The icing also had orange juice concentrate in it. Each tree was frosted with two shades of green icing and dusted with sparkly white sugar so it looked like snow. Next I colored candy pearls with red food coloring and placed them perfectly on each cookie with tweezers. I then put each into a clear bag and tied it with a red ribbon. Kids go crazy when they see such a huge Christmas tree cookie.

I made the Five Dollar cookies to put into clear little gift bags I got at one of Charming's dollar stores. At the end of the party, each child would get a gift bag with two pieces of peanut butter fudge, two pieces of chocolate fudge and a fewer smaller cookies. I was hoping that Gemma would be impressed by the beauty of the Five Dollar cookie and that I'd made the bags for the kids.

I drafted both Jax and my father into filling the bags. I put in the big tree cookies. My father added the candy and Jax added the other father was starting to enjoy Christmas whether he would admit it or not.

The next morning, my father got a ride to work, so I could use his car to deliver my holiday food gift to the Hales and then I was going to Lisa's house to work on Jax's Christmas present.

I wasn't looking forward to the meeting with Hale, but it was something I needed to do.

I knocked on the door and Hale opened it so quickly I had a feeling that he had been watching for me from the kitchen window.

I handed him the platter of plastic wrap swaddled cookies and candy.

"You can freeze the whole platter or you can just put some of the cookies and candy in freezer bags."

"Wow, Tara! There's enough food for a small army. The cookies look great."

"Thanks."

"Come on inside."

"I can only stay a few minutes. I have a huge list of things I have to get done today."

We took seats at the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

"It sounds like you're busier than you are when you're in school."

"It feels that way. I'm still not used to your short hair. Is the surfer still inside somewhere?"

"I hope there's a bit left. We're going to Hawaii tomorrow and won't be back until after New Year's."

"You may want to change those plans. You'll miss the SAMCRO Christmas party."

"The social event of the year," he said dryly.

After he said that, there was this awkward almost painful silence between us. Time for me to escape.

"I wish I could stay longer, but I really have to get moving," I said, sliding off the barstool.

Hale walked me to the door.

"Are you happy, Tara?"

We were standing just inches apart.

"Yeah, I am," I said softly as if by speaking the words softly they would hurt him less. "How are you doing?"

"I'm still a ways from OK."

"You know how much I care about you. If there's anything I can do to help . . ."

"How about falling in love with me?" he said with a ghost of a smile.

I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You will meet a much better girl for you."

"Merry Christmas, Tara."

"Merry Christmas, Hale."

I maintained my composure until I was out of sight then I pulled the Cutlass over and cried.

The situation with Hale was so painful. He helped me a lot with Jax. He even gave me good advice. He told me that Jax had never had to work to get a girl and I should make him work to get me.

I had been na?ve and maybe deliberately blind when it came to Hale. I wanted to believe the myth that guys and girls can be strictly friends. I didn't feel attracted to Hale. I assumed he felt the same way.

Hale and I loved each other, just not in the same way. Hale was in love with me and I loved him. Same word but our feelings were worlds apart. I hated that I had caused him so much heartbreak when he had been such a good friend to me.

That carefree long haired surfer who was the biggest and best weed dealer in Charming High was gone along with his hair. Hale was on his way to becoming the Hale that joined Charming PD. That change wasn't my doing.

After a few minutes of crying, I pulled myself together and drove to Lisa's house. I needed to get Jax's Christmas present done. Last night I had gone through the two boxes of pictures Opie had given me. I decided to pick four major times in his father's life: high school, Vietnam, SAMCRO and Jax's birth. I had already decided to use red, white and blue as the transparent colors.

Lisa had some great graphics programs on her computer, so the task was pretty easy. We scanned the pictures and then I narrowed the pictures down from twelve to the four best based on how well they scanned. Next, the four pictures were tinted red, white and blue, so I had twelve pictures when it was done. Then I arranged the pictures so none of the colors or images were next to each other. We saved the final image to a USB drive.

By the time I left that afternoon, Lisa had each of her sister's presents and her parent's present ready as well. We just needed to go to the local printshop tomorrow and get them to print out our work on poster sized paper. We would then frame our projects, wrap them and it would be done. It wasn't the ordeal I feared thanks to Lisa's help.

I called Opie and told him I'd finished with the pictures. He said they, Jax, Gemma and Clay were all at TM with him. He said he would slip away for a few minutes and get the pictures. He needed to do a motorcycle parts run anyway.

I had a plate of cookies ready for him when he knocked at the door.

"I can't believe you finished with the pictures so fast," Opie said.

"Come on in. I have cookies for you."

"I can't turn down cookies. It's a good thing Christmas cookies come only once a year."

"Yeah, I don't think I would want to bake like this year round."

"I've been thinking about your Gemma problem," Opie said before biting off a gingerbread man's leg and eating it.

"You have an idea?"

"I think not only do I have an idea, I think I'm right."

"Sounds good. I'm going to have some iced tea. Do you want something to drink? Milk? Iced tea? That's about it. My father needs to go to the grocery store."

"Some iced tea. I'm thirsty and I haven't eaten all day. These cookies are great."

I got us both iced teas. I put a couple of butter cookies on a plate for me and an assortment of gingerbread men, iced sugar cookies, butter cookies with sprinkles done by Jax and some Mexican Wedding cake cookies on a larger plate and added it to the table so Opie could help himself to more.

I sat down and waited for Opie to reveal the magical path to Gemma's good side.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings," Opie began.

"Don't worry about it," I said. Inside my heart kind of sank.

"The things you do to get on Gemma's good side are the exact opposite of what you should do. Gemma's the one who has the big club dinners and breakfasts. She takes pride in that. You come and she sees you as competition. I still hear about the time you made the club a lasagna dinner. Now, you're making sandwiches and artistic cookies. You are competing with her."

"I thought she would like me because I'm helping her."

"She might like it if you helped her when she tells you what to do. You help on your own, it looks like competition."

I sat there for a long moment thinking through what Opie was telling me.

"I'm an idiot. You're right. I thought if I could impress her with my cooking and baking skills, she would like me."

"I think she thinks you are trying to show that you are better than her."

"I can't believe I didn't see it."

"She needs to see you fail and in front of people—the more the better."

"Is there another way?"

"I can't think of one. Picture this, people like your sandwiches and you get the credit. People like the cookies and you get the credit. You are the food star of the Christmas party. That's been Gemma's role. Not only are you not going to get on the good side of her, she's going to hate you more. You need to do something so you don't seem so perfect."

"Opie, I work really hard to do things. It doesn't come naturally."

"If you want to get on the good side of Gemma, you are going to have to be less perfect, let her shine."

Opie finished his cookies and iced tea and got to his feet.

"Thanks Ope. You've really opened my eyes. I can see why she doesn't like me. In her place, I'm not sure I'd like me."

"You've got to humiliate yourself at the party or you can just live with the fact that you are probably never going to get onGemma's good side. Jax doesn't care whether or not Gemma likes you. You've got a decision to make."

"Thanks Opie. You want some cookies for the road?"

"Maybe just a few."

"Did Jax tell you who I'm taking to the party?"

"No."

"Ima."

"Did he tell you what she did when he had his expulsion hearing?" "Yeah. It was classic Ima."

"This Christmas party is shaping up to be a great one."

After Opie left with the boxes of pictures, I went back and sat at the kitchen table. The more I thought about what Opie said, the more I realized he was right.

All I needed to do was humiliate myself. In front of a lot of people. Was that too high a price to pay to get on Gemma's good side?