Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.

20. The Biscuit is many things, but never serious...

Sunday, 7 December

9:34 am

Kittykat's having her baby shower today!

I am tres tres excited... so is Little Laugh.

I felt kinda grouchy this morning because Little Laugh kept me awake.

... but it's nothing Lee's scrummy catering won't fix.

3 more months! 15 more weeks... and Little Laugh will be keeping Davey's awake too.

We'd had Rollo and Jools kipping on our sofa last night... James has invited everyone to my baby shower.

I'm vair vair overwhelm that everyone's coming to celebrate Little Laugh.

I'd told the Hornmeister that he had to behave in bed, because we have guests... so he's got the hump.

I am pretty sure I heard Jools giggling though.

If they've done number 10 on our sofa... well, Rollo can kiss his trouser snake goodbye.

2 minutes later

'Morning Gee!' Jools is too cheeriosity for this early in the morning.

She's smiling like some psychotic Cheshire Cat... and her appearance is tres tres perfectamundo.

Kittykat, on the flipside, looks like a cave-lady.

I haven't put moi's face on yet, so Kittykat is all blotchy...

... and my hair is out-of-flipping-control.

Should've had it cut.

4 seconds later

I grumbled towards Jools. Jools raised her eyebrows.

'Ooo. Kittykat is grumpiosity.' I want my Hornmeister.

He wasn't in bed this morning... so no cuddles for Kittykat.

3 seconds later, The Kitchen

Where's the Hornmeister?

Rollo's at our breakfast table, drinking coffee.

... but where's my Hornmeister?

'Georgia...' Oh fabbity... now I'm blubbering.

1 second later

Hiding in the bathroom... stupid divvy horn-mones.

I don't want to blubber!

I want my Hornmeister!

9:45 am, Knock Knock

Someone's knocking on the bathroom door. 'Kittykat!' Dave.

2 minutes later

'Kittykat!' Flip flip flippidy!

Little Laugh and I are uber-stuck.

How'd I end up sitting in the bathtub?

... cause you're a nutter Georgia.

Shut up brain!... I didn't ask you.

'Dave! I'm stuck!' I heard Dave laughing like a loon.

'You're stuck?! How?!'

'In the bathtub!' Dave laughed harder. 'David! Help me!'

4 minutes later

The Hornmeister kicked the bathroom door in.

I screamed. He stood in the doorway with raised eyebrows.

I pouted. Davey smiled.

'Oh Kittykat... who's being a silly biatch?'

I frowned. 'Kittykat is.' Dave just laughed.

1 minute later

The Hornmeister climbed into the tub with Kittykat and Little Laugh.

'Why's Kittykat all sadiosity?'

'Davey wasn't here. Where'd he go?'

'The Biscuit was sorting out Kittykat's surprises for today.'

Surprises? 'What surprises?' Dave double-tapped his conk. Hmmm.

'So... Kittykat's blubbering, cause the Biscuit wasn't here to cuddle this morning.'

I flushed red, shoving Dave. 'Sex Kitten is beauuutiful, you know.'

'Am not.'

'You are.'

'Am not.'

'You are.'

'Am...' Dave snogged me. Number 6.

3 minutes later

'... but the Biscuit will always think Sex Kitten is vair vair beauuutiful.' Awww. The Hornmeister is adorable. 'I knows Kittykat is fussy about how she looks, so I've arranged for Kittykat to have her hair and makeup done.'

I snogged Davey again. Number 5.

The Hornmeister is the bestest hubby ever.

'Okie-dokie let's get Sex Kitten and Little Laugh un-stuck... cause Julian will be here soon... and Kittykat's second surprise is in the living room.'

'Julian Peters?' The Hornmeister nodded, wrapping his arms around my waist.

My inner goldfish has just appeared.

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

3 minutes later

Bugger. The Hornmeister can't get me un-stuck, he's laughing like a loon.

'Dave! Be serious!' Dave continued laughing.

'Kittykat, the Biscuit is many things, but never serious.' I sighed.

I ran my hand over Little Laugh's bump.

'We're stuck, Little Laugh...'

Dave seemed to be thinking for a moment. 'The Biscuit will hurt his noggin if he thinks too much.'

Dave raised his eyebrows.

I raised mine higher. The Hornmeister laughed.

'One second... Batman's got to fetch Robin.' What in the name of Lord Sandra's undercrackers is he talking about?!

1 second later

The Hornmeister has returned with Rollo... and they're both trying to free Kittykat and Little Laugh from ye ole' tub.

2 minutes later

FREEDOM! The Hornmeister spoke.

'You're such a loon.' I stuck my tongue out at the Hornmeister.

'Am not!' Dave shook his head.

'We haven't got time for Mrs. Laugh's shenanigans.' I pouted: the Hornmeister laughed. 'Kittykat and Little Laugh need to get themselves all dolled up... the Biscuit's brought Kittykat a tres gorgey dress.' Awww the Hornmeister is sooo vair cute.

'Really?!' The Hornmeister nodded.

'Yep.' Dave popped the 'p'. '... well, the Biscuit may have had some help from the clones.' I laughed.

'Gut gut, means it's a tres tres naice dress.'

The Hornmeister placed a hand over his heart.

'How could Kittykat say such nasty things?' Oh Lord Sandra, Dave the Drama Queen has arrived. 'The Hornmeister is vair full of fashionosity.'

Hmmm... this from the Biscuit, whom still wears his naff Hawiian shirt from our honeymoon.

Kittykat would lobe to burn the Hornmeister's naff Hawiian shirt.

10:32 am, Our Boudoir

I left Dave the Drama Queen in le bathroom.

The dress that the Hornmeister has brought me is tres tres magnifique.

It's a vair groovy red colour, covered in sequins.

I lobe lobe it.

2 minutes later, Wearing le gorgey dress

Kittykat has a wee problema. 'DAVE!'

1 minute later

Dave appeared. 'Phwoar Sex Kitten.'

Fabbity, now I've turned into a red loon.

The Hornmeister laughed. 'Sex Kitten is vair vair pwetty.'

I smiled. 'Can you get the zipper for me?' Dave nodded.

'Sure sure, Kitten.'

2 seconds later

Should've asked Jools. The Hornmeister is being le dim prat.

'DAVE!' He's touching Little Laugh's bump.

'Georgia!' I raised my eyebrows.

The Hornmeister frowned, zipping up my dress. 'Sorry Kittykat. I lobe you.'

1 minute later

Snogging the Hornmeister. Number 6.

10:45 am, Julian Peter's has arrived.

Julian is a tres tres fab-tastic celebrity stylist. He did Kittykat's wedding hair and makeup.

Its vair trickiosity to get an appointment with Julian... so the Hornmeister is a flip flipping miracle worker.

I must've looked like a humongous loon on loon tablets when I answered our front door.

Julian laughed. 'Georgia the Laugh... Wow. They weren't lying when they said you're glowing.' Damn. Stupid red-loonosity.

5 minutes later

Sat in the middle of the kitchen.

Julian ran his fingers through my hair.

'So what are we doing? It's lovely and thick... baby's given his mummy gorgeous hair.'

I'd had my hair cut last week, but was too chicken-osity to have it cut short.

I'd seen a groovy hairstyle in a magazine. It was short and waviosity.

Vair sophisticated and maturosity... but still Sex Kitten-ish.

I trusted Julian with my fashionosity. Julian wouldn't make me look like a wally.

... but what if you look like a wet dweeb?

Stupid brain! I didn't ask you.

1 second later

'I-want-it-cut-short!'

Jools spat her tea everywhere. 'Gee!'

I glanced towards Jools... and a vair wet Rollo who was sat beside her, covered in tea.

'Have you completely lost your marbles?!' I ignored my divvy friend.

I fetched the magazine where I'd seen the short waviosity hairstyle.

Julian looked at the photo, before nodding.

'Yeah, this is simple enough. Are you sure?' I nodded. Jools spoke.

'DAVE! GEE'S GONE MAD!' The Hornmeister yelled back.

'I ALREADY KNEW THAT! I MARRIED THE LOON!'

'SHE'S HAVING ALL HER HAIR CUT OFF!'

1 second later

The Hornmeister came into the kitchen.

He raised his eyebrows. 'Kittykat, wants to be a bald coot?'

I shook my noggin. 'NO!'

I took the magazine off of Julian, holding it up to the Hornmeister.

Davey looked at the photo in the magazine.

He raised his eyebrows higher. 'Is Kittykat sure?'

I nodded: Dave smiled. 'Okie-dokie.' My conk spread across my face as I smiled.

5 minutes later

Julian washed my hair. It's now in a towel.

'Right, Georgia... I'm going to cut off the excess bulk, before I start styling.'

I nodded... but inside I'm almost having a nervy b.

I closed my eyes. I couldn't watch.

1 second later, Dave spoke

'Can I cut off Kittykat's hair?' I opened my mincers.

What?! Julian spoke.

'Sure.' I repeat. WHAT?!

Julian's just handed the Hornmeister a pair of scissors.

Ohgodohgodohgiddygod. I'm having a nervy-b.

'He can't!' Julian laughed.

'Georgia, don't worry. He's only cutting below my hand: he can't screw it up. I promise.'

Dave pouted. 'Don't you trust me, Kittykat?'

'No!' The Hornmeister laughed, but didn't back away with the scissors.

I'm now having a nervy spaz. Ohgodohgod. I can't believe I'm letting the Hornmeister do this.

'If the Hornmeister ruins Kittykat's hair, they'll be no more Number 10 until it grows back.'

Rollo and Jools laughed like loons.

The Hornmeister shrugged. 'Just here.' Julian nodded.

3 minutes later

Yay. Kittykat's hair survived.

Julian has taken over, and the Hornmeister is looking vair smug-osity with himself.

Thank Lord Sandra that I still have normalosity hair.

11:37 am

My new hair is double cool with knobs on. I lobe it.

I look vair vair Sex Kitten-ish now that my hair and makeup is done.

The Hornmeister twirled me under his arm. 'Sex Kitten is a gorgey minx.'

The Hornmeister doesn't look bad himself, he's vair vair handsome.

I'm all ready for Little Laugh's baby shower. Tres tres excited.

5:18 pm

Little Laugh's baby shower was gorgey. I blubbered so vair vair much.

The Hornmeister had brought me a pram.

It's the pram that I wanted.

He'd set it up in the living room.

I'd turned into a blubbering fool when I saw it.

I lobe the Hornmeister, so vair much.

He'd also brought Little Laugh a set of wooden blocks from the little baby boutique that I lobe.

Everyone complimented me on my new hairstyle. Jane said I looked vair sophisticated and maturosity.

I am now vair sleepy. It's time for boboland.

Little Laugh is in boboland.

He's eaten lots of cake today.

Lee made a scrummy yummy cake... and Kittykat had eaten a lot of it.

2 minutes later

Sat with the Hornmeister in front of the telly.

Davey wrapped his arm around me.

'Did Kittykat have a naice day?' I nodded.

'Yesh.' I yawned. My mincers are struggling to stay open.

Dave laughed. 'Go to sleep, Kittykat.'

Dave snogged me. Number 3.

A/N: Okay so I'm back writingthis story. I am planning on getting it finished. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please review cause I need to know if this chapter sounds alright. It's a hard writing style to get back into. Anyway, hopefully next chapter will be up tomorrow, Love RoxannetheLaugh x