It Cannot Be

Chapter 1: Personal Form of Depression.


I looked up at Trevor. His gorgeous, Irish green eyes looked at me wide and pleading, his lips were pressed together in a small, hopeful smile. He was half a foot taller then me, and yet the way he seemed able to look straight into my eyes was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. His tan face had a slight pink color under his cheeks, which he tried to hide while flipping the shaggy, dirty blonde hair out of his line of vision.

"Are you serious?" I asked with a shocked smile. Truth was, I wasn't shocked at all. This was the third time he's asked me out so far this month. He had broken up with Jennifer Warren at least four months ago, and if I was relieved that was an understatement. She would always give me glares just because I had to sit next to him in Advanced Placement Chemistry and she had to sit by Ronnie Jones, the human armpit.

Trevor's smile brightened and his face turned a slightly darker shade of pink, making the twinkle in his soft, green eyes pop even more so. This confirmed my question and if he hadn't been my enemy all of my life I might have actually considered going out with him. I mean, he was cute – his social status had definitely confirmed that, but with his mood swings and his ability to have his opinion swayed by his friends made him a lot less attractive.

"Of course I would," I smiled at him. His eyes widened even more and his face lit up. That is until I said the word, "Not!" like that of a second grader. His face twisted suddenly, and the excited expression vanished as soon as it came. He looked down at me with a face that I couldn't enterpret so I just looked blankly up with him and shrugged before saying a light goodbye while smirking. Becky gave Trevor a sympathetic smile before leaving with me to get to our next period class.

"Why are you always so mean to him? You know that if you gave him a chance I could finally hang out with Matt," Becky said with a dreamy smile as we entered our language arts class, also known as hell. We had assigned seats and often had to work with people that we wouldn't even give a second glance; which is why I got paired with Jennifer's best friend, Fee Fee all last semester. Like gag me with a spoon.

"You know why Becky. One day he's being a complete asshole and then the next he's trying to take me out," I said with the roll of my eyes. It was just like Trevor to act in such a bizarre way; he probably ate the nasty school pizza with ranch dressing on top – talk about abnormal.

"Hey, I do that too Raven," Becky pouted. I looked at her weirdly, but then I figured that last part must have slipped out of my mouth as well.

"Sorry, Becks... I still love you though," I said with the best smile I could muster.

Becky stuck her tongue out at me before darting off to her seat. I took mine right in the middle of the room and picked at my nails with no anticipation towards the class whatsoever. I heard a low sigh a few minutes after the bell rang and saw Matt drag a sorrowful-looking Trevor in by the collar of his royal blue polo. I looked at the two with a perplexed expression. I doubted Trevor would react like that over something that I said – he probably is just putting on an act to make me feel pity towards him and then take him on a date to the movies and pay for the popcorn. Well there was no way that was going to happen!

"Raven!" Mr. Roach yelled from the front of the room. I jumped a bit, startled by the loud noise from the front of the room. His already narrow eyes squinted even more so you couldn't tell how pretty the chocolate, brown eyes were. His dark brown mustache had lines of silver spread throughout it, which only made him look like he should have been a police officer instead of getting a teaching gig at the public high school.

"Jeffery!" I yelled back. His eyes narrowed even more, if possible. Apparently we weren't quite on first name basis just yet...

"I have seniority over you and you will engage conversation with me in a resptable manner and use my sire name and not my first name – during school hours I am not your friend, but your instructor and I would like it to remain that way," Mr. Roach lectured, the words going through one ear and then slowly leaking out the other.

"Whatever, Mr. Roach," I emphasized for his liking. He seemed to be satisfied so I went on to say, "So was there any other reason why you yelled my name? Or is it just because you wanted to remember last night?" I added a wink on the end and I swear, he was about to bust a lid. The whole class burst into giggles and shocked laughs as Mr. Roach's face turned bright red.

"Raven, I was going to remind you for the fifth time this week that I don't want you doodling on your notes. But since your mouth seems to have a mind of its own I'm going to write you a referral and you'll have Friday night school."

I sighed, of course Mr. Roach would give me detention on the best night of the week. But I gave him a thumbs up with my tongue sticking out because I didn't want to get another Friday night taken away for giving my teacher the finger.

He turned back to the board, satisfied, and carried on with the lesson. I turned back to my notes and looked at what I had drawn so far. On my lined paper sat an almost exact drawing of my long-gone boy- err, ex-boyfriend, Alexander. He was an artist and he gave me lessons before I found out his secret and he left. I used to come over every Tuesday night after sunset and blow off my homework. We would use his canvas boards and often times computer paper that I brought over to experiment with different styles and techniques. He said that realism was more my thing and so he taught me as much as he could... at least before he almost sunk his teeth into me one night and just vanished the next day – probably back in Romania with his family.

Despite what Mr. Roach said, I continued to doodle and I shaded in his long, dark hair. I remember running my fingers through its tough layers – the way it felt as it slowly scraped along my fingertips. I remember the way his eyes would boar into mine or the way he would wrap his arms around my waist and pull me down on his couch. Just thinking of him brought up how much he affected my life and hurt me. I was broken when I found out he was gone – I still am broken in some ways. I can't open myself up to anyone anymore and my wardrobe has changed drastically. At first, no one knew who I was; I had stopped wearing black and started wearing colors like blue, pink, and yellow on a daily basis. My parents were concerned, but pleasantly surprised when they found out I had stopped caking my face with make-up and I had thrown out over half of my closet. The people at school even didn't recognize me and thought that I was an exchange student until the teacher's called my name in roll call. But even then, their eyes bugged and they all ogled my new appearance as if I were some monster that had came from some nightmare of theirs.

I can remember back to about two months ago when it all first started and I came to school looking like a freaking American flag. I had bright blue and white stripes on my shirt with red sweatpants that fit just right and didn't grip like my other clothes used to. I still have the vivid memory of everyone's eyes popping once they heard me confirm my presence. Trevor's seemed to bulge even more than everyone in the room, obviously surprised and startled by my sudden change. Ever since then he's been asking me out like crazy, but no matter what every time I turn him down.

Mr. Roach's words broke through my thoughts and I looked up at the board to see that more notes had been written for me to copy down. I went to write them down, but I saw that somehow Trevor's face had gotten down onto my notes – taking up at least half of the page, if not more. I crumpled the paper in disgust and started onto a new paper – much less crowded with faces of stupid boys. Unfortunately that didn't last for too terribly long.

Before I knew it along side my notes for the class I had drawn a scaled down version of Alexander, with his piercing onyx eyes and his hair that fell over his right eye and the rest hung almost down to his shoulder. Floating about his head, with a charming animalistic smile was a dark-colored bat. It had little fangs and wings that were fully spanned. Once I was satisfied with that I drew his grandmother's headstone, the location where we had our midnight picnic for our third date, and them him and his easel right beside it and him painting a picture of the bat; the masterpiece was halfway done and sooner then I knew it I was lost in thought again...

~Traven~

The bell rang, taking me out of my dream-like trance. I gathered up my stuff and blinked a few times once I put away my notes and to see the oddest pictures on there. One of was Alexander leaving me with tears streaming down my face and then randomly I had three pictures of Trevor on there. I looked at them closely; one of them was of Trevor flashing his cocky grin from an angle as if he was walking by and said something obnoxious like he usually does. The other one further down the page was an action shot of my gorgeous nemesis pulling his left leg back, about to send the soccer ball crashing at the back of the opposing team's net. The third and final picture was of Trevor, drenched in water or sweat, standing on the team's bench with his hands thrown out as if to proclaim his leadership as he's yelling if I would go out with him. There were little beads of rain soaking him in that picture and I couldn't help but think of how he threatened to that exact thing about a week ago. Somehow it had gotten stuck in my head...

Noticing how the class was slowly emptying, I stuffed the paper into my folder and grabbed it as I hastily exited the classroom. Mr. Roach started to say my name, but I waved him off and kept on going so that I wouldn't be late to my gym class. I went down the left hallway and was about to turn the corner when I hit a solid body. I fell and two golden arms reached for my extended arms. I recognized the skin tone and cursed myself for my bad luck.

Suddenly Trevor was leaning over me, way too close for comfort, with an anxious look in his eyes. I gripped onto his arms, confusion and surprise taking the best of me. He raised his eyebrows as he hurriedly lifted me back up into an upright position. I suddenly dropped my hands from around his forearms and my eyes widened – I definitely wasn't ready to see Trevor with such a vulernable and hopeful experession on his face. I quickly grabbed my purple folder off the floor, that I had dropped in the encounter and made a break for the other end of the school.

I sprinted around the corner when I heard him yell, "Raven! Wait!"

I didn't wait for him – I just kept on going because I had to make it to the locker room in time. Or so I told myself...

~Traven~

(Suddenly switching to Trevor's point of view for the time being)

"Raven! Wait!" I called after her quickly disappearing figure. The flash on white turned the corner hurriedly as if she couldn't wait to get me out of her site.

Well this is just great – just fucking great. I was alone in the hallway, with rejection stamped on my forehead, and the bell was about to ring at any minute. I don't know why I'm so angry with myself – she isn't even my type, but I've liked her for so long that it doesn't even matter anymore. I used to lie to my friends all the time, except for Matt – Matt is my best friend and I can't be anything but straight with him or else my stomach would have that bubble of guilt that it almost always holds.

"Mitchell!" barked Mr. Roach. "Get to class!"

I nodded to the odd-looking teacher before heading down the hallway to my history class. I began to job and a second later I was blinking up at the ceiling. I sat up slowly, unsure of what happened as I looked around and saw that I had slipped on a piece of paper. I was about to get up and crumple it when I noticed there were drawings on it. I crawled towards it – curious of what images were printed onto it. They all looked so life-like that it was astonishing.

The first picture was of a dark-looking character with long, dark hair that I would have mistaken for a chick if it weren't for the bare back and the way it was walking away from a crying girl. The female looked eerily similar to that of Raven a few months ago. She had a white hair clip lost in her dark, dark hair and soft, tearful eyes and pitch black clothing that seemed to go along with the emigrating figure. A bat hung over his head, with a sort of saddistic smile that looked as though it could fit perfectly on a cartoon character like a fox or wolf then a little, floating bat. I skipped over the picture of the random tombstone and the same guy as before painting the bat from earlier. Then what I saw next amazed and confused me: there were three pictures of me that looked almost like they could be photographs. The first one was of me appearing to be almost in mid-air about to shoot past some goalie that was blocking part of the goal. The next one was just my face and the upper part of my shoulders – it focused on my face and the eyes were amazing. They seemed to have some kind of emotion that went with the smirk that was lying on my face. It was probably how I looked most of the time when I got cocky or just had an intense conversation with Raven; she affected me like that. Then the last one was of me standing in the rain on a bench outside with me standing like I was that one person off that sappy movie Titanic and yelling to the world if Raven would go out with me.

I couldn't help but smile. Even if the last one hadn't happened yet there was still hope.

I picked up the paper off the floor and carried it with me to class, almost doing a little dance in the hall when all I could think about was how she must be thinking of me too.

~Traven~

(Switching back to Raven's point of view)

I put my purple folder on my desk, opening it up to get my homework that I had completed last night for math class. I was about to flip over my Language notes when I realized they weren't there. I was about to freak out and flip my lid when it suddenly dawned on me how Trevor was the one who bumped into me earlier today and send my stuff flying. In my rush I must have forgetten to see if any papers had fallen out.

I hope Trevor didn't come across it... Lord knows he'll take it the complete wrong way. This means I'll have to talk to him later. I'll probably do it at lunch since that's the only time of day during the school we really have any chance to see other people. Granted, I could talk to him about it during Chemistry, but I'd rather not have it spreading around the school since the biggest gossip sits right behind us and often times randomly jumps into our conversations to begin with. She usually sticks up for Trevor, leaving her fellow female in the cold in hopes of getting laid by the hottest guy in school.

I passed up my homework and all I could think of was how the heck I was going to get my doodles back without it seem like I'm interested in him... This is going to be interesting.


(A/N: Hey, it's me with a new story. I gained authorization from this story that was originally by mrsnessieblack. You all should go and check out the original and thank her for letting me take over this story and make it even closer to the best story it can be! The title will be changed from the Black and White Rose to something more appropriate since I cannot think at the moment of how to incorporate roses and symbolism that comes with it, so I just won't, lol :) But I'll work on this soon and don't forget to leave some love.)