Relationship Matters by InSilva

Disclaimer: Do not own, only borrowing.

A/N: a belated happy 17th March, mate. :)

Chapter Sixty-six: Impact


Bobby leant up against the wall and tried not to think about how it was the only thing keeping him upright. As ever, he was alright while he was on the go; it was just when he stopped that the tiredness caught up with him.

"You look shot," Carter said pleasantly, walking up.

Bobby squinted in the morning sunshine, looked him up and down and then wrinkled his nose at the stench of stale alcohol.

"Can't say you look much better. Did you get any sleep?"

"Nah. Hung around the bar where Anton kept his dogs. Met up with some of his drinking buddies – they're seriously pissed off with him."

"Understandable if he's stiffed them over the pups. I spent the night at his uncle's club interviewing everyone on the staff who ever met Anton and a few more besides."

"They heard anything?"

"Couple of whispers. Seattle came up a couple of times – I think Anton's got a cousin up there. What about you?"

"If Knuckles and Skull-cracker and the others had a clue where Anton had disappeared to, they'd go and look for him. Got talking to Suzy the waitress though. She mentioned Anton hit it big in Atlantic City a couple of times. Took her along once. I think she misses him."

"Seattle and Atlantic City. Well, they aren't far apart at all."

Carter ran a hand through his hair. "Let's think about it after breakfast."

Bobby's mouth suddenly watered. He hadn't realised how hungry he was.

Carter smiled. "Yeah. Me too. C'mon. I know where we can find some killer food not far from here. Somewhere to crash too if we're lucky."

Bobby followed him for a couple of blocks in comfortable silence till they were stood outside an unremarkable bar in Midtown. It looked very shut but that didn't stop Carter rapping on the door once, twice and again.

There was an almighty cacophony of dogs barking and the door was flung open by a tall, dark-haired woman whose eyes flashed and melted all in the same instant.

"Carter!"

She flung her arms round him and then almost as quickly released him. "You stink."

"I know, I know."

"Come on in then. Wash up and I'll start cooking." She turned her head in Bobby's direction. "You going to introduce me?"

"This is Bobby. Bobby, this is Maria."


There were rooms upstairs and there was a bathroom and fresh towels. Once he'd freshened up, Bobby was seriously tempted just to fall on the bed or the sofa and surface again when sleep released him. By that time, however, Maria had arrived with bacon sandwiches and fresh coffee and breakfast suddenly assumed priority.

Maria sat and joined them, pouring coffee and loading their plates with crispy bacon and fresh white bread and for the first few minutes they did nothing but eat in appreciative silence.

"You stopping long?" Maria asked.

"Just passing through," Carter said. "Be grateful if we could catch a few hours of sleep before we do."

"Of course." She smiled. "S'funny. I don't see anyone from the old days for ages and then I see two within-"

"Rusty?" Carter said urgently.

Maria looked startled at his tone. "Yes, Rusty."

"Recently?" Bobby asked.

"A couple of months back. He was here with three of his friends – Danny and Eduardo and Rick. Why?"

Carter exhaled slowly, the urgency fading from him. He wiped the crumbs from his moustache. "We're looking for him. And Danny and Rick if it comes to that."

Maria frowned. "Not Eduardo?"

Bobby and Carter exchanged glances.

"No," Carter said finally. "There was an incident. Eduardo didn't make it."

Maria crossed herself and muttered a soft prayer. "He was such a nice kid. Rusty's alright?"

"Yes. So's Rick. Danny… Danny was hurt pretty bad but he's recovered."

"It's like Saul and Mitch," Maria murmured.

"Yeah. Very like," Carter agreed. "So if you hear from him-"

"Any of them," Bobby interrupted.

"Please let us know." Carter took out pen and paper and wrote down his number. Bobby added his underneath.

Maria took up the piece of paper and carefully put it into her apron pocket. "Are they doing something very stupid?"

"You have met Rusty?"

"Yes," she sighed. "I'll call you."

She stood up. "Beds are made up. Go and sleep. I'll wake you at-"

"Three o'clock," Carter supplied.

"Three o'clock," Maria nodded. "I'll have a meal ready."

Carter caught up her hand and kissed the back of it. "Thank you, Maria."

"Thanks," Bobby echoed with feeling.

A smile flickered on to her face and off again. "Just keep everyone safe."

"We're trying."


Danny sat in the diner on Friday lunchtime and wondered. He'd been wondering since yesterday when he'd passed the goods on to Rusty. This week had been all about interception and diversion and misdirection and he felt like he hadn't stopped to draw breath. Even yesterday, when he'd been wrapped up and waiting outside on the street for Rusty to emerge, all that had been pounding through his head was adrenaline and revenge and Brady.

Then Rusty had walked out on to the street and he'd looked… Smaller somehow, his shoulders slumped, his face all weary… For a second, Danny had forgotten that he had a package to pass on but the part of his brain that was always focused on the job kicked in.

His feet led him automatically towards Rusty and he'd slipped the jewels and the banking slips to him, looking deep into Rusty's eyes as he did so and that had been a mistake right there. Didn't seem like Rusty had been expecting him and for once, Rusty's guard was down and what Danny had seen had been so vulnerable, so miserable Danny almost wanted to reach out there and then and grab him and run. But Danny's feet were following the plan and they kept him walking, Danny's feet took him away in the opposite direction and when he'd glanced back, Rusty had disappeared from sight.

"Alright? You look wrecked."

Danny looked up and saw Rick with a cup of coffee and concern.

"Fine," he smiled with enough of a crinkle that Rick would stop asking.

"He's late," Rick muttered, sitting down next to Danny and nodding at the pink milkshake.

"Mmm."

Rick began speculating on why exactly Rusty might be late and Danny only had one ear on what he was saying. The rest of him was thinking about the look in Rusty's eyes and the absolute exhaustion he'd seen in Rusty. He'd lain in bed and thought about calling him but Rusty never answered his damn phone and when he left messages Rusty just damn well ignored them. The man didn't want to be helped and didn't want to help himself and yet… If Rusty walked through the door and gave him even a hint of what he'd seen yesterday, if he would just…

(SomeWhere, SomeTime, a being that did not need breath held her breath anyway).

"…and you know how much he drinks…" Rick's voice swam back into Danny's consciousness. "It's hardly surprising."

"Yeah," Danny murmured, not exactly sure what part of Rusty's behaviour he was commenting on.

Rick sniffed. "I remember a guy called Max Edmonds. He was always knocking back the whisky and he was as unreliable as they come. Didn't work with him twice."

He broke off as the door opened and Rusty walked in. Danny's eyes were all over him, looking, searching for…he wasn't sure for what exactly. Just some sort of sign that Rusty was still the person he thought he was.

Rusty didn't look up as he crossed the floor and pulled out the chair. Danny opened his mouth but Rick got in first.

"You're late, Golden Boy. Couldn't tear yourself away?"

Rusty looked up at that and there was a snarl flashing through Rusty and then it was gone and cold professionalism took its place.

"I'm here now."

Danny found himself responding with the same cool tone. "How did it go?"

"It went just fine. How did you think it was going to go?"

Rusty was looking directly at him now and there was nothing of the tired and the unhappy in his eyes, just self-contained defiance as if he were daring Danny to say something. Irrational waves of anger pulsed through Danny and he pushed them down.

"Tell me," he said because if Rusty was talking, he wouldn't have to.

There was a moment where he wondered if Rusty was going to answer him. Then Rusty spoke in a crisp, matter-of-fact voice.

"I went back to Larner's. I planted the diamonds and the bank slips on Brady. Brady was taken away by Tony to see Constantine. They confronted him over the missing jewels and money. He was killed."

Rick leant across the table. "You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Brady's dead?" Danny clarified even though he knew the reaction it would engender in Rusty; the internal swell of rage was getting harder to deal with.

"Yes. So what's next? This isn't going to work twice."

Rusty was ice-cold and it was in stark contrast to the hot fury that Danny could taste in his mouth.

Danny's hackles rose. "I don't do repeat performances."

"So?"

Was it Danny's imagination or was that a mixture of taunt and arrogance? He felt his lip curling and his retort snapped out of him.

"So. Let's turn up the heat on Nelson and Lloyd. What about this floor with limited access? Sounds like that could be a pressure point."

The aggression seemed to fade in Rusty who ran a finger over his bottom lip, considering. "Could be. But there's no way of getting to it."

"Always a way," Danny corrected him.

"Danny always finds a way," Rick added.

Danny ignored him, an idea forming, overtaking him, running through every vein.

"You'd need a diversion the size of Manhattan to even get close." Rusty was ignoring Rick too.

"Larner's has been through tough times," Danny told him. "What better way to show the world that Larner's is back in the game than a party? A Christmas party at that."

Rusty sat back in his chair and all that escaped him was a "Huh".

"As for the key cards-"

"You can get your hands on one of them," Rick interrupted. "If your hands aren't busy elsewhere."

Danny's grimace was automatic but Rusty didn't seem to notice. Instead, he seemed lost in thought until eventually he appeared to come to a decision.

"OK. I'll work on it."

Danny could feel the anger rising in him again at the casual attitude. "If you could."

Rusty's face was tight. "I'm not making any promises. They're still getting over Brady's death."

"Yeah, about that. Not that we doubt you, hotshot," Rick's voice suggested they very much did, "but how do you know?"

Oh, suddenly Danny knew how Rusty was so sure and the knowledge dowsed the rage inside him.

"I mean are you positive they killed him?" Rick continued and Danny was watching Rusty's knuckles clench and he wanted Rick to shut the fuck up right about now. "Maybe they just let him go."

"Like they did Alisha?" Rusty's teeth were bared.

He fell silent and Danny wanted to tell him that he didn't have to say anything else on the subject but the words spiked in Danny's throat and refused to come out. Then Rusty looked up at Rick and said tersely:

"He's dead. I watched him die."

The words hung over the table between them like a frosty cloud. Danny bit the inside of his lip. He could see the frost wrapping itself around Rusty, forming a shield between them.

Rusty got to his feet. "Well? Anything else or can I go now?"

"We'll meet here on Tuesday. Keep in touch," Danny said and it sounded even to his ears more like an instruction than anything caring. The sub-zero look he got from Rusty suggested he was right.


SomeTime…SomeWhere…

She sat in a tall chair of soft blue and wanted to scream in frustration. They were both so…so… This wasn't going to resolve itself any time soon.

"You've stopped sending them dreams?"

Her head with its black curls turned in his direction and her silver eyes narrowed.

"It's an observation not an accusation," he added.

"All the dreams do is cloud their thoughts," she said. "They're not listening,"

"Not even to each other," the other agreed.

She paused. "What did you say?"


Bobby struggled back into consciousness under the certain impression that he was standing on his hands in a puddle. A puddle that was…licking his fingers?

He squinted down at the edge of the bed where a large dog was busy attacking his hands with her tongue.

"Whoa, doggy…" Bobby pulled his fingers out of the way and the dog gave him a reproachful look.

"Sorry." Maria appeared in the doorway. "Grace and Humphrey insisted on coming to say hello to you."

"Grace and…oof!"

A second dog bounded into the room and onto the bed.

"Humphrey!" Maria scolded. "Get down!"

Chastened, Humphrey did as he was told, sitting beside the bed, ears down. Maria gave him a stern look and then relented as Humphrey held up a paw to say sorry.

"He's obedient," Bobby commented, sitting up. "Have you had him long?"

"Since he was a pup," Maria said.

"Grace is his mother?" Bobby asked, stroking the older dog's head.

"Had her since Humphrey was a pup too," Maria told him. "There were more pups but they've gone to animal rescue. These two keep me company."

Pups. Pit Bull pups at that. Somewhere in Bobby's head, a lightbulb went off. "Did Danny and Rusty have anything to do with…"

Maria's snort interrupted the question. "Oh, yes. One morning I had no dogs and that evening I was up several." She rubbed Humphrey's ears fondly. "Not that I'm complaining."

Well, that would have put the boys definitely on the wrong side of Anton.

She jerked her head in the direction of the living area.

"It's three o'clock. I've brought up some sandwiches, some sodas and some cake," she said. "You want to wash your hands and freshen up and I'll go wake Carter."

Bobby caught her arm. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Her face softened.

"Welcome. A friend of Carter's is a friend of mine."


Bobby had explained to Carter how the dogs had arrived at Maria's and saw Carter drawing exactly the same conclusions he had: Anton would not be happy.

Now Humphrey and Grace sat at their feet as they ate, watching every mouthful.

"This is dog television," Carter said, amused.

"Cooking channel," Bobby added with a wry smile, dropping a little cheese to each of the audience.

"So. Where are you headed next?" Maria asked.

Carter looked over at Bobby. "Think I'm off to New Jersey."

"And I'm going to Oregon."

"You sure?" Carter said quietly.

"Yes," Bobby said decisively. "I've got some lieu time to clear before Christmas and I can keep up with the office while I'm out. We need to find them."

Carter nodded. "We will."


Rusty sat at the dealer desk, not listening to the old lady with the pair of small silver dogs recounting her tale of how her great-aunt had left her them in her will. His mind was full of the meeting with Danny and Rick.

"Are you sure?" they'd asked. "Are you sure Brady's dead?"

He was sure.

He'd stood by the elevators for a good ten minutes before Davey had appeared, his usual ingratiating manner absent.

"Tony says can you go to see Mr Constantine."

James had nodded. "Of course. Do you know why?"

Davey's pale face grew impossibly paler. "No."

No. But Davey knew it was serious and it was bad news. Had he been found out? The elevator was behind him. He stood on the balls of his feet, tensed to run. He could be out of here and-

"Brady…" Davey whispered. "I caught sight of him in there."

Rusty's breath caught. Davey didn't need to say any more. He gave a brusque nod and walked down the corridor to Constantine's suite, his mind racing. He reached out and knocked on the door.

Nelson let him in and Lloyd was there too. And Mikey and Lee were standing by the window. Tony was missing but Rusty barely registered that fact because Brady was on the floor, blood dripping from his mouth, clutching one of his knees.

Constantine, had a baseball bat in his hand, resting the bulk of it against his right shoulder. The look on his face… Barely-controlled fury. Something primal. It made Rusty's insides want to crawl up and out of him.

Mrs Hall and her silver dogs were long gone. He was sitting upstairs alone in the staff room on a break and he couldn't remember how he got there. What he could remember was…

"I want you all to see what happens to a man who betrays us," Constantine said and his voice was rich with rage.

"I didn't…I haven't…" Brady was gulping in air in between sobbed denials.

"Liar!" The bat came down heavy on Brady's shoulder: Brady yelped in pain and Rusty could hear bones crack. "Tell them what you've done."

Bewilderment was written large all over Brady but Constantine was on a roll.

"Then let me speak for you." He grabbed something off his desk and threw it at Brady's face. Rusty recognised the bank slips and the diamonds he'd planted earlier. "Decided that working for this organisation wasn't giving you enough satisfaction. Decided you'd branch out on your own a little."

A diamond was stuck ridiculously in the middle of Brady's forehead. "No! Never!"

"We've been having some courier issues of late," Constantine went on. "Complaints that we've been short-changing our suppliers. Consignments that are not up to spec. And now we've found out why. Someone's been helping themselves."

"No," Brady said wretchedly. "No. It wasn't me."

Constantine crouched down in front of him. "I spoke with Salvatore. You know the one thing that his couriers remembered about the man they met? The letters on his hands."

Brady looked down stupidly at the "HATE" and "LOVE" on his knuckles.

"I didn't," Brady said and it was said with the sincerity of an oath.

Constantine's smile was wide. "I don't believe you."

He was back at his desk and there was a lull with no customers and Jennie at the desk next-door was saying something about an invitation to stay with her sister for Christmas. He made James smile back at her. The smile was nothing like Constantine's. At least, he didn't think so.

Tony walked back into the room and Constantine straightened up, shooting him a look. Tony gave a brief nod, his face impassive but his eyes…Rusty could read the troubled and the unhappy in there.

"Deposits paid in over this last week total a little over $250,000," Tony said.

Constantine let out a low whistle. "Quarter of a million bucks, Brady."

"No!" Brady gave Tony a horrified look. "I would never…Tony…I wouldn't…!"

"Did you think Lee and Mikey here would get the blame somehow?" Constantine demanded. "Or James here?"

Rusty only just held on to the guilty start at the mention of his name.

"Did you think, with new boys coming on board, this was the perfect time to start skimming a little? After all, no one's going to believe the courier, are they?"

Brady made a noise somewhere between a whimper and choking.

"But you know what? James managed the pick up perfectly well today," Constantine added. "Money passed over and jewels brought back."

Brady was crying now. Openly. He wiped his hands over his face, snot and tears mixed together.

"Pathetic," Constantine sneered. He turned to the others and held out the bat. "Anyone else want to chastise Brady? Lloyd? Nelson? What about you, James?"

Rusty stared at the proffered handle and then past Constantine at Brady, cowering on the floor.

"Please," Brady whispered. "Please, man..."

From nowhere, Rusty could hear Felicity's words: "He was very brave, you know…"

Ed. His fingers closed round the handle of the bat.

"He didn't beg at all."

Rusty took a step towards Brady. And then another.

"I want you to know how brave he was."

Ed. He swung the bat blindly and at the height of the swing, someone caught his arm and stopped him. Rusty twisted his head and found himself staring up at Tony.

"No," he said simply and pulled the weapon from his fingers.

Brady let out a cry of gratitude. "Tony! Oh, thank you, Tony!"

Tony dropped the bat to the floor and knelt down beside Brady who clutched his arms, words falling out of him, pleading and denying and full of relief that someone believed him.

"I recruited you," Tony said softly. "I brought you in here."

"I know…I'd never…Tony…"

"Shh…shh, now." Tony buried Brady's head into his shoulder, Brady's sobs racking through them both. "I made a mistake. And I take care of my mistakes."

There was a sickening crack and the sobs stopped abruptly. Tony lay Brady's body down. Rusty looked down at the lifeless eyes and all he could see was Ed.

"James?"

He was sitting on the edge of the bed upstairs in the suite and Alex was holding out a glass of wine. Rusty's fingers wrapped round it and he raised it halfway to his lips before he remembered that he'd sworn off the stuff.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Alex put down the wine and wrapped his arms around him, burying his head into Rusty's shoulder, pulling Rusty close to him. "You're so very not. You weren't last night and you're not tonight."

He hadn't been fine for a long time.

"You're like me, aren't you," Alex went on, his fingers stroking his hair, trying to smooth away all troubles. "You hate the need for discipline even though it's necessary."

Discipline. Was that what they called it nowadays? Rusty cracked a mirthless smile over Alex's shoulder.

"I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," Alex murmured. "You can tell me anything. I'm not going anywhere."

Rusty's smile without humour grew wider.


It was later, much later and he woke to Alex kissing the back of his neck, murmuring comfort and…and…the words of comfort were becoming hotter and heavier and the kissing…the kissing was becoming hotter and heavier too.

Fingers in his hair, stroking his face, on his shoulders… It had been a few days since they'd had sex and it felt like Alex was ready to remedy that fact. Rusty bit his lip. This was no big deal. It never was. It was never- Alex's hands moved lower, caressing Rusty's hipbone, reaching round and running his fingertips over Rusty's inner thigh… It was nothing…it never…it…no…no…

"No!"

Rusty swung himself up and off the bed and Alex fell backwards, legs splayed open, bewilderment playing in his eyes.

Rusty never said no. Not to Tommy Reiss way back when and not to anyone since.

"James…?" The bewilderment was laced with frustration. Alex was horny as hell.

"No," Rusty repeated and somewhere there was Saul and somewhere there was Danny and somewhere there was the man he'd once been.

Somewhere there was what had happened to SaulDannyEdTeresa and he told the man he'd once been to grow a pair.

"No," he said again. He made James crack a smile he didn't feel. "No, let me."

It was Rusty who made James kneel down.

It was Rusty who made James use his mouth and hands to work Alex's flesh.

And later, as he lay curled up with a satiated Alex alongside him, it was all, all Rusty.


There was a bar with no walls and a mirrored door that just hung there. Rusty stared at his reflection. He looked…he looked like he had an age ago. Like he had his shit together. Like he could take on the world. His shoulders dropped a little and he let out a long breath. For once, his dreams weren't intent on echoing the misery of his waking life.

It wasn't necessary to push the door open and walk in which was precisely why Rusty did it. There were several empty tables, somewhere a piano was playing and there was a bar. Rusty stopped in his tracks. Danny was sitting at the bar, nursing a whisky. Danny looked up as Rusty approached and there was no beard, no sign of pain or anger or hostility. There was just Danny. The smile rose up in Rusty without him even noticing.

Danny was studying him intently and the smile slipped away as Rusty tried his hardest to read what was going on in the man's head. Last time he'd dreamt of Danny… He swallowed. Last time he'd dreamt of Danny, there had been sex with an audience and encouragement and Constantine…

Exits. He should check exits. The thought rose and died in him as he remembered this was a place without walls. He took a wary half-step back anyway and saw the slightest frown flicker on to Danny's face. They stared at each other for a long, long second and the tension was live and tangible and he was ready to run, ready to fight, ready to..ready to…

Danny's eyes widened and then he let out a sigh and shook his head.

"Of all the gin joints in all the world…" Danny tipped the glass in Rusty's direction and the background piano music immediately resolved itself into "As Time Goes By".

The tension evaporated. Relief flooded through Rusty. There was no danger here.

"Mind if I join you?" Rusty crooked a half-smile and indicated the neighbouring stool.

"Be my guest." There was a pause and then Danny asked, "Are you OK?"

Rusty looked at him, startled by the gentleness in Danny's voice. Was this about…this was about…

"Yes," he said automatically.

Brady's face, the fear in his eyes and they'd put it there…

"No," he whispered.

"Which is it?"

"Both," Rusty admitted. "I'm not sorry but I'm…"

He tailed off. Danny looked like he wanted to say something more but changed his mind and instead said, "Another whisky, please."

This last to the barmaid with the curls and the curves who had suddenly appeared.

"Something soft," Rusty corrected but she'd already placed a glass of glorious pink with straws in front of him. He took a long sip of probably the best milkshake he'd ever had. Involuntarily, he made an appreciative noise and then caught sight of Danny's amused look.

What?

"Just…it's been a while."

It had been a while. A long time since he'd enjoyed what he put in his mouth. And more than that, a long time since he'd sat with Danny and felt a fraction of the easy trust and the something magical. A hunger rose up in him and he saw the puzzled half-question forming on Danny's face. Oh well, what the hell.

"I've missed…this." Rusty waved an expansive hand

Danny understood, he could tell, but he still went for the flippant comeback.

"Visiting bars and drinking? Would have thought you'd had enough of that."

That hurt. Just a little bit. But then truth did and the way to take the sting out of it was to acknowledge it.

"I've stopped now," Rusty told him, gesturing at the milkshake. "I don't want to be out of control. Decided it was too dangerous."

Danny's expression was tight. "It's all too dangerous, Rusty," he said in a low voice. "You shouldn't be doing this."

Rusty sighed. He should have known it wouldn't be long before Danny started in on him.

"Yeah, yeah. It's awful. It's disgusting. I'm cheap and easy. Heard it already, Danny. Doing it anyway."

Danny's face crumpled and then:

"Why? Why didn't you wait?"

Again unexpectedly soft and gentle and Rusty blinked. "You know why. Ed and Teresa and you, Danny. God, after Saul and Mitch…"

He swallowed and stared at his fingers wrapped tight round the glass. After Saul and Mitch, he'd tried so hard not to get close to anyone. And without even noticing, Ed had become such a part of him. And Danny too. On that damn beach. Never thought he'd open up like that with anyone.

"What do you want me to say? What do you want to hear? That it's hateful? That I hate myself? That I thought I could handle this and it would be like any other part I play but it's grown far bigger and far faster than I ever imagined? That it's gone on for way too long and it's eating at me from the inside out?"

Rusty lifted his chin defiantly.

"It's all of that. It's been little steps to hell. I didn't plan on being offered a job. I didn't plan on Alex asking me to move in. I just didn't know how to say no. Working with them? Laughing with them? I want to peel off my skin and burn it." His eyes flashed with weeks of self-hatred and anger. "But I had to do something, Danny. You didn't see yourself. You didn't see Ed-"

He broke off, his voice hoarse with misery. "Oh, Danny…I don't know. Maybe I made the wrong call."

"You think?" Danny said quietly.

"It didn't feel that way at the time." Rusty saw Danny's face and added hurriedly. "I was going to wait, I swear to you. I was going to wait for you and your plan and then Rick said we already had a plan - your plan - and I thought when you were better, I'd have all the details-"

"Rick?" The name sounded sharp in Danny's mouth.

He hesitated for a moment and then exhaled slowly. It was a dream, after all. Not like he'd actually say any of it to Danny's face.

"Yeah, Rick. Rick knew I went back to Larner's. He knew what I was doing. He knew I was sleeping with Alex. Hell, he set me up that first time with Alex and the Canaletto, telling me you expected me to do what was needed, sending champagne over...making me think that…" He gave a tired sigh. "He let me show you I was exactly what he thought I was. Bravo, Rick."

Danny was staring at him like he'd just suggested dogs miaowed. "Rick…I don't believe you."

"Oh, I know you don't." Rusty shook his head with a smile. "That's why I'd never tell you even if I thought it made a difference to how you feel about things." (About me). "Rick is shitting himself that I will at some point but since I haven't told you about the other shit he's tried to pull-"

"What other-"

"Oh, c'mon, Danny! We both know that you're not going to listen, so what's the point?"

He held Danny's glare for a long moment and then dropped his gaze to his glass. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft.

"I asked him about you. When you were in the hospital. We used to meet up in that damn diner and he wouldn't tell me a thing. Drove me crazy." His lips crinkled mirthlessly. "He got a big kick out of that. I even phoned you – you know that? Got Rick both times. And then I was going to come and see you. Alex was out of town and I thought I could escape from it all and slip to the hospital, charm my way in and sit with you like I did when you were first in there. Just…see for myself. Just be with you and watch over you and maybe you'd wake up, maybe I could have… But I found out Brady was tailing me and I couldn't risk leading him to you. You just don't know how good it was to see you the other day at the diner."

He'd said too much. He'd said way too much. He looked up at Danny's face. Danny was unreadable.

Danny…?

"Why don't you answer your phone?"

Rusty blinked at the non-sequitur.

"What?"

"I didn't know where you were. You'd vanished and I thought maybe you were grieving and I respected that and then I was angry because…" he took a breath and then forced the words out, "because maybe our friendship didn't mean as much to you as it did to me. But then I… I just wanted to see you," Danny said and Rusty could hear the tremble that was only just controlled. "I called you. I left messages…I texted you…I asked you to get in touch, I asked you to come back…I told you about Teresa's funeral and you just ignored-"

"I didn't-Danny, I didn't get any of those!" Urgent and earnest. "I didn't know about the funeral till Rick told me the other day!"

"I waited for you." The emotion was now raw in Danny's voice. "Because I knew you'd come. If our positions had been reversed, nothing could keep me away and I knew you. I felt sure I knew you. I knew you'd be there. And you didn't come."

The accusation and the hurt were at full volume, deafening, drowning out everything but Danny…Danny's eyes…

"I would have done," Rusty whispered. "If I'd known. I would have come and stood with you."

He'd reached out automatically and squeezed Danny's hand. Danny glanced down and at once Rusty started to let go – what was he thinking? He knew Danny's opinion of him. And then Danny squeezed back and it felt…it felt…

It felt…


Rusty woke up with a start. He looked around. He was in Alex's bed. With Alex. Dreams wisped round him in a golden haze. He'd been drinking with Danny. Talking with Danny. Like he couldn't when Danny was really there. Saying things… He sighed and settled back on the pillows. Saying things that he could never say.

He glanced over at Alex, gently snoring. He thought about Danny, cold and fierce and everything he hadn't been in the dream. Reality bit.


SomeTime…SomeWhere…

"So that was…"

"Allowed," she said firmly.

He considered for a moment and then decided not to press the point. He went on, "They spoke to each other."

She nodded. "They did."

"They think it was a dream."

She nodded again. "But lines get blurry."


Across town, Danny was staring up at the ceiling, wide awake, heart thumping. He'd dreamt he was talking to Rusty and there had been honesty and pain and…Rusty'd said stuff about Rick…that Rick had known…he'd said he never got the phone messages…

Danny ran a hand over his face, his fingers tangling in his beard. What the hell was he supposed to make of all that?