Prologue

And in the end, nothing was resolved.

Scars faded, wounds healed, but the lack of resolution made Lisa Reisert feel confused and incomplete. She spent a lot of time sifting through the contents of her memories, holding various items longer than others, and trying to figure out where they all fit. There were too many inconsistencies in Jackson's behavior. And for someone who liked order, the gray areas were too conflicting for her to process.

He tried to kill me.

It was her new mantra. Whenever she found herself softening at the thought of Jackson, she would remind herself of his treachery until the inevitable flipflop: But maybe he wasn't really going to kill me?

She did a lot of reading about Stockholm Syndrome, then Lima Syndrome. She went to therapy and tried to put into words the jumble of emotions she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"This man tried to kill you, Lisa," her therapist would gently remind her.

"Yes, but you don't understand," she whispered. "There were moments I could tell…"

"Tell what?"

Lisa remembered the flashes of humanity. The genuine warmth she felt from him.

She said nothing.

"Why do you think you're still being watched," the therapist pressed. "The police have established Jackson went deep into hiding after he escaped."

Lisa didn't know how to explain that she hoped she was was still being watched.

At night, she would catch herself drawing back the curtains and lingering a bit too long at the window. Old pajamas were replaced with sexy (yet tasteful) lingerie. She took extra care in her appearance and told herself it was part of the healing process.

"Is it possible you are clinging to the first person you've felt a shred of attraction to since the rape?"

"Maybe," Lisa said dubiously. "Or maybe I'm just as depraved as he is."

"You saved many lives that day."

"Then why do I miss him?"

He tried to kill me.

"Perhaps what you need is closure."

Lisa paused.

"First I'd need to find him."

Her therapist sighed, closing the legal pad on her lap and leaning forward.

"And how do you propose doing that?"

The answer came to Lisa in a sudden flash, and she knew what she had to do.

"By letting him find me first."