"Copier…"

Summary: Paracelsus is leaving a little gift for Arthur and the gang…

Disclaimer: No copywrite infringement intended.

Part I... (Hopefully this save will keep my ...breaks, if not, nothing more I can do, though you can go and read this later on at my Buffy Rebeccaverse site, the Warehouse page. Give me a bit of time on that though...)

"I have not given up, Arthur!" Fierce cry… "This remains my house!"

Fade out…

All the team in the hall staring at the spot where ex-warehouse caretaker, current nemesis, Paracelsus had vanished…

"Ok…Either we are gooder than good…" Pete noted, eyeing the spot where Paracelsus had just been ranting at them in his alchemist's robes. "Or…"

"Hologram…Move!" Artie frowned…Turning to Claudia... "All right, he's clearly nearby, given he can't have much oomph left in his power cells."

"Oomph?" Claudia grinned. "You know what the movies' 'oomph' girl Ann Sheridan once said about that word?"

"The sound a fat man makes when he bends over to tie his shoes, yes." Artie glared.

"Just showing that my classic film skills are as honed to fine edge as are my computer kahones…" benevolent beam.

"I'll keep that in mind for movie trivia night…25 point handicap…"

"Hey."

"Ok…Guys…" Myka cut in. "Power mad former warehouse caretaker loose…Beat up a little but still loose?"

"Right." Artie nodded. "Jinks, take the It Girl and go to corridor five, cover sections 15-34."

"Artie? There's nothing there of use to Paracelsus…" Claudia, insistent.

"Oh, ye of little experience and unfounded arrogance…Do what I tell you, please?"

"We're going…" Jinks nodded, hard stare to Claudia's frown.

"Myka, you and Mr. Goodbar take corridor twelve, pay special attention to sections 2-14."

"And you'll cover section 1." Pete, confidently.

"No…I'll cover sections 35-100. Section 1 is where Mrs. Fredericks will be waiting…And God help Paracelsus if she finds him." Artie noted, faintest of sly smiles.

"Mr. Goodbar…" Pete, suddenly… "Ha, ha, ha…Good one, Artie."

"He was nice to me when I tole him I had cancer…" Myka sheepishly eyed Artie's grim "This is really the only man in your life right now?" expression.

"Fine…Go!" he waved…

She's going to tell him she thought it was very funny…Artie sighed…I know it.

God forgive me the day I brought that expert, clever, sharp as a razor, slightly self-important, FBI agent to pair with…Pete…

Poor kid's more in love every day…Lord, they practically think alike now.

Best thing you ever did, Arthur…He grinned at himself in the nearest mirror.

Uh-oh…Avoid that one…Interdimensional portal opens if you stare more than twenty seconds…

...

Corridor five, section 16…

"Ok, I have no idea what Paracelsus could possibly find of use down here…" Claudia fumed. "This is like, the kiddie section of Warehouse 13. We have been assigned the kiddie pool of artifacts, Steve. The kiddie pool…And look, the kiddie pool of Ayn Rand." She indicated the artifact.

"Ayn Rand had kids? Good God, I think I'll have nightmares just thinking about that." Jinks noted.

"No, she didn't…Well, this wasn't her kids' pool anyway…It was her pool."

"Ayn Rand had a kiddie pool? They had kiddie pools when she was a kid?"

"No, it says this was hers when she was an adult…Hmmn…" Claudia blinked at the card display.

"I don't want to know, do I?" Jinks, gulping.

"Wish I didn't…" Claudia nodding, paling… "Ok, maybe this area's not quite as dead…Sorry…Dormant as I thought."

"You don't have to pussy-foot around the word anymore, Claudie…" Jinks smiled. "I'm over it…I see It as an extension…A little kindly offer to let me have a little more time to do some good."

"And raise some degree of Hell before you're done, I hope." Claudia eyed him. "I didn't mean to raise St. Jinks from the dead, nice as I'm sure St. Jinks would be."

"Copacetic…" Jinks grinned. "Don't worry…We of the saintly persuasion are occasionally allowed a wild night off…"

"If I could believe that, I could be persuaded to try for Heaven one day…" Claudia nodded.

Crash from down the corridor…

"Section 19…" Claudia noted.

"On it…" Jinks hurried…

"Keep that energy orb handy…He's gotta be conserving power for one last blowout…" she noted.

"Right here…" Jinks briefly showed his small energy-absorbing orb, one of which Artie had given each agent as partial protection from Paracelsus' efforts.

"Claudia?" he stared at empty space…

Either her usual speed or…

"Or"…with Paracelsus about far more likely.

"Claudia!" he hurried down the corridor to Section 19…

Nothing…Yet… He peered around…

...

"Greetings fellow caretaker…" Paracelsus beamed at the newly appeared figure of Claudia now before him.

"Oh, don't bother trying to cry out…" he noted. "The sound absorbance of Mendes Pinto's Chinese screen is simply amazing." He pointed to the screen next to the wall behind him. "Pinto used to use it at first to drown out the sounds of his quarreling companions and avoid bringing punishment upon his imprisoned band in China…Then he saw its possibilities for espionage…And used it to help make Portugal a dominant power in the Far East in the first decades of the Age of Exploration. Past my time, rather…Or just after it, really…But my nephew's kind-hearted if na?ve memory transfer gave me the gist."

She looked round… "How?"

He wiggled his fingers…Rings glittering…And sparking…On each one…

"Teleportation of the desired object to the summoner…Quite nice, eh? I hope you're not bothered to be the said 'desired object', dear? I assure you nothing of what you people nowadays call 'creepiness'? is intended."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that…" she eyed him. "Even without the extra creepy, you're pretty creepy."

"As are you…In fact…" he smiled. "I saw it in you, immediately…Even as we bronzed you. But I knew you would be…That it would be in you. It's an essential part of being a caretaker."

"The creepy?…In me?" she frowned. "Look, you medieval freak show escapee…I have the certifications of at least five excellent references that I am in fact the least creepy of persons…Semi-certifications. Look, I am not like you…A semi-mechanical freak…I don't know what you hope to gain by psyching me out but…"

"He didn't see it in himself…He was blind to it. I suppose we all are, especially caretakers…After all we're chosen for our moral and spiritual fortitude…Hubris on a high plane is inevitable." He smiled.

"He?" Claudia stared. Starting to move…

"Carefully, dear. Yes, the area is as you say, booby-trapped…" he nodded. "And I do not want you hurt…"

"Ah…So it's what?" she eyed him…He moving about, a bit nervously…

Twitching…Twitching? She stared at him…

Ah, right we hit his power core…Lights are flickering, band is playing as the ship goes under…

And hopefully, the lifeboats have already sailed minus the captain…

"…You want a caretaker…Geesh…" she sighed, staring. "Tell me it's not possession. I so don't want a guy rummaging through my personal stuff…"

"Intriguing…" Paracelsus smiled. "Have you encountered such an artifact in your work? That would allow mutual or single transmigration of souls between bodies?"

"Classified, Chester…" she smiled… "But don't try it. My friends know me very well and will be expecting something like this."

Right…Six months from now Pete would finally catch me using the mens' room…And still have no clue…

"Well, tempting as that is…" Paracelsus nodded… "I have an even better idea…Would you care to sit?" he indicated a large chair.

"Thanks, no…"

"Even better…And what I expected…" he parted hands and waved…

"OH…OH…" Claudia gasped…Falling to her knees…

"Bit draining, sorry…The copier here hasn't been used in some time." He smiled…As she disappeared in a blue glow.

"Excellent…Now you don't see her…" he waved an arm, pulling robe…

Then reached down to a small boxlike device, unobtrusively on the floor near the wall to the disappeared Claudia's right…And resetting some buttons, levers and other items, including a manually pulled needle on a beautifully labeled scale running across the box's length…Which he set to just shy of "Darkest…"

"And now…You…Do…"

Another blue flash…Claudia, back…

Eyeing him…Then a mocking smile…Icy look.

"Paracelsus…So…You weren't totally crazy…" she looked round, stretching a bit.

"It's not…" her gaze came back to focus on him.

"No…" he shook his head.

"And we're…?"

"Safe…More or less…And free…If you're clever enough a girl to listen…Quickly…" he eyed her.

...

"Claudia!" Jinks had spied her in the corridor…Staggering a little…

"Jinks?" she eyed him, looking wan…

"Are you ok?! Did he take you? Where's he got to?"

"Mostly…Yes, obviously…Not quite sure…" she eyed him…

Nope, not a lie in the bunch…She thought.

Wouldn't want to start off on the wrong foot with this one…Mr. Human Lie Detector…

"I'd better check in…" Jinks pulled his Farnsworth.

She eyeing the screen carefully…

"Any idea why he grabbed you? How did he, by the way?"

"I'm not sure is the answer to both…" she shrugged, smiling…

A smile that deepened…Eyes sparkling as Artie appeared on screen.

"What's happened?" he stared.

"Arthur…" she gasped under her breath…

"Artie…" Jinks carried the Farnsworth with him…

Drawing a harsh look from her which she quenched immediately as the screen moved from her view…

"Paracelsus took Claudia somehow…We don't know how…Invisibility, teleport…Trap door out of thin air…"

"What?! But I saw her…She was right there…" Artie's voice a bit frantic.

"No, I mean yeah…She's here…" Jinks nodded. "He didn't keep her…She was in the corridor…Just a bit stunned."

"She's ok? Put her on…Claudia?"

"Yeah…Right here…Not quite sure what he did or was doing but just fine…Peachy." She smiled at the image on screen.

Ecstatic, in fact…My darling…She beamed…