Finally, right?!
Not sure if I am going to continue. I have a lot more planned but I am getting rather bored so this may be the last chapter

Review if you like it and I may change my mind. Thanks, B

16. Corruption.

It is as I had feared all night and early morning; River does not come to school the next day. I knew he would not dare to come and face me. I had known, yet not to see him, hear him, or feel him… it's maddening. To have had him so close, felt and tasted him, and then nothing…it's… it's cruel of him to deny me his closeness. His absence is setting my mind spinning and my skin tingling. It's torture. He is torturing me, for there is no way that is he is actually sick. He can't be… can he?

'What if he is?'

Throughout the empty day, during one slow class after the other, the inner voice grows louder and more dominating. I imagine him sick and weak; thrashing in bed with a threatening fever as life slips from him. The images cause my thoughts to turn irrational and illogical. Yet, my current state, being in love, prevents me from thinking in any other way. There is only one way for my mind to settle and return to normal. I need to know for certain that he is not sick. I need to know… even if it means to enter enemy territory and converse with her. Her, the one I can't stand and would rather never have to deal with on any level.

"Where's River?"

I have walked up to her in the school cafeteria, ignoring So's disputing argument for me not to. She is sitting at her usual table, surrounded by her confidants. Every single one of them is glaring at me as if I am a sworn enemy, and perhaps I am. I, on the other hand, have no one by my side to back me up, if need be. But, this matters none. For River, I will travel to hell and converse with the devil himself.

"Why do you ask?"

Mary's tone is bored and empty, except for the obvious dislike towards me. She continues to eat, her eyes not leaving the space in front of her, as if I didn't stand next to her. My presence does not even seem worthy of a glance. Not that I care. Her opinion of me means nothing. I don't even care that pretty much the entire cafeteria is now observing us.

My stance widen slightly as I sneer back, unafraid and ready to battle for what I have claimed as mine. "Because he isn't here… that is why I ask!"

Mary slowly puts down her silverware, the metal hitting the side of her plate as it makes it way down, and she digs her hateful eyes into mine. "River is no concern of yours. You are not one of us and you never will be. You are unclean, spoiled, so you can never be with him like I can. Don't you get that? This is Miracle and there is no tolerance for your kind."

Anger, the kind that simmers and spews, begs under the surface to be set free. "My kind? Unclean? Spoiled? What are you talking about?"

Mary huffs and rolls her eyes at her friends, who all snigger unchristian-like. "I'm talking about you, Cara. You are unclean… you are spoiled… because you've been touched. You have openly admitted to renouncing God as your savior. You have forever ruined all chances to be worthy of River. Accept the consequences of the path that you have chosen with your own free will and leave River alone… or do you wish to corrupt him as well?"

I can't trust my anger not to manifest into something I may regret, so I stay quiet and keep my distance from her at some three feet. When she says spoiled and touched, I know at what she refers. She believes me to be without my virginity. I suppose they all believe so: all those at this table, the church congregation, River's parents, and possibly even River. Part of it is my fault. In the beginning, when I didn't know how River would affect and change me, I openly paraded with Joey. I never did anything with him past kissing but how would anyone else know this. And who knows what lies Joey might have spread.

'He better not have!'

"You don't even care, do you?" Mary continues, stabbing at me recklessly with her words, tone, and poisonous glare. Her disgust over me is so clear and if I was weak, I might have run off in tears. "You don't even care how your little game will affect River, do you? How it will ruin him and his family? He is to take over the church after his father. He is to lead us all. How do you think it looks when a tramp like you keeps putting your dirty hands on him? And River is too nice to tell you off…his father is too nice… his mother is too nice… but I'm not because I have begun to understand you. Direct bluntness is all that works on your kind." She stands up so that our eyes can meet on the same level. The chill travels between us and freezes the whole space. "So let me spell it out for you one last time; Stay away from River. He doesn't want you. He only pities you because of your drunk mother, your cheating father, and because you are weak, pathetic, and…"

My hand flies out, moved by uncontrollable rage, and pain shoots through my palm as the thin sensitive skin makes impact with Mary's cheek. She hunches down, screaming from the burn and the initial shock of 'how-dares-she'.

'How dare I? How dare she?' is what I want to know. Insulting me is one thing but to drag my dad and mom into… that I won't stand.

I walk away, leaving her hysterically yelling my name. Her screeching echoes against the bare walls of the cafeteria, making everyone halt their eating and stare at the spectacle. No matter the embarrassment factor, it is pointless to stay any longer. She won't give me what I want and what I came over for; any information about River. But she has given me some information. I know now that they know. They know that my dad left and why he left. They know that my mom used to drink. And, that they think that they know that I am no longer a virgin. All these truths and the false gossips equals up to one solid fact; that River's mom and dad would never approve of me for their son.

'…do you wish to corrupt him as well?'

This is what Mary asked me and I didn't answer. Would being with me mean corrupting and ruin River? Am I truly that bad? Perhaps in the eyes on the church goers but they do like my singing. Even River's mom likes my singing and if I was so bad, would she let me sing in her choir? If I was so bad, would River's father have let his son tutor me? If I was so bad, would River have let me kiss him?

'Kiss him,' my insides echo back to me and a pleasant shiver follows.

With the bell ringing us back to class, I walk the corridor to my locker. I get my books and head off in the correct direction. So many questions and no one to answer them, and I have a heartbreaking feeling that River will be a no show tomorrow as well.

My premonition turns out to be correct. No River Wednesday, or Thursday, or even Friday. It is as if Miracle has swallowed him up without any trace. I don't approach Mary again. Her glare stabs at me from across the hallways and cafeteria room but I never return the ice. There is no purpose to it. If I am to win River, I have to prove that I am better than what they have decided. Ok so my mom was a drunk but she is sober now. Ok so my dad cheated and left my mom, but that is him and why should I get punished for that? Have I and my mother not suffered enough because of his behavior? Ok, so I dated Joey (and some other guys before that but that is no reason to drag them into this), yet nothing really happened. I still have my virginity and I am finding my way back to church. I sing in the choir! I may not be a Miracle purebred like Mary, but I am not bad, unpure, and spoiled. I am me, Cara, which is pretty good… I think.

Saturday morning comes and I am a bouncy mess. Tomorrow is Sunday and he can't skip service. His father wouldn't let him. He can't skip choir practice. His mother wouldn't let him. He will be there and no matter what will happen, I will get to see him. I'll be able to tell if there is any regret or if he is upset. I just know him that well. I can read and understand him like no other. I guess the same goes for him when it comes to me. He just gets me. This is why we need each other. This is why we have to be together. No matter what…

'…do you wish to corrupt him as well?'

My excitement fades and my spirit drops as Mary's voice echoes. Being with me will not corrupt River, but it will change his very existence. Being with me will go against the wishes of his family and his church community. It is not right what they are forcing him to do and be, but it is all that he knows. If he chooses me, does that mean that he will have to turn his back on everything and everyone else?

I chuckle and shake my head at my crazy talk. His family will not shut him out and neither will those around him that truly cares for him. They won't like it; River and I together, and there will definitely be some hardships, but the love between child and parent is unconditional. I know from experience. Even with dad, as angry as I am with him, I know that eventually I will forgive him… cause he is my dad… and I love him. Nothing will ever change that. And the same is true with River and his parents. They will forgive, understand, and accept their son's decision. It's what parents do.

"Mom, are you ready? Mom?"

I am nearly losing my mind waiting for my mother to get ready so that we can go. Mom has promised to come with me to morning service. She wants to hear me sing obviously, yet it is more than that. She wants a fresh start as well. It's a new beginning for the both of us. No more living in the darkness of the past. We will no more let the sadness of yesterday ruin the happiness of our today. My brother would not have wanted it.

"Mom? We've got to go!" I yell again and spy down our hallway as I hold open the front door. The aroma of my mother's perfume drifts towards me and I know that she is nearly ready. "Come on, mom. I can't be late."

What would River's mom think and say if I am late? I have to make a good impression. I have to win them over and overcome the bad rep that I have falsely been given. I can't be Mary and I don't want to be. I just want to show off the best Cara that I can… and being late would not show a very favorable Cara at all. Quite the opposite, I fear.

"MOM!"

"Ok, Ok, I'm coming," my mom mutters as she strolls towards me. There is a teasing smile on her lips as she approaches. "So, what's this all about, Cara? Really? It can't all be about going to church and singing in the choir. No, not all this excitement and anxiety. I'd say a boy must be involved for you to be this on edge. And, I'm pretty sure it's not that Joey kid."

I keep my back to her cause I know that my mom can read me like no other. "Mom, I just don't want to be late."

She laughs behind me as she locks up the door, telling me that she isn't buying it. Yet, by not pushing the subject she is also telling me that she respects my wish not to tell her… for now at least. I am fine with for now for I have all intentions of telling her about River. There will be no getting around that once he starts coming over, once we are together. Still, until we are officially together, I'd rather keep it to myself. Bringing my mother with me to church is awkward enough with the rumors sweeping our community. No need to add to the uncomfortable situation by sharing the truth of my obsession with the off-limit Revenant's son. Mom would be staring at him the whole time and making insinuating faces at me. I shiver at the thought.

I walk in, side by side with my mother, head held high as I should. I am proud of my mother and I want them all to see. She has been through a lot and she is still here, better and stronger than ever. Same can be said about me. Sure, we are not perfect but who dares to claim t hat they are?

My head sweeps every space and corner for River, yet nothing. I do see Mary who gives me her usual sneer and River's mother who waves at me frantically. Acknowledging her presence and urgency, I nod and then lead my mother to a favorable seat up front. I want her to see and hear my perfectly. Despite wanting to encounter River, here and now is about my mother. I want her to experience me singing once again. I want my singing to fill her senses and lift her up like never before, give her strength and joy so she can become even better. I want her to be able to remember the old days with smile and not with a tear, remember how we used to sing in church before my brother's suicide.

"Cara, are you ready for your solo?" Mrs Mills asks and I reply with a confident smile of reassurance.

I look over at the piano, thinking that I will find the seat empty to soon be occupied by Mrs. Mill, but instead that is when our eyes meet. It has been almost a week and my body reacts accordingly. There is a surge; the retreating pull of a giant wave and my insides cave in. I draw in my breath as if punched violently and my body tenses. For a moment, I fear that no sound will be able to come from my lips. I will not be able to sing and I will not be able to remember the words. The whole church is watching, including my beloved and proud mother, and I will not be able to form one single musical note. The shame… the horror… the disappointment…

Then music fills the space between us. It is as if he plays only for me, for the sole purpose of luring me into song. It works. The notes simply just come out of me, like beckoned by magic or like I am under a spell. His music has my vocal cords, just like he has me.

'Do I have him?'

The song ends and we are rewarded with roaring applauds. My mother rises from her chair and a few tears are running down her cheek. My eyes should continue to rest on her so that I can cherish this moment forever, but they refuse to stay with her. It's on River they want to stay, always. I hold on to his figure as I walk backwards and take my place amongst the choir. I hold on to him as the service goes on for another hour with sermon, prayer, and more singing. He never looks up. He keeps his gaze low on the piano keys or on his father. Panic beats in my chest like Mustangs' hooves at his obvious unwillingness to even look at me.

'He won't even look at me.'

Torture as I am forced to endure the rest of the service, the smiley pleasantries afterwards, and then leaving without being able to even say one word to him. As the front doors swing close, my mother already heading to the parking lot, I catch a brief glimpse of him. He stands with his parents and Mary, quiet and unmoved, and watches as I leave. Even though his eyes are on me, he does not try to stop me, he does not call out my name, and he does not leave Mary's side. Heartbroken, I take it as a silent message. He is showing me who he has chosen and it isn't me!

The doors seal tightly together as they shut and I head to the car so that I can go home and cry in solitude. There is nothing else to do. River has decided that whatever connection we have, it is not worth it to him. He has decided that he rather go down the path chosen for him and marry Mary… even though he does not love her. He is indeed a child of Miracle and it is a place I will never understand, yet it is all that he knows. It was nave of me to think that one little kiss, passionate and all-consuming yet still only a kiss, would change his whole outlook on life. How could I have been so dumb to expect him to turn his back on all that he has been brought up to believe in just because of me? Me! As if I was so special. How conceited. How narcissistic.

"You sang lovely, Cara," mom smiles as she drives us home, so oblivious. "Peter would have thought so too."

"Thanks, mom," I reply.

I contemplate on telling her. Telling her about River and what his family is making him do. But, then I change my mind as I consider River's wishes. If this is the life that he wants, or believes that he must live, then that is his decision. Who am I to judge and ruin? I hate what they are forcing him to do but before he gives me permission to share, I must stay quiet. I must… even if it is killing me on the inside.

Once home and after a few minutes of talk and hugs, I excuse myself. I know that she must wonder, but I have to be by myself. Tears begin to fall as soon as I am in the privacy of my own room. I cry for me and for River. It isn't fair. It isn't right. It isn't as it should be. I had been so sure that he would chose me. I had felt it. It was there; in his eyes, his voice, his touch, his kiss… it was there! So why? For his family?

Soft tap on my window and I look up. My eyes register, yet my brain can't compute and believe. Is it really River? Is he really here?

I lift up the window pane and my eyes gets backup from my ears. "Can I come in?"

I nod and step aside to give him space to maneuver. Despite him being here, in my room, my heart refuses to lift and take flight. I dare not hope again. Getting crushed repeatedly hurts too much.

He walks over to stand by my desk and I take a seat on the bed, in preparation of what is to come. I have a gnawing bad feeling that I am going to need to sit for this. The graveness on his face tells me so, the way his hands are nervously fidgeting tells me so, but especially his haunted eyes tell me so. He is in pain and soon he will put me in equal physical distress.

"I'm sorry, I ran out on you," he starts and I know without a doubt what time and place he is apologizing for. "I'm sorry I didn't come to school and face you like I should have. And, I'm sorry that I didn't speak to you at church today."

All three acts hurt me but yet I shrug as if it was nothing. With his distant gaze more on my feet than on my face, he nods uncomfortably and gravely; acknowledging my acceptance of his apology. He squirms and shuffles, until deciding and he comes closer to me. The distance was preventing him from saying what he came to say. I don't know if this is a good omen… or a very bad one. With River, I have painfully learned that it is most likely the latter.

"I wasn't sick this week," he admits and his eyes meet mine dead center, holding and pulling. He has my full attention; there is nothing but him in the world. "I stayed home on purpose, to find out. I was checking myself. Seeing if I had the will and power to be stay away from you… Turns out, I am strong enough."

My heart crashes, freezes, stalls out, and all bodily functions stops working. He has just crushed me completely and therefore taken away all my ability to move, speak, and almost even breathe. Slowly, he is killing me with his denial and his words.

"I learned that I am strong enough to leave you alone, to let you go on with your life and for me to go on with mine. It's only right. We are from different worlds practically. This is Miracle and I was raised to follow a certain path. To be with you, go down your path, would to go against all that I know to be right and true. And you couldn't follow me down mine. My parents and the congregation would never accept you and you are too good to be treated in such a way. You shouldn't have to make apologies or make amends."

"I would for you," I whisper, finally able to form words with my dry lips.

Such sadness as he looks down upon me. "I wouldn't want you to, Cara."

"So, what are you saying, River?" I am able to choke out, not sure if I truly want to hear it for I know what is coming. "Are you saying goodbye?"

A small twitch, showing the impact of my question, yet he offers no answer in his reply. "Every since I can remember, I have been told who I was to spend the rest of my life with. I've accepted it. It's logical. It makes sense. Mary is the perfect partner for me. She is Miracle, just like I am. We were both raised to live out our lives here. But you, Cara… you are of the world. You would never be satisfied to spend the rest of your life in Miracle."

"I might," I whisper, but even I doubt my own words.

River shakes his head, seeing straight into my heart and the truth. "You wouldn't. If you stayed here, you would be wasting your life and your potential, and I couldn't do that to you. You deserve better. You deserve better than me and this town."

"So, this is goodbye?" I ask again, begging for him to put me out of my misery so that I can at least start to mourn the loss of him.

A smile appears on his lips, causing me to frown with confusion. Why is he smiling? This is not the time to be smiling! We are saying good bye. He is denying and pushing me away, and he is smiling?

"Good bye?" River asks, a laughter ringing in the back of his voice. The smile even reaches his eyes, making them shine a bit more. "Good bye…yes… it is what I should say… it is what my parents want… Mary and most people of Miracle… I was raised to be able to say good bye… to be able to say no to temptations and desires that would steer me from the path… my parents taught me well… prepared me well… to handle anything…"

'Here it comes', I ache, the pain building like a scorching fire. 'Here comes the good bye.'

"… except for one thing; they didn't prepare me for you." My lowered head, lowered in defeat, lifts in haste at his words. Words I dare not believe that I have just heard. "They especially didn't prepare me for the power of your touch… and your kiss. I would have been able to resist and let you go… had you not kissed me. Now, it's all I think about… all that matters… all that I want. The thought of not being without you is pain… pure pain. I couldn't think of any greater torture."

My lips have parted. My eyes have widened. My heartbeat has quickened. What he is telling me, it is too close to what I have dreamed and fantasized for. So because of that, I cannot trust my ears and deemed this as reality. Still thinking I am dreaming, he takes my hands and pulls me to my feet. He gets close, his breath fresh of spearmint gum tickling across my lip, and slides an arm across my waist.

"If we do this, it won't be easy. They won't accept us. They will make life difficult. They will make us being together difficult. Are you ready for that?" I nod eagerly, not wanting to talk anymore. I just want him, in my arms, against me, his lips on mine. "Are you sure?" He asks, worried and anxious, and his hand grips around me tighter.

"Are you sure? I've been told that I am unpure and spoiled… that I will corrupt you."

That smile that I love creeps along his lips, curving and shaping. "When we first met, I tried to influence you, change you. It was so you can be mine… but then… now… you don't want you to change at all… I want you to stay just the way you are… which is perfect."

Bursting, no more like exploding with joy, I reach up and brush my lips against his. The kiss is feather-like, barely there, yet it is all that is needed. He pulls me to him, crushing me against him, and claim me as his. No matter what awaits us beyond this room, here and now it is us, and we are finally together. And nothing, will tear us apart.