Author's Note: This is based on the game Katawa Shoujo. It's my favorite visual novel and while I probably can't do it justice, I thought I'd plop this down there and see how it goes. I wrote this while I was incredibly sleepy from muscle relaxers and that probably lead to my choice of disabilities for the main character. Right now it's just OC. I'm thinking it'll take place a while before Hisao joins. I wrote this in first person since it's hard to write for Katawa Shoujo otherwise. It's also my first time really writing a story in first person, so please forgive me if I change tenses sometimes. I'm trying really hard not to, so if you notice anything please let me know. Also, I know my OC seems a little Hanako-ish at the moment, but trust me.. she's not nearly as bad as Hanako. She just has issues dealing with people from certain trauma in her life.

I also have no idea if CFS and being mute is a legitimate enough disability to go to Yamaku, but hey. I'm pulling the author card. :) Also, I have absolutely no knowledge of CFS other than what I read on the internet and no idea about anything Japanese really, so.. all my information is from Google. I also don't own anything except for my OC.


Silence Isn't Golden

Chapter One:

Welcome to Yamaku

I sighed as I stared at the imposing gate of Yamaku High School, the local school for the disabled. I felt my heart speed up at the thought of entering the school by myself and forced myself to take several deep breaths to calm myself. As I did so, I tightened my grip on my medium-sized suitcase, stuffed full of the essentials that I'll need for the year.

As I shifted the suitcase into one hand, the other nervously reached up to touch the green silk scarf delicately tied around my throat. As I nervously swallowed and winced at the pain I felt, I tried to shake off the sudden weariness that threatened to engulf me. Every day for the past few months has been a struggle, as weariness threatened to overtake me. I shifted my gaze to my feet for a few long moments as memories threaten to overwhelm me.

The yelling.

The cursing.

A slurred oath and then the pain.

The pain that sliced through me like a knife.

The pain that forever stole my voice away.

Tears suddenly threatened to fall down my cheeks as I remembered. My father yelling at me about something.. something I can't even remember. All I can remember now is him waving a bottle around in frustation and then suddenly.. the pain.

I was told that my father accidentally broke the bottle and slashed my throat. A deep, ugly gash that permanently damaged my vocal chords. The hideous scar that I now hide beneath a pretty scarf that matches my green and white uniform.

I didn't have the heart to write a note to the doctor to tell him that I was mute anyway. I hadn't spoken at all since I was six and a half years old.

Now I never would.

Now..

Tears fell silently down my cheeks as I felt the weariness deep in my bones.

CFS.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Brought on by the sudden trauma of my father almost killing me no doubt.

There isn't really a cure. There's nothing I can do about it, and not much that can be done about it.

It's unusual for people as young as me to have it, but there you go. Hardly anything about me is normal.

I look normal enough I suppose, except for maybe my scarf, but I don't feel normal. On the outside I'm crying, but on the inside I want to faint. I want to run away and never come back.

All I have to do is enter the gates and I can hardly bring myself to do that. I didn't want to go to this school. I never wanted to be disabled. I don't want people to stare at me.

Being mute and tired all the time probably doesn't seem like such a disability. But for me it is. Exercise is my enemy. Words that others toss carelessly around can never be spoken by me.

On top of that I've always been weak and prone to illness. It doesn't help that I have long, brown hair. It's not as noticeable as another color, but it still labels me as a foreigner. Finally stopping my tears I hastily wiped my cheeks and looked at the imposing gates again, surrounded by a red brick wall.

I ignored the fact that I was standing there all alone. No parents to welcome me to school and give me encouraging words. My father is in prison, and my mother..

I forcibly shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts.

I know I can't stand here forever, shifting from foot to foot like a small child afraid of a punishment. I glanced at my watch and my eyes widened as I realized that I'm late for class. I also realized that someone is waiting for me.

Trapped in my own thoughts and feelings, I had forgotten that someone from the school was supposed to be meeting me. With a soft sigh, I heaved my suitcase through the gates and made my way to the girls' dorms.

I couldn't help but gaze around in wonder at all the greenery around me. I don't know why, but somehow I expected the school to look bleak and imposing. Instead the grounds look more like a park than anything. Everything is well manicured and there are paths cutting through the lawn, leading to various buildings.

A small smile appeared on my face briefly as I took in the surroundings. After a long moment I realized that I had stopped walking and was just staring around at the trees.

I shook my head to try and straighten out my thoughts.

What was I doing again?

I glanced at my watch and the time jogged my memory. Oh! Class! With an inaudible gasp, I hurriedly made my way to my dorm and up the stairs. Barely sparing a glance at my room after I finally found it, I dumped my suitcase on the bed and I dashed back down the stairs and hurried into what appeared the main building.

Knowing full well I was going to pay for all this running later, I hurried up the ramps to the third floor of the school, after double checking where my class would be.

After I reached the top, I paused to catch my breath. Thankfully my hair wasn't in my face as I had tied it back with a big, green bow. I knew it made me seem younger than I am (that and my height), but I couldn't help it. I loved frilly things like bows ever since I was young.

I remember my first bow was given to me by -

"Ah, you must be Naru."

The voice interrupted my internal ramblings and my eyes widened. I involuntarily took a step back and stared at the man before me.

He was tall, and dressed in a long, brown coat with a black shirt and tie. His hair was black and messy, and despite the fact that he was nicely dressed he still looked a bit rumpled. In fact he didn't look scary at all, but that was my natural reaction to strangers.

I don't think I'll ever get over it. Nervously fingering my scarf, I lowered my gaze and shook my head silently.

"No?" he seemed confused. "Ah.." he looked back down at his paper and realized his mistake. "Sorry, I meant Nara. Nara Lillian?"

I could feel his gaze on me and I wanted to hide. I hated strangers. I gave him a small nod and kept my gaze on his shoes. Looking at people's shoes made it easier to deal with, but it also made it harder to read their emotions.

Clearing his throat, he tried to push through the awkward tension created by my forced silence.

"Well, Nara, it says here that you're supposed to visit the head nurse before class. Since it's a little late for that, you'll have to see him afterwards."

I nod my head at his shoes and he seems satisfied with my nonverbal answer.

"Now.. Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"

My head snapped up as I took in his words. I must have been staring at him with a deer-in-the-headlights-look since his gaze softened and he chuckled.

"I know you can't speak, but I heard that you've been practicing sign language. There's a girl in class who is deaf and has an interpreter. She could translate for you if you want. You don't have to, but.."

His words trail off as he looked at me hesitantly, as if I might break.

It's a look that I've grown quite used to over the months. Truth be told, I'm already broken. Not entirely, but it wouldn't take much to push me there.

Avoiding a quick answer, I quickly stared down at my hands and thought about it. If I started signing in class, it would probably mean that everyone would think I was deaf. Wouldn't be a bad thing, I suppose, since it might discourage people from talking to me.

On the other hand, it might mean that the deaf girl wouldn't leave me alone. I was going to have to deal with people anyway, being the new girl. What would the teacher say about me if I let him introduce me instead? With worried thoughts running through my mind, the teacher spoke up again.

"So?"

With a nearly audible gulp, I felt my head nod entirely of its own accord, without my permission.

My eyes widened as the teacher walked back into the class and started preparing them for me.

With a feeling of trepidation, I walked over to the doorway.

As I looked over at the class, all eyes fixed on me and I froze.

I couldn't move.

I could hardly hear the teacher over the thudding of my heart as I stood there, staring back at them with wide eyes.

What have I done?