~PERPETUAL DISASTER~

TEN

It was finally Friday, and even though most things were still kind of a mess, a lot of things weren't anymore. I guess it was kind of pathetic that life being less-shitty was enough to keep my spirits up all day, but that was okay. Most things were kind of okay.

For some reason, walking into biology that Friday morning felt way different than it did every other day so far this year. For one, I openly smiled when I saw Danny. It wasn't that smile that I usually would try to hide because I was ashamed of it. And it's not like he kissed me in front of our class or anything, but you would have to be blind not to see that Danny and I were two stupid teenagers hiding a really stupid secret.

"'Morning," he said when I sat down next to him.

"'Morning," I repeated. I was sort of struggling to focus. I just kept looking at Danny. His eyes, his dark hair, his arms...he was wearing this band t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and I could not help but notice how insanely toned his arms were.

"You look nice," he told me, and it kind of seemed like he was having trouble not looking at me, too.

Now, okay, I'll admit that lately I had been trying a lot harder with my appearance because knowing that I was going to see Danny first period sort of encouraged me. But I definitely did not look nice. My hair was a mess that still managed to be boring, and that paired with my ratty sweatshirt and high tops made me look slightly homeless. Danny had to be on drugs to say I looked nice right now.

But he really looked like he meant it. In fact, he looked kind of googly-eyed. I'm sure I did too, and Mr. Brown was talking about some stupid sciency shit and all I could focus on was Danny's green eyes, and how they would always dart around and then land on me. When Danny's eyes landed on me, it seemed like they calmed a little. And I remembered what he said before about me being everything to him.

~xx~

After having to be assured by Holly that it was completely alright about five hundred times, I went and sat with my friends at lunch. Marissa and Dot were there, along with Peter, the one Marissa had talked about before. People stopped by and talked to them, and I had no idea who they were. Apparently I had missed a lot whilst living in Danny Urbanski-Land.

I didn't talk a lot, but I still enjoyed myself. It was a really calm enjoyment, and I loved that.

The way Peter looked at Marissa made me really happy because it was really clear that she meant a lot to him. Their interaction was so cute and carefree, I was almost jealous. But more than that, I was just happy for them. Marissa deserved it.

Holly nudged my arm and I turned to face her.

"Have you told your grandmother about Danny yet?" She asked me.

"Um." I said, "Not exactly. Things have been kind of off at home, but it's fine. It'll be fine."

God, I wish that were true. Holly looked like she knew I was completely bullshitting her. It sucked to admit, but my Grams was going to be incredibly disappointed with me, and I had no one to blame but myself.

Marissa kept talking about that homecoming dance, which was apparently tomorrow. I remembered her saying it was coming up before everything got all dramatic, but I had forgotten. I had way too much to think about.

I silently decided that I would call Danny tonight and ask him what was going on with that. A few weeks ago in biology when we were almost-friends he had written his number on a piece of notebook paper and crumpled it up and thrown it in front of me.

"There you go," he'd said, "I expect drunk prank calls."

I had rolled my eyes at him and scoffed. "Yeah, I'll be sure to do that."

I kept his number in the pocket of my sweatshirt pocket, and now I was really hoping it was still there.

~xx~

I'm creaked open the door carefully when I got home. I was so scared what was to come and I didn't know what to say or do and that was horrifying. I knew I was going to be in trouble and I accept that, but I wasn't sure how to explain everything that was happening.

When I got inside the apartment, Grams was still in her room. I sat on the couch and tried to collect all of my thoughts. It took a solid 5 minutes for her to come out of her room and stand in front of me with this look on her face that clearly said she would not be taking any shit from me.

There was a silence because neither of us knew what to say. I decided that it was probably in my best interest just speak first.

"Um," I said. Very strong start. I was killing this. "Hey, Grams."

Nailed it.

She looked like she wanted to kill me. I felt awful. Most of me wanted to just tell her that I had gotten home so late because of Danny, and I had been acting depressed because of Danny, and that everything she was so concerned about added up to the fact that I was romantically involved with Danny.

But then there was this other part of me that kind of wished it would all blow over and I could just tell her I was at Holly's yesterday and that I was upset about Casey or some shit. She would believe it, and I wouldn't have to admit anything.

"I don't even know where to start,"she admitted, "I just...I'm worried about you, Samantha. You've been acting different and your friends were upset with you and I wondered. Then when you disappeared yesterday night I just kept wondering...and I can tell that you're lying to me, I just have this feeling…" she trailed off, lost in some thought I didn't understand, "I want to trust you. But first you have to tell me what's going on."

The two sides of me were arguing like crazy inside my head. On the one hand, Grams might be happy if I told the truth. On the other, she would have a lot of questions that I was not at all prepared to answer.

So I tried lying. Just a little. "I don't know why you feel that way, Grams. Everything's fine with me now, honestly," I said.

"See, that!" she exclaimed, pointing to me, "That tone of voice, you have never talked like that before! This all started when you started high school, when you got suspended on the first day because of Heather…"

"Heather?" I said questioningly.

She put her hand to her forehead and sort of spun around. "Oh, right. It wasn't Heather. It was that boy...the one Marissa liked...um…" I was so surprised she didn't remember Danny Urbanski's name. Especially after all the shit that had happened between us even before this year. Maybe she was just getting old. Or maybe my stories were less interesting than I thought. "Danny!" she cried, the name finally coming to her as she threw her arms up in the air, "That's who you got suspended with. I mean, really. You? Vulgar language in class? It's preposterous, that doesn't even sound like you!"

I looked away. "I don't know, he just got me mad is all."

"If he got you so mad, why are you blushing like he does exactly the opposite!?"

I was silent. Fuck. I'd been caught. She knew. I was completely out of luck with denying it now. I really still wanted to. I wanted to say 'what? I'm not,' or 'I don't know what you're talking about,' but I couldn't. I was done for, and it was completely clear.

So I just looked up, tried to clear the blush from my cheeks that somehow always crept up on me when I was talking about Danny and said, "Because...because he does do the opposite."

A/N:

Oh my god you guys.

I'm alive.

This story is alive.

And, no shit, I have it planned to be sixteen chapters and I plan to finish it in the next four weeks because I've been grounded and have tons of time. Ya'll can thank my mom for my updates!

Also everything in the previous A/N was a lie...oops. Forgive me.

xoxo

~Robin