**Note: If you read my other stories, you'll know that I'm well aware that Diana and Dan are Natalie's parents, not her aunt and uncle, but I made it that way just to fit the parody. Just thought I'd say that before you say anything**
This is the story of a Kansas girl named Natalie Goodman. Natalie lived with her Auntie Di, Uncle Daniel and her dog Shenzi on their lowly farm. Out of the 3 of them, Natalie loved Shenzi the most. Everywhere she went, Shenzi went with her.
One day, Natalie and Shenzi burst through the door. Natalie yelled, "Auntie Di! Uncle Daniel!"
Uncle Daniel put his newspaper down and said with a sigh, "What is it, Natalie?"
"Well, I was on my way home from school and I couldn't find Shenzi. I finally found him in a garden, but not any garden. It was the garden of that evil psychopharmacologist, Sir Madden. Then that bitch said, 'Oh, I'm gonna kill that mangy mutt'. We ran away, but Sir Madden followed us…"
"He's gonna kill Shenzi! Uncle Daniel, we have to do something!"
"Nat, what you need is courage. You have to stand up to that guy. It seems as if you have no courage at all."
"You're no help. Auntie Di! Auntie Di!"
Auntie Di appeared from the door of the kitchen. "Oh, hey, Natalie!" she said warmly. "You're home. What's wrong? You look truly frightened."
"No shit, Sherlock. That evil psychopharmacologist is gonna kill Shenzi."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"We have to do something!"
"I'm afraid I have no power over that guy. He can do what he wants. Sorry dear."
"Is that all you can say?"
"There's nothing else to say."
"Hello, Goodman family!" rang out the voice of Henry, who was Natalie's boyfriend. "Something smells good. Perhaps another one of your delicious meals, Mrs. Goodman? And Mr. Goodman, you look really clever reading that newspaper. And Natalie Goodman, saving the best for last, you're prettier than you were yesterday. Actually, you look terrified. What's wrong?"
"You know that evil psychopharmacologist that lives on the corner?" Natalie asked.
"He's gonna kill Shenzi."
"Poor Shenzi. Why would he kill him?"
"He went into his garden while waiting for me after school."
"Well, if you had any brains at all, you would've stopped him."
Auntie Di cleared her throat and said, "Dinner's ready! We'll discuss Shenzi's predicament later."
They walked into the kitchen and Natalie groaned. "Auntie Di, you set up 5 places again! Why the fuck do you do that? It's really stupid. There are only 4 of us."
Auntie Di stared at Natalie in horror. "Natalie Goodman, you have absolutely no idea what it's like to lose a child."
"Yeah, but I know what it's like to lose both of my parents and almost Shenzi."
"Far from the point. If Gabriel were here, he'd say you're heartless!"
"He died forever ago. For chrissakes woman, let it go!"
"But he was my son! Gabe, oh dear Gabe, why did you die?"
Uncle Daniel backed away slowly and said, "Excuse me, but I ain't staying for this cry-fest."
"Me either," Henry and Natalie said in unison.
Auntie Di began to cry and mutter Gabe's name over and over again. As soon as the 3 of them were back in the living room, Uncle Daniel glared at Natalie. "Nat, you do know she's crazy, right?"
"Well, I think you should stay away from her for awhile, at least until she's done crying about Gabe. You know, you and Gabe could've been like brother and sister, if he wasn't, well, deceased."
"You know, I think I'll just run away from home. Even better, I'll run away with Ozzy."
"Who the hell is that?"
"A celebrity and my future beau."
"Hey!" Henry yelled, looking a little offended.
"Goodbye Goodman family and Henry. Come on, Shenzi!" Natalie and Shenzi tore out of the house and ran away. After a few minutes, they saw a trailer with the words 'Ozzy' on it. "Here I come, Ozzy!" Natalie walked up to the trailer and knocked.
Ozzy opened the door and sang, "Hey!"
"Wow that was so cool."
"And you are?"
"Natalie Goodman and this is my dog, Shenzi."
"It's a pleasure. What can I do for you today? Autograph? Record? Kiss?"
"I want to run away from home with you."
"Now why would you want to do a boneheaded thing like that? Hold on, don't tell me. I have a 6th sense. You, um… you've hurt somebody… or somebodies… somebodies, and now you're running away from your problems."
"It's just somebody. My Auntie Di."
"Her real name is Diana, and you've also hurt your boyfriend Harry? No, his name is Henry."
"No I haven't."
"Yes you have. You said you didn't love him."
"That's silly! I love Henry a lot!"
"No, you said you loved Oswald? No, you said you loved Ozzy. Wait a minute, that's me!"
"It's just a celebrity crush. I bet Henry has one."
"No. He could never love anyone who's not you. Henry loves you very much, just like your Uncle Daniel and Auntie Di love you. Wait, what's this I see. Your Auntie Di… oh my god, she's killing herself. She's saying, 'Natalie, why have you abandoned me? Uncle Daniel, why have you abandoned me? Henry, why have you abandoned me? Here I come, Gabe!'"
"Oh no! I can't let that happened. I have to go back home!"
"Wait, I thought you wanted to run away with me!"
"I want to, but I can't! I have to save Auntie Di. Thanks so much for telling me! Before I go, can I have an autograph… and a kiss?"
"Sure." Ozzy gave Natalie an autograph and a kiss. "Bye."
"Bye. Thanks so much!"
"No problem!" Natalie and Shenzi ran off and Ozzy sighed. "My 6th sense says a tornado is coming. Hope Natalie makes it home."
Meanwhile, Auntie Di and Uncle Daniel were looking for Natalie when Henry ran up to them. "It's a twister! It's a twister!" he screamed.
"What the hell is your problem?" Auntie Di asked.
"The wind is picking up. The cold front just met the warm front. There's gonna be a tornado."
"We'll be fine. Gabe will protect us."
"For the kajillionth time, he can't!"
"Okay, fine. Whatever you say. We should get into the tornado shelter anyway."
"What about Natalie?"
"I'm worried about her too. She'll be fine."
The 3 of them went into the tornado shelter just as Natalie dashed into the yard. Natalie noticed a tornado and screamed. "Auntie Di! Uncle Daniel! Henry!" she shouted over the winds as she tried to open the tornado shelter, which was locked. Natalie ran into the house. "Auntie Di! Auntie Di!" Then a window flew open, hit Natalie on the head and knocked her unconscious as she screamed.